My stubborn boss

[Jaunty]

11 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

My parents were the ones who convinced me to not take a dumb job.

It would help you if you completely stopped putting any responsibility for your choices on other people.   YOUR life, YOUR choice.   

11 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I took the job, didn't ponder it, didn't weigh my options, just took it. No standards involved.

Okay.  Why do you blame other people when it's you doing this to yourself, though?

11 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I do this in relationships too. I don't deeply think about who I'm with. I just so easily accept it because at first it seems nice and okay. Honestly, if I had had higher standards from the beginning and did more deep thought, I would have never even dated my ex

This is where you lose me.   I hear what you're saying ... but you post here about your issues in all of these situations.  With your ex - those were some of the longest threads, and your posts some of the longest, most detailed posts I've seen on this site.

You explored all of the crappy aspects in great detail.  

Yet you still  kept going.  It was like you didn't even really read or write any of the posts.

Same with this situation.

What's up with that?

[Jaunty]

9 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

AND I have the 10 years of business backing. 7 years of schooling. She doesn't have either. Not saying that's bad at all. I never faulted her for it. I'm just making a point that under her standards of thinking about experience,  I have it. 

You really need to let go of this train of thought.  Many people have posted examples.  Again:  You were hired at minimum wage to work about 10 hours a week.  That is your role in this job.   Your credentials do not play any part in this situation.   Next time, if you want to be paid in accordance with your education and experience, you need to negotiate for that before accepting a job.   I'm sure you know this.

Also,  it appears that you keep forgetting that this woman does not like what you did and has asked you to return it to the way it was.   Under these circumstances, your credentials would not have helped you anyway.  If she were paying you more, and you did work that was not satisfactory to her, you would probably be let go.

[boltnrun]

It's still her decision to make. Not yours.

If you want to be paid commensurate to your experience don't accept a job that pays less than what you feel you're worth.

Let me give you an example from my life. I was under employed and looking for a new job. I saw a posting that listed much of what I had experience in. It asked for ten years or more of experience which I had. I was invited to interview. I went and had a great chat with the owner. He seemed to really like me, and I got a good first impression of him. When he asked if I had any questions of course I asked what the salary range was. He said it paid $10 per hour. My previous job had laid $22 per hour. I told him that with the job requiring ten years of experience $10 was quite low. He said "Can't you make it work?" I stood up, shook his hand, thanked him for his time and left. Even though I needed a job, I wasn't going to accept a more than 100% drop in pay. How it looked on my resume was irrelevant. Oh, and I saw he had changed the listing a few days later to say "entry level". I presume he got a few more applicants who also told him he was vastly underpaying. 

You should trust your instincts instead of blindly following what your mother tells you to do. I don't understand why you do things that are against your own best interests so consistently. And then argue that you were right to do them! Only much later do you admit you knew better but chose to proceed anyway. 

Alex, you're smarter than that! Trust your own instincts. 

[Alex39]

7 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

It would help you if you completely stopped putting any responsibility for your choices on other people.   YOUR life, YOUR choice.   

Okay.  Why do you blame other people when it's you doing this to yourself, though?

This is where you lose me.   I hear what you're saying ... but you post here about your issues in all of these situations.  With your ex - those were some of the longest threads, and your posts some of the longest, most detailed posts I've seen on this site.

You explored all of the crappy aspects in great detail.  

Yet you still  kept going.  It was like you didn't even really read or write any of the posts.

Same with this situation.

What's up with that?

I know, I totally agree with what you are saying. I don't know why I choose to get in the situations and then once on them I stay.

I dont want to fail. I don't want to give up. I don't want to make a mistake. But I do. 

[Alex39]

3 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

You really need to let go of this train of thought.  Many people have posted examples.  Again:  You were hired at minimum wage to work about 10 hours a week.  That is your role in this job.   Your credentials do not play any part in this situation.   Next time, if you want to be paid in accordance with your education and experience, you need to negotiate for that before accepting a job.   I'm sure you know this.

Also,  it appears that you keep forgetting that this woman does not like what you did and has asked you to return it to the way it was.   Under these circumstances, your credentials would not have helped you anyway.  If she were paying you more, and you did work that was not satisfactory to her, you would probably be let go.

She hired me to work 20 hours a week. She said 20 in the interview and on my first day.  But I only work 10. She wasn't honest about that. And she's aways trying to get me to cut hours shorter than 10. 

My work is high quality. Her website looks great and her clients have complimented it saying it's so much better.  And her sales went up thousands of dollars. 

That's why I can't understand why she isn't happy with the work. 

She complains to me daily how she is so poor and the business needs to make more. 

She literally sent me a message,  I have it in writing her saying- I just want the business to make around the same every month of moderate income. 

So she would rather make $2000 every month then make the $4000 to $6000 I made her. 

That makes no sense at all. 

[Jaunty]

7 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I dont want to fail. I don't want to give up. I don't want to make a mistake. But I do. 

Do you think that you get something out of being in a "victim" role?

[Alex39]

8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

It's still her decision to make. Not yours.

If you want to be paid commensurate to your experience don't accept a job that pays less than what you feel you're worth.

Let me give you an example from my life. I was under employed and looking for a new job. I saw a posting that listed much of what I had experience in. It asked for ten years or more of experience which I had. I was invited to interview. I went and had a great chat with the owner. He seemed to really like me, and I got a good first impression of him. When he asked if I had any questions of course I asked what the salary range was. He said it paid $10 per hour. My previous job had laid $22 per hour. I told him that with the job requiring ten years of experience $10 was quite low. He said "Can't you make it work?" I stood up, shook his hand, thanked him for his time and left. Even though I needed a job, I wasn't going to accept a more than 100% drop in pay. How it looked on my resume was irrelevant. Oh, and I saw he had changed the listing a few days later to say "entry level". I presume he got a few more applicants who also told him he was vastly underpaying. 

You should trust your instincts instead of blindly following what your mother tells you to do. I don't understand why you do things that are against your own best interests so consistently. And then argue that you were right to do them! Only much later do you admit you knew better but chose to proceed anyway. 

Alex, you're smarter than that! Trust your own instincts. 

At first I didn't mind the pay. She constantly told me, it was all she had to give.  Then she brings up that she has more money to start giving out raises based on experience. Why wouldn't I then ask for one? 

[Seraphim]

Alex, PLEASE PLEASE LISTEN. STOP DEFENDING . Stop reiterating the same messages over and over and over and over. We get it . None of us are simpletons or don’t get what you are talking about . Go back and read what everyone has said to you without engaging your typing fingers and take it in and think about it. 

[Jaunty]

1 minute ago, Alex39 said:

She hired me to work 20 hours a week. She said 20 in the interview and on my first day.  But I only work 10. She wasn't honest about that. And she's aways trying to get me to cut hours shorter than 10. 

My work is high quality. Her website looks great and her clients have complimented it saying it's so much better.  And her sales went up thousands of dollars. 

That's why I can't understand why she isn't happy with the work. 

She complains to me daily how she is so poor and the business needs to make more. 

She literally sent me a message,  I have it in writing her saying- I just want the business to make around the same every month of moderate income. 

So she would rather make $2000 every month then make the $4000 to $6000 I made her. 

That makes no sense at all. 

If the way you have marketed her business is at odds with her vision of the business (which it definitely is, according to your myriad of detailed posts) then OF COURSE she is not happy with it.   You completely threw her ideas and values out the window and ran with what YOU would do if YOU owned a fitness studio.  Nobody is going to accept that, especially since you've only been associated with this person / business since the fall.   You have not earned any trust with her at all.

@Alex39 - would it be possible for you to carry on in this thread without detailing ANY MORE about your grievances with her?  Everybody gets it and this is about YOU and your choices and actions.  Not this woman.

 

 

[LootieTootie]

36 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I took the job, didn't ponder it, didn't weigh my options, just took it. No standards involved. Then when I start it and sit back and see what it is, then I start realizing that it's high work, low pay. 

I do this in relationships too. I don't deeply think about who I'm with. I just so easily accept it because at first it seems nice and okay. Honestly, if I had had higher standards from the beginning and did more deep thought, I would have never ....

 

Okay so it looks like you're saying you don't think things through before making life decisions?

That's ok, that's mostly everyone! So own it and say to yourself: "Hey, I can't keep doing this to myself because if I keep going the way I've been going, I am always going to repeat and be unhappy."

And to willingly repeat something over and over in every aspect of your life, you're just being unkind and untrue to yourself.

Tap into your instincts and stop listening to your mom and be Alex.

[Batya33]

Alex -a question meant with zero judgment.  Why is your full time job hourly? Does it include health benefits/paid vacay? You say you have an MBA and all this experience -why are you choosing an hourly instead of salary plus benefits -obviously I might be missing something here!

Also a real life example like Bolt -when I was looking for part time work in my field after 7 years away being a SAHM I interviewed for a sort of consultant role/hourly.  He asked me if I'd accept less plus commission. I knew this wasn't going to work for me -that structure. So I said no. He said he'd send me projects and never did which is fine - but I'm glad I didn't settle for what wouldn't work for me even though I liked him, his professionalism and the work I'd be doing.

[Alex39]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Alex -a question meant with zero judgment.  Why is your full time job hourly? Does it include health benefits/paid vacay? You say you have an MBA and all this experience -why are you choosing an hourly instead of salary plus benefits -obviously I might be missing something here!

My day to day is salary with amazing benefits. I only took this extra job hourly to try and pay off some student debt I have. 

[Batya33]

Just now, Alex39 said:

My day to day is salary with amazing benefits. I only took this extra job hourly to try and pay off some student debt I have. 

You said you were paid $34/hr

[Crawfords Wine]

7 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

Then she brings up that she has more money to start giving out raises based on experience. Why wouldn't I then ask for one? 

Because even though you may 'deserve' better pay, due to your experience and such, you have not actually earned a pay raise.  Not with her, in her business.

For starters, you have only been working there for a very short amount of time, and definitely not long enough to automatically qualify for increased pay.

Secondly, despite all your qualifications and experience, your boss did not like what you did to her business, the way you bulldozered all over her, and her livelihood. So much so that she asked you to revert the changes you made back to how it originally was. That ought to tell you that your efforts, however well intended, were not appreciated and you're not likely to get remunerated for them.

It's clear that the two of you clashed from fairly early on, and rather than cutting your losses you doubled down in some sort of effort to prove you are right.

The thing is, you may very well be right. 
About her marketing, pricing, interior design, classes, the whole kit & caboodle.
It matters not one iota, because she is the boss and she can do what she damn well wants, it's her business. 
Literally. 

 

 

 

 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

in life I'm very naive.

Being naive has nothing to do with your attitude in general here. 

You think you know better than essentially everyone else in your life, including this particular woman. You judge people harshly. You're incredibly critical of others. Your threads are full of unkind things you write about loved ones. 

I think you play the role of naive victim to avoid taking accountability for not being a very nice person to the people around you, even if they don't know what you really think of them. 

 

[TheCrow]

'..And my father, who is a very work savvy man thinks I need to leave as soon as possible when I get my next gig. He thinks a few things:

1. He thinks she's using me unfairly. He thinks she's using me for high quality, high level work for bad pay. And then throws in some easy tasks like cleaning to dumb down the job and justify the pay. 

2. He thinks she hasn't been honest. She told me 20 hours a week upon hiring.  Some weeks I struggle to get 10 with her cutting me short a lot. 

3. My father thinks she'll blame me for her business not doing well and that I'm a great scapegoat and person to blame.  

4.  My father thinks it might ruin my reputation to stay with my name as the Manager if her business does fail. 

My dad is a smart guy who has been through the ringer with work himself his whole life. I trust what my dad has to say and I agree with him'

Alex,

The only advise I can give you is to listen to you dad. Please don't let  'advice' from a bunch of judgemental strangers on the net who don't know you from Adam and don't give a monkeys if you live or die affect you in a negative way.  Please don't feel that you have to justify and defend what you post or how you choose to live your personal or work life.  Instead, listen to your dad who DOES know you and love you and has your best interests at heart. The job's sucking the life out of you and needs to go but you know this of course. You can do a lot better. All the best to you.

[TheCrow]

19 hours ago, Morello said:

I am trying to understand what the point of many experienced users here is. It seems you're all just pilling on the OP for whatever mistakes she has made. At this point, Alex has become the punching bag for people who, honestly, seem to have nothing better to do in life rather than try to destroy someone's self-esteem like that. So much hate and bile disguised as "advice".

OP has already described in detail their struggles and recognised their shortcomings. But now, all she is doing here is defending herself from the pile-on. I can't see how any of this is helpful in any way.

Thank you. 

[TheCrow]

19 hours ago, Morello said:

I did read everything. My opinion remains the same.

Thank you.

[Jaunty]

2 hours ago, TheCrow said:

The only advise I can give you is to listen to you dad. 

I disagree.  IMO @Alex39 needs to step up for herself, take responsibility for herself and her choices, and stop listening to other people who she will  then hold responsible for her difficulties.  This includes her parents.  

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Alex39 said:

. They said to take a job that I could put on my resume. That would help me long term in my career. This job was a business job, for my resume. 

Please reconsider putting a minimum wage job on your resume.  If anything it would make people wonder why you're taking such positions. 

[Alex39]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

You said you were paid $34/hr

I calculated my salary down to an average hourly wage for comparison. I work a set number of hours a week and on set days, so it was easy to calculate how much that's worth. 

[Alex39]

3 hours ago, Crawfords Wine said:

Because even though you may 'deserve' better pay, due to your experience and such, you have not actually earned a pay raise.  Not with her, in her business.

For starters, you have only been working there for a very short amount of time, and definitely not long enough to automatically qualify for increased pay.

Secondly, despite all your qualifications and experience, your boss did not like what you did to her business, the way you bulldozered all over her, and her livelihood. So much so that she asked you to revert the changes you made back to how it originally was. That ought to tell you that your efforts, however well intended, were not appreciated and you're not likely to get remunerated for them.

It's clear that the two of you clashed from fairly early on, and rather than cutting your losses you doubled down in some sort of effort to prove you are right.

The thing is, you may very well be right. 
About her marketing, pricing, interior design, classes, the whole kit & caboodle.
It matters not one iota, because she is the boss and she can do what she damn well wants, it's her business. 
Literally. 

 

 

 

 

I agree. And admit she can do whatever she wants. 

I'll clarify, one of the teachers, Kathy, whom she specifically used as an example for experience based raises, just started working for her less than a month ago. Much shorter than I've been with her. So I'd understand if she said- Oh well there are people I want to give raises to because they have been with me for a long time. 

Then I'd understand, I just started and didn't deserve a raise so quickly. But she specifically mentioned upping pay for teachers for experience and some of her teachers just started less time than myself. 

[Alex39]

3 hours ago, TheCrow said:

'..And my father, who is a very work savvy man thinks I need to leave as soon as possible when I get my next gig. He thinks a few things:

1. He thinks she's using me unfairly. He thinks she's using me for high quality, high level work for bad pay. And then throws in some easy tasks like cleaning to dumb down the job and justify the pay. 

2. He thinks she hasn't been honest. She told me 20 hours a week upon hiring.  Some weeks I struggle to get 10 with her cutting me short a lot. 

3. My father thinks she'll blame me for her business not doing well and that I'm a great scapegoat and person to blame.  

4.  My father thinks it might ruin my reputation to stay with my name as the Manager if her business does fail. 

My dad is a smart guy who has been through the ringer with work himself his whole life. I trust what my dad has to say and I agree with him'

Alex,

The only advise I can give you is to listen to you dad. Please don't let  'advice' from a bunch of judgemental strangers on the net who don't know you from Adam and don't give a monkeys if you live or die affect you in a negative way.  Please don't feel that you have to justify and defend what you post or how you choose to live your personal or work life.  Instead, listen to your dad who DOES know you and love you and has your best interests at heart. The job's sucking the life out of you and needs to go but you know this of course. You can do a lot better. All the best to you.

Thank you, I appreciate the feedback. 

[Alex39]

I will re-iterate. You all say- Oh you aren't changing or taking advice etc etc

1. I don't have to change myself if I don't want to. But at least I do try to be better. I am entitled to my opinion on everything in my life. Including what I think of this woman, her business, and this job. 

And maybe I do judge others. Everyone in the world I know does. And a pet peeve of mine is people who don't work hard then complain. When you only work 20 hours a week I wouldn't expect to be making a fortune. One of my friends is like this too. My friend is the nicest and a great person. She always complains about money. But she purposely works a part time job only. And says how she loves part time for less hours.  Then why complain about money when you only work half the time of a regular employee?

2. As I mentioned in a previous post, I know my weaknesses and struggles. 

I have money struggles, I went out and not only work one job but got another to help pay bills

I'm not overly happy with the job and have applied to numerous jobs now taking action to leave

I know I need to get healthy so have been buying healthy food and joined a gym to lose weight and have lost weight

I know I need some assistance with my struggles so I go to therapy

If a pipe bursts I call a plumber

 

I think it's very easy to talk when you aren't in a stressful situation with bills you have to pay. Easy to say, oh just quit this job, but I need another job lined up first. 

I plan on getting another job. 

She isn't happy with some work I did. She is also entitled to her opinion and I can also not agree. And I think her ignoring and not acknowledging that she made thousands more from what I did is not fair. That money went into her pocket. 

And I can think what I want of her. Just this morning she started putting her information into and responding to a scam email she got, because it looked convincing to her that her accounts were compromised and she needed to fix it by submitting her information. Thank goodness I jumped in and realized what it was and that it wasn't real and told her so and stopped her just in time. So I can think what I want. She isn't the brightest bulb in the world. 

 

 

[Alex39]

And maybe I'm bitter and maybe I'm hurting. Going through a tough time. Just trying to do okay financially, mentally, physically, it's a lot. 

As early as I can remember in life, you are told, work hard, get an education, do well, be a good person, buy a house, get married, have kids, and it'll all pay off. 

My whole young life I was a by the book good girl. I got good grades, I worked hard, I never broke a rule or didn't listen. I strived in activities, got into a good college, and did well. Started working at age 15. Watched my parents be good parents, good people, work hard. And watched people bulldoze my parents. And my parents stayed strong. They always stood by working hard and stood by being fair. So did I.

I watched my parents struggle with medical issues and sick family members that needed care. No one cared and no one gave us a handout for anything. 

I went out into the working world, I learned, I stayed fair, I stayed humble. People walked all over me and crushed me like a bug. 

I was a sweet, naive girl living in a tough world.

I made some mistakes with guys always giving people the benefit of the doubt. I trusted people who didn't care about me. 

You work hard, you do good, you stay honest, and I'm grateful its gotten me a decent place to live that I bought myself, and it's gotten me my career. I'm grateful. But it wasn't luck, it was because I worked for it. 

I never smoked or even tried smoking once. Never tried drugs. Went to church. Only drink rarely. 

Keep myself organized and put together and try try try. 

So it can become a little bitter at life when you feel like you are working so hard and barely getting anywhere. No boyfriend,  husband, family of my own.  Working two jobs to pay off debt. Friends are all moving on and you barely see them. Physically can't do the intense physical activity I used to do. Body changing. Hair changing. Skin changing. Mentality changing. So much change.  Life is flying by. 

 Grateful for my family who supports me no matter what and they want what's best for me. 

So yes maybe I judge others. They don't work as hard. They don't have to. They complain. They aren't happy with someone that puts their all into things.