TacticalLinguine

You’re right, I’m a bad aunt, absolute trash and a selfish entitled drunk. And a murderer too. Please continue being mean and condescending. It makes me realise how much there is to be sober for.

Anyone can buy a breath alcohol test.

When I know I'm sober. The DUI accusation was randomly thrown my way.

When did I drive under influence and where have I been proud of depending on booze?

I'm embarrassed and keep telling myself I can fix this.

It's easiest to drink and I'm just being weak at this point.

Grandfather died. Peacefully in his sleep at home. Was doing better for some time, now drinking out of control again. Can't catch a break.

For your own sake I suggest you pull back a bit as well and don't share too much about yourself. I too had an online relationship for about half a year. I thought it was going to end great, I mean we were constantly FaceTiming and calling. What could go wrong. The person I met was nothing like the man he pretended to be. I'm still bitter about being misled. But I learned a big lesson😂

No. I go over to see them when they’re visiting my parents. We play games, watch Mr. Bean and I teach drums to the youngest.

Thanks for taking the time out of your days to post. I didn’t really expect it as it was just a pitiful rant I posted. I’ve been wasting money on a cab to get to work because of the drinking. I would never risk getting behind a wheel like this. I don’t appreciate the assumptions that I do but I suppose I understand. A lot of you express concern for my work and to be completely honest I am worried too. So far nobody’s been able to tell I’m tipsy. I function very well and get my job done just like before. I know that will change if I keep drinking, but for some reason I can’t truly comprehend it. I couldn’t tell you. I appreciate everyone giving me reasons not to drink: 1) My young nieces are around me/us who drink. I was terrified of drunk people as a child, now I’m one of them, what if that happens to them too 2) My job 3) I could severely damage my health or actually die The only thing I truly care about out of the three points are my nieces. I don’t really drink around them, but they’re not dumb. This made me think. I’ve actually been feeling “happier” recently. But the drinking truly started after the death of my granny. For 4 months I was in denial and then started going through bottles. I’ve been going hard at work and my hobbies, I’m a musician on the side and have done a lot of progress, and I don’t care about it, the only thing to make me feel “happy” right now is the booze. Everything else, good or bad, I push away so I can keep going on “emotional neutral”. A very mean post. I don’t care about looking ugly or stupid with my problem. I do not drive drunk, I may be this or that but I won’t put others in danger. Going to work tipsy is incredibly stupid, I don’t know why I’ve done it, or why I don’t care, I can’t say much more about that. It’s dumb and I’m dumb for doing that. I will look into it, thank you. - - - If I missed anything, I apologise. I tried to put together a short and sweet response to the thoughts expressed by you, doing it on the phone was harder than I thought. I’m having a hard time understanding what I’m really doing or why I don’t care. I have a lot to live for and to be present for.

- a stream of thoughts, not sure if looking for advice - I've always been a social drinker. Parents partied a lot when I was growing up and they still continue drinking to this day. It's been the norm. But they know when to drink, how much to drink, and when to stop. I drank before coming to work today. In fact I've done that for the last 6 days but today it actually hit me that I wanted to drink before coming in. I just wanted to feel tipsy. Yesterday I was texting with a friend of mine who is severely addicted to alcohol and is trying to quit. He was having a meltdown, horrible withdrawals, I was listening, taking it in and encouraging with a drink in my hand. I got pretty drunk later that night. I'm so okay with these things, I don't care. I was okay with drinking before, I drank when others did, but now I feel like I genuinely enjoy drinking. I want to go home already so I could grab a glass.

Yes of course, sorry for not clarifying. We were long distance for 5 months and then met in person. I was very excited because I didn’t realise his pictures, everything was filtered and edited to make him look completely different. He even used a filter when video calling. So when we met, I was taken aback when he looked different, but I tried not to care. Even though he misled me, I still liked his personality. Until I realised that was completely different in person too. During those 5 months he pretended to be this good fun man, confident with goals, one who has a direction etc. In reality he was very awkward, clueless, scared to death when going outside, very self-absorbed and insecure. I felt like I had a child next to me. Which, fine, but I’m pissed off that he tried getting into a relationship when he can’t even comfortably exist in his own skin. And I’m pissed off I got dragged into this! Some answers above. I’ll see what I can do about the delivery, but considering I don’t have a tracking number, I don’t think there’s much I can do. He’s not involved in any of that from what I know. He talked about smoking pot which he never seemed to do when I was talking to him, guess he thought it was cool or something. I will say that I don’t feel comfortable in my home anymore. Even though he’s far away, I sometimes feel like he might show up. He did a similar thing when he was here, he was supposed to go home but on his way to the airport he just decided to come back. He just walked back into my house thinking it was some romantic gesture. I felt unhappy about that and found it weird, but my emotions were running high and I felt like I owed something to him after he did many nice things to me in person. Trying not to grow bitter about it all but damn this wasn’t supposed to happen.

Update of sorts. Been broken up for some time now, first couple of days were hard but after getting the chance to clear my head, I’ve had no regrets. I see now how unfair he was and still is. With that being said, I’ve grown bitter over the last week. I suddenly realised how many things he lied about, just now I found out he’d been lying about his work, income and business as well. He made up stories of how successful and great he was, how talented, all that. In reality it turns out he is a bum that lives at home for no good reason and isn’t doing anything to fix that. I’m mad because: 1) He knew very well how hurt I’d been due to people lying to me. He pretended to be so empathetic towards it, using it to build himself up and pretending to be “better”. 2) I couldn’t have known he lied about these things + dumb things like his height, friendships and what not, but I still feel like a fool. I feel like I should have known when it took him 6 months to clean his room and years to launch a website for his business because he was busy with doing nothing. I now have ANOTHER bad relationship under my belt. I have never had a good one where I was treated well, with honesty and respect. And I just don’t know what I can do better anymore? I’m not the naive person I used to be, and I still end up with complete and utter a**hats. A couple days ago I also got a notice that some goods will be arriving to my address soon. It was a purchase from a music store, I hadn’t bought anything, but I figured it was him so I asked to make sure. He confirmed, but wouldn’t tell me what it was and after I offered to return it, he rejected that offer. I’m fairly certain it’s a specific electric guitar + an amplifier, neither cheap. He says it was an oopsie as it was supposed to be a “birthday present”, which is ludicrous as my birthday is in two months and that guitar + amp would have shipped 1-3 days after placing the order. So yet another lie, and with a catch this time. I guess he thinks buying me something I’ve been saving up for will make me have a change of heart or something. Don’t know what the hell to do.

But how is it not about today's dating culture? I don't know if social media has made us numb, but people in the dating scene tend to treat others quite horribly. Be it ghosting, stringing somebody along or cheating. It is what it is, I know I would be alright if I ever get cheated on or mistreated in other ways again. I just don't see the reason to have any high expectations.

Maybe a weird question but I was just wondering. Last time I was cheated on I wanted to, probably because of my ego, have the "last word" so bad. I wanted to come out as a "winner" after getting stabbed in the back, all the while hurting, crying, begging and allowing myself to be borderline tortured with the gaslighting and trickle-truthing. Just thinking back to that time makes me feel sick. I am single now and doing well, I'm pretty happy, but eventually I know I will get back to dating again. Considering my age (early 20s) and today's dating culture, I think being cheated on or betrayed in one way or another is very likely to happen. Perhaps a pessimistic mindset but I honestly couldn't expect more. I know many of you are a lot more wise and experienced than I am, so how do you deal/have dealt with those people? Thinking about it now, none of the "whys" or "hows" really matter. Cheaters cheat. I think for me personally, my ego does get in the way a lot. I couldn't believe that after all the efforts I'd made I'd get betrayed the way I did. It was a hard pill to swallow and felt impossible to accept at the time. Is it just an immaturity issue for me?

While I understand your dad's intentions, it is very cruel to treat two daughters differently like this. In your sister's shoes I would feel like the "black sheep" or the "disappointment" of the family. Is she doing okay? Have some talks with your mum and see if you can, once again, openly approach your old man and have him make it make sense. When I was a teenager, despite my parents' disapproval, I made the decisions and mistakes that taught me important lessons and gave me the tools to cope with difficult choices today. You will never be 17 again, next to your studies you should also be allowed to live life!

Thanks everyone for your advice. I thought I’d update. I broke up with him just now and I’m just heartbroken. Despite everything, he was good to me, there for me always and he matters. Even though I went into it thinking I’ll be short and blunt, we ended up staying on the phone for almost an hour, him crying most of the time and me being quiet. I feel terrible for having to do this, the guilt is just consuming me at this point. I haven’t blocked him, I just feel like I can’t do it. I think he might do it himself. I try find comfort in thinking now he’ll be able to move on, and find what’s right for him. He has a therapy appointment tomorrow, I hope he will get some help for the self-esteem issues and other things. He kept telling me he still loves me and forgives me. Even though that’s kind, it makes me feel so much worse. I don’t really know what to do now. Never seeing him again scares me. Thanks for reading.

Hi all, Thanks for reading. I’m 23F, have been together with 25M for 6 months now and this just isn’t the relationship for me. We’re not compatible, he’s broken my trust here and there, I’d be happier alone. Problem is, I’ve never been the one to break up with somebody. And he worries me. He’s very codependent, he’s said before that if he lost me he couldn’t move on, after his last relationship ended, he went straight into self-destruction mode. He struggles being alone, I know he’s a grown man and ultimately not my responsibility, but I still care deeply for him. And I want him to be okay. I’ve been biding my time, but I know it’s better if I do it soon, so he can move on. How do I do this? We won’t be able to do it face to face so it has to be over the phone. I also know that he will offer his friendship, and while I would love that, I don’t think it would be good for him. So do we just go no contact? And never talk again? Thank you.

Thanks for the replies! I have read them through many-many times and have taken them all to heart. I'm glad I posted, you raised a very good point - instead of telling myself every morning "I won't care today", I should be more mature here and learn to accept the people in my life for what they are, no matter how I perceive them. It is what it is. I also took the plunge and called my doctor for a referral to a psychologist/psychotherapist after another incident with mother that left me pissed off for allowing myself to be used again. I'm afraid I'll feel like a total moron going there with this story, but maybe it will help bring me some peace and perhaps we can explore the lost memories, who knows. I'll see how the next weeks go. I've noticed I've been checking available jobs here and there, despite my current job being excellent, sometimes I just want to go. Hope you have a good one!

Hi all, First post, not sure if I'm doing this thing right. For any grammar mistakes, I do apologise, Engrish isn't my first language. I'm 23F, the situation I'm in is hard to explain and quite frankly I don't think I have the words to express the pain it has caused me over the years, how I still struggle with it, but am trying to let go and move on. I have never had a good relationship with my family. My dad I love. He has been mean, verbally abusive, and intimidating in the past, but I do not hold a grudge. He was raised differently and despite the past, he loves me unconditionally. I know that. My mother, however, is a very manipulative woman, often cruel. She had an affair when I was entering teenagehood (an awkward phase anyway) and when it blew up in her face, she became angry. Mainly at me. I think I had a lot of emotional issues as a child, abandonment fears, co-dependency issues. She would yell, say horrible things, frighten me. She'd threated me on the way to school that if I don't behave, she will leave and never come back. She would threaten to dump me by the side of the road and drive away. Things got better for a little while when I had guinea pigs. I had "support" in a way, I've had guinea pigs ever since I moved out at 17. Absolutely love them, fun little creatures. But I still had problems and lots of them. I started skipping school, developed severe depression, began acting incredibly antisocial and became suicidal. I don't really have "people skills" now. It doesn't bother me but does make me feel like I'm different I guess. I don't have much memory of my late childhood/teenage years. I spent time in a children's mental hospital to get my diagnosis and be homeschooled. I felt like I was forced into a small box, my mother cares about her reputation a lot, so I wasn't allowed to freely express myself, experiment with my looks, with who I am, my hobbies, so growing up was confusing. I kept trying to be more like my mother. She's always very dolled up, fancy expensive clothes, hair done and what not. I believed her when she said that all of what's happened has been my fault, she'd say she pitied me and that I'd never become anything. So I wanted to be like her. My older brother and younger sister she has always adored. I remember listening to them having movie nights and all while I was upstairs in my room alone. There were times I tried asking her why are things like this, why can't we talk, why can't we get along, and she would just blame me, while I was just a depressed child. Memories like that still hurt. Years passed like this, seeing my mother loving on my siblings, feeling tossed aside, having mother turn my siblings against me, receiving childish "5th grade mean girl" kind of stares from them, being talked about poorly behind my back, being cast out by the rest of my extended family, being constantly ridiculed by them and disrespected, time's just gone by like that. I've grown mostly numb to it but I still care. I work with my family, it is my father's company and despite all the issues in my family, I have a very good position and a great future in this company. It does make the workplace very toxic, and sometimes, whenever my mother needs something from me, she acts nice to me for just enough time and something breaks in me every single time because I start hoping for something. It's manipulative and leaves me exhausted emotionally. It's my family, not random people. Can I just shut it out eventually? I am trying to look out for myself here, I love my job, it pays my home loan, if things keep going the way they do, I will be one of the co-owners of the company one day. But all this manipulative, sorry, crap is taking a toll on me. I have considered therapy but going to therapy to "stop caring about my family I choose to stay around" sounds, well, off. Regarding my personal problems due to my childhood and the emotional neglect, I think I am doing okay. I've learned to love myself, I have many hobbies/talents and skills I have learned over the years because it makes me feel proud, what's important to me is that I am also finally expressing myself openly now without giving a damn. I wear the clothes I want, have tattoos and dye my hair a new colour when I feel like it. I also have a few genuinely good people in my life now. I am okay! But can I just let it go 100% eventually? How? -I'm sorry for the length of this, I think it felt good to write this out for once-