Girl flirts with me whole evening, then does a 180 the next day

[Alokinga]

2 minutes ago, TeeDee said:

 

Unfortunately as much as you like her & think that you clicked, the feeling is not mutual.   Her trying to fix you up with her friend is either a sh1t-test in which case you need to run or she doesn't see you as a romantic prospect.  

Meet up with them both if you like but go Dutch & have  zero expectations.   She's fully aware that you fancy her and if your affections were returned she would not be mentioning the friend (competition) let alone bringing her along. 

Sorry

It's weird because I don't remember the last time a girl seemed this interested in me... she may know that her friend is interested in me (she always initiated our hangouts) and may feel weird about getting in between us, especially since we met thanks to her. But I never showed any romantic interest to the other girl, my stance was always clearly amicable. 

[TeeDee]

That could be. If the friend -- who you had already friendzoned -- likes you this girl may be unwilling to rock that friendship.  You gotta admire her loyalty to a friend but I'm not hopeful that this will turn into a relationship.  Sorry

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, Alokinga said:

Then today, after some chatting I asked her out for next week and she asked if our friend could come, to which I said why not (even though it felt weird), but then she said "you two would make a good couple hahahah".

And your answer should have been "No thanks, I am more interested in the matchmaker". Reminds me on the story my Grandma told me. Guy walked to the girl at the party wanting to introduce her to his friend and the girl said that matchmaker line. 

I once did a date where the girl in question brought a friend. But mine did it because she got back together with her ex boyfriend and we already scheduled a date. Yours seems to be just interested in matchmaking, sorry. I was younger and thought it would be fun. At least I have an interesting story to tell out of it. But from this perspective, nah, would just turn it off today. I would recommend you do the same. 

[lostandhurt]

5 hours ago, Alokinga said:

True, thanks. I replied to her "umm ok... didn't really look at it that way tbh", which I suppose is clear enough about my intetions

You never know until you try so go for it.  This may be one of those times when you have to play the long game a little.  Go on the 3 person date, have fun and then the next chance you get ask this mutual friend if birthday party girl has said anything about you, mention that you really like her and would like to date her. Who knows she may bow out and tell her to contact you.

No matter what happens don't decide for them by bailing on a hunch you or we may have on the intentions of either of them. 

 Funny how having a mutual friend seemed like a good thing at first now it is getting in the way.

Lost

[Wonderstruck]

9 hours ago, Alokinga said:

Then today, after some chatting I asked her out for next week and she asked if our friend could come, to which I said why not (even though it felt weird), but then she said "you two would make a good couple hahahah".

Yeah, this was her way of trying to "let you down gently".

A lot of women don't feel comfortable directly turning down a guy, so they will resort to more passive moves like inviting a friend as a "buffer", in order to make it CLEAR that you guys are "just friends".

No woman who was genuinely interested in a guy would ever say "You two would make a good couple!" about the guy and ANOTHER woman.

She said that as ANOTHER way of conveying to you that she is NOT interested in being more than friends.

 

9 hours ago, Alokinga said:

I haven't answered that last text because I'm beyond confused. I'm thinking about dropping this whole thing. There's absolutely no coherence in this series of events.

I would strongly recommend this.

And I would discourage you from "walking right through that", because "walking right through" women's boundaries and guardrails, that they have put in place for a REASON, isn't going to play out the way that you want it to.

If you DO decide to go, please don't be shocked or angry if she doesn't want to be more than friends.

And please respect any decision she makes.

[ShySoul]

One time I was talking to a girl online. We seemed to get along great, had things in common, was chatting every night. After a month we met in person, went fine. A week later she is wanting to meet up again but this time she had a friend with her. At this point there was no obvious signs of either of us wanting more. Turns out she liked me and was trying to get her friends opinion of me to determine if she should say anything to me. So having a thrid person come along isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Things proceeded with the same girl and we hit a rough patch. She tried to set me up with a different friend of hers. Even then, she admitted she still had feelings for me. I stuck to being her friend and despite everything, still ended up having some great times with her and we finally did kiss. Anything is possible.

What's the harm in spending time with both of them? Don't go into it expecting sparks to fly with either girl. Just have fun. For all you know more time together could get the first girl more interested in you. Or you could really hit it off with the second girl. Or maybe nothing more comes out of it except you having a great time. Again, you never know.

[smackie9]

You guys sound young, how old are you? Having a friend tag along sounds immature to me. 

[rainbowsandroses]

On 3/10/2024 at 8:57 AM, Alokinga said:

Well if SHE's the one I asked out, then I think it's pretty clear it's not her friend that I like in that way.

Do NOT assume it's clear (to her).  Just like YOU should not assume she only sees you as a friend.

People (women but some men as well) often send so many mixed signals, it's enough to make your head spin!

Also, hate to say but it could also have been some sort of **** test to determine just how interested you are, or if you would consider dating her friend too.

Some women play all sorts of games, just gotta learn to not take them so seriously; and I think @yogacat gave you a stellar response!

Remember, dating is very rarely, if ever, black and white.   There are lots of grays, such a someone may be interested but act like they're not or act aloof or indifferent which I have had some men do with me and later admitted to it.

Or like this girl did, test you by suggesting you and her friend would make a great couple, after blatantly flirting with you and giving you many IOIs (indications of interest).

What a mind spin!

Anyway, imo go back and read @yogacatresponse, and do that, IMO of course!

 

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

eople (women but some men as well) often send so many mixed signals, it's enough to make your head spin!

I would never assume interest in flirting means interest in dating.  Two different things.

[rainbowsandroses]

8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would never assume interest in flirting means interest in dating.  Two different things.

Batya, yes you have already stated that, thanks.  

My response was to the OP based on MY view of the situation.

 

[Batya33]

32 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Batya, yes you have already stated that, thanks.  

My response was to the OP based on MY view of the situation.

 

And I chose to express my view on flirting a different way - it's all good - all can coexist on this forum and sorry if it came across as "already stated".  I don't see it that way.  Particularly since the OP seems to have IMO a rather rigid mindset of what should happen after a night of talking/flirting -and that she was supposed to accept a date invitation given all the "signs".

[rainbowsandroses]

13 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Particularly since the OP seems to have IMO a rather rigid mindset of what should happen after a night of talking/flirting -and that she was supposed to accept a date invitation given all the "signs".

I didn't read it like he has a rigid mindset or that he believes she "should" act in a certain way, he posted he was 'confused' by her comment that he and her friend would make a great couple.

Which frankly after the way she had behaved the previous night confused me too!

Also to say nothing about pre-dating or dating or in life is absolute or black and white.  The real truth is no one knows what she's feeling or why she made the comment.

Since he is interested, all he can do imo is come from a place of confidence and be direct about his intentions as @yogacatposted, and let chips fall where they may.  And don't assume anything.

 

 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I didn't read it like he has a rigid mindset or that he believes she "should" act in a certain way, he posted he was 'confused' by her comment that he and her friend would make a great couple.

Which frankly after the way she had behaved the previous night confused me too!

Also to say nothing about pre-dating or dating or in life is absolute or black and white.  The real truth is no one knows what she's feeling or why she made the comment.

Since he is interested, all he can do imo is come from a place of confidence and be direct about his intentions as @yogacatposted, and let chips fall where they may.  And don't assume anything.

 

 

Yes you read it differently -maybe I was thinking of his other thread in combination.  I never assumed any man wanted to date me unless he asked me out or agreed enthusiastically to a date I asked for- flirting, talking all night, dancing -could be fun for the evening, beginning of a friendship, interest in a hook up and/or interest in dating - by not assuming I saved myself a lot of disapointment and I felt it provided more realistic expectations.  I respect that others may feel differently. It absolutely kept me from feeling jaded or bitter about "men" and "confusing signals" -the only signal I cared about if I wanted to know if he wanted to date me was if he asked me out/accepted my invite.  

[Alokinga]

On 3/11/2024 at 2:06 AM, Wonderstruck said:

Yeah, this was her way of trying to "let you down gently".

A lot of women don't feel comfortable directly turning down a guy, so they will resort to more passive moves like inviting a friend as a "buffer", in order to make it CLEAR that you guys are "just friends".

No woman who was genuinely interested in a guy would ever say "You two would make a good couple!" about the guy and ANOTHER woman.

She said that as ANOTHER way of conveying to you that she is NOT interested in being more than friends.

 

I would strongly recommend this.

And I would discourage you from "walking right through that", because "walking right through" women's boundaries and guardrails, that they have put in place for a REASON, isn't going to play out the way that you want it to.

If you DO decide to go, please don't be shocked or angry if she doesn't want to be more than friends.

And please respect any decision she makes.

This turned out to be the case. I directly told her that I didn't expect that she would be trying to play the matchmaker for me since I had a lot of fun with her, so she told me that flirting and stuff was only for fun since she has a boyfriend, but she thinks I'm cool and she would like to hang out. I stopped messaging her after acknowledging that.

[Alokinga]

On 3/12/2024 at 12:39 AM, rainbowsandroses said:

I didn't read it like he has a rigid mindset or that he believes she "should" act in a certain way, he posted he was 'confused' by her comment that he and her friend would make a great couple.

Which frankly after the way she had behaved the previous night confused me too!

Also to say nothing about pre-dating or dating or in life is absolute or black and white.  The real truth is no one knows what she's feeling or why she made the comment.

Since he is interested, all he can do imo is come from a place of confidence and be direct about his intentions as @yogacatposted, and let chips fall where they may.  And don't assume anything.

 

 

Thanks for being confused as well, felt like I was going crazy for a moment lol. Turns out she has a boyfriend (she told me that after I was direct and told her that her comments are confusing since I felt very special vibes the night before)... she told me she finds me cool and she'd like to continue hanging out. If I see her again, I do hope she tones down the flirty stuff, because I wouldn't be too comfortable if I was in her boyfriend's shoes. Definitely think her behavior was crossing some kind of boundary for someone in a relationship. But oh well, I do feel good about being honest from the start and clearing this situation quickly and painlessly.

[Wiseman2]

52 minutes ago, Alokinga said:

 I didn't expect that she would be trying to play the matchmaker for me since I had a lot of fun with her, so she told me that flirting and stuff was only for fun since she has a boyfriend, 

Has a BF. Sorry that's bad news. But she's kind of dense to think that flirting with you in particular is a prelude to setting you up with her friends.

Perhaps next time you mingle with women at parties on campus etc., try to get the BF issue out of the way through appropriate small talk. For example if it's going well, it would probably be alright to ask if they're seeing someone. 

[Batya33]

Maybe her bf also flirts with other women and they're ok with that.  I'd avoid hanging out with her in case that's not true and he gets very angry when he finds out.