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You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!


SuperDave71
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well, I saw Dave's message(who i definitely respect) right before I left.

But I left and held to the meeting. I must express the fact that the mind set which I O to Dave was clear in my mind. I met her at her house. I said to her, she was right and there was no room in her life at this time ,since you had let me go a week ago. She said she missed me so bad and that she wanted to deal with it differently, and since i didnt talk to her she thought i was gone for good. She was sick that she made such a bad choice. I let her talk. At the end I said i now I need time to think because of the hurt she put on me. It was very difficult for me to say. She said she deserved what ever was coming to her and she would hope I reconsider and give her another chance. She is a good woman and confused. Because of NC, the ball has completely come back to my side.

Now what to do. The hurt has gone, for now...Remember...She did not leave me for another guy or because of arguments, if that matters..I think it does. Now I have totally changed the picture because of Dave and his opinions of NC. I will wait, i really do need to think.Thinking is easier when you have the ball. I do love her and she loves me..but ill tell you all...if things fail when i go back..i will not go back for more!! I will update my position, but i dont know what it is right now. I will not call or see her this weekend.I know she will call. I also have found a place here to spend sometime. I feel everyones hurt as i may join you all again. Thank You Dave and this forum...I believe in NC..but Each situation is different. If your woman goes with another man, and starts a relationship, I would NC forever. I know how low you feel when your dumped. 99% of the time you will say the wrong thing. NC will wake up the ones who still love you. Nothing else will do that. Dont try to figure out why? NC..NC..NC Dave, i feel like i betrayed you but i havent because, when i go back, if she does it again...It will be GoodBye.

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I hope things work for you, your story sounds close to what has happeneded to, well the no arguments,and she didn't leave for another guy. I know she still care about me and i hope that this NC i started work make her realize it.

 

thanks for posting this, its keep the rest of us optomistic that things can work out, i hope they do for ya.

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Nate...stay with the NC..it can only help...she thought I was never coming back..The NC woke her up, we used to talk atleast twice a day.

I know Nate, your woman will eventually call...I 100% guarentee it I didnt return the first two calls by her...she said if i dint return the call this morning, she was going to wait and find me at the gym. Im still not out of the woods as she put me through a week of hell.. I need to think about this over the weekend.

I am old, in my 40's so i never cryed and begged when she gave me the boot. I just went home. Then i cried. Dont sit home, I went out all week. You will still feel bad, but it helps...Ill be here to tell my story and support anyone who hurts

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Dont return the call because of a gift. Make sure you stay NC. Dont let her see you or find you. Wait for a meaning full message or one with desparation. Every situation is different. You have to think with your head and not your heart. That is hard for all of us. I only know, that NC is the best way no matter if you have a chance or not. I think there is a fine line when to take the opportunity. Get out and find some fun, i tried , it wasnt fun but better than staying home and sulking. They all call sooner or latter..it human nature.

My feelings are different when there is another man involved, and maybe i am wrong..but its my beleif. One date and they come back and say, i cant do this, i would forgive, but if my x started to see a new guy..I wouldnt look back.

Good luck Nate...dont be an idiot like most of us. learn that NC is the only chance..

I am going to probably give my relationship a second chance, but im waitin a few more weeks so she knows that next time is the last....

Relationships are a challenge. Dont kiss butt ever..Dont be emotional in front of her ever. Never try to talk her into being with you..If it was meant to be it will be..

If i were in my 20's again, i wouldnt waste time with any dumper cause there are so many girls to choose from. None are not replaceable. I am in my 40's..pickins are slim..Good Luck Buddy

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Scorchio, I think it's safe to say that she probably is NOT going to come back. So either you need to find closure for yourself, or contact her and find out for yourself. You must remember, since she broke up with you, time has stood still for you...with you wodering, hoping and praying she comes back. In HER mind it is dead and buried. I cann't speak for her, but

I would bet she has completely moved on from you. I am sorry, but thats my honest opinion.

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No matter what If my ex and that is a big if! my ex decides to come back to me in some fashion I probably would jump back in it with him but not without evaluating myself first.

 

Otherwise in the meantime I am somewhat happy that it is over and done with.

 

I am sorry I pushed him away along with my friends or others but now I am in a better place. I do not want any man to love me at all .

 

I refuse to let that happen.

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I know warriorjoe,

and thanks to you and all others who try to wake me out of this sleep of self pity or depression. A litttle of it perhaps I guess.

 

I am trying to get used to being by myself again with or without someone in my life.

 

All I want to do right now is try to be the person that people love to have fun with. I seemed to have lost my pep for fun and excitement.

 

Most people respond to me on the phone with oh it is you instead of Hi! great to hear from you!

Is it true that if you are more content with yourself and are a little more happier and show ina positive way people will gravitate towards you?

I just do not want to feel like one of those people that runs out of things to say where the conversation goes flat and the relationship dies....

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I hear you Fantasia....I have been going out, hanging out, and meeting people but nothing...People like to talk and hang with me but as far as the females non of them are attracted to me...

 

They will sit there and talk to me all night and seem interested but nothing they all like me and will hang with and talk to me but none are interested at all in me any other way...

 

I don't understand what the problem is, and my friends tell me I am fine and I dont need to change...Something inside says something is wrong when girls can hang with me all night, talk and don't want anything to do with me...

 

It is so frustrating...

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Also, I was wrong about not hearing from her after the other day...

 

She texted me early Friday morning with "what's going on?"and called me Saturday afternoon and did not leave a message....

 

I did not answer or respond to either one...

 

I was on the phone with my friend when she called and told him it was her and he was happy I did not answer her call...It sure helps to have good people to help support you....

 

Fantasia, get out and have those handful of close friends and family you trust they will help you get through this...It is hard but you will get better I promise..Get out and do things you have not done or wanted to...New hobbies live music sports whatever...Get out and do it....

 

You can just believe in yourself...It is hard right now but you are responsible for your ahppiness do not let your ex be your sole happiness...

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check this out...when someone is vibrant, full of energy, smiling and walking around saying "life is good". When a warm happy feeling is felt by others. When you look clean and the best you can be...You will get smiles by all. People will talk with you. They will open up to you. They will just plain like you.

 

When you walk around gloom and doom, No smile, complaining about things. Feeling sorry for yourself, Your energy is very negative and you only will attract those type of people.

 

Your presentation of yourself has a great impact on those around you. I guarentee if any of you put on a happy face, feel fortunate for your good health. Life is good attitude. Find some energy to just smile, get that bounce about you. Feel good about you. You will have all the attension you need.

 

As an X fast laner and a popular guy, in my younger years I was full of life. No presure, no stress, very friendly, full of smiles and laughter. Keeping myself looking the best i could be.. I had so much fun.

 

I am in a situation with my girl that is very shakey. I am not all of that right now. But when im at the gym, where she also trains..I smile, i have no problems, Life is good...Thats my projected attitude...

Dont feel sorry for yourselves...Make changes. Look at you...Find the answers on how to better yourself, both physically and mentally.

 

Hope this helps

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fantasia2004,

 

You are deep, and I know you are educated. I see what you write.

Yes..You are feeling sorry for yourself, causing your depression. I know the pain you feel..but ..enough is enough....

 

If i were you i would spend hours in the gym, excersizing. That is good for the body as well as the head. I would eat properly, get my body is excellent shape. That will also get your mind in shape.

 

I would make changes today and not follow yesterday's path any longer.

Next time you call your friends...act like all couldnt be better. Ask how there doing. Tell them you are great. Smile till your face hurts..

I bet there attitudes will change after a few contacts with you.

 

Most of all get in shape mentally and physically..life will get better..I am sure of it.

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Man, I wish I had starting reading the advice of everyone the night my girl broke up with me. I wouldn't have made some of the major mistakes that SuperDave has pointed out. SuperDave is amazing. It makes so much sense it's awesome. It's been about 4 weeks of N/C for me after sending one text and one card. I'm hanging in there working on myself. Thanks SuperDave!!! I'll keep you posted...

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Most of all get in shape mentally and physically..life will get better..I am sure of it.

 

True advice Joe! After a month and a half of working out everyday, I'm surprised at the difference in my self image. If you take care of your physical self, your mental self gets stronger as well.

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