TacticalLinguine

Sorry but, what? Your response borders on offensive. I rejected him a couple times before the sighting. Texting him was on the spur of the moment with the encouragement of my girlfriend. I wasn't going to text him, I thought it weird after denying him, but I just did it. It took me 5 seconds. I did not abandon my friend. My focus on his appearance and popularity was because it's strange to me. I'm very private. One of his friends took pictures of us from a distance when we were out together. After that he was getting texts about being out with a woman. He felt uncomfortable, too. I am not sorry if me feeling good about my physical looks offends you somehow. The arm candy comment makes no sense to me. I am not shallow like that, I don't see it being reflected anywhere either.

You're absolutely right. I may have shot myself in the foot a bit by not wishing him a happy birthday (he knew I remembered it after all these years), but my ego was holding me back a lot, I admit. I'd gladly go out with him again. Him and my 'childhood crush' him are two different people to me at this point, I'd like to get to know THE him. Garbage wording, I apologise. I'm still keeping emotional distance though and my trust isn't there after the disappearing acts. He texted me around 30min ago. I'm yet to open the message, I have some meetings ahead and want to keep my head clear. If there's no rejection I'll make it a point to wish him a happy belated birthday and ask how it went :).

UPDATE To re-cap.. 25F (me) and 28M Childhood crush from 10+ years ago. Never forgot about him. Re-connected around 4 months ago Tried to meet, he cancelled, disappeared, re-appeared. Multiple times. It was a mess. Two weeks ago or so, he began reaching out again after having been gone. I was done, I rejected him quite a few times. I did it nicely because in my small city, you are bound to cross roads. I said maybe we will run into each other since summer is ahead and wished him well. He said he understood. Literally 15 minutes later, I see him from a distance at a mall. I hadn't seen the man in over 10 years. And I saw him then?! I was tipsy and with my girlfriend, I just texted him like "Talking about running into each other.. were you at 'this' mall?". He replied yes, where did I see him, I was still aloof but I guess this opened up the communication lines once more and suddenly he was reaching out a lot. We were texting some. He called me one night. We had a really fun 30min conversation. Banter was really great, I don't even remember what we talked about, we just went on and laughed. I was busy and travelling some, he was giving me space but kept in touch still. We met up. We went for drinks and spent around 1.5h there. He was cute. Seemed a bit shy at first. He's quite popular amongst literally everyone, so many recognised him, so we went to a more quiet place at his request. He said he "wanted to focus on me" or something like that. I think we had a good time? I did. I was laughing a lot. He got us drinks, suggested we do a second round, too. His last drink we finished together, it was a double. There really was no awkward moment, not for me anyway. He made me laugh a lot, he laughed, too. I think I looked good, I got compliments from strangers as I was walking to the meet-up place. He was funny, responded to my sarcasm, also was down to earth. He made comments about loyalty and honesty when he's in a relationship (I once found out a man was married on the second date, was a part of an anecdote I told him), he called our meeting a 'date' here and there, made mention of a 'second one'. It was a good time. We left when it got cold and we both had places to be still, when parting I gave him a kiss on the cheek and that was that. It was Saturday, now it's Monday morning, no text as of yet. He did have his birthday yesterday. In any other case I wouldn't mind texting first, but I haven't been disappearing on him, instead I've been giving him second and third chances. We also talked about that a little bit when having drinks. He said he understood and felt bad for doing it. Blamed the platform I use to communicate but I think that's a rubbish excuse. He still used the platform when not communicating with me, I had offered alternatives, and well. If a man wants to connect, he will! I have been sincere. He hasn't. It was a really great meeting. I enjoyed it a lot. I was not impressed, I will say. Some things that I noticed rubbed me the wrong way, he is also a completely different person from my 'childhood crush'. I would be interested in genuinely getting to know him, but I won't be bent out of shape if I don't hear from him. I had a good night.

I'm not going at it with the "Oh but I am so awesome and he should be sorry" mindset, but if we are going to be THIS superficial, I feel like I should be a decent catch. There's future with me, stability, safety. There are many deeper reasons that would make me a bad match for many, i.e. my emotional and behavioral quirks, but that's neither here nor there. I'd get it if we were boys and girls, I myself had this dream of with finding a cute Bri'ish boy with cute curly hair and a cute accent when I was a teen. But that man is 27 hahah! Like @ShySoulsaid, you'd think people would grow out of it :') Nope! I told my girlfriend about it, unlike me, she's constantly using socials and decided to go full investigator mode when we parted. This man has an average amount of followers himself, sometimes makes posts, but his exes were indeed with many-many followers. I have to agree with you. Like I said above, the exes sometimes had many (thousands) of followers, but I (personally) do not see the power in posting rather explicit, posed, often times edited images of yourself. All to receive likes and followers that tend to act like thirsty drooling Neanderthals. I don't judge, if it makes them happy, wonderful. Though I can't lie and say all of this doesn't make me insecure. But those are my issues. Influencer!😎 Could be the case as well. Though if it truly is a red flag, no matter what, I feel like he comes off extremely goofy regardless. Your last statement is 100% true. Which is even more baffling that something like that holds such weight. If it were just this one guy, whatever, I actually respect him for being honest. But many other guys simply ghost or ignore you for someone they view as "higher value" based off of their IG page. It's all so disconnected. --- Feels like I'm going crazy sometimes. I do not get it. When I don't "get" something, I still try to respect it. But I can't even do that. Not sure if I am being insecure or perhaps just wired a bit differently, don't know. It doesn't feel good, though. Still, onwards!

I. Am. Not. Joking. For context sake. I have plenty of flaws, but what I have going for me; I am a 25 year old woman. I run two businesses. I travel. I do charity work. I’m artistic. I draw, I play drums. I hike. I do kickboxing. I’m fit. I think I am attractive, though sometimes I’m not sure anymore. I’m honest, straightforward, easygoing. But I do not use social media. I’d been chatting with this guy from Bumble, we seemed to get along well. We met up today, at a cafe. It was lovely. We were laughing, he seemed to get my sarcasm and humour, we talked about ourselves, it was honestly great. Until.. He asked if he could follow me on Instagram. I said I have no Instagram. He made a funny face, and from there on, it just got weird! He seemed to shut off, it got awkward, he made some strange comments about how weird it is to not have social media etc, and eventually I just got uncomfortable. Everything was off. I ended the date quite quickly afterwards. When I got home, I didn’t text him. He reached out a couple of hours later, basically saying he had a nice time but didn’t wish to pursue anything further with me. The way he said it and his behaviour at the cafe, it’s hard to translate the sentiment from one language to another/from experience to text, but I felt uneasy, so I asked if it was something I said. He sent me a long, kind of a whiny text that basically stated having no Instagram is weird and his exes always had a lot of followers. I have not responded and I will hit myself with an iron if I do. At first I thought it was just a bizarre excuse, but now, I’m pretty sure he was serious. I’m not necessarily hurt, I’m honestly amazed. It also makes me quite ashamed of my generation and the upcoming ones, the fact that Instagram followers now have such meaning?! My ex who cheated on me also made comments about the other women being more desireable because they have this and that many followers on Instagram. I have many shortcomings, but my accomplishments are things I have going for me. I’m flabbergasted that years of hard work are so easily trumped by followers. I don’t see how this makes sense. Have your standards, sure. Your priorities and what have you. But, what the hell?

Yes, definitely. My own travels came in between a little bit, then his remorse pulled me back in. I saw he’d texted me a couple hours ago. Last we talked was what, 5 days ago? Haven’t opened the message, don’t really feel like it right now. He’s someone I’d be really interested in but I don’t feel comfortable anymore.. To re-cap: We met on an app. Chatted some, basic info. Suddenly he vanished mid-conversation for about a month. Turned back up when I was on my vacation with a lame excuse. Made plans. He cancelled with another lame excuse. And here we are :’) Also sorry if the format is confusing, typing this on my phone!

Yeah no worries, it’s in my OP that he was a big crush of mine 10 years ago in school (never talked), but met again on a dating site. So many threads on this site, stories get mixed up and re-reading every thread when someone makes an update would be a lot.

Yeah. To me, energy wasted, is time wasted. Had I been more open to it, he probably would have continued texting me without anything actually happening :’)

And that’s fine. But he already ghosted me, made plans, cancelled, hinted at more plans. It’s so lame. Just talk.

Definitely lesson learned there! He expressed a lot of remorse, hinted that I might be offended, I even came forward and said I’m open to rescheduling, I’m free Sunday (yesterday) and sometime next week. He completely ignored that message and sent me some dog vids I’d asked for. After that I shut down the conversation, till he messaged me a day later for one last time. He just wasted my time, what was the point, I don’t get it :’)

So I definitely have an update. After I returned from my travels, he quite quickly messaged me. Asked a little bit about how I’m feeling about being back, then instantly wanted to set up a meeting. I thought, okay. Great. Something is happening. We agreed on a date that was 5 days away - work and friends came first for me, I was also feeling a bit (a lot) under the weather so it was good for me. He agreed. He texted me quite a bit during those 5 days. He sent some weird messages that seemed quite random and gave me a weird feeling, but I brushed it off to him not being a texter. On the day of the meeting, I was feeling good. My girlfriend was very excited for me. Then, at lunch, he messages me. He might have to cancel. He might have to drive out of the city because his sister’s family might need help. He might make it back in time. But wouldn’t want me to wait. I immediately recognised the bs, made other plans, I was annoyed. But I simply texted him “ok, drive safe” or something like that. I left it. He said he feels bad and will call me, I recognised the small amount of effort, but I was in meetings all day. I declined and wished him good luck. Later in the evening he texted me again. He expressed remorse again, there was some casual banter for a bit, then the conversation died down. A day later he messaged me again. I’d posted about going to a tattoo appointment, he asked what I’m getting. I replied that he’ll have to meet me to see it. I was chill but quite detached at that point. But I wasn’t gonna continue bantering over texts - meet me or be gone! He said “Cool, now we have to meet”. And that’s that. I never responded to that last message. Why would I. You cancelled, make new plans or stop wasting my time. “Now we have to”, get out of here. It’s been a few days now, we haven’t talked, I feel fine. I mean, this guy sucks! Makes plans with me, plays around, wastes my time. I was so bent out of shape some weeks ago because of him, now I’m just excited to leave it behind. My girlfriend’s being a great support through everything, I’m very glad to have her. Onwards!

Not me reading this while doing a coconut oil hair mask😬 Not necessarily hair related (can be), but Vaseline has also been a life saver for me! I have a chronic skin disorder that makes it terribly dry, I also live in a very cold climate, I use Vaseline as a lip balm topper and around my eyes at night. It’s a beauty tip my granny used all her life, she looks wonderful! Marilyn Monroe used it under her make-up for a glowy look🥰

Looove curly funky hair! I try use as little heat as possible, if you haven’t tried overnight curls yet, you should! A fun experiment. Bathrobe curls are some of my favourite, plenty of tutorials on YouTube 🙂 Opening up your own salon is a brilliant dream. I hope you can make it happen.

Well, I’m a woman. And I quite understand when a guy sends a simple “hi” - online dating is hard, many (if not most) women don’t respond, if they do, many (if not most!!) conversations won’t go anywhere. So, personally. I get it. It’s tiring. Personally I let it pass and respond with something that might lead the convo somewhere. If they go along with it, great, we’re talking. If not, that’s when I leave. Sometimes it feels like pulling teeth when chatting, not interested in that :’)

Absolutely. I protected myself with negativity and prejudice for a long time. I decided I want to be better! I try not to hold others responsible for the bad things that happened in the past. I’m definitely ok being single.. I prefer it in many ways. It takes a lot of effort for me to be a “team player” and I like my freedom. But the last year or so, I’ve also wanted to start giving and sharing more. I’d love to know what a healthy loving relationship feels like. I’d love to be a good partner to my person. I don’t have much hope anymore, but I’m still open to it. Reading about relationships here and the advice that comes from people in actual healthy relationships, is what keeps me open. Makes me happy for the people posting.

It was rather goofy of him, we live in a small city, you’re bound to run into each other eventually. Had he been straightforward with me about the ghosting thing, made a genuine effort, I would have been more open. Cautious, but open. I’m handling how this situation has affected me, but I’d lie if I said it was easy all the time. I feel just fine most of the time, it is what it is, would have been nice to have casual contact even, but oh well. But then I end up on a random flight with a man who looks very similar to him (he has very distinctive features) and I get a knot in my tummy again. I almost found it amusing, what is life trying to tell me this time :’) I tend to believe that when nothing is happening, everything is happening. This enconter shouldn’t have affected me like this, but it did, and I’m excited to see where I end up after I’m 100% over the disappointment.

Ghosting is when a person vanishes. He did already for a month. He didn’t necessarily ghost this time, just vanished for some time and then sent me a breadcrumb, I don’t care for that. If he wants to truly approach me, he will. The men I have been with have lied about their lives, cheated on me, one turned physically violent. If anything, perhaps I haven’t been dramatic enough in the past :’) I’m sticking to my boundaries and comfort this time.

You’re so invested and bothered by this, searching for problems, when you could mind your own business and live your own life. Do some people not have any other things to worry about in their lives? Is it boredom? You’re now being rude and insulting to posters that take the time out of their days to read and respond to your drama. Time to re-evaluate some things, OP..

Yeah. I’d be more open and direct at this point had he not ghosted me. I’d probably reach out saying “Hey stranger, I’m back on *this* date, would be great to see you”. But, no I ignored his last message 4/5 days ago now, we haven’t talked. I’m returning home today, maybe he will message me, maybe not. I would respond if there were intent and direct plans involved. Had he been anyone else, I’d have left this behind a long time ago, but him being my first ever crush makes me want to give this a chance, if at all possible. I won’t compromise my standards, though. Men I’ve dated have all ended up being lying jerks, I don’t plan on dealing with another one. I feel fine. Not expecting a message, glad I got the chance to talk to him. My younger self would be thrilled hahah.

Currently relying on chats because I am travelling. Not constant texting, we exchanged maybe once or twice a day. My last message to him was “We’ll see when I’m back” after he suggested we do something after my return. He tried to keep some conversation going, like “Yeah still a few weeks from what I understood”, I didn’t respond anymore. I don’t get a good feeling from this. My expectations don’t matter really when he’s not delivering anything. The fact that he vaguely responds and tries to keep me on a hook doesn’t do it for me. He already went ghost for a month, he appears and disappears constantly. I don’t know what he has going on, but it’s not me on his mind. He can message me when I’m back. I don’t feel I owe him anything after he went dark once already and makes any communication terribly exhausting and confusing.

What do you mean? Previously he vanished for a month. We were in the middle of a conversation, I’d asked about him and his occupation, he vanished. This time, I saw a similar pattern - he vanished for over 24h (the platform we chat on, the messages disappear after 24h, meaning he has nothing to respond to). Not only could he send a text in 24h had he wanted to, he disappeared for a while again. He was also watching my online avtivity so he was definitely on his phone. But no message. Later he sent me a message again, like “Ugh sorry my bad, messages gone” and talked about doing something when I’m back. I didn’t get a good feeling, I feel he is trying to keep me on a hook of some sort, but refusing to put in any actual effort. There is no real interest. Just breadcrumbs. He ignores me for a while, then throws some “ideas” at me. I’ve seen this before. I was open to anything, I always am. A new acquaintance, a friend, if something comes of it, great. If not, that’s fine! I’m just done with casual type of situationships that ultimately lead nowhere. I ended up not responding to his last message. It’s difficult to carry on the vibe to here, but there is no real effort on his end. Perhaps he’s just bored.

It appears he has ghosted me again (opened my message close to 24h ago, avtively looking at my photos and stories online, but no response). Whatever. He must’ve been bored when he reached out, he said he’d been ill. He seemed eager when texting, but that’s it. I feel fine, I expected it. Onwards 🙂

I don’t plan on “blaming the guy”, if he ghosts, he ghosts. I’ve already seen it. If he plays games, he plays games, I’m doing my thing. I guess I shall “enjoy the benefits of it”. The snark was unnecessary, though.

Right! The lying is so “icky” to me. Yeah you saw my message, you chose not to respond! Damn it!😂 Thanks for your sweet message, the mum section gave me a giggle😬 With online dating, I don’t see how I can expect to always be “first”. In that sense, I get it. I’ve been in a situation before where a guy had the decency to message me “Hey, I hit it off with someone else, I want to be respectful”. I felt bad at the time but was grateful for the honesty. Some months later he hit me up again, the other thing didn’t work out, and he’d been “thinking of me”. I went out with him a couple times but ultimately ended it, our values didn’t match at all. I get that. But ghosting and coming back with a weak excuse was lame! —- We have exchanged some messages, I don’t know if that’s necessarily smart of me, haven’t really given it much thought. Probably not. Whenever “thing” begins with drama, said thing never goes well (for me). I did make it clear the disappearing act wasn’t acceptable to me. I feel I handled it well. I feel I’m still handling it well. I’m holding on to my happiness. To me. I have a sweet spot for the boy I crushed on in school, it’d be nice to even have him as an acquaintance, but I’m not holding my breath. The situation gives me some anxiety, I’m distancing myself and just keeping it at casual replies. I’ve reflected a lot on my travels thus far, I’ll be kind, but protect and stand for myself. I’ve been thinking a lot about boundaries and self-love, you see. I also connected and really hit it off with an old girlfriend, which feels amazing. We have a lot to think back to. She’s great! Hope you’re all having a great start to the week. I felt really bad when he ghosted me, but I’m honestly glad I got to, in some way, reconnect with an old memory that brought me happiness as a child. Sending good vibes your way!

I responded that I was confused when he vanished and vaguely said I’ll still be travelling for a few more weeks.. He can do with that as he pleases. He could’ve messaged me sooner or not ghosted me (he saw my messages 100%). I gotta go to sleep!