How do I progress in a situation where we have opposite mentalities?

[smysterious]

I had met this girl a while back on an image forum and thought she looked very interesting, admittedly I had messaged her claiming I saw her account from a different post where she was asking for general advice just so I didn't seem like a weirdo. We had a decent conversation that lasted maybe 1 and a half hours but from there it was complete silence for a few months. Fast forward to one week ago when I decided to message her again to reconnect and we had a really good conversation that lasted around 4 hours, so I continued messaging her throughout the week. I was the only one initiating conversation but she seemed very receptive and continued speaking to me for hours on end when I did speak to her so I didn't take it as disinterest. As time went on with daily conversations I decided to ask her if she'd be willing to show me a photo of her face, mainly to grow the bond I thought we had shared even more. She was very against the idea of that however, she claimed that she's not going to share any personal information or photos online. She mentioned to me that she isn't against the idea of having "fun" conversations online but at the end of the day we will truly never know each other, she firmly believes that the only way you can be friends with someone is through meeting them in person since you are seeing the unfiltered and non-artificial version of them. I understand where she's coming from, but I definitely believe that friendships and even relationships can definitely be formed through the internet, but she has trouble understanding why I take wanting to grow closer so seriously as she is seeing my conversations as just fun when on my end I was wanting to build something up. Is there really anything I can do in a situation like this? I want to continue trying to speak to her with the hopes of maybe building something up over time but I don't want to be in a constant cycle of having meaningless conversations that don't go anywhere, I really do want to try to grow closer to her but she is very old fashioned with her ideas of meeting people. 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, smysterious said:

I had met this girl a while back on an image forum . she firmly believes that the only way you can be friends with someone is through meeting them in person since you are seeing the unfiltered and non-artificial version of them.  I take wanting to grow closer so seriously as she is seeing my conversations as just fun when on my end I was wanting to build something up. 

What is an "image forum". She has an excellent point about not sharing too much on line especially photos and personal information with random Internet people.

A lot of scammers and catfish start asking for personal details so yes, it's a red flag. So there's nothing to "progress" here because she prefers to keep things private and not waste too much time on cyber chats. 

She doesn't seem to want what you want. Have you considered dating apps or broadening your social horizons to meet people, make friends and date? 

 

[smysterious]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What is an "image forum". She has an excellent point about not sharing too much on line especially photos and personal information with random Internet people. A lot of scammers and catfish start asking for personal details so yes, it's a red flag. 

She doesn't seem to want what you want. Have you considered dating apps or broadening your social horizons to meet people, make friends and date? 

 

Reddit. I do understand where she's coming from, I think I just jump too much into with conversations higher expectations. Would it be out of the realm of possibility to continue speaking to maybe grow a relationship over time? Platonic is fine. Dating apps aren't necessarily my thing, in all honesty I don't really have much difficulties meeting people in public either. I think in this certain situation I built my expectations up too high, she is very nice and I enjoy speaking to her but it is very sad to learn that I'm realistically the only one attempting to make something work between us. While I have the hopes of growing closer to her, she's seeing my messages as nothing else but a nice chat. I understand it hasn't been very long either, but I fear nothing will come of this. 

[Wiseman2]

55 minutes ago, smysterious said:

Reddit. I do understand where she's coming from, I have the hopes of growing closer to her, she's seeing my messages as nothing else but a nice chat.

It's good you understand her point of view. Keep in mind reddit is an anonymous forum and if you keep asking for personal information when she doesn't want to do that, she could report you.

Please respect other's boundaries. It is in fact "nothing else but a nice chat".  If you have real life friends and family and dates, why not just enjoy the chat without harassing her for more personal information. 

[smysterious]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's good you understand her point of view. Keep in mind reddit is an anonymous forum and if you keep asking for personal information when she doesn't want to do that, she could report you.

Please respect other's boundaries. It is in fact "nothing else but a nice chat".  If you have real life friends and family and dates, why not just enjoy the chat without harassing her for more personal information. 

Perhaps I never saw it as that, I was given another form of her social media where we have been speaking on. I am not too close with my family and don't really want to seek out a romantic relationship with anyone, I feel confident being with my friends though. I've always been a sort of open person and I was never against the idea of meeting and growing closer to those online, I might have gotten mixed signals she wanted to be closer as friends mainly due to the fact that she is very quick to respond to my messages and I can speak to her for hours on end. I really enjoy her company but I find it hard to really accept that it won't grow further, I'm contemplating either giving up now or to keep messaging her and over time something may grow. Keep in mind, if I continue messaging her I am not going to continuously gauge her for personal information, I just feel that it may be harder to learn more about each other based off of how she views online interactions compared to those in person.

[boltnrun]

51 minutes ago, smysterious said:

I find it hard to really accept that it won't grow further,

You have no choice. She said no. As they say, no means no. 

If you have friends and a social life why do you want to spend so much time indoors typing to a stranger?

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

You have no choice. She said no. As they say, no means no. 

If you have friends and a social life why do you want to spend so much time indoors typing to a stranger?

Yes I agree- building a friendship takes reciprocity - she is not interested in the sort of friendship you are.  So move on.

[Kwothe28]

Well, can you meet her in person? If its a no, dont think there is anything you can do. Also, I wouldnt even meet in person without confirming an identity. Especially because some of women on online Forums are actually men in disguise seeking somebody like you who would message them and maybe send them money. I mean, its Reddit we are talking about. 

[lostandhurt]

I am confused as to what you actually are looking for from her.  An online friend or something more?

You state you aren't looking for a romantic partner and don't have trouble meeting people in person so why is this person so important that you feel the need to force a friendship on your terms upon them?

In my opinion she has the correct "mentality" about all this. Connections through the internet are not truly real, they are mostly imagined on what we desire or want, not who the person truly is.

 She is comfortable chatting and nothing more so accept that or move on.

 Lost

[Capricorn3]

On 11/18/2023 at 12:15 AM, smysterious said:

 While I have the hopes of growing closer to her, I understand she's seeing my messages as nothing else but a nice chat.  I fear nothing will come of this. 

^ There's your answer. She's clearly not as into you, as you are into her (sorry).  I would say don't waste anymore time.  Move on.

[smackie9]

She drew a line in the sand for you to not cross. She made it perfectly clear she has no interest in making this more than friendly chit chat. Leave her be. 

[catfeeder]

You’re vague about what, exactly, you want with this person. Do you want to meet her in person for a date? If so, ask her for that. If not, I can’t imagine that anyone with any sense would want to share pics and info with a stranger on the internet.

[Cherylyn]

You are just an online Internet buddy to her.  No more,  no less. 

Her real friendships or relationships are with people whom she knows in person,  most likely locally and whom she socializes within her community.  Or, people whom she has known for a while or a long time if they're her social media (FB) type friends,  for example.