Conversation with the ex

[pedro]

Great to hear you're considering taking the job! I'm sure it will lead you to new adventures, growth, and better things! There is nothing like a new opportunity to take your mind off of past events. I know you'll never forget what happened, but it helps to keep yourself pre-occupied with finding a new home, friends, your way around a new city, etc...

 

Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes

 

DP

[Jjasonn28]

Hello again everyone!

 

Well, I started the new job. I was supposed to wait until the president came back, but the manager called me again mid week, and asked if I could start right away. So I started that night. The good news is that they put me on a project that is only 10 minutes away from my house Its a large mall renovation, and they figure I will run it for most of its duration, with the exception of a few days here and there for other jobs that will need attention. I am happy they didn't ship me off right away. This will give me time to get organized, move, and also familiarize myself with the company and its procedures.

 

Jenn agreed to help in any way that she could, should I need it. So I dont have to worry about finding care for Parker if I need to leave for a while. It seems things are looking up!

 

As for Jenn and I, well there isn't much to say at the moment. We are going to get together when she gets back from B.C and spend a day together. Most likely take Parker for a nice run, go skating together, and cook a dinner together. Im looking forward to it for sure. Its been a while since I've seen her smile.

 

 

Thanks, everyone, for your continued support. It really means a lot to me! I hope each of you are smiling this weekend!?

 

 

Talk to you soon..

 

JP

[hosswhispra]

Sounds good, JP. I am glad that you get to settle into your new job with a project close to your home. That's awesome.

 

I am sure things will go well with you and Jenn when you get together. Skating sounds like lots of fun. I need to find a skating partner myself

 

Keep us updated

 

hosswhispra

[Jjasonn28]

Hello everyone

 

Its been a couple weeks since my last post here, and I thought I would give everyone a little update as to how things are progressing here.

 

The new job is challenging. But more importantly, its fun. I am having a great time! I have been putting in a lot of hours in the past couple weeks, (a couple 20 hour days) but it doesn't really feel like work, because I enjoy it so much. I am still working hands on with the tools, but I am also responsible for supervising and guiding a team of installers on a very big project that looks like will last until about October. And on top of all that, I am being paid VERY well. Its funny, how 4 weeks ago, things looked grey, and I was unsure what was going to happen this year. So far so good!

 

In fact, I received a phonecall yesterday about another job offer. It is for a different position, but a good one as well. Im considering going in to talk to them, just to see what their offer is... Can't hurt can it?

 

 

Jen and I finally got together for a visit this past weekend. It was brief, but well worth it. I had a pretty sore throat, and the weather was horrible, so we only spent a few hours together. But, we had a great time. We went out to dinner, and spent pretty much the entire time laughing. It was great to see her smile. When I left, she gave me a great big hug, and we made plans to have her come visit me for a day once I move. And to my surprise, the next night, when she was crawling in to bed, she called to talk. To thank me for the visit, and to let me know that she had a wonderful time, and that she does miss us.

 

It was a great end, to a great week, and a great beginning to the new week.

 

 

So, I am smiling. It looks as though a purpose is beginning to form. Having a focus has thus far pulled my spirits together, and given me direction.

 

I can't see very far infront of me yet, but Im confident Im headed in the right direction. Im sure that soon.. the fog will lift.

 

 

JP

[hosswhispra]

Glad to hear things are looking up for you JP

 

hosswhispra

[Jjasonn28]

Hello again.

 

Thought I'd take a moment to update those who have been following my saga.

 

Just a quick update really, but something new. I met someone this weekend...

 

I know, I've met a few girls and even dated one for a while since Jenn and I ended, but this weekend, I felt a spark... OMG, I never thought it could or would happen ever again for anyone else.. but I did.

 

After Friday night hockey, I went back to my friends house for a beer. When I got there, his girlfriend and one of her friends was there as well. We were introduced, and instantly, I felt something inside that I thought was dorment. I cant compare the feeling, to the one I felt when I first met Jenn, because it is a different time, different circumstances, and honestly, its a different feeling.

Anyways, we sat around my friends house until about 4:00am talking, playing some games and having fun. When I left to finally go home, I wanted very much to ask her for her number, but being shy of course I didn't. Well, the next evening, she asked my friends girlfriend to pass her number on to me, if I ever felt like calling, or hanging out.

And last night, I called, and we talked for a few hours. We are going to get together this week for a coffee, and I am very excited about it....

 

Now even though this is all happening, I still have Jenn in my heart. So I am worried that those feelings may taint any chance of building a bond with the new girl. (oh, and to confuse things just a little more, the new girl's name is Jen too go figure...)

 

I want to get to know Jenny (the new one) better, but at the same time, I dont know if Im able to put away the feelings I still have for Jenn. I dunno... I guess I'll just see how things go, and where they lead. Maybe I need to stop thinking so much, and just go with the flow..?

 

Anyhow, We are meeting on Valentines day for a coffee. I'll let you know how things go...

 

 

JP

[lady00]

Hey,

 

Good news about the date! That is exciting. I'm wondering about the feelings you still harbor for your ex...do you want them to go away? Are you interested in fully moving on or are you hoping for reconcilliation?

[hosswhispra]

I know, I've met a few girls and even dated one for a while since Jenn and I ended, but this weekend, I felt a spark... OMG, I never thought it could or would happen ever again for anyone else.. but I did.

 

Reading this gave ME hope.

 

That's great news JP. Can't wait to hear how it goes!

[Jjasonn28]

Hey,

 

Good news about the date! That is exciting. I'm wondering about the feelings you still harbor for your ex...do you want them to go away? Are you interested in fully moving on or are you hoping for reconcilliation?

 

Hello lady00.

 

You pose an interesting question. Can my answer be, both? She means so much to me, that if reconcilliation was possible, I would definitely make an attempt at rebuilding with her. On the other hand, I dont want to put my life on hold. I would like to fully move on, put her and the past behind me, without completely removing her from my life. In an Ideal world, we will always be great friends, and I will find a love that is as strong as the love I am capable of.

 

I hope that isn't too confusing ?

[Jjasonn28]

Reading this gave ME hope.

 

That's great news JP. Can't wait to hear how it goes!

 

Hi hosswhispra!

 

In what way, or how exactly did it give you hope? Im curious Anyhow, her and I did get together for coffee on valentines day, and it went really well. In fact, we spent the day together this past sunday...

 

There is a lot going on in my life right now. New job, new apartment, and a new interest... and I think Im doing pretty good. Not overwhelmed at all, rather - excited at the new possibilities.

 

I suppose I'll start with Jenn. She emailed me this weekend, to let me know that she was thinking of us, and to also inform me about her graduation date. She asked again if I would be there. She is busy now trying to find work, and is a little stressed about it. At the same time, her sister is getting married, and being the maid of honor, she is busy with wedding plans and such. She hopes to come up for a visit in a couple weeks, when things have settled, both down there, and up here. I am looking forward to it.

 

As for Jen, her and I are getting a long great! She is a sweet girl, with a definate zest for life. When we had coffee last week, we spend a couple hours at her apartment, just talking. It was very refreshing. She is very easy to talk to, and immediately I felt comfortable around her. She is always smiling, and its very contagious. I guess I should mention too, that she has a gorgeous smile... and Im a sucker for a smile. So this weekend, she came out to watch me play hockey again. And on sunday, she came to my new place. I made a dinner, and we again talked for a few hours, and ended up napping together on the living room floor. (Did I mention that I feel really comfortable around her ) Im really looking forward to spending more time with her.

 

So thats the update. I feel really good about everything. About where things are heading with work, with Jenn, and with Jen. Maybe this life hiccup has steadied itself, and is beginning to take direction again.

 

 

I'll keep updating, as everything progresses. Thanks for following along with me!!!!

 

 

JP

[pedro]

Hey JP,

 

I've just caught up on your recent adventures. I'm glad that the new job is going well. It's wonderful to do a job that doesn't feel like work.

 

I'm happy to hear that you've met someone new. She seems like a positive, happy person. I'm a sucker for a great smile too I know it's hard, but try to go with the flow and spend time getting to know her better...and most of all... HAVE FUN!!!!

 

It's great to hear that Jenn is still a part of your life and that you've maintained a friendship. I hope this doesn't complicate things with the new girl.

 

Take care man,

DP

[Jjasonn28]

Hi guys.

 

I had an interesting day today, and thought I'd share it with you. Sort of a breakthrough...

 

Jenn came up for a visit today. Yep, she borrowed her friends car, and drove up to see Parker and I. I was pretty shocked, but happy that we could have a visit with her.

 

When she arrived, things were as usual. We had a great big hug, and I gave her a tour of my new place. I made us a tea, and we sat and talked for a couple hours. Its always so very easy to talk to her. We caught up on eachothers lives, and I mentioned how I was seeing someone. She asked a few questions, but nothing major, and we continued to talk about other things.

 

Then, she became a little quiet, and I could tell that she was uneasy. I asked her what was wrong, and she began to cry a little. She told me that for some reason, whenever her and I are together, she feels the most comfortable with everything. She told me that she really cherishes our visits, and feels so grounded when we are together.

 

She then asked that I download a song later, which I did. A song by Jim Cuddy called 'Pull me through'. She told me that the instant she heard the song, she thought of me.

 

I downloaded the song when she left, and I have to say, that it is touching that she thinks of me that way. She is such a sweetheart, and it's nice to know that I've had an effect on her life.

 

So we had a dinner, infact, we went over to her brothers house and had a nice dinner with him and his girlfriend, then played a game of cards afterwards. Being there, with her, in those surroundings was great. Most people may think it strange, or awkward, but I enjoyed every minute. She really does mean so much to me, and I am proud that we are able to remain close.

 

So thats about it as for the visit. We are going to get together again in a few weeks, go to the market and make a dinner together. Im looking forward to it.

 

Im proud to have her as my friend.

[lady00]

It sounds like you guys are very good friends. My concern is that this type of situation is holding you back from dating others and seeing where those relationships will go. I could be way off base but it doesn't sound like she wants a relationship but it does sound like you could be subconsciously holding out hope that she'll change her mind. From my understanding of watching and hearing about other people going through deep friendships with exes they still wnt to be with (do you still want to be with her?) is that it makes you more attached while they have the comfort of knowing you will always be there and feel no impetus to change anything about the situation and the situation holds you back from dating others.

[Jjasonn28]

Hi lady00

 

Thank you for your reply. For the first year after we broke up, I will admit that my feelings for her DID hold me back from persuing a relationship with anyone else. Towards the end of the year, I dated a girl named Cheryl, and I think it was an eye opener for me. First, I realized that it was possible to be attracted to and enjoy the company of other women. But at the same time, there was still a pull to Jenn.

 

At the moment however, I am seeing someone new. Her name is Jen as well, which confuses things a little. But I am very happy with the way things are going with her. I wake up, and find myself thinking of her, I fall asleep, and I dream of her. When we are together, we have so much fun, and I cant tell you how GREAT it feels to be smiling all day again.

 

That being said, sure.. I still have a very strong connection.. deep bond with my ex Jenn. She is still very very important to me, and I want nothing else but to see her happy. Its great to maintain our friendship, and still be involved in her life. When I hear about her success in school, it makes me happy. When I hear about her struggles with finding work, it makes me worried.

 

I think for the first time in my life, I understand what the phrase 'I love her, but am not in love with her' means. I love her greatly, and hope that she finds nothing but joy in her life. I am proud to be her friend, and grateful to have a person such as her in my life. She really is an angel.

 

We still laugh, we still talk, and we still cry together out of a mutual respect and understanding of who we are. Our friendship is a blessing.

 

 

JP

[hosswhispra]

In what way, or how exactly did it give you hope? Im curious

 

The hope that you gave me from your thread, JP--is that it is possible to find something special after thinking that it wasn't possible.

 

hosswhispra

[lady00]

Wow. That is great news. It sounds like things are definitely going well for you and its great to hear your close friendship with your ex is not holding you back from dating. I hope that mine won't!

[hosswhispra]

JP- any news?

[rbr85]

Jjasonn,

 

If my ex was capable of speaking to me like that, I would literally crap myself. She has don't nothing but berate and attack me as of late. I think she acted very respectfully, and so did you. It was a good talk, I would personally consider it a closure talk. If you want to continue speaking with her, ask yourself, "can I really stand to see her with someone else?" If the answer is no, you know what you have to do. Don't let talk of getting back together penetrate you, just look at the actions. Is there a mutual effort?

[Jjasonn28]

Hello everyone!!!

 

Its been so long since I last posted, a lot has transpired in the past 6 months. Where do I start??

 

I guess first, I want to thank all of you long time subscribers of this thread for the support, encouragement and advice. In the hardest of times - when life felt like a bad dream, my emotions running wild, through never ending sleepless nights, I really was NOT ALONE. I look back now, and cannot thank you all enough for being there for me. A post in a forum may seem like an insignificant thing, but the intentions behind them, are far from it. I truly appreciate every good wish, piece advice, and slap in the face that I got from all of you!!

 

 

So I'll start with the present. I am still dating the new Jen. We are spending a lot more time together, and I feel comfortable with how my feelings are developing for her. It seems every day, she makes me smile or laugh, and she is becoming an increasingly bigger part of my life.

 

That being said, I sometimes wonder to myself that why, after 6 months, aren't my feelings stronger? She is a wonderful girl, and we get along great! I am wondering why I havent fallen in love with her...

 

There are so many possible answers to that, its hard to even venture a guess. But I am habitually finding myself asking myself why. And in all honestly, I wonder if it is because I still love Jenn. (the ex.) Is it possible to love two people at the same time? Well, I suppose that depends on our individual interpretation of love. What does love mean? I struggled with this for a while, until I came accross a quote that in my life, in my world makes the most sense.

 

"Love is not an affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." - C.S. Lewis

 

 

Perhaps its just easier for me to read this quote and admit to myself that yes, I still do love her, and that there is nothing wrong with that.

 

 

Jenn and I still speak on occasion, but I haven't seen her in a couple months. A couple weeks after her graduation, (which I attended) she moved accross the country. She decided that since school was done, and she wasn't having any luck with finding work here, she would move out west, closer to her parents, and see what British Columbia had to offer.

 

It was a hard decision for her to make, and I wont lie, when she first told me, I was devistated. But I didn't let her know that. I encouraged her. I told her that if she wanted to go that she should. That perhaps whatever it is she's looking for will find her out there. I told her that she would always have a home here, and of course Parker and I would miss her very much, but she should do what her heart is telling her.

 

And a month later she and her room mate, drove accross the country. The last time I saw her was bitter sweet. We spend the day together with Parker. Played by the river, and enjoyed a great dinner out. Saying good-bye was tough. She cried, I cried, it was a little messy. She told me that she loved me, and she promised she wouldn't be gone forever.

 

I didn't read too much into that, because who knows what will happen. The happiness she is looking for and deserves, may just find her out there, and if it does.. great. All I really want is for her to always be smiling.

 

 

We exchange emails now, and have talked twice since she's been out there. She found a job, nothing permanent, but the financial burden has subsided for now. It seems when we speak she is upbeat for the most part. Her first couple weeks were hard, but was to be expected I think.

 

The good news is she is flying back to Ontario in December for Christmas. So Parker and I will get to see her.

 

 

For now, Im working a lot of hours, spending time with the new Jen, and still trying to sort out my feelings.

 

 

 

JP

[hosswhispra]

Hey JP

 

I get the sense that you're in a better place right now in your life. In other words, it sounds as though your mind is more rested/at peace/at ease, more so than last year at this time. I really think that is a great thing

 

I believe in your situation whatever happens in the future with Jenn and new Jen is meant to be. The story will unfold over time. Love may change but it doesn't die.

 

 

Much the best,

hosswhispra

[Rainz]

A long overdue update!

 

Glad to see and hear that you have now come so far Jason. I followed your thread dedicatedly, even though I may not have contributed by way of thought, your expression of pain, heartache, emotions, feelings etc mirrored my own in so may ways. All I could do was just revel in the fact that there was a least another person who was going through emotional trauma the way I was, and not really make contrubutions.

 

Good on you that your dating and continuing to date the new Jenn as well.

 

I think deep down you know why you're feelings for new Jenn have not developed yet as far as you think they should, at least you're giving things time and you're open to you're feelings maybe developing more over time.

[Jjasonn28]

Hi everyone..

 

Its been a long time since I've posted on this topic. I half expect no replies, but I'm here to basically take my heart, and write it down.

 

I saw Jenn today.

 

She flew back to Ontario on the weekend to visit her sister for a week, and called to ask if we could spend some time together. Well of course! Parker would be so happy to see her, and its been almost 1 year to the day since we last saw each other. So I put the puppy in the truck, and drove down to her sisters house for lunch and a relaxing afternoon on the farm.

 

She, of course was stunning. She ran out to greet us as we walked up to her house and as soon as I got out of the truck, she threw her arms around me and hugged me for what must have been a couple minutes. At this point, Parker was going crazy on his leash, so I let him off and she ran off into the field, with him barking behind her, wagging his tail to no end.

 

It was a wonderful moment, and another moment I will never forget.

 

After things settled down, we sat on the deck and started talking like we didn't skip a beat. We were all smiles and laughs, and I cant tell you how wonderful it felt. I guess the closest I can get to a description is like 'coming home'.

 

So we talked a while, had lunch with her sister and husband, and threw the stick around for Parker. It was great. We started talking about whats new in eachothers lives, and she asked me how things were going with Jen, (the new gf). I told her things are well, both working hard, both happy, we laugh together.. etc etc. She then got quiet, and I could INSTANTLY tell that she was about to cry.

 

I gave her a hug, and asked her what was wrong.. and she said nothing of course, and wiper her tears away.. and told me she had some news of her own.

 

She's engaged.

 

I dont know if she was afraid of telling me because its plainly obvoius that we are both still very important to eachother and thats why she was crying.. Or if she expected me to be angry, or hurt or upset.... but I wasn't.

 

I realized long ago, that the most important thing to me, in regards to her and I, and our past... is that whatever she does, wherever she goes... I want her to be happy. Since being out west she's found herself a terrific job, and now, someone to share her life with.

 

Im not going to out and lie to everyone... it stings a little.. but thats to be expected right? I told her that I was happy for her, and that no matter what path she chooses in life, if it brings her happiness, then thats all I want for her.

 

 

 

So the afternoon continued for another hour or so, then it was time to leave. Time to say goodbye, once again, to the one girl who has shaken my soul to its very core, and effected me on so many levels. She gave her kisses to Parker, and as I began to get into my truck, she again threw her arms around me, and held me tight..

 

 

We drove away, and I watched in my rear view mirror as she slowly walked back into the house...

 

 

 

We said we'll still be friends. She said she will email me soon. But I think this may be the beginning of the end.

[melrich]

Great ending. Well done.

[Jjasonn28]

It's a very strange feeling I have.. Having to face the truth of living the rest of my life without that 'love' anymore.. Of course I will always love her, and I know she wall always love me in her own way.. yet its still difficult for me to see my life moving forward in complete contentment and happiness...

 

Is that a horrible thing to say? I mean, in regards to my current relationship? I am happy, we get along great, we've started to talk about the future a little - goals etc... but there is still this big gaping void in my heart. I adore my girlfriend so very much... but after a year of being together I still cant say that I love her.

 

In all truthfulness.. i dont think I am or will ever be completely over Jenn. Is this a common thing? She wasn't my first love - but that love was so deep. Am I shielding myself from building these feelings for another woman?

 

 

A couple months ago, Jenn sent me an interesting email. It was very long, and heartfelt in which she provided a quote from a book she was reading, that made everything clear to her..

 

"And please don't laugh at me now, but I thnk the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate."

 

"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go... David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addiction, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life..."

 

 

 

She then went on to talk about how although our situation was a little different, that the quote helped her to understand her feelings for me, and our connection a little better. But what kind of threw me was when she said, "And now you hold the position as being on the most important person in my life."

 

That is a funny one huh? And to think, we were together for 3 1/2 years, been apart for nearly 3.. We still have this incredible bond and mutual respect and love for one another...

 

Now she's marrying a man she's known for 6 months. It took her a week and a half to answer his proposal...

 

 

I don't know anymore. I don't know how to feel, what to feel or why. I absolutely do want her to be happy. I want her to succeed and have a life of joy.... and I sit here.. my self worth feeling reduced. I suppose though, I should try to hold my head up high.

 

I gave it everything I had.

[Rainz]

Just read your latest update.......wow.....wow.

 

I actually felt my eyes sting with tears at reading of Jenn's engagement.......no words can be said.

I've never met you or her and I feel saddened about the whole thing and moved, touched by it.

 

Are you ok Jason?