I was sticking up for myself.

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

She sat back, looked down, and grinned. She was defeated and she knew it.

I think she grinned because she got you to take the bait and say something that grossed out everyone within earshot. But you can go ahead and count that as a victory if it helps you to move on.

[midnightdeirdre]

On 11/19/2023 at 3:49 PM, catfeeder said:

I think she grinned because she got you to take the bait and say something that grossed out everyone within earshot. But you can go ahead and count that as a victory if it helps you to move on.

People weren't grossed out, they were shocked. If she was pleased she would've made a fist and said "Yes!" not look down and grin and then leave me alone from then on.

[midnightdeirdre]

On 11/19/2023 at 3:49 PM, catfeeder said:

I think she grinned because she got you to take the bait and say something that grossed out everyone within earshot. But you can go ahead and count that as a victory if it helps you to move on.

If someone said your crotch smelled bad, how would you react? 

[Jaunty]

1 minute ago, midnightdeirdre said:

People weren't grossed out, they were shocked. If she was pleased she would've made a fist and said "Yes!" not look down and grin and then leave me alone from then on.

You don't know what people do when they are feeling different ways, because we are all different.

There are many wou would NEVER make a fist and say YES!!  under any circumstances.  

I believe you typically have some challenges reading people and social situations and this appears to be one of them.

But, it does not matter.  I hope you have matured over the years to a place where you won't reference someone's crotch if they say something you don't like - even if they deserve to be insulted.  Because it reflects more poorly on you than their original insult did on them.

Now can you move on?

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, midnightdeirdre said:

If someone said your crotch smelled bad, how would you react? 

It would depend -if it was a mentally ill stranger I'd ignore.  If it was a person I was acquainted with I'd assume the person had major issues and missed that day in kindergarten when basic manners were taught.  I'd likely stare then ignore and change the subject. And feel very very sorry for that person.

[Jaunty]

4 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

If someone said your crotch smelled bad, how would you react? 

Honestly - I would feel very embarrassed for the person who said it.  There is not any environment where this would be appropriate or even interestingly shocking.   Cringeworthy is the word that would come to my mind.  

[midnightdeirdre]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

It would depend -if it was a mentally ill stranger I'd ignore.  If it was a person I was acquainted with I'd assume the person had major issues and missed that day in kindergarten when basic manners were taught.  I'd likely stare then ignore and change the subject. And feel very very sorry for that person.

Fine, put yourself in my place back then. A trampy girl (with no mental issues) bullies you and says you smell bad. Would you feel sorry for her or tell her off?

[midnightdeirdre]

5 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

You don't know what people do when they are feeling different ways, because we are all different.

There are many wou would NEVER make a fist and say YES!!  under any circumstances.  

I believe you typically have some challenges reading people and social situations and this appears to be one of them.

But, it does not matter.  I hope you have matured over the years to a place where you won't reference someone's crotch if they say something you don't like - even if they deserve to be insulted.  Because it reflects more poorly on you than their original insult did on them.

Now can you move on?

Ok, have any of you read the Judy Blume book, Letters to Judy: What your kids wish they could tell you? Every single letter from a kid being bullied had this line, word-for-word: "The teacher says to ignore them, but that doesn't work."  One girl wrote, "My teacher said to ignore them, my aunt said to laugh and pretend it's funny. I tried both ideas for 2 weeks and they both failed."

Ignoring and/or laughing at someone who bullies you simply rewards the behavior.

[midnightdeirdre]

Telling Michelle that her crotch smelled bad obviously wasn't nice, but it worked and she left me alone after that.

My friend Molly who is bisexual, got targeted by a girl named Tara at the mall once. Tara knew Molly was bi and was following her around the mall, making fun of her. Molly ignored her until finally she turned around and pounded Tara with a punch so hard she went flying to the floor. Tara left her alone after that.

Maybe what Molly and I did to our bullies isn't considered "proper" but they sure got our message across to leave us alone. (And unlike ignoring or laughing it worked and put the bullies in their place that what THEY were doing wasn't right.)

[Batya33]

10 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Fine, put yourself in my place back then. A trampy girl (with no mental issues) bullies you and says you smell bad. Would you feel sorry for her or tell her off?

That's your perception.  If a classmate said what she said I wouldn't feel sorry for her in a caring way and I would not tell her off.  I wrote above what I would do.  You have no clue if she had mental issues by the way and your criticism of her sexual activity is quite interesting considering your choice recently to do that wham bam thank you m'am in the car -I don't think that's trampy but it's having casual sex for fun -isn't that what she was doing??

I've always told my son not to use physical violence in those sorts of situations and he never has.  He goes to an adult or tells me and I intervene as needed.

[boltnrun]

For the life of me I can't understand why this even matters now. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Telling Michelle that her crotch smelled bad obviously wasn't nice, but it worked and left me alone after that.

My friend Molly who is bisexual, got targeted by a girl named Tara at the mall once. Tara knew Molly was bi and was following her around the mall, making fun of her. Molly ignored her until finally she turned around and pounded Tara with a punch so hard she went flying to the floor. Tara left her alone after that.

Maybe what Molly and I did to our bullies isn't considered "proper" but they sure got our message across to leave us alone. (And unlike ignoring or laughing it worked and put the bullies in their place that what THEY were doing wasn't right.)

This is also how parents who justify physical abuse speak -well it works he now behaves.  Depends on what your goal is.  Your friend who resorted to physical violence had no idea what the consequences could be for her - the other person retaliating physically with a weapon, getting arrested, etc.

[midnightdeirdre]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

You have no clue if she had mental issues by the way and your criticism of her sexual activity is quite interesting considering your choice recently to do that wham bam thank you m'am in the car -I don't think that's trampy but it's having casual sex for fun -isn't that what she was doing??

Believe you me, she was neurotypical. And I was NOT insulting her sex life. I was describing what a high school girl like her is perceived to be in that environment.

[Batya33]

Just now, midnightdeirdre said:

Believe you me, she was neurotypical. And I was NOT insulting her sex life. I was describing what a high school girl like her is perceived to be in that environment.

Your opinion.  I gave you mine more than once.  Take it or leave it -I'm done.

[boltnrun]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

For the life of me I can't understand why this even matters now. 

 

[midnightdeirdre]

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

your criticism of her sexual activity is quite interesting considering your choice recently to do that wham bam thank you m'am in the car -I don't think that's trampy but it's having casual sex for fun -isn't that what she was doing??

As I said, I was just describing how a girl like her is perceived in high school. (And hey, I don't brag about my sex life.)

[Batya33]

Just now, midnightdeirdre said:

As I said, I was just describing how a girl like her is perceived in high school. (And hey, I don't brag about my sex life.)

Yes in your opinion. I feel very concerned for your well being given your inordinate focus on all of this.  That is my final thought here.

[midnightdeirdre]

6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

For the life of me I can't understand why this even matters now. 

Sorry, it's my autism. I was looking back and tried to figure out why my comeback was inappropriate, as I don't see why it was for my reasons. 

But all right...I'll stop posting past situations on here, trying to make sense of them now. I'll tell myself it doesn't matter now and to focus on my current goals.  👍

[Batya33]

Just now, midnightdeirdre said:

Sorry, it's my autism. I was looking back and tried to figure out why my comeback was inappropriate, as I don't see why it was for my reasons. 

But all right...I'll stop posting past situations on here, trying to make sense of them now. I'll tell myself it doesn't matter now and to focus on my current goals.  👍

Sounds good.  I believe your comment was inappropriate and leave it in the past.

[Seraphim]

3 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Sorry, it's my autism. I was looking back and tried to figure out why my comeback was inappropriate, as I don't see why it was for my reasons. 

But all right...I'll stop posting past situations on here, trying to make sense of them now. I'll tell myself it doesn't matter now and to focus on my current goals.  👍

It was inappropriate because you were both trying to win who can be the biggest teenage clown award that day and you wanted to win. Something to be proud of not so sure . 🤷🏻‍♀️

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Sorry, it's my autism. I was looking back and tried to figure out why my comeback was inappropriate, as I don't see why it was for my reasons. 

But all right...I'll stop posting past situations on here, trying to make sense of them now. I'll tell myself it doesn't matter now and to focus on my current goals.  👍

It literally does not matter now. What happened in high school is in the distant past. 

What fun or interesting things are you currently involved in? Focus on friends, activities, events, etc. that you're currently involved in and these ancient memories will be irrelevant.

[midnightdeirdre]

9 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

What fun or interesting things are you currently involved in? Focus on friends, activities, events, etc. that you're currently involved in and these ancient memories will be irrelevant.

I do a lot of artwork, short story writing, reading, cleaning, shopping, working.

[boltnrun]

13 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

I do a lot of artwork, short story writing, reading, cleaning, shopping, working.

Do you see friends or family members for social interactions? Do you go to any events such as music performances or art gallery shows?

[Batya33]

So moving on what I would do is have the goal of interacting with people in the most thoughtful and respectful way possible while maintaining your own self respect and basic human dignity. As opposed to an “I’ll show them” goal or some silly egotistical power hungry comeback stance. When you can walk away do so. Lots more anger and worse out there now. Go out of your way to say the extra please and thank yous.  Go out of your way to give a friendly wave to the driver who carefully stops so you can walk by the driveway.

Acknowledge the people who work so hard even if their attitude is gruff or not warm and fuzzy. The Amazon driver. The coffee shop barrista. The subway sandwich maker. The guy who stops his leaf blowing when he sees you passing by on the sidewalk. The elderly cashier you’ve seen a couple of times who might move a little more slowly but means well. 
Spread the good energy and karma. This will come more naturally ocne you stop the silly tape in your head about what comeback you can say at the right moment to show you “won”.  That’s not winning it’s losing. Ted talk over. 

[midnightdeirdre]

5 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Do you see friends or family members for social interactions? Do you go to any events such as music performances or art gallery shows?

lol, just the other day I went to a family gathering with all my cousins. It was nice. 🙂