LADIES: Who pays on our 1st date???

[ShySoul]

Whatever you are thinking or feeling, stop. Pause. Breath. 

Having followed this thread since the begining, what's struck me is despite doing everything great, you still are constantly questioning every little thing. You seem to want to know the right way to things, you wonder about the significance of little details. So now you question that there isn't the rush you think you should be feeling. I've helped people with this tendency before. Hell, I've had this tendency before. So here's what I think:

Stop thinking. Stop feeling. Just go with it.

Every time you've been together, you've had a good time. You've got plans to meet again. So as long as you've got something in mind to do, wing the rest of it. Let the natural course of events happen. The best relationships develop when the two people are just lost in the moment and not trying to consider what they should be doing or feeling. See how the date goes before you start analyzing it. For all you know the next date could be even better and you've got that rush all over again.

And yes, talk to her on the phone. I think I said that days ago. I've meet people chatting online and got along. But talking on the phone was a different experience that drew us a lot closer. If we couldn't be together in person, actually hearing each others voice made the connection stronger.

3 hours ago, RN4L_1969 said:

I mean literally hours at a time, every night! There were nights where we both fell asleep with the phone still connected to each other, I would hear her snoring 🙂! lol It was actually romantic...

Same experience here. I still remember those hours long calls fondly...

[RN4L_1969]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Was your ex harder to get at first - in some way -I mean yes talking all night and infatuated but elusive? Are you more in love with love than loving as giving? 

I say- go on the date.  Open minded.  See how you feel BUT -IMHO - without like being all up in your head and monitoring your feelings.  Does  that make sense? 

I mean sure it might be that there was a lot of anticipation a lovely evening and perhaps you're sensing that she's not clicking with you -is she dull? or too eager? have you laughed together? 

I get that the other was like a high then crash and burn although 8 months is not a really short time of course - but why do you need "newness" to feel excited?

I wouldn't say she was hard to get...but there was definitely chemistry immediately! For example...our communication was practically 1:1. Whether it was text, call or whatever...I felt the same energy I put forth in the communication...I got the same in return. I loved it! Finally someone that can keep a convo going and actually take the time to communicate!! We hit it off and there was totally a vibe. I couldn't stop thinking about her...AND...she had both her daughters and her mom living with her, a plethora of girlfriends and a full time job...yet she found ample, if not more time for me...she was excellent at juggling life and priorities...

So...maybe a little dull? Maybe I don't feel that sense of "I can't wait to talk to him". I'm trying very hard not to compare but maybe that's what I want and which is why I feel so flat about this whole thing so far. I mean when we first started talking I was texting her up a storm...and I was getting maybe a few lines back or nothing at all for a while...forcing me to "double-text", which I know is frowned upon. So I scaled back on the lengthy texts and started to "match" her vibe...maybe that's what's killing me...the lack of juice...talk...excitement... 

I don't necessarily need "newness" but if I'm just meeting and getting to know someone I would hope and expect to a degree that there would be that sense of anticipation...excitement...freshness...

Honestly...IMO...and I could be wrong here...I don't think she's ready to commit to someone yet. She seems too busy and very involved with her daughters and job; which there is NOTHING wrong with that, BUT, if you're gonna put yourself out there...then you make time, if that is important to you, (like my x did). But again...I could not be winning her over and she's just gonna let it fade out.....so IDK

[RN4L_1969]

3 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I think when you experience intense feelings/emotions like this^, it's hard to go back to less than that.  I am the same, however I have learned to contain those feelings and keep the pace slow and steady, for just the reason you stated.  Six months on a high, then crash.

Great memories though!

What should you do?  I will probably get beat up for this but let it fade out.  Do not try and force it by continuing to text, calling on the phone or even going on second date. 

My guess is SHE is feeling this "less than" too which is why her text accepting your invite was less than enthusiastic (which I recall you questioned at the time).  Perhaps her low energy is bouncing over to you.  I have experienced that too.

When two people are very attracted, their high energy sort of bounces back and forth between each other.  When their energy (or even one person's energy) is low, that low energy bounces over to the other person, in this case you.

Just my take, if me I would cancel if she doesn't cancel first. You can't force a feeling.

 

 

 

This is well said and something I'm starting to lean towards the more I think about this. And you are so right about going from the high I had with my x to the low I'm experiencing with this one. I will take the advice though in the next relationship...if there is one... 😞

I agree...if I'm feeling like this...I'm sure she is too. And maybe we're both too nice of people to just say "hey...I'm not feeling it, good luck". And yes, I do believe it's an energy thing as well...for sure. I keep going back to her text that was so flat when she accepted my offer for a second date...I mean even since then her texts are back full of emojis and stuff. Maybe this is friend zone?? LOL.....

We haven't exchanged anything today...so I'm curious about tomorrow...and if still nothing...then I may have to move on and wish us good luck....

[kim42]

I'd go on the second date and see how it goes, I thik it's too soon to jump to conclusions after the first date.

Some people are not so much into texting, so I wouldn't overanalyze her messages.

If she wants to go on a second date with you, I think it's a good sign, just take it from there.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, kim42 said:

I'd go on the second date and see how it goes, I thik it's too soon to jump to conclusions after the first date.

Some people are not so much into texting, so I wouldn't overanalyze her messages.

If she wants to go on a second date with you, I think it's a good sign, just take it from there.

Same.  I don't think high energy attraction is necessary at all with someone you just met -and texting often waters down any anticipation -that's for chat buddies/established couples - and sometimes the high energy off the bat is a true downside.  

I was always very busy with work/social life/volunteer work and all my serious relationships involved very busy, smart, driven successful men and married one and the busyness had zero impact on chemistry -in fact the opposite quite often as I admired and loved what a full life he had and his drive and ambition (still do!) -

Plus yes there are people who literally have no real time for a relationship based on life circumstances -I mean I have a friend who's a mom of 3 kids under 12 and her husband has terminal cancer and her mom drives her crazy and she works -she has no time to be the kind of close friend she wants to be for me - I accept that and I'm going nowhere but neither would I expect someone in that predicament to have time to commit to a partner (meaning if she were single!).  But that's an unusual circumstance. 

Many adults have fun fulfilling busy lives and if they want to -desire is the key -they make the time.  I did many times over with different people I cared about plus of course my husband.

If you feel after a couple of dates she's all talk about wanting a potentially serious relationship that will be clear early on.

[boltnrun]

That intense high only lasted what, four months? Do you aim to have another short relationship? Or are you looking for something long term?

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, RN4L_1969 said:

I.agree...if I'm feeling like this...I'm sure she is too. And maybe we're both too nice of people to just say "hey...I'm not feeling it, good luck". And yes, I do believe it's an energy thing as well...for sure. I keep going back to her text that was so flat when she accepted my offer for a second date

You mentioned you had a great time and made plans for a second date. How did it get to the point of standing her up because there's no connection? 

How are you "sure she is feeling this too"?  Sorry to say but it seems like too much emphasis texting, too much projecting and anxiety

. Ok. She's not your ex, so? Hunting for clones of exes is bound to disappoint.  It's up to you of course, but if you are not willing to have a second date to actually see what's going on, how are you going to get anywhere with anyone? 

You were doing great with the "the worst that could happen is I have a nice meal out"..  mindset . What happened?

[reinventmyself]

You need to curb the thinking 'Is she my forever after?'  Its just a date after all.  Not a marriage proposal.

[RN4L_1969]

18 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

@RN4L_1969

Also want to add that in retrospect, you may have been better off not texting at all in between your great first date and next date.  And focused on the high you felt during and after your first.  Reach out on the day prior or day of your next date to confirm plans.

This was posted in another thread but for me, I prefer to focus on the connection we felt and experienced while actually on the date versus risk losing that energy and connection through what amounts to meaningless text exchanges.

With my current guy, on our first date after meeting spontaneously in an elevator that day 😅, he asked me out again before saying goodbye and we did NOT text or talk for four days until the morning of our second date when he texted to confirm.

This allowed me to think about him, wonder about him, and anticipate our second date!!  

We still don't text very often.  He calls me on the phone once in a while in between dates, there is no set schedule to it which I actually like and keeps the tension and energy high.

This doesn't work for everyone, but it's possible through all the texting you were doing, something got lost, or worse died?

JMO of course.  If you do decide to go, have fun and good luck!

 

Some good points and I ill try to do so! But I do have some curious questions for you 🧐

So...your current guy that you met in an elevator...obviously there was a spark and some chemistry; yet no communication afterwards for 4 days?? That didn't make you wonder? Maybe you were just an added one on his "list" now to juggle time with? I mean sure it could go the other way, but I'm curious as to what you were thinking, (trying to get into your head :))

IDK...when there's that much time between dates or just no communication at all...to me that's a flag and the antennas go up. Not to say I'm being possessive or needy or having to know what you're doing every minute of the day, BUT, if you are into someone...whatever the level of interest, there has to be something...some sort of touch base...if not...I think it may lead to unnecessary thoughts on either side that they are not a priority, or they're busy "juggling", or whatever...again totally JMO....

What say you...? 🙂

Today that would be considered "ghosting" or "back burnering"...you didn't feel any of that? Did 

[rainbowsandroses]

@RN4L_1969I invite you to read my thread entitled "Talk About Spontaneous" posted on or around November 22nd last year.  

23 minutes ago, RN4L_1969 said:

So...your current guy that you met in an elevator...obviously there was a spark and some chemistry; yet no communication afterwards for 4 days??

Well, not exactly.  We met at Happy Hour that same evening and spent several hours together.  Sparks flew and there was VERY high energy/chemistry between us, we both felt it which is typically how it goes for me.  When I am feeling it, HE is feeling it because it's about energy as hokey as that may sound to some.

Before saying goodbye, he asked me out again for the following Sunday (which was four days later).

So it's not like we met and I didn't hear from him for four days.  We had already connected on the date and had a date scheduled for Sunday.

So no I did not really feel anxious, wrong emotion.  Excited anticipating our next date was more what I was feeling.  There was quite a bit of discussion on the thread about him not texting me, however honestly we had such a great time, there was no reason for me to assume he was going to flake. 

I had faith and trust in the connection we had made on our first date and chose to focus on that.  He texted me Sunday morning to confirm and we had another great date that day!

It's all in my thread if you're interested, it might give you a different perspective on your own situation.

 

[RN4L_1969]

11 hours ago, kim42 said:

I'd go on the second date and see how it goes, I thik it's too soon to jump to conclusions after the first date.

Some people are not so much into texting, so I wouldn't overanalyze her messages.

If she wants to go on a second date with you, I think it's a good sign, just take it from there.

I'm still on the fence...still no comm today from either of us...I'll send one...then she'll send one back...IDK, maybe I should go on the date and really see what's up....

[RN4L_1969]

10 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Same.  I don't think high energy attraction is necessary at all with someone you just met -and texting often waters down any anticipation -that's for chat buddies/established couples - and sometimes the high energy off the bat is a true downside.  

I was always very busy with work/social life/volunteer work and all my serious relationships involved very busy, smart, driven successful men and married one and the busyness had zero impact on chemistry -in fact the opposite quite often as I admired and loved what a full life he had and his drive and ambition (still do!) -

Plus yes there are people who literally have no real time for a relationship based on life circumstances -I mean I have a friend who's a mom of 3 kids under 12 and her husband has terminal cancer and her mom drives her crazy and she works -she has no time to be the kind of close friend she wants to be for me - I accept that and I'm going nowhere but neither would I expect someone in that predicament to have time to commit to a partner (meaning if she were single!).  But that's an unusual circumstance. 

Many adults have fun fulfilling busy lives and if they want to -desire is the key -they make the time.  I did many times over with different people I cared about plus of course my husband.

If you feel after a couple of dates she's all talk about wanting a potentially serious relationship that will be clear early on.

 

9 hours ago, boltnrun said:

That intense high only lasted what, four months? Do you aim to have another short relationship? Or are you looking for something long term?

6 months but who's counting lol. My goal is not to have short relationships...but one with substance, longevity, connection, chemistry and fun. You know...what every other person is seeking...

 

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, RN4L_1969 said:

..I'll send one...then she'll send one back...IDK, maybe I should go on the date and really see what's up....

Why not communicate about setting up the date you suggested? 

[rainbowsandroses]

53 minutes ago, RN4L_1969 said:

IDK...when there's that much time between dates or just no communication at all...to me that's a flag and the antennas go up. Not to say I'm being possessive or needy or having to know what you're doing every minute of the day, BUT, if you are into someone...whatever the level of interest, there has to be something...some sort of touch base...if not...I think it may lead to unnecessary thoughts on either side that they are not a priority, or they're busy "juggling", or whatever...again totally JMO....

I will respond to this.  After one date, I did not expect to be a priority and this is where a lot of people get into trouble imo -- having unrealistic expectations.  Expecting to be a priority, expecting the person they had one great date with to immediately stop dating others.  It was ONE date and I think it's important to slow your roll and keep it all in proper perspective.

I do prefer dating one man at a time, however I keep that to myself until the time comes wherein we discuss exclusivity.  My guy and I still have not had the "exclusivity talk" and it's almost two months.

I do admit the uncertainty "gets" to me sometimes, last week it did but once we got together, all my uncertainty disappeared and we had yet another great date!

I dislike texting!  I used to love texting, I was a huge supporter of texting in between dates to "keep the connection alive" blah blah but I have since learned texting doesn't mean a damn thing and can actually ruin the otherwise great connection you made while actually on the date.  Which is actuallly what happened with you and this girl, is it not?  

I am curious why you feel you must text in between dates when your next date is only four days away otherwise, what, the person isn't truly attracted to you or not really interested?  

I understand it because I used to be the same when I was young, insecure and unsure of myself but now when I make a great connection, I don't need to text so much.

I find much of it meaningless and frankly boring.   I focus on how well we get on and connect while actually ON the date.

I also try to detach from the outcome and focus more on the journey than the destination.  It helps a lot!

 

 

[RN4L_1969]

9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

You mentioned you had a great time and made plans for a second date. How did it get to the point of standing her up because there's no connection? 

How are you "sure she is feeling this too"?  Sorry to say but it seems like too much emphasis texting, too much projecting and anxiety

. Ok. She's not your ex, so? Hunting for clones of exes is bound to disappoint.  It's up to you of course, but if you are not willing to have a second date to actually see what's going on, how are you going to get anywhere with anyone? 

You were doing great with the "the worst that could happen is I have a nice meal out"..  mindset . What happened?

First...I'm not standing her up. I have yet to decide if I want to go on this next date or not. Yes, I am making some assumptions as well as comparing past relationships where the most fundamental aspect of a relationship, whether in the very beginning or after 40 years of marriage is...communication; something that is lacking...even with a buffer of "busyness" and "life"...

I'm still positive...but just feeling flat right now...again...if this is how the tone of the relationship is going to be, then I don't think this will be for me...

[rainbowsandroses]

4 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I will respond to this.  After one date, I did not expect to be a priority and this is where a lot of people get into trouble imo -- having unrealistic expectations.  Expecting to be a priority, expecting the person they had one great date with to immediately stop dating others.  It was ONE date and I think it's important to slow your roll and keep it all in proper perspective.

I do prefer dating one man at a time, however I keep that to myself until the time comes wherein we discuss exclusivity.  My guy and I still have not had the "exclusivity talk" and it's almost two months.

I do admit the uncertainty "gets" to me sometimes, last week it did but once we got together, all my uncertainty disappeared and we had yet another great date!

I dislike texting!  I used to love texting, I was a huge supporter of texting in between dates to "keep the connection alive" blah blah but I have since learned texting doesn't mean a damn thing and can actually ruin the otherwise great connection you made while actually on the date.  Which is actuallly what happened with you and this girl, is it not?  

I am curious why you feel you must text in between dates when your next date is only four days away otherwise, what, the person isn't truly attracted to you or not really interested?  

I understand it because I used to be the same when I was young, insecure and unsure of myself but now when I make a great connection, I don't need to text so much.

I find much of it meaningless and frankly boring.   I focus on how well we get on and connect while actually ON the date.

To add to this, I am wondering if your intensity may have scared this girl away a bit, caused her attraction/interest level to dip?  Too much intensity from a man too soon can do that, it's happened to me many times.

You may not even realize it, but women (and men when roles are reversed) can sense it, they can feel that intensity without your saying or doing anything.

I will admit that on this thread, you come across as quite intense with respect to what you need and expect, don't know how others view it.

Anyway, just something to consider.  I do hope it all works out the way you hope and as you've been doing, keep us posted!

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, RN4L_1969 said:

6 months but who's counting lol. My goal is not to have short relationships...but one with substance, longevity, connection, chemistry and fun. You know...what every other person is seeking...

So if that's your goal it doesn't really make sense to compare this woman to your intense but short-lived situation. Flash fires often burn out quickly. A steady flame, however? Can last and last.

Hopefully you will find that steady flame. 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

So if that's your goal it doesn't really make sense to compare this woman to your intense but short-lived situation. Flash fires often burn out quickly. A steady flame, however? Can last and last.

Hopefully you will find that steady flame. 

That's what my guy and I are doing and it's as much my choice as his. 

@RN4L_1969you probably don't know this but I'm recently divorced after a one-year marriage wherein we got married only six months after our first date! 

Talk about rushing in!  That is why I think and feel as I do and am very careful now to pace myself and not rush in. 

Fortunately my guy feels the same so it works out beautifully, for now anyway. 

One day at a time. 

[catfeeder]

I think it's great that you are finally questioning your own investment in this woman.

Everything up to this point has been a focus on how to make the best impressions on her.

That focus can create a false high around pulling that off instead of relaxing enough to evaluate where you actually want to stand with her.

You walked away from the last date feeling good, so decide how important texts between dates 'must' be to you. (HINT: There is no 'wrong' answer.)

[ShySoul]

8 hours ago, RN4L_1969 said:

.IDK, maybe I should go on the date and really see what's up....

You can debate what to do and if you are feeling it. You can compare her to past relationships. You can question is she is the one. We can talk about the things we want, steady flames or flames burning out fast. But the only way to know for sure is to actually be with her. Which is why it's always important to actually see and be with the person as much as possible. Apart you can start to have all kinds of thoughts, convince yourself of just about anything. But when they are there, you will know how you feel. Don't go into it with any preconceptions, just be in the moment and experience whatever comes. Every relationship is different, so it's useless to compare. What counts is this person, this relationship, and the time spent together. 

Really, what do you have to lose from spending a few more hours with a person who days ago you felt thrilled by?

[RN4L_1969]

On 1/18/2024 at 2:11 PM, rainbowsandroses said:

I will respond to this.  After one date, I did not expect to be a priority and this is where a lot of people get into trouble imo -- having unrealistic expectations.  Expecting to be a priority, expecting the person they had one great date with to immediately stop dating others.  It was ONE date and I think it's important to slow your roll and keep it all in proper perspective.

I do prefer dating one man at a time, however I keep that to myself until the time comes wherein we discuss exclusivity.  My guy and I still have not had the "exclusivity talk" and it's almost two months.

I do admit the uncertainty "gets" to me sometimes, last week it did but once we got together, all my uncertainty disappeared and we had yet another great date!

I dislike texting!  I used to love texting, I was a huge supporter of texting in between dates to "keep the connection alive" blah blah but I have since learned texting doesn't mean a damn thing and can actually ruin the otherwise great connection you made while actually on the date.  Which is actuallly what happened with you and this girl, is it not?  

I am curious why you feel you must text in between dates when your next date is only four days away otherwise, what, the person isn't truly attracted to you or not really interested?  

I understand it because I used to be the same when I was young, insecure and unsure of myself but now when I make a great connection, I don't need to text so much.

I find much of it meaningless and frankly boring.   I focus on how well we get on and connect while actually ON the date.

I also try to detach from the outcome and focus more on the journey than the destination.  It helps a lot!

 

 

I agree that after one date there should not be any sense of priority or level of expectation...no matter how good the 1st date went. As mentioned earlier in the thread that brought some discussion about focusing on one person at a time; that's my own expectation...period; regardless of what happens. And it looks like you follow that same mindset. But to piggy-back off this concept...without saying, I will put money that the other person is most likely dating/seeing/getting together with others. I'm not that naïve. But as you say...until you have that "exclusive" talk, it's open game...and as long as you/me know that, then it is what it is. But...I'm not going to wait two months or more before that discussion takes place. If the person can't decide to move forward with just "dating" mind you, after two months, then I'm moving on. That tells me either the person is non-committal, just wants to be FWB, or even just friends, or some other type of relationship. If the two can agree on what dynamic they want the relationship to be, then great. But at least for me...I'm looking to actively date one person, (the one I am now), in hopes that if all goes well, that we can then be exclusive...it shouldn't take 2 months to know what you want...

Texting is going to be different for every relationship...there's no rule. And it has nothing to do with age or security. I think you just feel it out as you get to know the person. As I mentioned earlier, with this woman I'm talking to; at first, I was sending lengthy text messages and after a while, her responses or lack thereof, gave me a hint that she's not into lengthy texts. So I modified that type of communication and now it's working out great. I took the advice here, (and yours), about texting...while looking at my perception or expectation and it's been smoother. I do like what you said about focusing on the "actual" memory of the date, and, focus on the next date which will be in-person. I still do like to text though...to me it's a nice touch base, but it just needs to be modified as needed...

 

[RN4L_1969]

On 1/18/2024 at 2:19 PM, rainbowsandroses said:

To add to this, I am wondering if your intensity may have scared this girl away a bit, caused her attraction/interest level to dip?  Too much intensity from a man too soon can do that, it's happened to me many times.

You may not even realize it, but women (and men when roles are reversed) can sense it, they can feel that intensity without your saying or doing anything.

I will admit that on this thread, you come across as quite intense with respect to what you need and expect, don't know how others view it.

Anyway, just something to consider.  I do hope it all works out the way you hope and as you've been doing, keep us posted!

I'm not going to change the way I am or come across. If people see me a certain way then that's on them. It goes the other way around as well. I don't care for the word "intense" Intense is the Super Bowl and both teams are tied at 24-24 and they're in OT, and it all comes down to the kicker to kick a field goal to win the SB...that's intense. I consider myself comfortable with who I am. I know what I want in life, (it does take a lot of successes and failures throughout life to figure that out and come to an assessment of yourself). I'm secure and confident with myself, and if it means people move on or swipe past me, cool. They were not for me. I believe everything happens for a reason...and so I go with that; and of course without saying you add all of life experience with your decisions and choices. With that, it hopefully will get easier, but eventually, you won't have to make those decisions at all since you found "the one"...

Thank you for the well wishes...we are set for a second date tomorrow...

[RN4L_1969]

On 1/18/2024 at 3:11 PM, boltnrun said:

So if that's your goal it doesn't really make sense to compare this woman to your intense but short-lived situation. Flash fires often burn out quickly. A steady flame, however? Can last and last.

Hopefully you will find that steady flame. 

Thank you. We have a second date all set for tomorrow. Hopefully the flame will still be burning...🔥

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, RN4L_1969 said:

I'm not going to change the way I am or come across. If people see me a certain way then that's on them. It goes the other way around as well. I don't care for the word "intense" Intense is the Super Bowl and both teams are tied at 24-24 and they're in OT, and it all comes down to the kicker to kick a field goal to win the SB...that's intense. I consider myself comfortable with who I am. I know what I want in life, (it does take a lot of successes and failures throughout life to figure that out and come to an assessment of yourself). I'm secure and confident with myself, and if it means people move on or swipe past me, cool. They were not for me. I believe everything happens for a reason...and so I go with that; and of course without saying you add all of life experience with your decisions and choices. With that, it hopefully will get easier, but eventually, you won't have to make those decisions at all since you found "the one"...

Thank you for the well wishes...we are set for a second date tomorrow...

I'm in my 50s, been called intense more than once.  I agree it's a matter of perspective, why you're interacting, etc.  I like to make people feel comfortable in their own skin so I try to read the room as far as how I react. But, I'm unlikely to be close friends to a person who is uncomfortable with who I am.

[rainbowsandroses]

29 minutes ago, RN4L_1969 said:

As mentioned earlier in the thread that brought some discussion about focusing on one person at a time; that's my own expectation...period; regardless of what happens. And it looks like you follow that same mindset. But to piggy-back off this concept...without saying, I will put money that the other person is most likely dating/seeing/getting together with others. I'm not that naïve. But as you say...until you have that "exclusive" talk, it's open game...

Not necessarily, I recall with my ex, we had not discussed exclusivity for a couple of months until one night I mentioned it, and he replied "I thought we already were!"🙂

Ideally, if you're getting on really well and connecting on your dates and the connection is strong, including sexual intimacy, a formal "exclusivity talk" is not even necessary imo and experience.

I mean my feeling is, if you have to ask, if you need to have some formal discussion about it..... then perhaps something is off about your relationship?  I realize my opinion about this is NOT the norm but it's how I feel and pretty much how I have always felt.  

Another one of my long term ex's whom I was with for six years and engaged to (long story why it ended), and I had never formally discussed exclusivity.

I know others disagree and believe some sort of formal discussion is necessary, and maybe one of these weekends I will mention it to him but I don't really need it.   

And if he IS dating other women, well I can almost guarantee his connection with them is not as strong as is it with me, because the energy/chemistry we have is very rare indeed and we both know it - THAT we have discussed.

I would NOT be dating him otherwise.  

JMO but these types of talks are to seek reassurance, they stem from anxiety and insecurity.  If you feel secure (within yourself) and have faith and trust in yourself and your own perceptions and intuition and can remain detached from the outcome and enjoy the moment, the journey, I don't believe they are necessary.

Again, JMO.

P.S.  Have fun on your date tomorrow!