You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!

[Juha]

SD

 

I agree 100% and I was going to do NC from the beginning but decided to try and do limited contact seeing how she was contacting me....I have been moving on and getting better the pain is not anywhere near what it was at the beginning....

 

I know she thinks of me, she has one of my teddy bears I gave her in bed with her...

 

I am going to be great and I do not need her, it would be nice if things worked out but I can't wait and pin any hopes on that...

[coooolsome]

Dave, you are a wise man. Its funny cause everyone tells you that your ex thinks of you. I know she is probably thinking of me. But I still get those times when I feel she isnt. I have to read your posts like 2 times a day just to beat my heart into submission. If it wasnt for your words, my heart would take over and I would probably lose my ex for good. Thanks a lot for your words of wisdom.

 

Basically what I am saying is that when we hurt, we are always thinking the worst. We just can't see the hope or the road ahead. Its hard and I am glad there are people here to knock you back to your senses.

[SuperDave71]

Cooooolsome,

 

 

That is what this forum is allll about. I had to do the same thing one year ago myself. It was sooo hard but I am living proof that you do get better. I was a wreck...but I read and read and read...then reason kicked in. Don't follow your heart when its broken..USE YOUR HEAD!!!

 

--SuperDave71

[Natedoggld182]

this post has helped me alot, superdave i was wondering if you could read my other thread and tell me what you think, Im sure it will be alot of the same stuff, but could you take a look at it anyway? it was under the breaking up forum

[scorchio]

bit low tonght,

 

wondering wot she is thinking,doing or misses me.

 

suppose we would all be rich if we knew what the dumper is thinking about or doing lol

 

 

evenings are bad for me

[SuperDave71]

Scorchio....

 

 

 

Don't woory yourself over what she is thinking..you can only change the way you think and function.....relax and work on you.

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[Natedoggld182]

i feel the same way right now, i can't concentrate on anything, my school work has been suffereing and this college year is going to suck if it stays like this.

[SuperDave71]

I understand that..you guys need to relax a bit.. Worrying gets you no where.

 

 

 

 

DO you best not to worry too much if you can help it.

 

 

 

 

--SuperDave71

[scorchio]

I just worry that she might have met someone else

 

and if that the case she not has any thoughts about me or destroys any likely hood of her coming back.

 

silly isnt it, im strong with N/C, bloody evening comes round then I get all those thoughts in my head

 

 

aaarrrrgggghhhhhh LOL

[SuperDave71]

The night time is alway like that.....especially when you are alone.

I know exactly what your talking about...trust me. Do you best to forget those thoughts. Your imagination will start to get the best of you and this is when MOST mistakes ( calling, begging, e-mails, etc etc) happen..

 

 

 

Hold on..its going to be a bumpy ride.

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[Natedoggld182]

know this is long, but please take the time to read it and give any advice/opinions, I really feel lost right now.... thanks for any help

 

My girlfriend (21) of 3 yrs and I(23) recently broke up in the beginning of august. She broke up with me reason being she wanted to be by herself and not be with anybody, she has been in a relationship since sophomore yr highschool, and she say that she doesn't know who she is or what she wants, and needs to be by herself for a while. I understand that, She said that she doesn't want to date anybody for a long long time. This was a very sudden breakup with no trying to work it out. Our relationship was great, never fought, had fun together completely open with each other, completely honest with each other about everything. So when she told me that she didn't want to be with anybody I believed her. While we were together there was this guy who worked with her and they became friends and hung out and did things together, baseball games, parks, stuff like that. I knew that he had a crush on her but was ok with them doing things together because she was always honest with me and always came home to me. I didn't want to be the jealous boyfriend and I wanted her to have fun and be happy. She even told me when he told her that he had feelings for her and she told him that it would never happen, and they should just be friends.

 

A week or so after we broke up he once again told her how he really wanted them to take it to the next level, and she insisted that they just be friends. We are trying to remain friends and talk about everything we are feeling and thinking, its hard but it helps. So she told me about this because she didn't want to hide anything from me.

 

A week later I went to visit her and some of my friends and go see a local band we all enjoy. Later that night I needed to get some things off my chest that i was feeling and during the conversation she tells me that her and this guy got drunk slept together on two separate nights! I couldn't believe it, I felt lied to and disrespected. She SAYS she regets doing it and would take it back if she could, but she also says that she feels like she did nothing wrong since we are broken up, but does that make it right? How can she be over me in a couple weeks to sleep with somebody already, after swearing to me that she absolutely didn't want to be with anybody? I've expressed to her how it made me feel, but do I have a right to feel like that. I think it hurts more that she told me something and did the opposite, after 3 yrs of complete honesty and respect.

Since we have broken up, I have respected her wishes as far what makes her uncomfortable, and this guy just keeps on pushing her and pushing her. I feel as if this guy isn't respecting her the way she should be and I don't think she sees that. One last thing, after we talked I left and she had him come over to tell him again that she didn't want to be with him and she just wants to be friends.

 

I know we are broken up, but I feel lied to and that what we had really wasn't real because it was based on being honest and open and broke that. Do I have a right to feel like this??? Please help, what do I do..

 

sorry for making it long, it helps to type things down...

[Natedoggld182]

since she feels bad about it doesn't that mean that I still mean something to her, or she still might have feelings for me? She still wants to see me sometimes and wants to come visit me for a day or two (I live about an hour away now) and I, of course, still want to be with her and hang out, I'm just confused on what she is thinking..... I mean she broke up with me, not the other way around, why does she still want to see me and talk to me. Its like shes trying to distance herself and hang on to me and the same time

[Natedoggld182]

I do have another question, Im going out with some of my good friends in the town that she lives in for my birthday, some of them are her friends too and two of my guy friends are her roomates. she asked if it was alright if she could come out with me, what do I tell her??

[SuperDave71]

Tell her no.....Tell her you would like to be with your friends and that you need some time away to think about things,.

 

 

As far as the sleeping thing....she had every right to....BUT...

 

 

Once is a mistake....twice is a decision. Being drunk is a lame and immature excuse. I would let this OTHER guy push her away so much she can't stand it. Walk away with your chin up and let this girl realize that you are NOT to be toyed with. By the way...you are giving her control when thought of her with someone else enter your head. Be strong!! YOu can do this...Let this confused girl go....for now. She needs to realize she cannot do what she did and expect you to just sit there and say "I guess it was ok" since we were broken up. LAME EXCUSE!!

 

 

 

Keep that in your head.......

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[warrior_joe]

Nate,,if you dont make a change to your attitude, your gonna get dragged along way down. You must go NC and forget this girl. Face it..there are months ahead of not seeing her before this will ever have a chance of repair. My situation is far less disturbing, and i too am looking at month. Once you get dumped, it aint gonna repair overnight!

Find a new girl, your young and these are the most fun tiomes of your life

[Natedoggld182]

do I really have to tell her no, I mean she was such a big part of my life, it wouldn't feel right not to tell her it would be ok to come out. she asked me to come out to her birthday which was a two weeks ago, i went.

 

Is it really the right thing to do?? I mean i enjoy being around her...

[warrior_joe]

Nate, If you will be happy having her just as a friend from now on, then invite her.

If you want your relationship back, which is not easy to do, then you better NC this situation immediately. That is your only fighting chance to get her back. Your emotions are very strong and its best for you to NC.

She needs the realization of loosing you forever, at that point you may have an opportunity, but not for months.

Celebrate your birthday somewhere else.

[Natedoggld182]

alright, here goes day one NC, well it will be day one after she calls and asks if she can come out, do i have to tell her that i dont want to talk to her anymore, or just start to ignore her or what do you have to do??

 

 

thanx for all the help, you may have saved me from a lot of pain and heartache

[SuperDave71]

Nate,

 

 

Let her know that you need time. You don't have to say a word abou tno talking to her or ignoring her. Just let her know what your plan is so that when she DOES call..and you don't answer she assumes you are ignoring her. Tell her you are taking time to work on you.

 

 

-SuperDave71

[Natedoggld182]

alright, i hope you guys know what you're talking about, because i dont. Im sure I'll be on here alot for help and reassurance.

[warrior_joe]

Nate, If you read my prior posts you would see that my girl dumped me on Thurs/fri...she called friday night at 11:30. We had a nice conversation.She called Sunday and said she missed me..twice. I went NC after Fridays call...no warning, no reason. Now its a waiting game. I will not take her call either at this point..I will wait .She will have to wait at my door for me to talk to her. I am firmly NC.If i expect respect in a future relationship with her, she must understand that i'm not playin.

I love her, but once you loose control of the relationship , ur done. I'm done for now..I need a date.

[scorchio]

my N/C is going ok, I am getting stronger as in not wanting her to contact me, doing things, seeing friends, getting out etc.

 

4 1/2 months split now

 

Do the dumpers still suffer after this time ! even if someone else might be on the scene (not that i think there is), do they realise regrets even later on than 4 1/2months.

 

My big issue is 4 1/2months n/c from her (the dumper) is that a long time

 

im moving on clearer head

but of course !!! miss her and would love her to come back to me one day

[scorchio]

meant stronger as in me not wanting to contact her, and she would have to do it make the move etc

 

thats wot i meant

[warrior_joe]

Today is the 6th day of NC for me. Since her messages on Sunday, she has not called me either. Its not easy. I would feel better if she tried to call, even though i wouldnt answer. I guess i figure that the impact of my NC would be evident to her if she tried to contact me.

I positively know that I will not call her. My hands are tied because by me contacting her I will just be worse off. I thought she would have called by now. I know she misses me. Feeling very empty.

[coooolsome]

Warrior_joe, I know how you feel. The first week wasnt good for me, calling her, texting her, telling her how I felt. I feel that it was ok since the breakup was fresh but since last Sun, i have been NC. She talked to my friend yesterday and asked how I was. She even texted me last night to tell me she was going to call but needed to study so she will call tomorrow. As NC continues, it gets better. Stop thinking about what she is doing b/c it just makes things worse.

 

I had a friend telling me he thinks there is another guy involved. This was killing me for a few days and I didnt know what to do. Thank god I have another friend who smacked the sense back into me. I know there is not another guy. I dated her for 4 years and she wouldnt do that. There are reasons why I know this that I will not get into. Remember, as SuperDave71(he is super) says, THINK WITH YOUR BRAIN, NOT YOUR HEART. Continue NC, you will heal better and you wont push her away.