I was sticking up for myself.

[midnightdeirdre]

This situation happened in high school. I want to know why some people feel my comeback was inappropriate, when the girl had it coming:

Study Hall, my senior year: I got targeted by this ***ty girl named Michelle. She said I smelled bad. I turned to her and said, "If something smells bad, it's your crotch!"

After I said that, Michelle sat there and smiled. (She had a look like, "She got me. Cuz she's right!") Two other girls had looks of shock on their faces. 

One counselor I told this story said thought my comeback was good. Another counselor said it was inappropriate. (As did the two shocked girls.)

But why, though? My comeback shut up Michelle and as I said, she sat there and smiled, with a look of defeat. 

Was what I said truly inappropriate (my autism) or was it exactly what Michelle deserved?

 

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Was what I said truly inappropriate (my autism) or was it exactly what Michelle deserved?

Both. It's not ok to be bullied, but your comment was provocative. Either way it's decades ago and hopefully you've found better ways to deflect unwanted remarks. Ask your therapist for some tips on how to respond to bullying. 

[midnightdeirdre]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Both. It's not ok to be bullied, but your comment was provocative. Either way it's decades ago and hopefully you've found better ways to deflect unwanted remarks. Ask your therapist for some tips on how to respond to bullying. 

Thankfully I don't deal with people like that anymore. (Well then what would have been the right thing to say to Michelle about her bullying? As I said, my comment shut her up and she seemed to like it.)

[midnightdeirdre]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Both.

lol, I actually don't see how it's both...if Michelle deserved it, then why was it inappropriate?

[MissCanuck]

42 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

my comment shut her up and she seemed to like it.

Very unlikely. My guess is that you didn't correctly read why she smiled. It was probably uncomfortable emabarassment. 

2 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

One counselor I told this story said thought my comeback was good

This counselor needs their head checked. 

2 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

I want to know why some people feel my comeback was inappropriate,

Because it is generally completely unacceptable and gross to ridicule someone's genitalia, OP. I don't buy that you don't understand that. 

It was wrong of her to bully you. No question about that. That does not make your comment appropriate either, though. It was crass and humiliating. 

[Kwothe28]

I am with you. My late Grandma thought me to answer to that kind of insults and not be quiet. When one person offended coffee she cooked and said how he was in Capital city and knows what a good coffee is, she said "Donkey went to Constantinople, donkey came back from it". 

However, my country and culture was and is less lenient with that kind of language. In yours, you can get in a big trouble for that words. So yes, mentioning that somebody vagina smells is not appropriate answer. For example what if you say that to your customer where you work? 

5 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I don't buy that you don't understand that. 

Op is autistic. She really sometimes doesnt get basic human interactions by default. So yes, its possible she doesnt get this. 

[Wiseman2]

53 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

lol, I actually don't see how it's both...if Michelle deserved it, then why was it inappropriate?

She deserved to be put in her place because of the bullying but your comment was inappropriate. However you were school kids at the time so both your and her remarks are silly and inappropriate. 

[Seraphim]

Just the usual high school crap. It was many years ago. Shrug . 

[midnightdeirdre]

15 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

1.) Very unlikely. My guess is that you didn't correctly read why she smiled. It was probably uncomfortable emabarassment. 

2.) This counselor needs their head checked. 

3.) Because it is generally completely unacceptable and gross to ridicule someone's genitalia, OP. I don't buy that you don't understand that. 

4.) It was wrong of her to bully you. No question about that. That does not make your comment appropriate either, though. It was crass and humiliating. 

1.) Michelle really was a sl*t, though. One of those promiscuous girls in high school who bragged about giving blow jobs and her sex life. (And if someone embarrassed you, would you smile about it? OR gasp and frown?)

2.) Well ok---the counselor laughed and thought it was funny; I don't recall if she actually said it was a good comeback, though.

3.) Again I say: Michelle was a sl*t and said I smelled bad, so I'd say it'd make sense I'd call her on what her genitalia was probably like. 

4.) She was humiliating me, so I humiliated her back. (And one may argue I definitely won.) 

Well all right---what should I have said then? "Michelle, that wasn't nice." Yeah, that would've told her. 🙄

[Cherylyn]

The problem is fighting dirty.  Turn it around.  If you were the bully, what would silence you without being vulgar? 

[midnightdeirdre]

Just now, Cherylyn said:

The problem is fighting dirty.  Turn it around.  If you were the bully, what would silence you without being vulgar? 

You tell me.

[Cherylyn]

18 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

You tell me.

Ask yourself what you would be willing to hear without being classless.  Fighting fire with fire makes you look worse than the bully.  Take the high road.

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

Op is autistic. 

Yes, I know. 

[boltnrun]

I said and did some things in high school that were not cool. Things were done to me way back then too. It has zero impact on my life now. 

Is there some reason why you frequently reach back to high school for things to be concerned about?

[MissCanuck]

56 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

1.) Michelle really was a sl*t, though. One of those promiscuous girls in high school who bragged about giving blow jobs and her sex life. (And if someone embarrassed you, would you smile about it? OR gasp and frown?)

2.) Well ok---the counselor laughed and thought it was funny; I don't recall if she actually said it was a good comeback, though.

3.) Again I say: Michelle was a sl*t and said I smelled bad, so I'd say it'd make sense I'd call her on what her genitalia was probably like. 

4.) She was humiliating me, so I humiliated her back. (And one may argue I definitely won.) 

Well all right---what should I have said then? "Michelle, that wasn't nice." Yeah, that would've told her. 🙄

So, did you actually want feedback on your comment, or did you want someone to just tell you that you were right?

Because I don't get the impression you want real opinions but only those that agree with your position. 

[midnightdeirdre]

37 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

So, did you actually want feedback on your comment, or did you want someone to just tell you that you were right?

Because I don't get the impression you want real opinions but only those that agree with your position. 

I was curious why it was inappropriate to say that, given the situation and Michelle's personality. (As I said, maybe it wasn't considered socially acceptable but it worked and put Michelle in her place. And I recall she didn't bother me again after that.)

[midnightdeirdre]

40 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Is there some reason why you frequently reach back to high school for things to be concerned about?

I obviously have a huge memory; when I remember things like this it makes me wonder why it wasn't appropriate. And I would like to see if someone can explain it to me; and maybe I'll get it. (Probably not, haha!)

[Jaunty]

What's outstandingly inappropriate is your readiness to sl** shame "Michelle" now in your attempts to justify your "comeback."   What does her personal sex life have to do with it.   

It was a lame comeback, by the way, because there was nothing clever or interesting about it.  It was just a coarse, base insult.  Like the one she aimed at you only more so.   Inappropriate because we generally don't find talking about people's genitalia  to be appropriate.

[Batya33]

My comeback either would have been a confused but firm stare or "thanks for sharing!"  Or pretend I did not hear her.  

[boltnrun]

2 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

I obviously have a huge memory; when I remember things like this it makes me wonder why it wasn't appropriate. And I would like to see if someone can explain it to me; and maybe I'll get it. (Probably not, haha!)

I mean, punching her in the jaw would also have put a stop to her bullying, but that's obviously inappropriate. You just verbally punched her in the jaw. And she probably reacted out of shock and embarrassment. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

 I would like to see if someone can explain it to me; and maybe I'll get it.

You've already asked two therapists about it and you got answers, the rest is just obsessing. Try some refocusing exercises to try to get your mind out of these loops. Perhaps your therapist could help you with that? 

[Capricorn3]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

You've already asked two therapists about it and you got answers, the rest is just obsessing. Try some refocusing exercises to try to get your mind out of these loops. Perhaps your therapist could help you with that? 

^ This is worth repeating. That's what therapists are for.

[midnightdeirdre]

On 11/7/2023 at 6:32 PM, Jaunty said:

It was just a coarse, base insult.  Like the one she aimed at you only more so.  

Exactly. She insulted me, so I insulted her. 

Looking back, Michelle also bullied this other girl in the SAME study hall; called her "ugly" and that she looked like "the Fozzie Bear muppet." Whenever the girl came into the study hall, a guy would shout "Muppet!" That poor girl eventually transferred out of that study hall because of Michelle.

lol man, that Michelle was not only a tramp, but a real b**tch. 

[midnightdeirdre]

On 11/7/2023 at 8:08 PM, boltnrun said:

And she probably reacted out of shock and embarrassment. 

If you're shocked and/or embarrassed, do you "smile" about it? 

 

[midnightdeirdre]

On 11/7/2023 at 6:56 PM, Batya33 said:

My comeback either would have been a confused but firm stare or "thanks for sharing!"  Or pretend I did not hear her.  

You're kidding, right? Those reactions just reward the behavior.