Boyfriend hasn't texted for 3 months

[Breo1123]

I have been dating this guy since May 2023. It started all good and after sometime he became very layed back in responding. He works a full time job, 6am to 6pm, goes to school for his.masters as well, and was recently promoted. I took all that into consideration and was very understanding about his time and availability. But then on weekends when he is chanced, he will say he is busy with church activities 🙄,  ans I'll barely see him.

He doesn't make time for any dates and always complain of being busy. Even when we make.plans, he always ends up canceling. I have addressed this issue so many times and he kept saying he would work on it but never does. We barely see each other as people in a relationship. He will apologize and tell me to not give up on him, but then would not do anything to improve. I got fed up when he will want me to go to my own place or leave his apartment anytime he wants to go to work in the morning.

The last straw was when sometime in January I asked him if he could pick.me up from the airport,  he agreed. But hours to the time I was arriving,  he sends me a text saying he will be at church around that time and if I could find someone else to pick me up, whereas I had told.him about my itinerary 2days prior and he said he would.pick me up. After I saw his text, I knew this is it, I'm done. I got so angry and didn't reply his.message, and he hasn't bothered to call me or text or check since then. So he hasn't texted me back for 3 months now.

I feel so hurt and disrespected and I am thinking of reaching out to him for closure. But I'm not sure if that is necessary or if I overreacted in the first place. Please I need advice.  Thank you

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Breo1123 said:

He doesn't make time for any dates and always complain of being busy. Even when we make.plans, he always ends up canceling. I have addressed this issue so many times and he kept saying he would work on it but never does. We barely see each other as people in a relationship. 

hasn't bothered to call me or text or check since then. So he hasn't texted me back for 3 months now.

Sorry this is happening. Is this a distance situation?  It doesn't seem like you're in a relationship. He is "too busy" . Please set yourself free for someone who is really willing and able to see you and wants what you want. 

He's just taking up space and wasting your time. No one is too busy for what's important to them. 

[yogacat]

He was done with the relationship *long* before he "had to go to church" *at the exact same time* you were getting into town.

He did you a favor. He has set you free. Do not chase after him. 

He is not a lifemate.

Do not reach out for closure: you already have closure. Do not do a thing. Enjoy your spring. Get ready to date in the summer; there are lots of eligible men out there. 

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Give someone two chances. Write them off. Make that your policy.

[Andrina]

I'm shocked you're calling him your boyfriend after 90 days of no word from him. Geez, you sure do hang in there far, far longer after mistreatment than the average person. I believe, perhaps, you will stop doing that if you ever are successful in achieving self-love.

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Breo1123 said:

I feel so hurt and disrespected and I am thinking of reaching out to him for closure.

You haven't heard from him in three MONTHS?  Sweetie, that IS your closure, he is done, what is there to close?

Nothing, it's over.

I'm sorry.  😞

[MissCanuck]

6 hours ago, Breo1123 said:

I'm done. I got so angry and didn't reply his.message, and he hasn't bothered to call me or text or check since then. So he hasn't texted me back for 3 months now

Oh, honey. You are not in a relationship anymore. This guy is your ex-boyfriend. I do hope you realize this, but I am concerned that you're in a lot of denial considering you still refer to him as your "boyfriend" in this thread. 

There is no point reaching out to him. You didn't over-react. He was already done with the relationship and wasn't mature enough to tell you directly that it was over. But it is, and has been for quite a while now. 

In the future, please read the writing on the wall and understand that if you have to essentially beg someone to pay attention to you, well, they are just not that into you. Don't waste your time on a person like that. 

[catfeeder]

The right man for you will never treat you this way. This guy was not him.

Head high, and move your focus forward, not backwards.

[ShySoul]

You said you were done and didn't message him. He returned in kind. Sounds like both of you came to the conclusion you didn't want to continue.

You were perfectly justified in being upset. In a relationship you actually want to be together. If he wasn't able to be around and spend time with you, then he wasn't in the right space to be having a relationship. You shouldn't be expected to stay in a situation that clearly wasn't making you happy.

In my opinion it may have been better to actually tell him it was over and why. That could have provided the closure you now seek. It also would have been nicer to him and may have left him with something to think about. As it stands now, he may actually see you as the one who left him and not realize what his actions did to you. Not saying you were wrong, just that clean breaks tend to be better for both parties.

Reaching out to him is not necessary. However, its not about what is necessary, its about what will make you feel better. If you believe you'll be better with one last contact, saying your piece to him... You should do it. If you are okay letting this be how it ends, then don't talk to him. Every person has there own way of healing and finding closure. Do what feels right for you.

[Kwothe28]

If he doesnt call or text for 3 months he is not your boyfriend anymore. Period. First I thought maybe he just doesnt message you first or something. But he hasnt contacted you in 3 months? And you still call him "boyfriend"? Nah, that is your "ex boyfriend". Maybe its hard for you to understand that its over or you think he would contact you, but no. Just accept that he is your ex boyfriend.

Same with closure. You dont need closure from somebody who clearly just wasnt that into you as you were into him. Guy hasnt even reached out top see what is going on and just considers you done. That is how much little he cares about your relationship. Asking for closure from somebody like that is like asking McDonalds for a letter of recommendation. It just isnt worth the effort.

 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

If he doesnt call or text for 3 months he is not your boyfriend anymore. Period. First I thought maybe he just doesnt message you first or something. But he hasnt contacted you in 3 months? And you still call him "boyfriend"? Nah, that is your "ex boyfriend". Maybe its hard for you to understand that its over or you think he would contact you, but no. Just accept that he is your ex boyfriend.

Same with closure. You dont need closure from somebody who clearly just wasnt that into you as you were into him. Guy hasnt even reached out top see what is going on and just considers you done. That is how much little he cares about your relationship. Asking for closure from somebody like that is like asking McDonalds for a letter of recommendation. It just isnt worth the effort.

 

And it very likely will hurt more if you do reach out despite what you "feel" as far as "closure".

[smackie9]

Hun he's ghosted ya. It's over. 

[lostandhurt]

I am not so sure he was ever your boyfriend. He was just some guy that put in just enough effort to keep you around.

 Look back with eyes wide open, that will be your closure.  You don't have to bite into a lemon to know it is tart, you just know by seeing what it is. Same goes here.

Lost