Modern Dating: The Evolution of Courtship for Men and Women

[yogacat]

I have never been married. I was engaged after several years together. He, I would say in the traditional sense, courted me in the early/initial stage. He paid for all our dates. There were no costs to me. He took me to the opera, plays, eat out - the works. I paid my rent, all my bills, I in turn would pay for things like gifts, travel, little romps out - but nothing of real significant cost. He nurtured me and supported me and was very "I'll take care of you." 

When we were engaged, the main differences- now bills were combined to some degree. We split most everything. I took over the rent and he paid electric and phone.

I have to say, after that relationship ending, those were some of my fondest days. Of course, I took a couple of years off and focused mainly on career and friends and family. 

I ended buying myself a nice little investment property. I really thrived. 

According to (many-not all but many) the male mating mate now a days you have to be one part Amazon. We have to be equal now, but like taking care of them. This sounds odd, after all. They are looking for partners. Keep them, happy, pee pee on their hand in case of a snake bite even. Good partners. Not for courting.  

This takes away from the concept of male courtship from being the true alpha for the relationship as a whole; taking charge yet still giving in ways that make him feel good. Dating for many women now is just what you see in movies, short dainty skirts, hair whipping in the wind. It is a no brainer that women are more aggressive these days.  They want to lead but on most I would venture, they still want romance.

It hasn't been so much my experience, granted the occasional situation here and there, but from all that I've read about or witnessed is that it just doesn’t seem like men are interested in courting these days.

Guys these days aren't putting in the effort to truly get to know and vet us. And at the same time, they aren't giving us a chance to do the same either. I do agree that this lack of interest in pursuing relationships is partly due to the fact that women are also becoming more nonchalant about dating and intimacy.

Courtship, by its very nature does take more effort, it does require more emotion and dedication. It’s not uncommon for men to view women as conquests while for the guys that want real relationships, they aren’t willing to go through all that work. 

[mylolita]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I don't "need" anyone with regard to directing me in my life. I do desire and crave to be near the man I'm in love with. I miss him when I don't get to see him. I enjoy spending time with him. I am affectionate and demonstrative with him. I am physically attracted to him. I want him to be happy and to feel good about himself and our relationship. I show him I love him in many ways. I want that connection. When my relationships ended I felt sad. I felt a sense of loss. I missed the emotional connection. I didn't miss his paycheck, it wasn't about that. So yes, I did connect emotionally with the men I fell in love with. 

But for the man I was dating to literally get upset because I changed my car battery myself instead of waiting three days for him to do it? Nah, not cool. And he got upset when I didn't run decisions by him such as going on a job interview or moving apartments. He felt I should have consulted him even though we didn't live together or share finances. It just seemed bizarre to me. Was he concerned out of caring? Perhaps. But he clearly stated I should have consulted with him because women need a man's guidance. Yes, he said that, except he used the word "girls" as in "Girls need men to tell them what to do because they're too emotional and they make bad decisions on their own." Yes, that bothered me. So in summary, we were not a good match. He did end up with a woman who deferred to him in all matters although interestingly he tried to cheat on her with me!

People want different things in their relationships. There's no one size fits all. 

If there’s no one size fits all, then why do others and yourself seem to think the only way for a happy relationship is for a woman to be financially independent? Or m, I get the impression, have a normal line of work or a normal career? 
 

It’s not each to their own or everyone’s unique and special really, is it? 
 

I have my opinions on what I think is generally the best way for a man and woman to live together. There are nuances to it of course but I stand by my opinions. I am open to my mind changing but, would I be happy sending my kids off to child minders and nursery so I could work 45 hours a week and then come back to juggling housework between me and my husband and who did the grocery shopping and who replaces the loo rolls and all of that? 
 

That’s not for me. I don’t think it should be touted as the righteous thing for all women, either. And if you’re a smart thinking outside the box kinda gal, you know that the age old university and 9 to 5 with a pension plan until you’re 70 isn’t the only way to make ends meet!

 

I don’t love my husband because he makes a good living. We’ve had desperately insane times in the negative. One month, he made £180,000. Another month, he makes £5,000, another, nothing. No week or month has ever been the same in over 25 years. It’s a generally risky business. I take on the dips and the highs because that’s the nature of his work. 
 

The nature of my dancing at the club was the same. No night did I ever make a set amount. Could be lobster or cheese on crackers. But I loved it because it was all down to me, how much I made every night. Same with my husbands job to a big extent. We are very similar, and like to be fully in control. 
 

With a salary job, you get x amount every month and can plan everything and everything feels very secure and stable. That’s quite right, unless you lose your job I guess, or something else happens within the company. You get fired. People move on. 
 

Most people, women included, would find it insanely stressful to live how we live - but they don’t have to live like me, they can go have a salary job and feel more stable. I’m not like that and neither is my husband. For the risks, we have had some massive pay offs. We’ve also had some shaky moments financially, when he’s ploughed a lot of what we have left into the business and we hardly have a crumb left and he has to come up with it. 
 

I would like to buy another property in the next year or so as an investment, or keep it for our kids. My mind works on many things aside from raising our kids but it’s not “going out to work using my degree” and in that respect, some people I find can’t get their head around the idea there are many more creative and unusual ways to make some money that doesn’t involve a boss and e-mails and a Christmas work do.

 

I’m sorry some of the women on here have had bad experiences with men, either abusive or disrespectful or backwards, and that’s a shame. I’m lucky to never have been in a bad relationship or gone through a divorce and had to be a single Mum so I can’t feel the feels on that. I can imagine it’s very rough and have sympathy. But life is ours to control. We don’t always have to play exactly by the standard rule book to prosper and be content!

[rainbowsandroses]

I find the discussion describing the difference between "wants" and "needs" so interesting!

For example, this:

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Yes you have requirements.  If those requirements aren't met you are not happy - but those requirements are wants not needs because the consequence is if he doesn't do what you want in those areas you're leaving or likely leaving.

I've heard it said, even on this forum from the same posters asserting now they differentiate between "need" and "want" as being two different things, worlds apart!

"If your 'needs' aren't being met, leave and look for a man/woman who IS able to meet your needs," or variations thereof.

I don't think I have ever heard it said - "if your 'wants' aren't being met, leave and find a man/woman who is able to meet your 'wants.'

Oh I don't know, I'm just quibbling but to me they are the same exact thing with respect to what each of us require to feel happy, safe and at peace in a relationship.

Emotional connection, someone who listens, offers support, who is able to comfort us during times of stress or loss, someone who CARES!  It those things are not things we "need" in a relationship, then I don't know anymore. 

Obviously not things we require for survival, as I said I am perfectly able to survive AND be happy on my own.  But in a relationship?  Yes, to me, they are needs, things I need/require in order to feel happy with my partner.

Honestly, I still don't get why "need" has become so controversial or again something women should feel ashamed for (which is how it appears to me and how I interpret it).

Men don't!  They have no problem asserting what they need disguised as "boundaries," but they are basically things they need from their girlfriend/wife to be happy.

Anyway, I respect you and others feel differently, perhaps it's just semantics.

Interesting discussion though!!

 

 

[LootieTootie]

O Goodness... my husband and I just had an argument about needs and wants. This morning, I said "husband I need you..." And he said "do you really need... or is it a want?" He's a smart asz and he was correct, it was a want. A want for him to do something to help me because I wanted to be helped, or supported. By the way, it was wanting him to take one of the dogs to the vet because I was scared I wouldn't have enough time to walk and take the dogs out in wee early morning. 

I think a lot of people, regardless if they're a man or woman, view want as a need. Like Bolt mentioned, need is a survival thing, or a thing that makes you a healthy functional human being (like sleep, sunlight, having certain vitamins your own body lack, etc.) 

My mom always said that a man's role is to take care of the woman in his life so she can take care of his children. Nowadays, more women are choosing not have children, not to get married early or at all, be more career-oriented... but I think some women and men still hold on to some of that lingering old age courtship tendencies. 

Also, yogacat, I don't think all men view women as conquests. Definitely not my husband. I wouldn't even say he's an oddball because where I'm from, Northern California, younger guys now seem to be more respectful of women. I have some that are in mid to late 20s and some early 30s, that work under me, most are not frat-boys or "Finance bros." Definitely a change in younger generation, and I wonder if its that whole cancellation on 'toxic masculinity' or acceptance of 'uni-sex' themes in our culture now. 

 

 

[boltnrun]

14 minutes ago, mylolita said:

If there’s no one size fits all, then why do others and yourself seem to think the only way for a happy relationship is for a woman to be financially independent?

Never said that. 

I said that works for me. For me. In fact, I even applauded you for living your life the way you see fit. 

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Never said that. 

I said that works for me. For me. In fact, I even applauded you for living your life the way you see fit. 

Same opinion here I agree!!

[mylolita]

7 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

It's been already proven with research published that children with their parents together do far better in life than children who grow up in a single health. Specially in regards to mental health. This is, ofc, so long the parents are not abusive/toxic.

@mylolitaso what would a woman married to an abusive person or in an unhappy marriage do if she doesn't work? These are situations where she'd need to. There's often no financial support from ex husbands to ex wives.

Out of curiosity, do you dress in an eccentric way? Judging the way you write, you sound like a very free spirit irl 😊 almost like you hang out in retro style cafes with plenty of bookshelves. I could be totally wrong though....

And Dark! 
 

I just wanted to answer your question as well I kind of side tracked! 
 

The abusive situation. It’s absolutely terrible. The main defence against that; and divorce, and bad relationships, is just a few things in my opinion. Very simple but exceptionally complex at the same time.

 

Know yourself deeply and honestly. So that you don’t get into a relationship thinking they have what you want in a partner, to then seemingly suddenly find out actually, they have none of that! 
 

Be a truly good judge of character so you can weed out anyone wrong for you a conversation or 1 date in. 
 

And be picky to the point of self preservation. Take who you hanker down with and especially who you have children with deathly serious. Till death do us part. It’s said for a reason. You just be SURE. Or as sure as you darn well can be.

 

I think this kind of attitude will pretty much guarantee an avoidance of bad relationships and potentially divorce. You have to pick the right person. That’s actually the hard part. Making the correct decision in the first place. Many people get this wrong and trip at the first hurdle before the race is even ran! 
 

If a woman is in an abusive relationship and especially with children, she obviously must get out and get out pronto. 
 

Here in the UK, the state is pretty good at granting housing, bills paid, benefits and food subsidies. No one starves here, everyone’s children are clothed, no one ever need be on the streets. So women here and their children can go get free assistance with anything from counselling to housing. 
 

The basics and essentials will always be covered by the state here in the UK.

 

I mean; if the woman was enjoying a comfortable lifestyle because of her partners income; that will probably end; but it doesn’t mean it has to end forever. Why must we sometimes take the sexiest view that, just because she’s a women with limited options she’s so much more doomed than the man? Who’s to say she won’t wipe the floor financially in 5 years time when she gets herself picked up and live better than she ever did even with her previous partner? 
 

For me Dark, it comes down to the will of the individual. If they have energy and passion and drive to make good of a situation, normally, they will succeed in some way and get there. Might not be instant, but if they keep trying, I believe they can do it! 
 

The resources here in the west are fantastic. We are no longer in the 18th century where women were split up from their children to the poor house for life which was basically jail with hard labour in return for damp filthy bed and board. Times have moved on. 
 

Women are not in the drastically vulnerable position they were in our Great Grandmothers time. Even a woman who has nothing, not a penny to her name, and no family, here in the UK can find housing if she has children, and be granted benefits to live, pay bills and buy food. 
 

Now, in this pampered day and age, the question is not survival or food and shelter for mothers and their children. The question is whether you want to be able to support a comfortable and nice lifestyle solo, if things headed south. 

In that respect, depending on what my husband had done, I would murder him with peanut oil as he is deathly allergic to peanuts and never carries an adrenaline shot and then, claim his massive life insurance, sell his business, and just, have a mourners holiday with the kids at the private villa, being very sad and very washed up. 
 

LMAO. Only joking. 


x

[mylolita]

4 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Never said that. 

I said that works for me. For me. In fact, I even applauded you for living your life the way you see fit. 

I wonder why, in most threads, you decide to criticise women who live a traditional lifestyle and to hint that they are vulnerable because of it? 
 

Giving long lists of why the men in your life didn’t like you being so independent and that in the end it drove them away or caused you to end it? 
 

You could have saved yourself about 4 posts and just said “I applause traditional values and the women who want to live that way! Each to their own! It’s all good!”
 

 

[boltnrun]

12 minutes ago, mylolita said:

you decide to criticise women who live a traditional lifestyle and to hint that they are vulnerable because of it? 

Again, never said that.

I won't argue with you. Have a good evening. 

[yogacat]

It all varies.

My friend's ex husband, before her, he was in a long term relationship with a woman for years that he thought he would marry. She is a dancer but never had any substantial employment. Well, he became dissatisfied with her lack of ambition. He's now a millionaire and married my friend that was a practicing attorney and he loved that she had drive to be independent. 

Lots of couples where one partner is a stay-at-home parent while the other partner works. The working partner may not have a preference for their partner's career or lack thereof, as long as their partner is happy and fulfilled in their role as a stay-at-home parent. Instead, they may value their partner's contributions to their family life and prioritize that over their career aspirations.

So it ultimately depends on the individual and their priorities in a relationship. 

I don't think there is any one answer that applies to all relationships but what ended up happening in my friend's case is that she forgo her career when she married him and became a stay at home mom and wife while he furthered his career. They divorced after almost twenty years of marriage and she's had her share of challenge to get back into the workforce but she does not regret a moment of her time being a stay at home mother and wife. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, yogacat said:

is a stay-at-home parent while the other partner works

I get so so tired of this - if a stay at home parent is doing his her job -most often that parent is not staying in one place or at home unless he home schools.  It is work.  It is unpaid work.  By me nannies are $20-25 an hour and if full time they get paid vacation too and on and on.  Daycare is pretty darn expensive too. 

So the stay at home parent most often is saving the family $$$ and can be there when the child is sick.  Young kids often get sick often and cannot go to daycare.  I worked really really hard for the 7 years I was home and it enabled my husband to work far more than full time, travel a lot for work and care for his aging/disabled parents 800 miles away knowing I'd hold down the fort.  I worked late nights, early mornings, etc.  Cleaning the house and cooking was secondary.  Being his mom was my priority -engaging with him, exploring the world and he was full of energy and active.  I'd been a teacher before I started my second career so I brought that, plus the stress and sleep deprivation from my 15 year full time career to the skills and perseverance needed for being a full time parent.

Modern dating? If a singe parent is dating and in her 20s or 30s with young kids -bless them.  My friend who is in her 40s and mom of teens met her boyfriend online after her divorce and he's so cute in a nerdy way and obviously adores her.  As he should -she's adorable and a great person.  Together 2 years. I can see in modern dating a single parent has even less time than perhaps others to put up with the whole casual passive approach or ghosting.  All I can tell you -when I solo parented regularly -nothing like single parent -I barely had time to listen to one of my nieces tell me her engagement story much less make an actual plan for a meal and have that time.  Hats off to single parents who are  dating now!!!

[rainbowsandroses]

57 minutes ago, yogacat said:

So it ultimately depends on the individual and their priorities in a relationship. 

I don't think there is any one answer that applies to all relationships but what ended up happening in my friend's case is that she forgo her career when she married him and became a stay at home mom and wife while he furthered his career. They divorced after almost twenty years of marriage and she's had her share of challenge to get back into the workforce but she does not regret a moment of her time being a stay at home mother and wife. 

@yogacat I wholeheartedly agree with ^^ especially what's in bold -  we carve our own path in life, our own journey.  Whatever makes up happy, whatever feels right to US.

And I admire your friend's attitude about NOT regretting one moment being a stay at home mom, despite the challenges she faced upon re-entering the workforce!   

The professional workforce that is; of course being a stay at home mom is also work but I knew what you meant -- professional workforce.

Anyway, that is a great attitude!  I try to do same -- no regrets!  Not one single thing even the hurts and disappointments.

It's all part of our individual journey....  and I wouldn't want it any other way.

May sound hokey to some but I truly believe that.

To quote @mylolita and as I often say myself - to each their own!! 😂

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

what ended up happening in my friend's case is that she forgo her career when she married him and became a stay at home mom and wife while he furthered his career. They divorced after almost twenty years of marriage and she's had her share of challenge to get back into the workforce but she does not regret a moment of her time being a stay at home mother and wife. 

Do you mind sharing why they got divorced?

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Never said that. I said that works for me. 

 Agree. Too much debating. Why has this topic veered into housewives, divorces and what does that have to do with courtship? 

[DarkCh0c0]

29 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. Too much debating. Why has this topic veered into housewives, divorces and what does that have to do with courtship? 

Because courtship is related to marriage, divorce, and relationships. These topics spark so many controversies, and so many opinions were shared. As long as OP is fine with it, I don't see what's the problem.

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

 Agree. Too much debating. Why has this topic veered into housewives, divorces and what does that have to do with courtship? 

Here's how I see it - modern dating that is with the purpose of potential marriage/family now includes even more discussions about what that will look like -or it should at a certain stage.  So if the man isn't "courting" and/or it's the opposite extreme with flaking/passive/offering netflix and chill as a steady diet -then the woman has to figure out -if this is the first impression then am I good with it being the lasting impression. Am I good with having a partner who is not traditional, and who likely expects me -fair or not -to either accept the passivity or take on the traditional male role and make all the plans. 

For sure the courting doesn't persist in the same way especially with the realities of life, caring for aging parents and/or kids and/or fur babies/work - but often the tone of courting persists -so that is the husband who remembers his wife's birthday or brings flowers and that is the woman who appreciates that and also participates in courting - plans fun dates they actually go on or gets him that music or CD he mentioned to show -see I'm still dating my husband. 

That is the couple where she's cool with him helping to fix something in the house or and he might go the extra mile and say look - go for your run -you're stressed -and I'll take over the morning bus stop rush or whatever.  It sets the tone.  If as this thread suggests the tone has changed for those serious minded people -or those who realize -wow this person - I could marry him/be with him - that changed tone might affect how it progresses or if it does. IMHO!

What I like about traditional dating is - obviously there are individual differences - is that it gives a structure and contains some general expectations so that these individuals are more often than not having common ground without everything having to be talked to death which is no fun.

I set up two friends in their 60s a few months ago.  They spoke.  They're both very traditional except he has this - odd notion -odd to me! - that it's inappropriate for him to ask for her number after their first call -and it was a good call - instead he gave her his number and told her to call him if she ever wanted to talk again (it's long distance except he visits her/our city regularly and would be willing to do so more often).  I told him - she's not going to call you - if you want to meet her call her and ask to meet.  She expects you I'm sure to call her and ask to meet if that's what you wish.  She told me - nice person but he asked me to call him - I was confused. 

I don't get involved after I arrange the match -meaning I don't gossip/share infor.  A few months later he came to town and I met him in a group for lunch and he asked me if he should call my friend and see if she could meet while he was in town - I mean I said sure -and she told me she was fine with hearing from him but I don't think they met.

Because by then that window of opportunity had kind of closed.  Maybe my friend -despite being older - sees that women want to be more in control by doing the calling - I really have no idea? Just seemed silly to me and when I dated -no I wouldn't have called the guy unless we already had a plan to meet. Then I'd have called to confirm or whatever.  

[yogacat]

Personally, I don't mind different opinions on courting, but I do have an issue with people taking over the discussion, which the moderator already addressed. 

There is a lot of back-and-forth, which is perfectly fine, but it does bring up topics like divorce, premarital sex, and single parenthood, which can stem from differing beliefs. I view them as significant conversations to have, although they can also divert us from the main subject.

With that being said, I do see how the lack of traditional courting has affected the way modern men and women approach dating. Technology and dating apps have made it easier to connect with others, but it has also made it easier to engage in casual relationships that don't have as much depth or meaning.

10 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Do you mind sharing why they got divorced?

Hi DarkCh0c0. 🙂

Oh. She left him. I rather not get into the why because I imagine it involves a lot of complicated emotions, but from what I gather it has to do with communication and not feeling fulfilled in the relationship. 

[DarkCh0c0]

2 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Hi DarkCh0c0. 🙂

Oh. She left him. I rather not get into the why because I imagine it involves a lot of complicated emotions, but from what I gather it has to do with communication and not feeling fulfilled in the relationship. 

Gotcha.

Thanks for initiating such debating topic. I enjoyed the threads.

3 minutes ago, yogacat said:

With that being said, I do see how the lack of traditional courting has affected the way modern men and women approach dating. Technology and dating apps have made it easier to connect with others, but it has also made it easier to engage in casual relationships that don't have as much depth or meaning

Agreed!

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

Personally, I don't mind different opinions on courting, but I do have an issue with people taking over the discussion, which the moderator already addressed. 

There is a lot of back-and-forth, which is perfectly fine, but it does bring up topics like divorce, premarital sex, and single parenthood, which can stem from differing beliefs. I view them as significant conversations to have, although they can also divert us from the main subject.

With that being said, I do see how the lack of traditional courting has affected the way modern men and women approach dating. Technology and dating apps have made it easier to connect with others, but it has also made it easier to engage in casual relationships that don't have as much depth or meaning.

Hi DarkCh0c0. 🙂

Oh. She left him. I rather not get into the why because I imagine it involves a lot of complicated emotions, but from what I gather it has to do with communication and not feeling fulfilled in the relationship. 

When I started dating in the 80s bars and clubs were open basically all night in NYC and quite similar to dating apps made it very easy to engage in casual dating if that was a preference.
But just like with apps the candy store mentality, the abundance mentality either was short lived or made zero difference to those who were serious minded. I went to dance clubs and bars and singles events held in those venues regularly in the 80s till the mid to late 90s. I enjoyed it a lot ! I never got drunk or took illegal drugs or had casual sex.

when  was interested mostly in casual dating or hookups or arm candy as a younger teenager it was great for that. When I became more serious minded in my later teens and beyond that sort of appeal wasn’t my thing and instead I went to be with my friends, to dance, to go on dates with a boyfriend if I had one or to meet men who might also be serious minded.

Just because there was a huge number of singles rigjt in my age group didn’t mean it changed my overall goals. I had the same experience when I did personal ads and dating sites. I know I never did apps and for sure that mifrj make it even easier to casually date and be casual minded. IMHO those who are serious minded will use the apps consistent with that approach even if they get tons of messages. I got many many messages in my major city. I focused only on those with serious potential and who also were looking for marriage and family. I didn’t need the attention from hot male strangers lol. 

[yogacat]

26 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

When I started dating in the 80s bars and clubs were open basically all night in NYC and quite similar to dating apps made it very easy to engage in casual dating if that was a preference.
But just like with apps the candy store mentality, the abundance mentality either was short lived or made zero difference to those who were serious minded. I went to dance clubs and bars and singles events held in those venues regularly in the 80s till the mid to late 90s. I enjoyed it a lot ! I never got drunk or took illegal drugs or had casual sex.

when  was interested mostly in casual dating or hookups or arm candy as a younger teenager it was great for that. When I became more serious minded in my later teens and beyond that sort of appeal wasn’t my thing and instead I went to be with my friends, to dance, to go on dates with a boyfriend if I had one or to meet men who might also be serious minded.

Just because there was a huge number of singles rigjt in my age group didn’t mean it changed my overall goals. I had the same experience when I did personal ads and dating sites. I know I never did apps and for sure that mifrj make it even easier to casually date and be casual minded. IMHO those who are serious minded will use the apps consistent with that approach even if they get tons of messages. I got many many messages in my major city. I focused only on those with serious potential and who also were looking for marriage and family. I didn’t need the attention from hot male strangers lol. 

Yes, I lived a good chunk of my life in the bars and clubs scene, and I honestly loved every minute of it!

I wasn't hooking up 24/7, but I definitely enjoyed the thrill of meeting new people and having fun on dance floors, conversations, and connecting with others in a spontaneous way.

I suppose for myself, I was in a monogamous committed relationship from the time I was 17 up until my early thirties (albeit, different partners), but when my engagement ended, and I entered my early 30s I really had a blast in the bar scene, going out with tons of friends, and actually completely staying away from any dating. I was also really focused on my career and my friendships with my female friends. We would go out clubbing or to bars on the weekends, sometimes all night. It was fun and freeing to do that on my terms.  My girlfriends and I had a lot of fun getting dressed together for a night out and we got to meet some really interesting and fun people, both men and women.

I think for me, marriage was not something I ever wanted specifically. Even when I became engaged, it was not something I sought, but something that naturally occurred by being with one person for so long. I recall when he proposed on top of the Empire State Building, I said to myself "oh no, this is the end of freedom for me!" Not because I wanted to be with any other men, but I just knew that it would change everything in how I lived my life...true story. I think also because I knew in my heart of hearts that he was not 100% the right person for me in the long run, so I was a little terrified on some level. And, I think on some level he knew that.

I'm not at all against marriage, kids --I really would have loved that for myself IF I could, but alas that was not in the cards.

I really admire the marriages and partnerships that I see the world over. Honestly, I think people in certain cultures for example in Africa, Nigeria and various countries in Latin America do really well in lifelong monogamous relationships. So kudos to that. 

For me, I think I was born to be free. And free I was! I really enjoyed my freedom to the hilt. 

Nevertheless, it's always amazing to hear others share their experiences here.

I love how dedicated you were and laser focused in your goal of serious relationships and conducts.

Thank you for sharing your experience.  🙂

[DarkCh0c0]

18 minutes ago, yogacat said:

. I recall when he proposed on top of the Empire State Building, I said to myself "oh no, this is the end of freedom for me!" Not because I wanted to be with any other men, but I just knew that it would change everything in how I lived my life...true story. I think also because I knew in my heart of hearts that he was not 100% the right person for me in the long run, so I was a little terrified on some level. And, I think on some level he knew that

🤧

Can you tell us the engagement story? How did he surprise you? 

[yogacat]

14 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Can you tell us the engagement story? How did he surprise you? 

Ah yes, sure!

He mentioned that we were going out for a romantic night in NYC. We went to a very nice steak restaurant, and then he said he wanted to take a walk in Central Park. As we were walking, he suddenly stopped in front of a beautiful spot with a view of the city skyline. Then, he said he wanted to take me to the Empire State Building. I was a bit confused because we had already been there before, but I went along with it.

Once we got to the top, he took me to the outdoor observation deck. We enjoyed the view while talking and laughing.

It's funny because he got down on one knee and pretended like he was looking for something and I said "what the heck are you looking for down there?" 🤔😆 and he pulled out a ring box.

I was completely shocked and couldn't believe it. 

[DarkCh0c0]

@yogacat 🤧🤧

That's so romantic. I love that you were surprised. He's done a good job!

I love your proposal story 🥰🌹🌹

Did you do anything afterwards? How was the ring? 💍

[yogacat]

20 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

That's so romantic. I love that you were surprised. He's done a good job!

I love your proposal story 🥰🌹🌹

Did you do anything afterwards? How was the ring? 💍

Hee hee thank you, t'was a very special moment! 😊 The ring was okay, ha ha, I actually wasn't crazy about it. Is that terrible?

I have to say, that although he did a bunch of stuff that hurt me, he was exceedingly romantic and that's why I fell for him initially.

I recall early when we were dating, my vehicle was being repaired, he let me borrow his car for work and I was driving a bit too fast down a hill amidst the snow. The car skid and did a 360 over a rail guard. I burst out in tears for one because I was terrified and because I remember saying 'o please no, I don't want to ruin his car' lol.

He laughed when I told him that, saying...uh babe, the car is replaceable, you are not. He told me he loves it that I was more worried about the car than me, lol.

That moment has always stuck with me because it showed me what type of person he was and how caring he could be.

[DarkCh0c0]

21 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Hee hee thank you, t'was a very special moment! 😊 The ring was okay, ha ha, I actually wasn't crazy about it. Is that terrible?

I have to say, that although he did a bunch of stuff that hurt me, he was exceedingly romantic and that's why I fell for him initially.

I recall early when we were dating, my vehicle was being repaired, he let me borrow his car for work and I was driving a bit too fast down a hill amidst the snow. The car skid and did a 360 over a rail guard. I burst out in tears for one because I was terrified and because I remember saying 'o please no, I don't want to ruin his car' lol.

He laughed when I told him that, saying...uh babe, the car is replaceable, you are not. He told me he loves it that I was more worried about the car than me, lol.

That moment has always stuck with me because it showed me what type of person he was and how caring he could be.

Awww he sounds like he has a good soul.

Gotta give it to romantic people. They are good at sweeping others off their feet 🥰