TacticalLinguine

Encourage you to look the other way. Most women, myself included, end up feeling quite "icky" about the older men that made moves when they were young adults. Sorry to be blunt. But it is what it is.

Thanks for this. You're right. He rarely talked to me about my work, schedule, etc. It was all about his martial arts, current job and some other hobbies. Sometimes I felt like all he really cared about was having a pretty thing by his side. I wasn't resentful as I was also a willing participant. I just wish things had been better. I try stay logical but I am so attached somehow. I could have loved him. I'm being dramatic I know.

I'm so lost. Don't know what to think. I keep telling myself I misunderstood something, it was just an error in communication, I want to reach out again. But this has also happened so much. He doesn't communicate with me properly, doesn't seem to put in much effort. I've cried so much lately. And then my mind goes back to the last time we were together a couple days ago. We had such a great time. He wouldn't even let me leave, ran to me as I was leaving for a last kiss. Just hurting.

I genuinely do not understand. Where is my resentment? This has nothing to do with the support I volunteered, or our values. He just didn't treat me right. Why, I don't know.

I don't understand. Martyr how? I'm just disappointed because I genuinely put effort into this relationship and opened up for the first time in a long while. Your career and dating choices are yours. Mine are mine. Of course I supported him - I was okay with seeing each other less, etc, so he could focus on his dreams. Why, because I intended to be his partner. I made the "judgment" comment because in one of my last threads people said a broke man with uncertain goals is not a good pick. Also to somehow help convince myself that yes I do deserve stability and happiness, I don't know. I am just trying to keep it together.

I am sorry. I was a mess last night and had no outlet so I posted here while being utterly overwhelmed by everything. Things were going relatively well. But we began bumping heads. Maybe he’s not into me as much as he claims to be. He says one thing, does something different, then rewrites history and excuses himself in a new made up way. I don’t know if it makes any sense. I felt gaslit last night. When we are together everything is lovely, but there’s always drama in getting together. He’s late, cancels, is tired. Just a couple days ago we talked everything through and seemed to be in a really good place. I was so happy and excited. Then last night plans got cancelled once again, my last straw was when he wouldn’t pick up my call as he was too busy playing games with his brother. I don’t want to intrude his time with his brother, I understand as I have a little sister, but I constantly feel alone and like he could either have me or not, doesn’t matter. He was fine texting. I’m not judgmental or shallow. I am a professional woman, I have built a very successful career for myself by mid 20s and have a clear sight ahead. He’s utterly broke in his late 20s, hoping to make it in martial arts. He’s counting pennies at the end of every month. I never judged. I supported him any way I could. I accepted he was tired sometimes or busy with training because of course he is. But I shouldn’t put up with feeling worthless when I do have a lot to offer? Not just finance wise. My head is a mess. I can’t focus. I have already begun bargaining with myself, “Maybe I should be more understanding” or “You overreacted”. I’m scared for when it really hits me what I’ve done. Then again I tell myself that even though I have blocked our ways of communication, if he really wanted to, he could still reach me. I’m afraid of how my heart will break when he doesn’t or what happens if he does.

He hurt me again, can’t take it anymore. Blocked him everywhere, it’s done. I can’t breathe.

Keep moving forward, love. No need to go backwards.

I made it a point to cut out toxicity the moment I see it. Invest your energy into things worthy of it.

Why allow it then?

Whatever you choose, Whirl, all the best to you! I didn’t really comment here but I appreciate you letting us into your dating life 🙂

It’s just a happy birthday message.. As long as you’re going into this with realistic expectations, or no expectations at all, for that matter, what harm can it do to you.

I would read through Kwothe’s response one more time and really take it to heart, OP. It wasn’t an attack, it was the honest blunt truth. I understand it is still very fresh and the pain you must be going through currently is exhausting, but do not push yourself into denial in order to make a situation “work” that has the potential to break your heart even further. Be honest with yourself, there are knives in your back still bleeding and your husband is the one who put them there.

Hi all, Next weekend (~13th of August) is the peak of the Perseid meteor shower. All you need is darkness and clear skies, preferably away from city lights. My partner and I will be grabbing a bottle and climbing the roof of my summer house! We’re both cosmos nerds so this is very exciting for us. Perhaps an idea for some of you 🙂

I feel like transparency is also very important.. “Finding out” about an opposite sex friendship can cause discomfort, I can see that. It’s why I’m very grateful for my current partner; we were both cheated on horribly in the past, and yeah it sucked, but instead of holding onto it we both managed to learn from it instead. We’re very open about our lives, the people in it, etc. Makes things a lot easier. We still have our privacy of course, he has shown me things on his phone and vice versa, I also know I’d get direct access to it if I asked, but neither of us feel the need to go through them. Relationships are complicated. You’re still your own person, never “lose yourself” for another. That’s why, like Batya said, it’s important to find someone with similar values and a will to compromise if necessary (same goes for us!)

To some of the women responding to this.. Are you being genuine when you say you don’t remember? I’m a woman too, I can’t imagine actually forgetting, I mean goodness sake, I was intimate with the guys. It doesn’t mean I spend my time thinking about it, not at all. But you don’t just forget it?.. Or do you?! O.o

If this isn’t a troll then you’re so self-absorbed it’s honestly incredible. I dated a guy who got butthurt about me being a mess and grieving still 4 days after my granny passed. We stopped dating that day. His reaction still makes me sick, I feel for your partner.

This! Being in a nice peaceful home doesn’t mean the past is done and over with. Also, for me, finding a peaceful place and meeting people who treated me well caused me intense anxiety because it was something so foreign to me. We get used to the chaos.

Hey love, I’m so sorry for what you and your family have gone through. Personally I listen to my dreams a lot, they’re a link to your subconscious self. These dreams, are they nightmares or do you feel as if you’re reliving past incidents? Do they happen at specific stages of your sleep? You say this is new, is there anything causing you anxiety in your waking life currently? PTSD related dreams are very complex and it is difficult to dive deep enough on your own to analyse and find a cure for your pain. I would also suggest looking around some more for a trauma specialist that has the tools to help. I used to have horrible nightmares, and for the longest time I had no idea why. In those dreams I had an “entity” follow me, stalk me, hunt me, attack me, eat me, so on. I woke up in terror every single time, took me a while to realise that the entity in my dreams was my addiction. Journalling is a great idea. Getting creative helps too, perhaps you’ve considered painting, sketching, anything of the sort. It feels good to let your mind go free sometimes. I don’t have PTSD related dreams, I am not diagnosing you either, it just sounds like a fitting term here. But I do keep a dream journal and in general enjoy analysing them. Though I am unsure what you’d be comfortable with.

Hey all, Hope you’re all well! It’s rainy here so me and my pets are enjoying our day indoors, cozy with a book and a cup of tea. Anyway. I (F24) have been seeing my partner (M26) for 3 months now. It’s been great, especially the last 2 months. He’s good to me. He brings me flowers, is thoughtful, cares for me. I’ve posted some about my anxiety as we’ve been getting closer, I’ve spent most of my life on my own, so this has been new territory for me. My anxiety aside, I am very happy! I can trust him. My partner has hinted that he loves me. And knowing him, he might say it soon. Thing is, I don’t know yet! It takes me a long time to develop those feelings. When should I know? Should I know already? Also, that word is HUGE for me. While in English, “love” is a rather common word (e.g. I love ice cream, I love this, I love that), in my language it is a very “heavy” word, one that isn’t so commonly used. It’s never been told to me, not by my parents, friends, partners, and I’ve never said it to anyone else either. I avoid using it in any context. So to be blunt, I’m pissing my pants here. When did you know it’s love you felt?

I would 100% want to know. If you find a way to do it anonymously, great. Tell her, block him, be done with it and leave that poor woman alone. She does deserve to know about the knives in her back; both from him AND you.

This thread is the reason I open the site multiple times a day! Come on Whirl, where’s the update? :c

Thanks for taking your time to talk this through with me! I really appreciate your perspectives. I will tell my partner about the friend next time I see him, though I think I will pass on the movies. I wouldn’t like it if my partner did it with a female friend. Again, thank you! 🙂

Hey all, Hope you’re doing well! I have a quick question, here’s also an apology in advance because I am a bit of a bum and mostly clueless when it comes to these matters. A friend (M28) from 5 years ago got in touch with me (F24) a couple days ago. Said he’ll be in the country for a couple weeks, asked if I’d like to meet. I was thrilled, we were great friends and helped each other through a lot. In the end, we took such different paths and for all kinds of reasons lost contact. I always wondered how he was, but accepted I would never know. He suggested we go for a walk and catch a movie, we’re both Transformers nerds and want to see the newest movie. My issue is, I’m in a fresh relationship and although I know this friendship has always been and will always be 100% platonic, I don’t want to be disrespectful towards my partner. I feel like going to the movies could be seen as a “date”? Again, I am sorry if I sound daft. I genuinely struggle with these things. What are your thoughts on this? Suggest something else?

Big hugs, Seraphim❤️ Sending love your way.