The "Hi" messages

[poorlittlefish]

I have lots about me and my hobbies etc on my profile, including some quirky likes and dislikes, but almost every message I receive just says, "Hi, how are you?" or just "Hi", whether on PoF (free) or Match (paid).

If I message someone, I comment on a shared interest and ask them something about it. I've been deleting the one-word messages, but as they're almost all of them, I'm beginning to think I'm the odd one for making more effort. I honestly don't know what to do with one-word messages. Do I just say "Hi" back? 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, poorlittlefish said:

. I've been deleting the one-word messages. I honestly don't know what to do with one-word messages. Do I just say "Hi" back? 

Sorry this is happening. People aren't great conversationalists and sometimes fumble to break the ice. Or they are testing if it's a real/active profile or whatever.

Yes it's lame, but you could reply in your own way and style to try to get a better dialogue going. Just want to add that meeting, not chitchat should be the main goal. 

[TacticalLinguine]

Well, I’m a woman. And I quite understand when a guy sends a simple “hi” - online dating is hard, many (if not most) women don’t respond, if they do, many (if not most!!) conversations won’t go anywhere. So, personally. I get it. It’s tiring. 
 

Personally I let it pass and respond with something that might lead the convo somewhere. If they go along with it, great, we’re talking. If not, that’s when I leave. Sometimes it feels like pulling teeth when chatting, not interested in that :’)

[Batya33]

What I used to do was respond "thanks for your message.  I'm not interested in typing messages back and forth so if you'd like to see if we should meet in person please send me a number where I can reach you."

I would do this only if the profile looked like someone I could potentially want to meet.

[poorlittlefish]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Just want to add that meeting, not chitchat should be the main goal. 

With the last three I was able exchanged messages with, dates were suggested but they stopped replying when it came to firming up a time and place. It is very hard out there. 

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, poorlittlefish said:

With the last three I was able exchanged messages with, dates were suggested but they stopped replying when it came to firming up a time and place. It is very hard out there. 

Yes! I had that too several times. I simply stopped interacting if there was no time and place first meet - one or two messages. One or two phone calls. With rare exception. With the “hi” the profile had to be really good for me to proceed at all. I hope you find someone you click with who follows through!

[Coily]

As a guy I have gone from really long in-depth introductory messages to, Just "Hi." It's not that I'm dis-interested, I'm just not wasting my time crafting a well thought out message with a failure rate of 95%.

If I get a response at all, then I launch into details and conversation, but until I get any effort back I won't bother. It's dumb, but we guys have to send what seems like 30 messages to get a single reply, let alone a conversation. This is one of the big problems with online, there is no parity in effort between the sexes.

I would also caution about exchanging numbers too quickly, a lot of guys are weary of scammers or eThots trying to get some quick cash out of us. Converse for a while, and let him lead with the number exchange.

 

[Starlight925]

As a female, I don't mind the "Hi" messages.  It's someone showing interest.  

I'll write back something a bit more substantial, like "Hi!  I love independent films too.  Have you been to XYZ theater?".  That gives them the go-ahead to write back more substantially.

[Coily]

14 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

As a female, I don't mind the "Hi" messages.  It's someone showing interest.  

I'll write back something a bit more substantial, like "Hi!  I love independent films too.  Have you been to XYZ theater?".  That gives them the go-ahead to write back more substantially.

I really like this attitude!

[Starlight925]

Also, remember, most people are using the app, with the tiny screen.

They click on your picture, maybe read a line or two, swipe through all the pics, and then the Message screen pops up.  It's hard enough to type out texts on a phone, as people these days do it at stoplights lol.  So sometimes, "Hi" is all you get.

 

[catfeeder]

3 hours ago, Coily said:

As a guy I have gone from really long in-depth introductory messages to, Just "Hi." It's not that I'm dis-interested, I'm just not wasting my time crafting a well thought out message with a failure rate of 95%.

Hah! Thanks for guy-splaining, I understand. Given what you're reading here, would you consider coming up with at least one sentence beyond "Hi," so you can stand out beyond all the other 'Hi's"?

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

, dates were suggested but they stopped replying when it came to firming up a time and place. 

That's good. Definitely keep trying to firm up a meet. Or what's the alternative? "Hi".."hey"...."sup"..."yo"...?

Will dating as we know it will be reduced to eggplant and peach emojis? 

[ShySoul]

Most of these sites are incentivied to treat things as a numbers game. They want you messaging lots of people and in the mindset of seeing what else is out there, so you will stay on the site. That gets them more money from you, ads, etc. People in that mindset aren't focused on conversations, they put in the bare minimum and move on to the next person. Some people probably aren't even looking at a profile, they see a pretty face and say hi. Or they could just be messaging anyone, hoping to get a hit. And even if you do hold somewhat of a conversation, it's easy to just drop it since there is always another profile out there that could be even better. 

 That's the problem with online/virtual/apps/etc - it's not actually real. It's easy to hide behind the screen and not put in the same effort. Until you are in front of the person having a conversation and can actually see how you're words and actions impact them, it's more like a fantasy that you don't have to commit to and can walk away from without notice. 

You're not wrong for wanting a little more then hi. Really, anyone who was being smart would realize that even a simple sentence would make you stand out and actually help your case. So lead by example. Be the one messaging others and leading the conversation to an acual topic. Use open ended questions that force them to actually use more then one word sentenced. Or be a revolutionary, get off the apps and find places and ways to meet people face to face where an opening "hi" is followed by a conversation rather then never hearing from them again.

[BeaTlesFan77]

🤣

[poorlittlefish]

5 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Be the one messaging others and leading the conversation to an acual topic. Use open ended questions that force them to actually use more then one word sentenced. 

I always do this and they usually answer what I've asked and stop dead.  No comment on anything that I wrote and no follow-up question or comment.  It feels like I'm talking to myself, so after a few messages I give up.  Even if I ask if there's anything they'd like to find out about me, they just ask "How are you?"

[poorlittlefish]

16 hours ago, Coily said:

As a guy I have gone from really long in-depth introductory messages to, Just "Hi." It's not that I'm dis-interested, I'm just not wasting my time crafting a well thought out message with a failure rate of 95%.

If I get a response at all, then I launch into details and conversation, but until I get any effort back I won't bother. It's dumb, but we guys have to send what seems like 30 messages to get a single reply, let alone a conversation. This is one of the big problems with online, there is no parity in effort between the sexes.

I would also caution about exchanging numbers too quickly, a lot of guys are weary of scammers or eThots trying to get some quick cash out of us. Converse for a while, and let him lead with the number exchange.

 

I'm not sure about there being no parity between the sexes, because I've never sent a "Hi" message and always put effort into keeping the conversation going, commenting about what they've said and using open-ended questions.  It feels like 95% of people using online dating sites aren't really interested in meeting someone and just want to boost their ego. 

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

I always do this and they usually answer what I've asked and stop dead.  No comment on anything that I wrote and no follow-up question or comment.  It feels like I'm talking to myself, so after a few messages I give up.  Even if I ask if there's anything they'd like to find out about me, they just ask "How are you?"

I've had that recently. Men hit on me on Facebook.  They pretend to have mutual friend with me -maybe they do -I ask - if I see mutual friends once in awhile I'll reply "hi thanks for the friend request -do we know each other?" Very often I get back a non response like "how are you" or hi. Then I block. Obviously I'm not on a dating site but I agree with you the non response is ridiculous and I'd move on. Stick to people using the site to meet people in person ASAP as you are doing.  So annoying!

[rainbowsandroses]

On 2/16/2024 at 11:49 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Definitely keep trying to firm up a meet. Or what's the alternative? "Hi".."hey"...."sup"..."yo"...?

Lol, I once had a guy message me "SUP," I thought it was hilarious.  Definitely better than "Yo"!  

Gotta have a sense of humor about these things, imo. 🤪

 

 

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Lol, I once had a guy message me "SUP," I thought it was hilarious.  Definitely better than "Yo"!  

Gotta have a sense of humor about these things, imo. 🤪

 

 

Better than my guy who messages me "you didn't pack me a lunch!!!" (yes I did my angel.....).  OK so he's still 14 for the next little bit.  

Many years ago I used to love the online guys who agreed to a phone call then called while they were ordering take out from Dunkin Donuts.  (Like at least take my order too!).

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Better than my guy who messages me "you didn't pack me a lunch!!!" (yes I did my angel.....).  OK so he's still 14 for the next little bit.  

Many years ago I used to love the online guys who agreed to a phone call then called while they were ordering take out from Dunkin Donuts.  (Like at least take my order too!).

I was talking on the phone  with a guy I had a crush on while he drove home. His commute was pretty long (well over an hour and a half). I noticed his voice had started sound "echo -y" and then muffled and I asked him where he was. He had stopped to pee and had just continued the conversation while he used a gas station bathroom! He did cover the phone while he was actually peeing, but still! I guess he wanted to keep talking lol. 

Sigh...we never did actually date. Too bad, I really liked him. 

[Coily]

On 2/17/2024 at 3:17 AM, poorlittlefish said:

I'm not sure about there being no parity between the sexes, because I've never sent a "Hi" message and always put effort into keeping the conversation going, commenting about what they've said and using open-ended questions.  It feels like 95% of people using online dating sites aren't really interested in meeting someone and just want to boost their ego. 

I dunno, I received 6 "Hi" messages over the weekend. I tried like you to ask open ended questions, let the conversation build naturally. 4 No replies, 1 conversation, and 1 "Why aren't you making more effort?"

But I will agree, that most of these OLD people are just using it as a metric to see how attractive they are to who they want to attract.

[boltnrun]

The old "am I hot or not" website! 😆  Does that still exist?

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

'hot or not" website.

In 2012, Hot or Not was purchased by Badoo, which is owned by Bumble Inc.. The app is currently rebranded as Chat & Date which uses a similar user interface to Badoo and shares user accounts between both sites.

[smackie9]

Men are hunters, women are gatherers. Women take the time to gather information, and like to put details into things...men it's a quick look at a photo, and simple "Hi" to see what sticks.

[ShySoul]

4 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Men are hunters, women are gatherers. Women take the time to gather information, and like to put details into things...men it's a quick look at a photo, and simple "Hi" to see what sticks.

Yet, I'm a male who plans things out meticulously. I do pro/con lists. I examine and think about the smallest details. I gather all the information I can before making a conclusion or jumping to an assumption. And when I see a photo, I realize it tells me next to nothing about a person. The last thing I am is a hunter. Actually, the though of hunting makes me queasy. 

People are individuals. How they react and the things they do are a mixture of their own unique personalities and experiences.