My stubborn boss

[Alex39]

10 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

How long have you been working with her? Were you paid so far for any hours of your work?

I agree with everyone. One week is enough under such conditions. Keep it cordial and professional in case you need a referral.

She paid me for every hour I have worked. But I always had to ask to be paid and she would clam up and get really awkward like she didn't want to pay you. It became uncomfortable. She always did pay me. Last week I had to ask three times to be paid. That did rub me the wrong way. 

[Alex39]

I didn't get the opportunity to talk to her today. We had clients in the entire time, then she took off to the bank and I didn't see her.  

During my shift today, I pretty much erased myself from her website, transferred all social media to her, and set myself up to dissappear.  

I then wrote her a very professional formal resignation email and sent it to her. Letting her know next week will be my last shift with her, and I have to move on to other things beyond that. 

I have not heard from her at all. I'm assuming she's freaking out. That's her personality. I assume I'll be getting a call tomorrow.  

[Wiseman2]

34 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I then wrote her a very professional formal resignation email and sent it to her.   I have not heard from her at all. I'm assuming she's freaking out.   

That's a professional way to handle it. She's not freaking out. Your departure is probably mutually beneficial. She can hire someone else in no time. Resignation letters don't require an immediate reply. 

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

She paid me for every hour I have worked. But I always had to ask to be paid and she would clam up and get really awkward like she didn't want to pay you. It became uncomfortable. She always did pay me. Last week I had to ask three times to be paid. That did rub me the wrong way. 

Well, hey you're leaving. You got this. Better things are coming your way.

[LootieTootie]

On 4/9/2024 at 6:10 AM, Alex39 said:

I never signed anything. No contract, no tax forms, nothing. I showed up and starting working and hoped she paid me. 

Uhh ...what?! So is she running an illegal business then?! Here we were... talking to you about making sure you transfer all the social media accounts back to her and don't use it on your own personal email account.... and turns out, she probably wouldn't even have a leg to stand on because she never made you sign any paperwork.

SMH talk about hot mess.

Any way, good thing you're leaving and I am sure she will be just fine. 

[Alex39]

On 4/10/2024 at 6:40 PM, LootieTootie said:

Uhh ...what?! So is she running an illegal business then?! Here we were... talking to you about making sure you transfer all the social media accounts back to her and don't use it on your own personal email account.... and turns out, she probably wouldn't even have a leg to stand on because she never made you sign any paperwork.

SMH talk about hot mess.

Any way, good thing you're leaving and I am sure she will be just fine. 

Yes, the business is a hot mess. 

An update. I made her a personal Facebook, transferred the business to her. Erased myself from her business. Within a day, she's messaging me that Facebook find her account to be suspicious. They've now suspended her Facebook and removed the business page I built from their site. I have no control over this and can't fix it. I think Facebook is still seeing fault after she was hacked last year. 

I have one more shift working with her, and then I'm out. 3 more hours. I'll do whatever she needs in those three hours, but then I'm not her employee anymore. 

I was officially offered the other job. I accepted. The owner asked for my information. I gave it. She said she's sending me an official contract, guide book, training manual, and pay roll information within the week. I can't wait to start 

[Wiseman2]

53 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

. They've now suspended her Facebook and removed the business page I built from their site. I have no control over this and can't fix it. I think Facebook is still seeing fault after she was hacked last year.

Bow out gracefully. It's good you severed accounts. That was a crazy idea anyway mixing her business with your personal social media. Let her figure it out. Enjoy the new job . It's great they seem to have more clearcut guidelines on what your actual job and role is because you seem to need a lot of structure and guidance. 

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

have one more shift working with her, and then I'm out. 3 more hours. I'll do whatever she needs in those three hours, but then I'm not her employee anymore. 

I was officially offered the other job. I accepted. The owner asked for my information. I gave it. She said she's sending me an official contract, guide book, training manual, and pay roll information within the week. I can't wait to start 

Yay, Alex! Enjoy your liberation from the bad payer, and I hope you have a wonderful time in the new place. So glad you went pro-active and sought this change. Congrats.

[Alex39]

I worked, got paid, and walked out with a huge smile on my face. The job was just too much responsibility, not enough pay. Even my last shift, she was asking me what to do with her business. I was telling a friend of mine after the safety concerns, the inconsistent communication, the disordered procedures, the no payment system or plan, and when I tried to create procedures, all the employees would follow it, except her, the owner, and she'd mess it all up for everyone.  I always felt like I was sweeping up after her, and trying to run the business adequately. I was always managing safety- like her leaving draperies and supplies constantly up against the heating system and would get burning hot. Her serving customers open food and drinks that wasn't sanitary or certified by the health department. Her mismanaging money and employees. She was very disorganized and the main cause for all of it was always her. She was too carefree and free flowing. She didn't have a worry that anything bad would happen. And she constantly complained about working too much, and wanting to work less, but she only worked less than 20 hours a week. Before I left, she said how she wants multiple days off in a row every week. That just isn't a dedicated small business owner in my opinion. And her constantly asking me what she should do. That's why I felt like the boss. I was looking for leadership as her employee.  Her whole place is about health and wellness. She didn't care about fire safety, serving food that could cause allergic reactions or illness, putting out old dirty supplies, etc. 

I left with a positive attitude towards her and even gave her a few of my marketing templates. I left professionally.  

My gut is always right and I feel right leaving this job. 

I mentioned I was uncomfortable with her leaving me alone very quickly with that new male employee she hired. Well that was my gut- screaming at me. 

She let me know during my last shift that she fired him. I was shocked. I asked why.  She said one of her customers found his name online. Along with his arrest record and mug shot. He was arrested and charged for sexually assaulting a teenage girl a few years ago. He's a sex offender. My gut felt something wasn't right, and it wasn't. 

[Alex39]

I just wanted to give an update. I don't regret leaving my other job. I'm making more money and I'm doing more work. And the money and a bit more safety and structure is good.  I feel physically safe. No messy, unsanitary, or sex offender conditions.

This new place is different. I didn't go in guns blazing trying to run the place. I'm trying to follow all of the directives of the owner. 

But it's a bit overwhelming. This new place lacks a personal touch. She has everything set up with computer systems and automation. There's no room for one minor mistake. Working there, I have about 20 tabs open just with software she uses. And I'm jumping between a million systems. It's almost too much online software to keep up with. I see maybe using one or two, but she uses every thing under the sun. This one is for scheduling, this one is for social media, this one is for payments, this one for emailing, this one for calendars, this one for tasks, this one for marketing and on and on. I've seen better ways and systems to do it all in one and more simply. 

I am following everything she tells me, but it's very complicated for something that doesn't have to be. 

And I'm getting training, but it isn't personal or her working with me at all. I barely see the owner at all since day one and when I do, I'm chasing her with questions as she walks away and she brushes me off as she's busy, saying to type questions to her on yet another software program.  She only comes in to teach her own classes, not to ever work with me. She literally gave me a front door key on day one saying I can open things up myself. She didn't even know or trust me. I'm working alone constantly. 

She sends me videos and instructions I have to watch or follow on my own. I work completely on my own. So if I have a question during the process, I have to type it to her and she doesn't get back to me for days. But I'm expected to get so much work done every day, she has me on a tight schedule. So I feel pressure that I can't stop for questions, it takes too long. I can't re-watch a video, it takes too much time that I womt finish my tasks. I am getting instructions. But not much context on what I am doing and what it's for. So often times there is grey area where I am lacking full information.  

Clients are coming up to me with questions and I can't answer them. I don't know enough. And I've had many clients tell me how the owner doesn't want to hear their feedback and they make a face, like they've had words with her in the past. I say nothing, but sorry to hear that. 

There are so many rules and policies and structures, but they are all so cold and strict. Humans are humans. People aren't perfect, but their rules don't reflect this. It's perfection or you aren't cut out for it here. I even witnessed one of the teachers- not the owner, talking rudely to children. And have now heard this teacher do this multiple times every week. I was appalled. Everyone just acts like it's normal. I don't say a word. 

I was verbally and borderline physically abused at a school when I was a child, so I know how to spot this behavior. 

I don't get the chance to be creative or innovative or build anything on my own in this new role. It's by the book. I was brought in to be a friendly face, a friendly contact, but I feel like a robot. 

She does marketing and it's so cold and again automated. I like more human oriented marketing with some freedom and organic connection. Her connection is an AI system sending generic messages. I could answer all the messages with a more personal flair. 

I made a bunch of social media posts for her to look at. It took me some time and effort. She only approved one or two. I felt so defeated. I know my work is good. 

I don't hate the job. I just know I have more I could offer and do. 

I don't think I think high enough of myself. My co-workers at my day to day job keep saying- why are you working for these other people, when you definitely could be running your own business? We see you doing that. 

I don't feel confident doing it myself. 

[Starlight925]

30 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

There are so many rules and policies and structures, but they are all so cold and strict.

I don't get the chance to be creative or innovative or build anything on my own in this new role. It's by the book. I was brought in to be a friendly face, a friendly contact, but I feel like a robot. 

She does marketing and it's so cold and again automated.

The above 3 points are her decisions, her business, and what she wants is someone to follow her strict procedures and guidelines.

This is what it is.  Period, full stop.

Stop trying to turn each job into something else.

You know this from your first weeks here.  This is how it is.  

Stop trying to create clever marketing, etc.  She doesn't want this.

She owns the business.  You do not.

[DarkCh0c0]

43 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

Working there, I have about 20 tabs open just with software she uses. And I'm jumping between a million systems. It's almost too much online software to keep up with.

 

44 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I'm chasing her with questions as she walks away and she brushes me off as she's busy, saying to type questions to her on yet another software program

I definitely know the type. I worked with one and the rudeness with children and clients doesn't surprise me. She probably prefers dealing with software because in her opinion it's better and more perfect than people. And she feels more in control with it.

So obviously, she is a task-oriented rather than people-oriented person. 

I would ask for one meeting with her and get some questions prepped in advance. Let her know how important this is to your onboarding and business. You can't run the business if you don't have sufficient information. Otherwise, you'll be in a constant fight or flight mode. Book the meeting in her calendar, as per her system, and insist on its value and importance. 

But you need to accept that this is who she is. You can choose to change your focus on your own job and customers instead of her energy. And if you feel so limited, then maybe consider taking a break from such side job for a while. You job picker, much like mine sadly, might be off.

[boltnrun]

You weren't hired to change the way she runs her business. You were hired to do specific tasks.

If there are impediments to completing those tasks, continue to let her know and don't proceed until she gives you a solid answer. If she complains that things aren't getting done, remind her you have unanswered questions and you can proceed once she provides the answers.

You could market yourself to businesses as a consultant but it will take some time to find clients. That could be an option to pursue. If you're as good at marketing as you say you are this shouldn't be a problem. 

[catfeeder]

You don't have time to revisit a video, type some questions or get your work done, but you have all that extra time to create marketing campaigns?

[Jaunty]

If you are unhappy working there, quit.   

Sorry to point this out, as you've heard it many times, but the main quality about you that we know of here on this site is that you are extremely critical of other people and how they choose to run their lives, relationships, businesses, homes, etc.   So you might want to just take a look at this trait.   You are likely to have exactly the same response to any place you work, especially if it's a small business run by a woman.  You will feel like you could do so much better and be very focussed on everything the owner does wrong.

Is this a good way to spend your time?   I mean - it's a part time job you got so you could make more money.  So was the last one.  Can't you just put your head down, get your work done and your paycheck, and then move on ... perhaps to criticize the way different people in your life do their things? 

I'm being facetious here ... I do hope you will cut this out altogether.  Sure, do not stay in situations that are truly bad for you.  The way you handle things now, though, you are likely to make excuses for really serious issues (like with your "boyfriend") and then get hyperfocussed and wound up about things that are really not your problem at all.

[Alex39]

54 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

 

I definitely know the type. I worked with one and the rudeness with children and clients doesn't surprise me. She probably prefers dealing with software because in her opinion it's better and more perfect than people. And she feels more in control with it.

So obviously, she is a task-oriented rather than people-oriented person. 

I would ask for one meeting with her and get some questions prepped in advance. Let her know how important this is to your onboarding and business. You can't run the business if you don't have sufficient information. Otherwise, you'll be in a constant fight or flight mode. Book the meeting in her calendar, as per her system, and insist on its value and importance. 

But you need to accept that this is who she is. You can choose to change your focus on your own job and customers instead of her energy. And if you feel so limited, then maybe consider taking a break from such side job for a while. You job picker, much like mine sadly, might be off.

This is spot on. Thank you for understanding my post. It's not that I'm unhappy and I never say and word to her about anything complaining. I'm not trying to change her business.  I think for years she has relied on technology instead of actually engaging with her customers. She doesn't want to hear their complaints or their issues. But technology only gets you so far. People are real. Not behind a screen. I like her and when we do get chances to talk she's nice to me. I guess I just thought I'd be seeing and talking to her more myself, training with her,  and not working alone. Chatting leaves things little context with interpersonal communication. She can't see my face, my tone of voice, understand my point of view through a chat online. That's just how I feel. 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

She does marketing and it's so cold and again automated. I like more human oriented marketing with some freedom and organic connection. Her connection is an AI system sending generic messages. I could answer all the messages with a more personal flair. 

Not your job. Many people now use stuff like “Slack” for team communication. My country uses Viber. Its basically WhatsUp and you make a group where everyone can connect so communication is easier. My point is, your job is to be efficient and not creative. If you use paid AI programs, let paid AI make 50 posts, copy them and see if she approves. If she uses stuff like that, she wont mind. There is no need for you to “shine up”. 
 

Also

12 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

Sorry to point this out, as you've heard it many times, but the main quality about you that we know of here on this site is that you are extremely critical of other people and how they choose to run their lives, relationships, businesses, homes, etc. 

This is true. Last one was disorganised and you thought somebody would rape you, this one is organised but she is a “robot” that uses too much apps to run a business. I know nobody is perfect but sometimes you need to point positives about somebody too, and not just negatives. For example I never saw you point something positive even about your friends. Which, by definition, should have positives since you associate with these people. I am sure they have positives so its on you how you are only critical on everyone. This is on you, not on them. 

[Alex39]

47 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

You don't have time to revisit a video, type some questions or get your work done, but you have all that extra time to create marketing campaigns?

No, that's my issue. I don't have time to re-watch a 30 minute video,  get all her daily tasks checked off, and I thought she hired me to do more marketing, as we discussed my skills and such a lot in the interview, and she wants to up her clientele, but there is no time for that in the schedule of things she has provided. 

[Alex39]

18 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

If you are unhappy working there, quit.   

Sorry to point this out, as you've heard it many times, but the main quality about you that we know of here on this site is that you are extremely critical of other people and how they choose to run their lives, relationships, businesses, homes, etc.   So you might want to just take a look at this trait.   You are likely to have exactly the same response to any place you work, especially if it's a small business run by a woman.  You will feel like you could do so much better and be very focussed on everything the owner does wrong.

Is this a good way to spend your time?   I mean - it's a part time job you got so you could make more money.  So was the last one.  Can't you just put your head down, get your work done and your paycheck, and then move on ... perhaps to criticize the way different people in your life do their things? 

I'm being facetious here ... I do hope you will cut this out altogether.  Sure, do not stay in situations that are truly bad for you.  The way you handle things now, though, you are likely to make excuses for really serious issues (like with your "boyfriend") and then get hyperfocussed and wound up about things that are really not your problem at all.

I don't hate the job, and I am putting my head down and doing every task asked. 

It's a bit stressful for a part time job when you never see or speak to the owner. 

[Alex39]

2 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Not your job. Many people now use stuff like “Slack” for team communication. My country uses Viber. Its basically WhatsUp and you make a group where everyone can connect so communication is easier. My point is, your job is to be efficient and not creative. If you use paid AI programs, let paid AI make 50 posts, copy them and see if she approves. If she uses stuff like that, she wont mind. There is no need for you to “shine up”. 
 

Also

This is true. Last one was disorganised and you thought somebody would rape you, this one is organised but she is a “robot” that uses too much apps to run a business. I know nobody is perfect but sometimes you need to point positives about somebody too, and not just negatives. For example I never saw you point something positive even about your friends. Which, by definition, should have positives since you associate with these people. I am sure they have positives so its on you how you are only critical on everyone. This is on you, not on them. 

I have plenty here that I think is positive. I think she has an organized business. It's clean, well decorated, and the classes are good. 

[Kwothe28]

7 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I have plenty here that I think is positive. I think she has an organized business. It's clean, well decorated, and the classes are good. 

But then focus on that. There is no need to seek “a hair in an egg”. You found a better job that is way better than the last one. Think about that and dont try to be “Negative Nancy”. The reason is simple: They say that whatever our thoughts are, that is how we lead our life. You focusing how you have new and good job is good. You being overtly critical about it leads to you not being happy and conducting your life in that way.

[Jaunty]

9 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

They say that whatever our thoughts are, that is how we lead our life. You focusing how you have new and good job is good. You being overtly critical about it leads to you not being happy and conducting your life in that way.

Exactly.  People call you out on this here all the time, in large part because it rubs us the wrong way ... but why should you care what a bunch of people feel like when they encounter your criticisms and complaining about others?   We are nothing to you.

But it is defining your life and how you engage with people and situations in it, all the time.

 

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

This is spot on. Thank you for understanding my post. It's not that I'm unhappy and I never say and word to her about anything complaining. I'm not trying to change her business.  I think for years she has relied on technology instead of actually engaging with her customers. She doesn't want to hear their complaints or their issues. But technology only gets you so far. People are real. Not behind a screen. I like her and when we do get chances to talk she's nice to me. I guess I just thought I'd be seeing and talking to her more myself, training with her,  and not working alone. Chatting leaves things little context with interpersonal communication. She can't see my face, my tone of voice, understand my point of view through a chat online. That's just how I feel. 

100%

Listen, we can jump in here and give random advice, but you know you better. 

If this is making you unhappy, you can let it go. Have some free time, apply for another job, screen the manager and work style well, and off you go to something better. You don't have to do this. You're obviously talented, but you're having a tough time finding your place so to speak. So give yourself what you need.

[Batya33]

If it's not a good fit and it's only part time leave and your criticisms are irrelevant -it's not going to change - you're her part time employee - not her right hand and she's not asking you if she should change.  You don't like her way of doing things others would love it.  And it's really a bit much even mentioning your background with abusive situations -this is a working style you don't like.  The end.  No abuse here. No need to go there when it's simply a poor  fit.

[boltnrun]

Some people I work with like to chit chat. Others put their heads down and work. There are some people in my office whose names I don't even know because they have never spoken to me. It doesn't prevent me from doing my job.

You were hired to do things her way, not yours. 

It is interesting that the positives were like two sentences but your complaints are multiple long paragraphs. 

Have you ever considered keeping a positivity journal?