I was sticking up for myself.

[midnightdeirdre]

On 11/7/2023 at 6:32 PM, Jaunty said:

1.) What's outstandingly inappropriate is your readiness to sl** shame "Michelle" now in your attempts to justify your "comeback."   What does her personal sex life have to do with it.   

2.) It was a lame comeback, by the way, because there was nothing clever or interesting about it. 

1.) What does my body odor have to do with anything? She said I smelled bad.

2.) If it was such a lame comeback, then why did it work?

[midnightdeirdre]

On 11/7/2023 at 3:48 PM, MissCanuck said:

Because it is generally completely unacceptable and gross to ridicule someone's genitalia, OP. I don't buy that you don't understand that.

If you walk up to someone and randomly say "Your crotch smells bad" than yeah, way inappropriate. But if a girl who brags about her sex life bullies you and I'd say that's different.

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

If you walk up to someone and randomly say "Your crotch smells bad" than yeah, way inappropriate. 

Please ask your therapist for tips to stop ruminating and arguing about things from decades ago. Unfortunately getting caught in these obsessive loops, does you no good.  Try to focus on being a 30 something adult today and how your life is going. 

[Capricorn3]

31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please ask your therapist for tips to stop ruminating and arguing about things from decades ago. Unfortunately getting caught in these obsessive loops, does you no good.  Try to focus on being a 30 something adult today and how your life is going. 

^ I second this post.  Worth repeating.

[Starlight925]

Wait, this is seriously about a stupid comeback to a stupid comment from years ago?

Therapy. Stat. 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please ask your therapist for tips to stop ruminating and arguing about things from decades ago.

Agreed. 

The very fact that you're so agitated about this now suggests you need further guidance, OP. 

[TacticalLinguine]

This all seems to be about your ego and nothing else. 
 

Perhaps start working on your confidence and self-worth so you won’t feel like investing your energy into such silly matters. 

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

If you're shocked and/or embarrassed, do you "smile" about it? 

 

Sure some people do just like some people laugh when they are in pain.  People are individuals.  How about taking the high road once in awhile and not trading insults for insults or escalating -particularly in today's world.

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

If you walk up to someone and randomly say "Your crotch smells bad" than yeah, way inappropriate. But if a girl who brags about her sex life bullies you and I'd say that's different.

No it's not different at all.  Because in the latter instance it's not needed for self defense.Therefore it's just as much of you choosing to insult someone.  Also it's a free country - totally fine to brag about one's sex life and totally fine to walk away if it bothers you.  I have.

[catfeeder]

Why is the word ‘appropriate’ important to you? Since you both sounded like 11 year olds, was it age-appropriate? No. Did your comment serve your purpose of regressing down to her level to insult her back? Sure. It also served to alienate you from anyone who heard it.

Those were the consequences. If those results were worth it to you, then you’d be long over it with no need to ruminate about it today, much less defend it.

[Jaunty]

OP, I have read and posted in at least one of your other threads and the subject was you trying to organize having sex with some guy.

I bring this up because it's bothering my how you repeatedly sl** shame this person because she was promiscuous, in your opinion.

Why is her active sex life worthy of insults, when you have been trying to have an active sex life of your own?

Maybe there is some retroactive jealousy at play here.   I hope not - especially since your whole gripe with "Michele" happened when you were kids.

I bet she'd be surprised to know that you're posting about that incident all these years later.

[boltnrun]

That's a good point, @Jaunty.  It's OK to have sex with a guy in his car (when you're not in a relationship) but she was wrong because many years ago she did what lots of teens do, which is try to find either love or popularity through sex?

Anyway, I'd focus less on what happened 15 years ago and think about the present and the future and how you'd like them to look.

Incidentally, are your parents aware of how much you focus on things that happened in high school?

[Jaunty]

5 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Incidentally, are your parents aware of how much you focus on things that happened in high school?

I believe the fellow who was supposed to be having sex in the car with the OP was a guy from high school ... 

Is this correct OP?  

[midnightdeirdre]

On 11/10/2023 at 10:57 PM, Starlight925 said:

Wait, this is seriously about a stupid comeback to a stupid comment from years ago?

Therapy. Stat. 

I've seen over a dozen therapists/social workers/counselors/psychiatrists since I was 16. Only a select few genuinely helped. That's why I post on here things that are on my mind that I have trouble understanding.

[midnightdeirdre]

16 hours ago, Jaunty said:

I believe the fellow who was supposed to be having sex in the car with the OP was a guy from high school ... 

Is this correct OP?  

Yes this is correct. And no, my parents don't know how much I look back at my past.

[midnightdeirdre]

23 hours ago, Jaunty said:

OP, I have read and posted in at least one of your other threads and the subject was you trying to organize having sex with some guy.

I bring this up because it's bothering my how you repeatedly sl** shame this person because she was promiscuous, in your opinion.

Why is her active sex life worthy of insults, when you have been trying to have an active sex life of your own?

Maybe there is some retroactive jealousy at play here.   I hope not - especially since your whole gripe with "Michele" happened when you were kids.

I bet she'd be surprised to know that you're posting about that incident all these years later.

I wasn't jealous of her at all. Interestingly, we started out kind of friendly...at one point we talked about hand jobs. She insisted, "Guys hate hand jobs! They can do it better themselves!" But she wasn't correct. Some guys I've spoken to have said they enjoy them. (Better than no job at all apparently, lol.)

Don't recall what triggered our confrontation. But obviously I wondered why my "crotch" comeback was inappropriate, considering it worked and she grinned widely after I said it.

[midnightdeirdre]

On 11/11/2023 at 11:25 AM, catfeeder said:

If those results were worth it to you, then you’d be long over it with no need to ruminate about it today, much less defend it.

It was on my mind. And I got curious why it was considered inappropriate when it worked.

As you all know, I'm autistic. Things come into my mind and I don't understand them. I post them on here to see if you guys can help----to put it mildly, you guys saved my butt awhile ago when I almost emailed an ex boyfriend's friend; read that here:

 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

I wasn't jealous of her at all. Interestingly, we started out kind of friendly...at one point we talked about hand jobs. She insisted, "Guys hate hand jobs! They can do it better themselves!" But she wasn't correct. Some guys I've spoken to have said they enjoy them. (Better than no job at all apparently, lol.)

Don't recall what triggered our confrontation. But obviously I wondered why my "crotch" comeback was inappropriate, considering it worked and she grinned widely after I said it.

Something “working” doesn’t make it right. Like the parent who smacks  the child for doing something naughty and it “worked” because she never did it again. Imagine if the same parent refrained from using fists or harsh words and instead first asked the child why he did it. Curious not furious. Imagine if there was a backstory that gave insight or wisdom and changed the parent and or child perspective. A teaching moment. 
Imagine if instead you’d ignored her rude comment and perhaps looked around to the others and changed the subject. She then would have learned you didn’t fall for her bait - to see how you’d react. Or if you said “I feel offended by what you just said.” Perhaps she’d have said “actually you know what. I’m sorry. That was rude of me.” Or “well you smell bad. I thought you’d like to know. “. Then you can teach her how to treat you. “No. I’d prefer you not comment like that - if you don’t like how I smell you’re free to go sit elsewhere “.  
silly low blow comebacks simply tell the person you’re triggered and your values justify making tasteless comments.  She knows she won. She triggered you. 

[midnightdeirdre]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Something “working” doesn’t make it right. Like the parent who smacks  the child for doing something naughty and it “worked” because she never did it again. Imagine if the same parent refrained from using fists or harsh words and instead first asked the child why he did it. Curious not furious. Imagine if there was a backstory that gave insight or wisdom and changed the parent and or child perspective. A teaching moment. 
Imagine if instead you’d ignored her rude comment and perhaps looked around to the others and changed the subject. She then would have learned you didn’t fall for her bait - to see how you’d react. Or if you said “I feel offended by what you just said.” Perhaps she’d have said “actually you know what. I’m sorry. That was rude of me.” Or “well you smell bad. I thought you’d like to know. “. Then you can teach her how to treat you. “No. I’d prefer you not comment like that - if you don’t like how I smell you’re free to go sit elsewhere “.  
silly low blow comebacks simply tell the person you’re triggered and your values justify making tasteless comments.  She knows she won. She triggered you. 

She said other mean things, also. The smells-bad-comment is all I remember. (And of course, my comeback.)

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, midnightdeirdre said:

She said other mean things, also. The smells-bad-comment is all I remember. (And of course, my comeback.)

But this happened what, a dozen years ago?

Are you involved in anything currently that's more interesting than looking back to irrelevant things that happened when you were a teenager?  If not, I would suggest finding some fun activities or groups to get involved in.  

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, midnightdeirdre said:

She said other mean things, also. The smells-bad-comment is all I remember. (And of course, my comeback.)

Right - many teenagers say mean things.  Just like you did as your comeback.

[catfeeder]

4 hours ago, boltnrun said:

But this happened what, a dozen years ago?

Are you involved in anything currently that's more interesting than looking back to irrelevant things that happened when you were a teenager?  If not, I would suggest finding some fun activities or groups to get involved in.  

This is the best question to be asking, MD. If you find yourself spinning about stuff from years ago, it could be your signal that you don't currently have enough to do that's productive instead.

The mind is always in search of problems or puzzles to solve. If you keep it fed with new things, it won't grow bored enough to search for old stuff to dwell on.

Head high.

[Jaunty]

20 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Don't recall what triggered our confrontation. But obviously I wondered why my "crotch" comeback was inappropriate, considering it worked and she grinned widely after I said it.

A "come back," whether it's slick or lame, doesn't ever exactly "work" or not.   I guess the criteria for whether it "worked" would be that the person stopped insulting you; however, this person was almost certainly not going to continue.  She made a one-off insulting comment and I'm quite sure that whether you had a come-back or not, she was not going to carry on insulting you further.

As far as the grinning, it's likely that you have not read that correctly.   From my perspective, you over-reacted with your response and she probably felt like she got a big rise out of you.  So, success for her.  

[midnightdeirdre]

On 11/13/2023 at 11:29 AM, Jaunty said:

As far as the grinning, it's likely that you have not read that correctly.   From my perspective, you over-reacted with your response and she probably felt like she got a big rise out of you.  So, success for her.  

She sat back, looked down, and grinned. She was defeated and she knew it.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

She sat back, looked down, and grinned. She was defeated and she knew it.

Yes. If you were going for a look I’d defeat you “achieved “ it. What a sad empty “victory “. Hopefully you have memories of true accomplishments from your teenage years. 
I think you defeated yourself by going for the low blow approach. 

My son is a high school freshman in a new school. There is a classmate who uses hearing aids and has a high pitched voice. My son says he’s seen other students exclude him apparently because of his disability. So my son has befriended him. He likes him. They recently attended an after school tutorial together- just the 2 of them - and had a good time. This student likely has a hard time defending himself and my son enjoys spending time with him and also figures it will help him feel better about the kids who exclude him. I’d rather my son do that then say something nasty to one of the students bothering his friend. This way he shows others he is a person who tries to make other people feel good and comfortable. Maybe if will rub off on then but he’s not in this to “win” or “defeat “.  And he made a new friend.