Supporting ex with no end in sight

[desilj]

My BF of 1yr is paying the mortgage and all of the bills for his ex (never married, teenage child of theirs lives in the house). The house is his, but he doesn't live there, spends half the week and half the week with his family. The ex does not or drive or provide anything for the house or teenager for 3 years. His excuse is fear of alienating child, but when I ask if he plans to do this for the rest of his life, he won't tell me yes or no. He has told me several times he is going to insist the ex at least provides something but won't follow through. Obviously, this has a huge financial impact on him and us in the future if we are a couple. Any thoughts

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, desilj said:

My BF of 1yr is paying the mortgage and all of the bills for his ex (never married, teenage child of theirs lives in the house). The house is his, but he doesn't live there, spends half the week and half the week with his family. 

Unfortunately he is still living very much like a family with his GF and child. What reason did he provided as to why they broke up? 

Have you been to his house or his parents house? Does he stay at your place? It seems like he's stringing you along with the "staying for the kids" excuse.

You've been dating a year so it may be time to reflect if you want to be on hold and on the side for much longer. 

[Lambert]

Sounds like you're the third wheel. Of course he's going to take care of his child. But I can see why you are bothered.  I'd probably dump this guy.  His situation is just too messy.

[waffle]

2 hours ago, desilj said:

Obviously, this has a huge financial impact on him and us in the future if we are a couple.

His money will go to her and yours will be your "couple money."  I wouldn't.

[Andrina]

If you will only be happy with a major change, it's best not to be hopeful. That's naive.

I'd free myself to eventually find someone not immersed in this same egregious situation. 

[catfeeder]

4 hours ago, waffle said:

His money will go to her and yours will be your "couple money."  I wouldn't.

Exactly what I was thinking. The guy was never relationship material. It's unfortunate that it's taken this long to recognize that.

[MissCanuck]

I wouldn't date this man. 

It's way too complicated and I would toss him to the Reject Pile. Next. 

[smackie9]

There is no future for you with this guy. Me personally would never date anyone that is in this type of situation. Best to cut your losses...he isn't a good choice. 

[itsallgrand]

He's unavailable for a serious relationship.

Time to give yourself a chance at being with someone who can be all in with you. You deserve that you know!

[lostandhurt]

Even if he wasn't paying for the mortgage this situation is not good for you.  He hasn't ended the relationship with his ex before dating you.  If he was serious he would have worked out child support and living arrangements with her and to have her live somewhere else rather than his home.

 He has had plenty of time to figure all this out but he is just cruising along with you in tow.

Lost

[Crouching Tiger]

I say do not waste your time. He is obviously not committed to being with you. So it's time to say "Hit the road Jack!" Too much drama in the man's life and you do not need to be a part of that.

[HeartGoesOn]

On 11/1/2023 at 3:19 PM, desilj said:

His excuse is fear of alienating child, but when I ask if he plans to do this for the rest of his life, he won't tell me yes or no

This is a classic excuse, on the same idea as "we sleep in different rooms" "I'm  staying for the kids sake", etc.

If he wanted to find other resources he'd find a way, if not he'll find an excuse.   Your call...