LADIES: Who pays on our 1st date???

[kim42]

Sounds like you both had a good time, you can send her a message to ask her out again. There are different opinions on how many days you should wait, I personally wouldn't wait for too long.

Good luck!

[SherrySher]

28 minutes ago, RN4L_1969 said:

So the results are in...., but I do have some additional questions for the LADIES!

SO......the date went very well. And I'm just gonna bullet point below some details to avoid several long paragraphs of unwanted context lol

And just to be clear...my intent was to pay for the entire date , as I ALWAYS do...my post here was asking how much the culture has changed since it's been a while since I've been on a date. But 99.9% of the time...I typically choose the place and I pay, (I always make sure it's a place they like or if they want to chose the location...either way, I always pay as a gentleman...it's how I was raised)...

• We met at HH, and it started off great. We jumped right into conversation. She had 1 drink that she nursed for 2 hours and I had a ginger-ale.
• As it was getting towards the time for our dinner reservation, she asked, "so do you want to still do dinner? I'm enjoying myself so far, what do you think?" I said "absolutely and I'm enjoying myself as well". The bill came...I paid. No questions. She thanked me. 
• We drove separately to dinner, (a few minutes away). We actually got to the parking garage at the same time and so we then walked over to the restaurant to check-in.
• OK, she did say, "this is a fancy restaurant are you sure I'm not some psycho?" *insert nervous laugh* LOL. She had been there before but I thought it was funny she made that comment. 
• Dinner was great! We carried over our conversation for another 3 hours. I think we touched on all topics! I noticed she was very respectful and conscientious of the menu and what she was ordering. She even asked me to make the choices for appetizers and such. We both had water, (that alone saved my bill LOL). But we laughed and overall had a very nice date......(at least how I felt)...
• The bill came and I placed it over to my side furthest away. So no need to talk or discuss, BUT, as I was paying she did offer to pay for the tip, I said, "no worries I got it  :)" 

>>>OK LADIES - NEED ADVICE HERE:<<<

• We walked out together to our cars. We "hugged" and she mentioned about talking soon. I'm glad it worked out that way. I didn't want our 1st kiss to be in a parking garage, and have it be hurried, (plus she was carrying her purse and doggie bag from the restaurant)…So, ok...
• Then of course I'm contemplating if I should be the one to text post-date or what. She answered that for me and there was a text from her waiting for me when I got home that said:
  • "Thank you for a wonderful dinner and time getting to know each other," (with a smiling emoji)
  • So I wrote back and said, "My pleasure" I had a wonderful time as well," (smiling emoji).

 

Soooooooo.....2nd Date......???????

What do I do now or next??????? HELP...haha

 

First text her, something like: "Hope you're doing well, I had a great time getting to know you, would love to meet up again."

2nd date, are there any small bars, lounges you could find where they would have a band playing music, something laid back on a Saturday night?

Those kind of dates are nice because you can chat, and listen to the music too.

 

 

[Kwothe28]

27 minutes ago, RN4L_1969 said:

OK, she did say, "this is a fancy restaurant are you sure I'm not some psycho?" *insert nervous laugh* LOL.

Damn you missed "What are the chances both of us are" comeback lol

Sounds that it went really well. I have a question why you didnt drove her and you did go with separate cars? But OK, maybe she didnt want you to do that. And why you havent tried to ask about the second date after she sent the message after date? But that you can do next. 

[Starlight925]

Sounds perfect!

Text her today, and use verbiage has been stated:  "Hope your day is going great.  Are you free this week for dinner?"  and let her get back to you.

Don't wait too long to do this, as, coming from a woman.....if you wait too long, she could lose interest, or feel like you're "back-burner'ing" her.

Also, don't get into mindless texting loops:  good morning, smiley face, good morning to you, rainy emoji....blah blah blah.  

Hopefully, she'll text back enthusiastically, with some days she's available (that's what I'd do), and you make a plan.

Keep us posted!

[boltnrun]

I wouldn't wait more than one day.  Remember, if you like her it's highly likely other men do too.  And they may be more proactive.

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

why you didnt drove her and you did go with separate cars?

Safety reasons.  This is something men sometimes don't understand because they don't live with that fear daily.  But women do.  Every day.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Damn you missed "What are the chances both of us are" comeback lol

Sounds that it went really well. I have a question why you didnt drove her and you did go with separate cars? But OK, maybe she didnt want you to do that. And why you havent tried to ask about the second date after she sent the message after date? But that you can do next. 

I personally didn’t get in the persons car at a first meet. 

[RN4L_1969]

4 hours ago, SherrySher said:

First text her, something like: "Hope you're doing well, I had a great time getting to know you, would love to meet up again."

2nd date, are there any small bars, lounges you could find where they would have a band playing music, something laid back on a Saturday night?

Those kind of dates are nice because you can chat, and listen to the music too.

 

 

Great ideas I will consider for sure!

[RN4L_1969]

4 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Damn you missed "What are the chances both of us are" comeback lol

Sounds that it went really well. I have a question why you didnt drove her and you did go with separate cars? But OK, maybe she didnt want you to do that. And why you havent tried to ask about the second date after she sent the message after date? But that you can do next. 

That's a good one lol. 

We drove separate because of distance and which is why we decided to meet half-way. 

I don't want to seem desperate in asking for a 2nd date too soon, but I don't want to wait more than a day or two...so maybe this evening send that 2nd date offer...? That would be 1 whole day...

[RN4L_1969]

3 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

Sounds perfect!

Text her today, and use verbiage has been stated:  "Hope your day is going great.  Are you free this week for dinner?"  and let her get back to you.

Don't wait too long to do this, as, coming from a woman.....if you wait too long, she could lose interest, or feel like you're "back-burner'ing" her.

Also, don't get into mindless texting loops:  good morning, smiley face, good morning to you, rainy emoji....blah blah blah.  

Hopefully, she'll text back enthusiastically, with some days she's available (that's what I'd do), and you make a plan.

Keep us posted!

Ahhhh love this plan! Ok...I think I will send her a text by end of day...especially that neither of us have texted each other yet today.....🤞

[boltnrun]

4 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

Also, don't get into mindless texting loops:  good morning, smiley face, good morning to you, rainy emoji....blah blah blah.  

I can't agree with this more. "Text banter" is a waste of time. I don't want to date my phone. 

I think it's a great idea to ask her out tonight (for the upcoming week). If you hold off out of fear of looking "desperate" or "needy" some other man might swoop in. You don't have to declare your undying love (and I don't get from your writing that you plan to or would), but asking her out is a positive, proactive thing to do. 

I hope it goes well. 

[reinventmyself]

 

ohhh. . .you can't be that rusty!   Ask her out again.

Other than that, well done. Sounds like your date was about as good as it gets.

this is just me . .but I would give it a couple days to marinate.  Maybe simple text asking how her day is inbetween.  I agree with ove caring for the endless text banter, but a friendly hello is always welcome.  But by Tuesday or Wednesday, circle back with another invitation.

[shouldhavelearned]

Man pays for it all 

[SherrySher]

31 minutes ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Man pays for it all 

Not in this day and age. That's an outdated point of view.

Women are now totally okay with helping share the cost, or paying if she was the one who suggested a date.

It's always nice when a man pays, but it goes both ways.

Guys like to be treated well too! 

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

Not in this day and age. That's an outdated point of view.

Women are now totally okay with helping share the cost, or paying if she was the one who suggested a date.

It's always nice when a man pays, but it goes both ways.

Guys like to be treated well too! 

I also think especially after a few dates -be inventive and come up with very inexpensive or free things to do -especially if weather permits.

[reinventmyself]

 . .wanted to come to add. . I support you not kissing her.   I never liked feeling obligated to kiss someone after a date early on.  Kissing is an intimate thing. . or it ought to be. 

I can't tell you how many times someone I barely knew went in for kiss, I either felt obliged or ducked.  As I get older, I won't kiss anyone out of obligation.  It should be a special moment.

[Lambert]

yay! definitely ask her out... asap.

[boltnrun]

8 minutes ago, Lambert said:

yay! definitely ask her out... asap.

I agree. Waiting for no particular reason (or in an attempt to not look "too eager") could backfire. You don't want to message her on Tuesday only to find out she's already scheduled a date with some other man who didn't dither. 

[RN4L_1969]

Update:

Dang this is a tough one! LOL

So I sent her a text a little bit ago asking about her Sunday...just touching base.

She responded in a little while after with what she was up to...making soups for the week, took a walk, etc...

I wrote back about soups and the day as well...

Good advice on not getting into "text banter", so I'm trying to stay away from that. If she responds back from my last text, then I won't respond until tomorrow, AND then, I think is when I'll ask her out to dinner this weekend.........

And as far as another guy "swooping in", I'm not worried about that. Believe me, I want to keep her attention...but if she's treating this as an interview process for the next episode of "the Bachelor"...I'll move on. To me, you either vibe with someone or you don't, and to juggle multiple people at the same time shows low self-esteem, needy, and just wanting to crave attention...IMO...cause honestly...you end up dropping all the balls and you're back to square 1.

I like to focus my attention on one person at a time... 

[LootieTootie]

12 minutes ago, RN4L_1969 said:

 

And as far as another guy "swooping in", I'm not worried about that. Believe me, I want to keep her attention...but if she's treating this as an interview process for the next episode of "the Bachelor"...I'll move on. To me, you either vibe with someone or you don't, and to juggle multiple people at the same time shows low self-esteem, needy, and just wanting to crave attention...IMO...cause honestly...you end up dropping all the balls and you're back to square 1.

I like to focus my attention on one person at a time... 

Sorry. You're logic doesn't make sense. A woman who multi-date more than 1 guy early on means they are needy and have low self-esteem.

Are you sure it's not because you have a low self-esteem?

[RN4L_1969]

7 minutes ago, LootieTootie said:

Sorry. You're logic doesn't make sense. A woman who multi-date more than 1 guy early on means they are needy and have low self-esteem.

Are you sure it's not because you have a low self-esteem?

Not at all. I just don't see dating as a contest.

[LootieTootie]

5 minutes ago, RN4L_1969 said:

Not at all. I just don't see dating as a contest.

Thats fine, but calling someone who wants to multi-date to see which guy she vibes better with makes her needy and an attention seeker?

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, RN4L_1969 said:

And as far as another guy "swooping in", I'm not worried about that. Believe me, I want to keep her attention...but if she's treating this as an interview process for the next episode of "the Bachelor"...I'll move on. To me, you either vibe with someone or you don't...

^^I completely agree and was just about to post before I read yours.

While I don't think her (or you) multi-dating is wrong or reflects low self-esteem, if she's going to ditch dating you over some other random dude because you didnt ask her out immediately after first date, that reflects very low interest in you, and if that's how she feels, you dodged a bullet.

Your attitude indicates you value yourself and only desire to date women with high interest or equal interest as you.

It's never good to act from a place of fear.  Fear another man may "swoop in" or you may lose her or whatever. 

Not only for yourself but women can sense that and you may possibly lose her because of that.  The fear which often translates to desperation.

Be yourself.  Ask her out again when you feel the time is right. Again, if you lose her to another man or whatever in the meantime, then she obviously had low interest and wasn't the right woman for you.

Best you find out earlier rather than later. 

JMO 😀

 

 

 

 

 

[RN4L_1969]

28 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

^^I completely agree and was just about to post before I read yours.

While I don't think her (or you) multi-dating is wrong or reflects low self-esteem, if she's going to ditch dating you over some other random dude because you didnt ask her out immediately after first date, that reflects very low interest in you, and if that's how she feels, you dodged a bullet.

Your attitude indicates you value yourself and only desire to date women with high interest or equal interest as you.

It's never good to act from a place of fear.  Fear another man may "swoop in" or you may lose her or whatever. 

Not only for yourself but women can sense that and you may possibly lose her because of that.  The fear which often translates to desperation.

Be yourself.  Ask her out again when you feel the time is right. Again, if you lose her to another man or whatever in the meantime, then she obviously had low interest and wasn't the right girl for you.

Best you find out earlier rather than later. 

JMO 😀

 

 

 

 

 

Well said.

[RN4L_1969]

Update:

I changed my mind and just sent her a text asking her out this weekend...😳

[boltnrun]

23 minutes ago, RN4L_1969 said:

Update:

I changed my mind and just sent her a text asking her out this weekend...😳

Cool. Hope it works out.