Modern Dating: The Evolution of Courtship for Men and Women

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

That's interesting LootieTootie but if I may ask, if your husband stopped being supportive and caring and loving you, would you be able to live with that in your marriage? 

I know I wouldn't, I'd leave.  I would imagine most people would. 

So in that sense would you not say you "need" those things from him?   

It's healthy and normal to need other people imo.  People also need to feel needed!  Not in an unhealthy codependent way, but a human healthy need to feel supported and loved in your relationship.

And no for me I could not survive in my relationship without it, I would leave and survive on my own.

Apologies, I am extremely independent and self sufficient as well but this whole "not needing a man" when in a relationship with him feels quite foreign to me.

 

 

For me it depends what the need is targeted to. For me personally other than in extreme circumstances I'd be uncomfortable needing my husband to be the sole financial provider. I'd be comfortable if I don't know - I lost all my savings/assets through a crime let's say then I would be fine being dependent and needing him to fund all we do and I do.  I don't need to be with him to have a sense of self-worth.  I did on a practical level need him in order to be a momma in the biological sense - because I was unwilling to be a single mother by choice and unwilling to have a child outside of a stable healthy marriage.  But did I "need" to be a mother? No however I wanted it desperately. 

I do need him to accommodate the inconvenience of when I work out. I try to even things out by accommodating him in other ways -his schedule, his lifestyle  - but yes if he said no - it would take away the slice of heaven it feels like to me to have my morning routine the way it is. It actually does feel like a mental and physical health need.  But -again - is it? I still don't know where that want/need line is drawn.

I dislike feeling needy.  I dislike being around needy people.  So needing someone is healthy -and there's a point where it's not -just like stubbornly refusing help because heaven forbid you have to admit you need help - is also unhealthy.

 

[LootieTootie]

5 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

That's interesting LootieTootie but if I may ask, if your husband stopped being supportive and caring and loving you, would you be able to live with that in your marriage? 

No, I wouldn't waste my time because time is very precious to me. But that doesn't mean its because I needed something and he didnt give it to me. It's because we were no longer a match. Again I wouldn't say it's needs. To me it's compatibilities. I'm sure this may all be semantics we are arguing about, but if you say "you need this from your partner/lover" thats totally fine. And if you're like me and my husband where we don't associate wants/desires/values as needs - thats fine too. It's kind of like Each to their own. Nothing wrong or right.

 

[yogacat]

Women that play damsels in distress. It's an act of weak and dependence that promotes negative gender stereotypes. Strong and capable women should be portrayed in media, not perpetually helpless ones.