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You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!


SuperDave71
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Scorchio...think with your head and not your heart..If you contact her it will only hurt you..she must want you for it to work..she needs to try to contact you any times before you can even consider talking with her....You have to get through the emotions of it all.. I feel your pain..be tough..work out, watch the game, but dont break NC

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I feel like I'm hurting her by doing NC. Im starting to feel better now, so I'm glad I'm doing it. I'm trying to stay strong.... I hope in the end either were together or we end up being friends, but right now i feel as if I'm ruining any chance of being friends if we dont get back together by ignoring her. Could this be true??

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I totally agree with you on that. When my ex broke up with me, I so wanted to text her and tell her that I missed her, and also call her, but I didn't. It was hard, but it had to be done.

 

If you call and they don't answer, it will only eat at you even more. Then you begin wondering why they aren't answering, where they are at, are they with a new partner, ect. It just makes things harder for you to try to move on.

 

Be around people you like, trust and confide in. They will help you out alot. Be strong!

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Hello Everyone,

i just discovered the site. NC makes alot of sense. I met a guy a few months ago. Everything was great but the more i liked him the more i wanted him to commit to me and call me his girlfriend. i asked him and he wouldn't give me a straight answer but the impression i got was that he wasn't ready to commit. We still went out regularly and apart from the commitment issue things were fine but i kept pushing for an answer again and again until i pushed him away. Now he says he needs time to think and rarely texts me or calls. i worry that he will forget me if i stop all contact but deep down i know if he wants me he will call.

so today is going to be day one of NC for me. it is the only way i will regain my self respect. i really hope he calls but if he doesnt at least i will not have called either. i will carry on reading this forum to inspire me to stick to this.

 

melpa

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Thanks so much and good luck to you too.

Its day 2 of NC for me and i feel so much stronger already. i don't feel the need to call or send a text message yet. There is a disco night at his local pub this saturday that i was going to go to and make a huge effort to dress up to impress him but i think i'll stay away now and make other plans. i'm sure he is expecting me to be there.

 

melpa

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Hey SuperDave!

 

don't know if you still remember me, but anyhow I took some time off replying in this forums and did some reality check on myself.

 

your words and the rest of the forums plus my sister has helped actually help me to a better start than what ive done before to try to get her back. yes NC has helped, i don't believe that it makes me stronger as im always weak without her, but i know it has done one important thing, it makes my ex feel like im approaching her as a friend(and not bugging her) and also makes her feel maybe, just abit of jealously, as in, why am i not calling her like everyday as i used to, to try and get her back. and it makes her think that ive changed.

 

all this while ive been taking the wrong approach to getting back this friendship with her. as relationships has to start from friendships. so bascially im starting right from the beginning.

 

i did a NC for 2wks. and when she came back from her holiday, i called her but not immediately and like after about 3 to 4 days i call her once with a cheerful voice and start talking about people that she and i know. and now i hang around alot of the people both of us know so it creates conversational fuel, as both of us go to different colleges. so far ive seen her once and that was for lunch when i called one of our old friend that both of us know, so it doesnt seem so awkward. and i would actually think she wouldnt pay a visit if i didnt call that friend. i think im goin the right way, like joking around with her, although her new bf goes around with her and he came along for lunch aswell. i think i pissed him off abit cause i took most of my ex's attention.

 

SuperDave is this the right thing? I mean my NC isn't like a month or more. It like 3 or 4 days before i call her. SuperDave please reply with your words of wisdom.

 

Thanks

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Scorchio...think with your head and not your heart..If you contact her it will only hurt you..she must want you for it to work..she needs to try to contact you any times before you can even consider talking with her....You have to get through the emotions of it all.. I feel your pain..be tough..work out, watch the game, but dont break NC

 

Even if years pass by do you ever think you might meet up with your ex again?

 

Boy your words wer pretty harsh

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I wanna be SuperDave......wow you are such an inspiration! Thanks for all the great advice.... I'm trying to be diligent about NC but the ex (he broke up with me) still IM's me....I don't think he gets how hurt I am. Anywho I have blocked him from almost all accounts but I forgot one hence why he IMed me. I kept the convo short (like 2 lines) and signed off. I see the NEED for NC to happen....he needs to grow but ultimately it heals me not to talk to him....even in cyberspace.

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Hi all,

It's been exactly one month since my split (she broke up with me). In that time she called me once in the middle of the night to "hear my voice" and "that she was weak" and "maybe it was a mistake that she called" etc. Can anyone explain what this might mean? I sent one card and a text, that's it. Maybe I shouldn't have answer the call, but it was late and I didn't check the caller ID. I miss her so much and like Superdave I beat my head with the phone telling myself not to call her and hoping the phone will ring again. When she broke up with me she didn't give any reason and said "that she always will love me"? Also, "she didn't have any answers" and hung up. I'm giving her all the space she needs right now, but I wish I would know what went wrong, etc. And if there is anything I could have done. I believe the N/C rule is the best way to heal, but I still wonder what she's doing. Any advice? Thanks...

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I just made a breakthrough in understanding the concept of NC today...

 

No Contact forces you to do things for yourself with no alterior motive of impressing/changing your ex's mind. It forces you to exist outside of the relationship and become a whole person again.

 

Side effects may include them missing you and contemplating their situation.

 

Other side effects may include YOU missing them and contemplating your situation. However, you must go out and do things. Don't waste your time.

 

I'm running a race next weekend, something I've wanted to do for a long time. Since I'm in no contact she won't even know that I'm doing it. I am truly doing this for myself, by myself, since I have no plans of talking to her at anytime soon.

 

I'm not saying that it isn't tough, I miss her a lot. But I am slowly learning to do things for myself.

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I came accross this site by accident and really like it. I was wondering if I can get some advice from someone.

My husband and I were together for almost 10 years. he found out he had a 19 year old daughter in Dec of 04. I dont know if it is guilt or what but by march of 05 he was cheating with the mom who has a brain anurism. I had a suicide attempt in april 05 cause i did not want him to leave me after an argument about her. After i went back to work in may 05 he left me while i was gone. now he is still seeing her A LOT, but at the same time he is coming over to see me sometimes too. I ask him about getting back together and all he says is that he does not know what he is going to do. But he keeps coming back to me. I want him back because I think I love him but I am scared. He tells me he wants a divorce but shows me something else. I dont know what to do. Us being apart is really hard on our daughter but I dont want to get back with him if this is the only reason. I am not sure if it is just a comfort thing since we have been togehter for so long or what. We had not been happy together for about 3 years. but i am not ready to date again. I mean I am 37 and a little overweight. no one wants someone like that anymore. Men usually want the young skinny people.

I am so confused as to what he is thinking and to what I should be doing.

Any advise given would be greatly appreciated.

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Hi sadlyalone4ever,

 

Your husband might feel that he owe the mum a lot when he found out that she has a daughter with him.

 

There is always life after a break up or divorce. If it does come embrace it with whatever you have.

 

For the time being, you could only work on yourself. Go to gym and get on a healthy diet. Improve yourself in term of skill and employability.

 

Threaten with suicide would makes you appear clingy. No one wants that. Be independent. Look after yourself and your daughter.

 

How old is your daughter? Is she able to understand the current situation?

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has anyone please please got any advice.

 

yesterday was day 5 of NC i had managed not to contact him at all during that time even though i received a text message from him.

last night i was at a friends house with a small group of guys and girls who paired off leaving me as the odd one out.

 

i decided to text him to say i have been thinking about him and would like to try and be friends. he texted back straight away and said yeah if you want and asked me what i had done that evening.

i was happy with the response but unfortunately i had drunk quite alot and felt the need to call him after that. His best mate answered the call and spoke to me just basic chit chat. Talking to his friend wasnt enough so i texted him and said i only wanted to say hello and why hadnt he spoke to me.

well i didn't get a reply and i continued to send lots more messages and tried calling many many times. i know it was stupid and i know i have set myself back in doing all that. now i have the urge to call this morning to try and put things right. it is only 07:50 am so i will wait till later. please can someone give me some idea of what to do next. should i call and apologise and then try to have a normal lighthearted conversation or is it a bad idea to call at all??

 

i would appreciate any words of advice

 

melpa

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Guest12345678 My daughter is 8 and I am not sure she really understands all of this. She says she thinks it is better to live with mommy because daddy does not do anything and her brothers are mean to her. I did not threaten suicide, I attempted it. I have never done anything like that again and have never thought about it since. I have been checking into some meds I was on to see if that played a part in it. I do miss him and Unfortuantely I do cry alot when the kids are not up or around. I am looking into getting a tummy tuck for my body issues. I have noticed that when I fix my hair and put on my makeup I feel better. But I want him to see me that way too. It scares me to think that I may be alone for the rest of my life.

Sounds stupid doesnt it??

thanks for replying.

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Dave,

 

You're great and sensible and have been a huge rock. However, I am very weak. Why is NC better than communicating face to face.

My girl dumped me 6 weeks ago - I messed up immediately bombarding her with everything you said not too. However, we met 3 times in the first month and communicated on a great level. Hoever two hours after the last time we slept she texted to say she wanted space - then we had a huge, violent row but at least we ended up hugging and I said 'have your space and the ball is in yur court now' It seems the only time I can get through to her however is when I see her.

Also how does one handle when NC when I meet her at a party next week. Do i ignore her if our paths meet ?

Thanks a million

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i know superdave!

breaking NC the other night with lots of calls and text messages was a mistake but i think i was lucky this time coz when i spoke to him and other friends the next morning i found out he to had gotten very very drunk that night and when i mentioned the messages he said he couldn't remember much. He rang me later that day and we had a nice conversation. without really discussing 'us'.

i texted him this morning to tell him i had made it through to the second round of a job interview i went for and he seemed pleased for me. we exchanged quite a few messages and i now feel better and more in control of the situation than i have in ages. however i do not want to fall into old habits so im going to try not to text or call anymore this week.

He knows i have some days booked off work over the next two weeks so if he wants to meet up im sure he will suggest it. the last thing i want is to become as needy and dependant on his attention as before.

 

breaking NC is not the way to go...! Good Luck to all NC-ers that are not as weak as me.

P.S avoid large amounts of alcohol !!!

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You're correct. N/C is the way to go. Although I would really like to talk to my ex. She broke it off about a month ago to the day. I haven't called her since the night she broke it off. I do feel like I'll be hurt if I do talk to her. Will she ever call me to say, well, anything? She was my best friend, my everything. Is she feeling like I do? She never gave me a reason and I miss her so much. The nights are the hardest...is she waiting for me to call her? How can I get her back?

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OCD,

 

Like mighty SuperDave has said....give her the space she needs! I have learned in this month after my break up to do the same for my ex. I have not seen him since that day and we have had 2 or 3 short e-mails not pertaining to anything about us. It is the best thing to do as hard as it is....and trust me it was hard to do that after he was (and still is) my everything. In the meantime, I lean on good friends and my family...thank God that they are sane! I have refocused my energy on taking care of myself so that when he and I cross paths (and inevitably we will) I am a stronger and better informed individual. I do want to get back together but I understand that this has to happen. So why not make the best of it? Good luck!

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Thnx for the kind words. I did receive a call from her about two weeks after the break up. She just "wanted to hear my voice and was weak". It's been about three weeks since that short conversation. I am trying to give her the space she needs, but it's so hard not to think about her. There's this big void in my life. I realize it will take time and eventually I will see her. I hope I can be strong when that day comes. I guess this is all out of my hands, for now. I hope she somedays misses me like I miss her...

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