Talk About Spontaneous!

[rainbowsandroses]

48 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Hopefully you exchanged names and contact info. Should we call him BunMan? 😉. Have you been communicating since? 

Lol, yes we did finally reveal our names and exchanged phone numbers, but no haven't heard from him today.

I keep going back and forth in my mind asking myself - do I want him to contact me this soon after our date?  A couple of my friends have asked too and course they're attaching negatives to it, ugh. 

Or would I rather he wait and keep that little bit of mystery/uncertainty alive and text me Saturday or Sunday morning to confirm the Sunday plan?  

I know myself very well and while on one hand the attention and reassurance would be nice but on the other hand I don't want to push or rush it.

But yeah, we did get each other's names.  

[Jaunty]

This story will be WAY better if you do not interact before your rendezvous on Sunday. Let it unfold - or not - from date to date, if you can stand it.     

[Batya33]

He asked you to meet up last minute after meeting you -this Sunday is a proper date.  Let him contact you to confirm. I'd avoid texting in between.

[boltnrun]

Wait, I thought you liked space?

😉

[kim42]

I personally like when a guy texts me after a date, and I also prefer at least some texting in between dates but I know people have diffrent opinions on this, and also, I'm in Europe, so I think it's a little different over here.

Have fun on Sunday! 🙂

[MrMan1983]

18 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I don't mean to be so elusive but it was kinda personal.  But it didn't put me off at all.

Wasn't something like the Liar Liar Jim Carrey lift scene was it? 😂 Tried to link the video but comes up with something else for some reason.

[MrMan1983]

13 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

do I want him to contact me this soon after our date?  A couple of my friends have asked too and course they're attaching negatives to it, ugh. 

Or would I rather he wait and keep that little bit of mystery/uncertainty alive and text me Saturday or Sunday morning to confirm the Sunday plan? 

PS. I wouldn't over think this, us guys are onto a no winner sometimes when it comes to texting. You text too soon and you're apparently a keeno, you text outside of a perceived made up time frame and apparently it was too long. Just go with the flow! Hopefully he'll be in touch to set plans soon though 🙂 Ignore mates and their often crappy advice too, womens group chats are the worst 😂

Example being I had a situation the other day (end of last week) where I had a telephone call with a nice lady, we had a great laugh and we set the date for the following Friday. I touched base at the start of the week to finalize time and place and she had already (apparently) moved on and hinted that I had not been in touch enough even though we had the date planned and hadn't met yet! She admitted she liases with her mates about everything too and they say this or that 😐 Yet other times in dating if I had kept more contact things can fizzle where they perceive it as too keen. I wish we could go back to the phone being only used for setting dates, oh to go back in time!

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, kim42 said:

I personally like when a guy texts me after a date, and I also prefer at least some texting in between dates but I know people have diffrent opinions on this, and also, I'm in Europe, so I think it's a little different over here.

Have fun on Sunday! 🙂

But they're not dating yet -they met once, then met up and now they have a first date coming up.  

[kim42]

15 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

But they're not dating yet -they met once, then met up and now they have a first date coming up.  

See, that's the cultural difference I guess - where I live, we don't even use the word 'date' so I don't really make a difference between the first 'meet' and a 'real date'.

Either way, as a personal preference, I like when a guy texts me after the meet/date. 

[Batya33]

11 minutes ago, kim42 said:

See, that's the cultural difference I guess - where I live, we don't even use the word 'date' so I don't really make a difference between the first 'meet' and a 'real date'.

Either way, as a personal preference, I like when a guy texts me after the meet/date. 

But they haven't even had a proper date.  I never considered a first meet with a stranger a date - we didn't know what the other was like in person at all - and he wasn't asking me on a date -he was asking to meet in person -or I was -to see if we should go on a date. Never expected the stranger to offer to pay for me, or to suggest a long first meet, etc.

They met in person on an elevator.  They met up later on at his suggestion. Now he's asked her on a first date. 

She's seen him twice in her life including the random encounter.  I think it's silly for him to keep in touch unless there's a plan change -he made specific time and place plans. 

If they meet and go on this date and they start dating regularly at some point they should keep in touch in between as part of the way of getting to know each other.  I didn't need chat buddies when I was dating with serious intentions and I had no interest in a man showing interest by random texting when we had just met.  I wanted him to show interest by asking me out on a date he planned and showing up for the date and taking an interest in getting to know me in person (and reciprocal of course). 

I get that in Europe it's more common to only date one person at a time.  I would be surprised if people in Europe who date would tell anyone they are dating someone they met in an elevator then hung out with later that day and have plans for a date coming up.  Or expect that person to treat them as someone they are dating.  That's just - a weird way IMO to describe this sort of interaction with a brand new person.

 

[mylolita]

1 hour ago, MrMan1983 said:

Wasn't something like the Liar Liar Jim Carrey lift scene was it? 😂 Tried to link the video but comes up with something else for some reason.

“Everyone’s been so nice to me!”

 

”Yeah, it’s cos you’ve got big jugs… I mean!!!”

 

😂

[mylolita]

58 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

But they're not dating yet -they met once, then met up and now they have a first date coming up.  

Surely that first invite was a date, right? 
 

Man meets a girl and asks her out for a drink? Definition of a date! Surely people don’t have to say it out loud as “join me on a date” for it to be a date?

 

Or am I behind on these things? 
 

It’s second date time this time round surely? Bing bang boom! 🎉 

 

x

[mylolita]

40 minutes ago, kim42 said:

See, that's the cultural difference I guess - where I live, we don't even use the word 'date' so I don't really make a difference between the first 'meet' and a 'real date'.

Either way, as a personal preference, I like when a guy texts me after the meet/date. 

Hey Kim!

 

I am British! We also don’t really use the word date. You just “ask the girl out” or, “ask someone out” - that’s the general gist! If you’ve asked someone to do something with you; and you fancy them, it’s a date, not matter what! 
 

Here, you would “ask a girl to go out with you” meaning, ask her to become your girlfriend. 
 

Is that confusing? 🤣 Is it the same where you are?

 

I often forget, and am suddenly reminded(!) that this site is 95% American. Someone said once “picture day” and I thought, no offence but, what kind of baby talk is this? I soon realised they meant “school photograph day” or, as we would say, “my son is having his school photograph taken today”

Sidewalk? It’s the pavement! Movies?! We’re going to the cinema to see a film! Chips? Crisps!!! Primary bedroom?! You mean, the master bedroom! Restroom… bathroom? You mean, “I’m just going to nip to the loo!” And the biggest culture shock is when Americans order food or drinks! To the English ear, it sounds beyond rude. “Give me the…” “I’ll get the…” “I’ll take the…” Wait! Stop! Surely it’s: “Could I please have?” “Please could I have?” “I would like the … please”! 

 

🥲🤣🤣🤣🤣

 

Maybe the difference in dating and meeting etiquette is a far cry as well. My poor little British heart gets confused often on here! 
 

x

[kim42]

31 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

But they haven't even had a proper date.  I never considered a first meet with a stranger a date - we didn't know what the other was like in person at all - and he wasn't asking me on a date -he was asking to meet in person -or I was -to see if we should go on a date. Never expected the stranger to offer to pay for me, or to suggest a long first meet, etc.

They met in person on an elevator.  They met up later on at his suggestion. Now he's asked her on a first date. 

She's seen him twice in her life including the random encounter.  I think it's silly for him to keep in touch unless there's a plan change -he made specific time and place plans. 

If they meet and go on this date and they start dating regularly at some point they should keep in touch in between as part of the way of getting to know each other.  I didn't need chat buddies when I was dating with serious intentions and I had no interest in a man showing interest by random texting when we had just met.  I wanted him to show interest by asking me out on a date he planned and showing up for the date and taking an interest in getting to know me in person (and reciprocal of course). 

I get that in Europe it's more common to only date one person at a time.  I would be surprised if people in Europe who date would tell anyone they are dating someone they met in an elevator then hung out with later that day and have plans for a date coming up.  Or expect that person to treat them as someone they are dating.  That's just - a weird way IMO to describe this sort of interaction with a brand new person.

 

That's okay, Batya, I think it's a matter of personal preference - if I were in the same situation as Rainbow, I'd expect some sort of communication from the guy, not 24/7 texting of course, since they have exchanged phone numbers and he wants to see her again on Sunday.

But I realize that other women have different expectations, and that's ok.

[Kwothe28]

26 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

But they haven't even had a proper date.  I never considered a first meet with a stranger a date - we didn't know what the other was like in person at all - and he wasn't asking me on a date -he was asking to meet in person

Difference in cultures. In my culture as well this would be considered a proper date. "Meetup" would be if you meet a friends or business partners. When you meet somebody in order to date(for example person from dating app) its a date no matter if you knew each other before. "Meetup" would be if I randomly invite a colleague for a drink. There is no expectations about the dating but just chatting up and drinking so its not a date. But this situation would be a date because by all intentive purposes they both knew where it could lead and wanted that. 

So, good luck on second date. At least how we in more eastern part of Europe count it. 😁

[mylolita]

1 hour ago, MrMan1983 said:

PS. I wouldn't over think this, us guys are onto a no winner sometimes when it comes to texting. You text too soon and you're apparently a keeno, you text outside of a perceived made up time frame and apparently it was too long. Just go with the flow! Hopefully he'll be in touch to set plans soon though 🙂 Ignore mates and their often crappy advice too, womens group chats are the worst 😂

Example being I had a situation the other day (end of last week) where I had a telephone call with a nice lady, we had a great laugh and we set the date for the following Friday. I touched base at the start of the week to finalize time and place and she had already (apparently) moved on and hinted that I had not been in touch enough even though we had the date planned and hadn't met yet! She admitted she liases with her mates about everything too and they say this or that 😐 Yet other times in dating if I had kept more contact things can fizzle where they perceive it as too keen. I wish we could go back to the phone being only used for setting dates, oh to go back in time!

YES! 
 

I can’t help but agree Mr M! 
 

If you want to text, text. If you don’t want to text, don’t. Do what you like and what you think feels natural. 
 

I also wouldn’t over think it or start to wonder what the correct path is with these things, because there isn’t one, and everyone is an individual and so different, and meeting up and getting to know a stranger - you have to judge it on the hop as you personally see fit! 
 

x

[MrMan1983]

11 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Difference in cultures. In my culture as well this would be considered a proper date. "Meetup" would be if you meet a friends or business partners. When you meet somebody in order to date(for example person from dating app) its a date no matter if you knew each other before. "Meetup" would be if I randomly invite a colleague for a drink. There is no expectations about the dating but just chatting up and drinking so its not a date. But this situation would be a date because by all intentive purposes they both knew where it could lead and wanted that. 

So, good luck on second date. At least how we in more eastern part of Europe count it. 😁

Agreed, a first meet off a dating app for example is known as 'a date' where I'm from (UK). In fact I think that's most places as far as I'm aware. Anyway, just semantics really.

[kim42]

23 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Hey Kim!

 

I am British! We also don’t really use the word date. You just “ask the girl out” or, “ask someone out” - that’s the general gist! If you’ve asked someone to do something with you; and you fancy them, it’s a date, not matter what! 
 

Here, you would “ask a girl to go out with you” meaning, ask her to become your girlfriend. 
 

Is that confusing? 🤣 Is it the same where you are?

 

I often forget, and am suddenly reminded(!) that this site is 95% American. Someone said once “picture day” and I thought, no offence but, what kind of baby talk is this? I soon realised they meant “school photograph day” or, as we would say, “my son is having his school photograph taken today”

Sidewalk? It’s the pavement! Movies?! We’re going to the cinema to see a film! Chips? Crisps!!! Primary bedroom?! You mean, the master bedroom! Restroom… bathroom? You mean, “I’m just going to nip to the loo!” And the biggest culture shock is when Americans order food or drinks! To the English ear, it sounds beyond rude. “Give me the…” “I’ll get the…” “I’ll take the…” Wait! Stop! Surely it’s: “Could I please have?” “Please could I have?” “I would like the … please”! 

 

🥲🤣🤣🤣🤣

 

Maybe the difference in dating and meeting etiquette is a far cry as well. My poor little British heart gets confused often on here! 
 

x

Hey mylolita!

I'm originally from Eastern Europe but have lived in Western Europe for most of my life, not in the UK though 🙂

Yes, it's the same here, nobody asks you explicitly on a date, you do that maybe as a teenager when you go on your first 'date' 😁

I can't tell you how many times I had to explain this over here, it gets so confusing!

[mylolita]

8 minutes ago, kim42 said:

Hey mylolita!

I'm originally from Eastern Europe but have lived in Western Europe for most of my life, not in the UK though 🙂

Yes, it's the same here, nobody asks you explicitly on a date, you do that maybe as a teenager when you go on your first 'date' 😁

I can't tell you how many times I had to explain this over here, it gets so confusing!

Kim! Afternoon!!!

 

I bet! You don’t think of it until something different comes along!

 

I know here as a Brit, the film industry and tv is dominated by American production and culture so we are familiar with the term date but, I doubt and haven’t heard anyone ever say, “Can I take you on a date?” Unless, they do now! I mean, I’ve been out of the dating scene for 15 years now and could argue, was never in it! Husband was my first boyfriend and we dated for a couple of weeks and then he asked me to be his girlfriend.

 

It’s always interesting! I don’t understand the texting messaging and other etiquette either. Ask them, set a time - text if you want but, it’s not a big deal. But then again, when you’re excited and nervous it’s natural to over think and ponder and go over and so, of course we’ll all do the “shouldn’t I/should I” stuff!

 

I think it’s just so fab that a guy asked a girl OUT IN THE WILD!!!! It’s such great news! I love it! My old romantic heart dances! 
 

Sending good thoughts rainbow! 
 

Great way to meet! 
 

x

[mylolita]

13 minutes ago, kim42 said:

Hey mylolita!

I'm originally from Eastern Europe but have lived in Western Europe for most of my life, not in the UK though 🙂

Yes, it's the same here, nobody asks you explicitly on a date, you do that maybe as a teenager when you go on your first 'date' 😁

I can't tell you how many times I had to explain this over here, it gets so confusing!

Easter Europe - great cheekbones, great legs 😉

 

x

[MrMan1983]

11 minutes ago, mylolita said:

I think it’s just so fab that a guy asked a girl OUT IN THE WILD!!!! It’s such great news! I love it! My old romantic heart dances! 

Yeh shows some good old fashioned confidence that does, fair play to him. Would love to meet someone more organically and it’s possible they may not be getting showered by a thousand sausages on dating apps too. Plus you’re starting it in a place where you’ve already met face to face 👌🏻

[kim42]

17 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Kim! Afternoon!!!

 

I bet! You don’t think of it until something different comes along!

 

I know here as a Brit, the film industry and tv is dominated by American production and culture so we are familiar with the term date but, I doubt and haven’t heard anyone ever say, “Can I take you on a date?” Unless, they do now! I mean, I’ve been out of the dating scene for 15 years now and could argue, was never in it! Husband was my first boyfriend and we dated for a couple of weeks and then he asked me to be his girlfriend.

 

It’s always interesting! I don’t understand the texting messaging and other etiquette either. Ask them, set a time - text if you want but, it’s not a big deal. But then again, when you’re excited and nervous it’s natural to over think and ponder and go over and so, of course we’ll all do the “shouldn’t I/should I” stuff!

 

I think it’s just so fab that a guy asked a girl OUT IN THE WILD!!!! It’s such great news! I love it! My old romantic heart dances! 
 

Sending good thoughts rainbow! 
 

Great way to meet! 
 

x

Yes, I like when people meet organically, I'm over dating apps at this point 😁

The texting thing can get a little confusing - some people are againts texting in between meets/dates, and then I know women who think a man is not that interested if he doesn't text.

I think it all comes down to personal preferences, as I said, I prefer staying in light touch 🙂 I'm too old to play games now 😁

 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, MrMan1983 said:

Agreed, a first meet off a dating app for example is known as 'a date' where I'm from (UK). In fact I think that's most places as far as I'm aware. Anyway, just semantics really.

For me it wasn't. I didn't go on dates with strangers (yes we called set ups blind dates) nor did I want date-like expectations.  I had no idea if I'd want to go on a date until we met in person.  I didn't want the stranger to think we were on a date- that he'd have to offer to pay, that we'd spend a whole day or evening together etc.

Yes I didn't see he referenced their first hang out as a date.  I don't think it's a good idea to text a lot in the beginning -get to know the person over a longer period of time and in person and have phone calls as opposed to random check in -do -you -still -like -me texts or boring each other to death with photos of what you ordered for lunch.

[Jaunty]

IMO it doesn't matter what you call the first thing in this case (I'm USA and I would call it a date)  

But this talk about what people prefer as far as texting between dates etc. seems out of place in this situation.

The "standards" for texting / keeping in touch, IMO, are all about making one's intentions known.   This is very appropriate with online dating, where you know that people are connecting with others in order to find something.  Figuring out whether the intentions are aligned is important.  

In this case, I believe that part of the potential is in the very fact that this does not have to happen.  Nobody was looking formally, do either the OP or the guy have known intentions?  I mean; if he thinks she may be THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE I guess he'd be remiss not to text / call her, but maybe he is interested in going on another date to see where it leads?

The OP doesn't have any established intentions or at least didn't as of her last post before meeting this man.  She was very firm about wanting to be "free."  But maybe this will change in certain circumstances.  

Guy might be  a "player" who picks  up on women regularly,  does it even matter?  As long as he's not dangerous, she can find out the "old fashioned" way:  By going out with him.  She can make her decisions accordingly.  He can make his decisions about his "intentions" with her the same way.  

If the dating becomes a "thing" and it's not just a one or two off, then their intentions and regular contact intervals will become important.

For now ... it would be very nice to see people getting to know each other LEARN what their intentions are / how to proceed "in real life" for once.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, kim42 said:

Yes, I like when people meet organically, I'm over dating apps at this point 😁

The texting thing can get a little confusing - some people are againts texting in between meets/dates, and then I know women who think a man is not that interested if he doesn't text.

I think it all comes down to personal preferences, as I said, I prefer staying in light touch 🙂 I'm too old to play games now 😁

 

I was never into online dating either.  I loved getting to know people and meeting them organically whether it was originally a set up, through a dating site, or in an elevator.

I crossed a crowded conference room 29 years ago to meet my future husband in person on his first day of work.  It was not natural or organic for dating purposes.  We met two more times over the next 8-9 months at work events.  Then he called me to ask me to lunch.  Because it was a work situation it didn't feel natural -I wasn't sure if he meant it as a date given the context.  So even in person can feel unnatural in that way.