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You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!


SuperDave71
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So yesterday I kinda had one of my bad days. I almost called her. However I just remembered what superdave said in the initial post and I ended up calling like 4 friends to talk.

 

Apparently one of them(mutual friend) called my ex for one of her friend's phone number and all of a sudden she asked how I was doing. He told her I was doing fine and moving along. She said she was fine with the situation but she sounded down about it. I talked to more friends and I finally decided it was enough and the urge to call had passed and what do I see, a text message. "I was going to call you tonight but I really needed to study so I will call you tomorrow". I didnt respond. So now today I am expecting a call from her. I will answer but Im going out with coworkers so if she calls then, i will tell her i am busy. If im at home, ill talk to her.

 

I know this won't be a "I made a mistake, take me back" phone call. But at least she is contacting me. At least im not pushing her away. I know that we will not get back together for a while but at least the posibility is there.

 

So Superdave, I wrote all this b/c you kept me from making a lot of mistakes in the past week. I have been NC for 3 days and look what its gotten me. I know that its not a sure fire way to get them back but at least I am feeling better and moving on. I am healing. If she really loves me, she will fall for me again because I am the same person that she loved. I know I say this for everyone and I know I say it a lot to you, but I think that we will always be eternally grateful to you for all the advice and support.

 

Oh, so a question. I want her to miss me, but I also know that she wants to somewhat stay in contact like 1 or 2 times a week. Its only been 2 weeks but how should I handle the calls? Should I answer this one and talk to her, and then not answer the next one? Just curious as to what you would do.

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coool....It isnt a good day for me either. Ive been feeling as low as it goes. I talked to my girl atleast twice a day for 2 1/2 years. It is day 6 of NC.She has not called, probably cause she is preoccupied with her kid. If she calls..I will not answer. I firmly think NC is the only way to get a level playing field. You are just prolonging the ineviditable. She needs to want you and want you as bad as you want her, She says jump..you say: how hi..That is not a recipe for a longlasting relationship.

For me .. I thought she would have called by now..I know for sure..she will someday call..They all do..when theres NC. I dont think i have the problem of another guy..If there was ...I would never look back.

If she called and said we need to talk..i would probably go against the rules and listen...but i will not answer her call, but will return it, only if there is urgency and desperation conveyed. Still probably a bad move.

I think your digging your grave...just being honest

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Thanks Dave...as I said in my last post ...I will maintain NC, and if there is a frivalous call, about nothing or i miss you, I asure you there wont be a return call. If there is urgency and needing to talk, i think i would return the call. I dont think it would be a mistake if i just listen. There is nothing for me to say.She wanted out for her reasons. I am not about to debate the issue any more with her!

She may surprise me and not call...Lately she has surprised me!

 

 

I may sound strong, but i am weak..but thick headed, which will keep me NC!

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Keep it up Warrior...I am on my second day of NC and I don't have the urge to contact her just hoping her new job is going well, she needs it to...

 

I wish I did not care so much...I don't think I will have to worry about her contacting me anytime soon after yesterday and me not answering her call and texts...It would surprise me if I hear from her within the next few months...

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Fantasia....

 

 

 

I am really not sure....My ex is very much still hung up on her last relationship of 8 months.....we were together 8 years and she thinks her ex is her soul mate. Me.....I just do my thing...No pressure here.

 

 

I am just not sure...

 

 

 

--SuperDave71

 

SuperDave is it wrong that you (I mean me) would still love your ex even if it is not the same as before even long before your ex has moved on and has no love for you cold heartedly?

 

Which to me is okay maybe it is wrong for me to say now in my mind he will reap what he sows?

I know you say focus on you, I say this again, success is not the best revenge?

Or it does not matter?Right?

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fantasia, not sure totally to the answer you need,

but,

 

I believe in what goes round comes round................

 

im hoping for the same really in my sittuation,

 

my ex dumped me, she cut off all contact from me from day 1 off break up,

that hopefully will come back to haunt her and cause the same pain and hurt.

 

but all we can do in the present is stay N/C (to help us)

try and keep a clear head.

 

I wish u luck

 

 

its easy giving advice, wish I could stick with it myself !!! LOL

 

keep strong

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today: day 7 of NC..very weak about NC since I know we both feel bad about "time away"....but she hasnt called...so I guess i wont either. My emotions are becoming angry for the pain she has caused me. How does someone who loves someone let them suffer like this. Thats not love to me! Good nights sleep: whats that?

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It's very interesting that so many other people in the world are going through very similar experiences. My girlfriend/fiance just left me out of the blue as well. She wouldn't give a reason and said she didn't have any answer and then hung up on me. Now, this is a person that is my best friend, partner, everything to me of almost two years. We were making long term plans, etc. I did 2 wks of N/C and then she called at midnight. I think I made the big mistake of asking about why, etc. I think that's human nature to find out why and also I believe I at least deserved a reason, that's why I asked. That's the last time we spoke and the conversation ending as good as it could be. Since then I've broken all contact with her and never have called her. I broke down after a month and sent her a card & text message. That probably sealed my fait, but I felt that I had to do it. The card was small and just said that she's in my heart, that's it. Was this the wrong thing to do? I'll continue to not call her, and I've been working on improving myself. It's very hard everybody. It hurts, but we all have to keep our chins up. Thanks.

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OCD..i feel your pain...NC is the only way...I believe she will call if she is interested. It sucks to be dumped. My NC has gone into the 7th day...She called this morning and said she missed me and asked that I call her back.

I did..i might add that my emotions have been all over the place.

I listened to her as she said she made a mistake..and she wants to meet.

I am probably going to slice my own throat, but i will meet her. But NC made it turn around to this point. My problems of my relationship had nothing to do with me and her, but with the problems she has, so my situation is alittle different..Ill update what happens..Listen to DAVE..he is a smart guy. He helped me through the first 6. I would have blown it for sure...I dont know if im coming or going right now, but I am about to see!

Good luck OCD....NC is the way..access the situation, the problems you two had...If she loves you she will call and call again..I dint answer the first two calls..read back posts..Dont think the worst..dont think about her..just think about you...

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Warrior,

 

 

 

DON'T MEET HER. You need to tell her you need some time to think about what has happened. YOU HAVE NOT FIXED THE PROBLEMS!!! You will ruin a potential reunion if you go. Tell you need more time. If you run to her...in the end.....she will run away. You HAVE TO BE SURE she wants YOU for YOU and not because she is lonely. PLEASE.....I beg you.......DON'T GO....YET. Wait a few days......Let her reach for you....not a silly phone call. YOu have to let this woman feel the complete loss of you instead of 7 days. It's like she is at blockbuster and the dvd she bought was bad so she wants her money back.....NO NO NO...There are no guarantees. I woudl hate to see you if you get back together and then a week down the line...she tells you IT WAS A MISTAKE!!! DON'T DO IT!!

 

 

 

- SuperDave71

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warrior,

 

listen to the man...DON'T DO IT.

 

wait.

 

i had done NC for about a month when my ex, called me. it was around her b-day, so i asked her if i could buy her dinner on her b-day thinking surely she would think this is a date, and a possibility of "trying again."

 

WRONG. i pushed way too hard and she ended up staying with her rebound guy to this day. i have since done 3 months of solid NC, even ran into her and her man and walked by w/o a word, it sucked. i wish i had come here sooner. i guarantee i wouldn't have made the "too soon" mistake.

 

listen to dave. DON'T GO. yet. tell her you need some time. DON'T CAVE. we can all be pretty tough when we want to be and now is one of those times. suck it up, buddy. it'll be worth it in the long haul.

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Man, that is tough... This is a very delicate situation if you're ever to get the one you love back. It puts a whole new meaning to "Will Power". So let me get this straight, when they call ask for more time? Take it slow. I suppose you just wait to really talk to them only after they start calling you repeatedly.

I sent a text message asking "Can we work this out". I suppose I just ruined it all. I did the N/C thing for about 4 weeks. Then sent a card saying "you in my thoughts and heart". I never called her since the night she broke up with me. I suppose if I am lucky enough to get a call from her is to just keep it short and ask for me time?? Thanks

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SuperDave,

 

I wondered if ever , if it is alright to deny yourself love from future relationships for fear of getting hurt ?

 

Is it wise to stay celibate as long as you can.

 

I am not saying that my ex was perfect, but I refuse at this time to allow anyone in my life because dating is so hard to do.

 

Scary for me to trust again.

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should you start NC again if you have all ready gone through NC?

 

I just recently had dinner with my ex and it went well. We didn't talk about the breakup or anything just kept it light and simple. Anyways, days later I am thinking about this. Is this really something I want to do right now again? I'm not sure if I'm completely healed. I have to be honest with you, I am still slightly mad about the whole breakup.

 

I'd like to work things out with him but...I was / am kind of still upset about the grass is greener statement. Plus a few other things he said during the breakup. It's been awhile, but seeing him brought it up again. Feels like he may be holding onto something as well.

 

So I wonder, can you start NC again? I don't want to completely close the door, I do want to work it out, but I think that because I still harbor some feelings that it might be best to take a step back and regroup. Would doing this - do you think - hurt any chances we may have had in reconcilling? Should I tell him I need more time or just take the time? I guess I am just wondering about when he calls me (if he calls) next. Ignore the call or pick it up and let him know or just keep it to the small talk we've been doing but if he invites me out just say no.

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