Ex keeps blocking/unblocking, blocking, unblocking me for 10 years!

[askdan]

Hi everyone, I haven't been here for a long time. Just wanted to share a weird story. 

My ex-wife of 10 years ago keeps unblocking me, checking out my stories for a few days/weeks, then blocks me again for a few months to a year, then unblocks me, blocks me again, in an endless loop. 

Our divorce has been a weird one to say the least. She is Russian, I am American, and my friends, family, psychologists, and myself, suspect that she had either narcissistic disorder (severe lack of empathy towards people) or may have a form of personality disorder.

Anyways, to make a long story short, my ex-wife has been single for over 10 years (since our separation/divorce), we haven't been in contact for years, and for nearly a decade now, she keeps this blocking for several months, unblocking for several months, loop.

I've never seen this bizarre behavior to that extend. Several years ago, I did read a couple of articles about it: most experts suggests that exes tend to block/unblock when they miss an ex, when they are miserable, when they get curious about you, difficulty moving on, etc. 

For for so many years?!? What goes? We haven't communicated in years, haven't seen each other in over 10 years. I haven't contacted her for such a long time that I don't even remember which year (she is the one who has instigated the divorce).

Is this s typical normal thing? Anyone out there encountered a similar situation?

Curious to know, 

Dannaz

[boltnrun]

How do you know she keeps unblocking and reblocking you? Do you keep trying to contact her, or do you have her as a connection on social media?

How does your current wife feel about your continued emotional attachment to your ex wife?

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, askdan said:

 my friends, family, psychologists, and myself, suspect that she had either narcissistic disorder (severe lack of empathy towards people) or may have a form of personality disorder.

None of you can accurately diagnose her. Everyone's ex is "a narcissist" these days. If she annoys you it's up to you to delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media, devices, contact lists and messaging apps. 

[askdan]

Nope, not trying to contact her. I moved on a long time ago. I just find the situation bizarre,. 

This is an article I found the other day about this type of behavior:

https://ideapod.com/ex-keep-blocking-and-unblocking-me/#:~:text=It could be that they,ll reach out to them.

I thought it was unusual, but it looks like a lot of exes don't move on that quickly after they regret their decision.

10 years is a very long time to be single and to check on an ex!

[boltnrun]

4 minutes ago, askdan said:

10 years is a very long time to be single and to check on an ex!

Ten years is a long time to be married to someone else and still be so overly concerned with what your ex is doing and what they might be thinking.

How exactly do you know she keeps blocking and unblocking you? You skipped over that question. 

You also skipped over this question...What does your current wife think about this intense focus on your ex wife?

[MissCanuck]

5 minutes ago, askdan said:

10 years is a very long time to be single and to check on an ex!

It's also a long time to keep an ex on your social media and track how often she blocks and unblocks you. 

You are just as hung up as she is. 

[boltnrun]

Just now, MissCanuck said:

It's also a long time to keep an ex on your social media and track how often she blocks and unblocks you. 

You are just as hung up as she is. 

Especially since he's married to someone else and has been for many years.

[askdan]

Nope, I do not keep her on my social media. 

How do I know she is still checking out mine, you ask? She looks at my IG stories. 

I couldn't care less if she blocks or unblocks me. From what I am reading, this shows emotional turmoil. 

[Kwothe28]

If she has narcissistic personality disorder, its not really that weird. To you its confusing because you are probably not like that. But narcissists live in their own world. Where they are always on top. So who knows what is going on in her head and what does she means by blocking/unblocking. Maybe she thinks she exercises some kind of power moves. 

Anyway, its not something you should be worry yourself about. If you dont have kids and dont have to have contact I suggest you block her and finish with this.

[boltnrun]

15 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You also skipped over this question...What does your current wife think about this intense focus on your ex wife?

 

[boltnrun]

9 minutes ago, askdan said:

I couldn't care less if she blocks or unblocks me

This is completely untrue. You have made multiple posts over the years, all of them about your ex wife.  

[askdan]

I don't even need to block her, she is doing it for me, despite the fact that I remain in strict No Contact.

Do I feel sorry for my ex? Probably not, it feels so long now. But it was her decision, despite my best effort at trying to save the marriage. I even suggested marriage therapy and reconciliation, to no avail. She claimed she could find another man very quickly (10 years have passed...).

Don't burn the bridge over which you must pass yourself...

The reason for me posting this is that I major in psychology, so I am always curious to analyze psychology at the post-divorce stage.

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, askdan said:

The reason for me posting this is that I major in psychology, so I am always curious to analyze psychology at the post-divorce stage.

Doing a postmortem on your divorce for 10 years seems more like an obsession on your part. Try to free yourself from it. 

[askdan]

To answer your question, how do I know if she checks out my posts? Because it shows me who reads them. 

How do I know if I have been unblocked? 

When social media shows me their profile as a 'Suggested Friend'. My reaction is "oh my, here we go again'. I keep rolling my eyes. I was also searching for a celebrity on Instagram and as I typed the first 4 letters, I noticed my ex gf who blocked me on again on IG like several months ago appeared. Is she stalking me/what could this mean?

I don't see the point in blocking--unblocking--stalking an ex for years and years during a strict No Contact phase. This behavior is excessive, especially after 10 years. My friends who major in Psychology say that she is still struggling post-divorce.

Hope it answers the questions above. 

[catfeeder]

I would have blocked her a long time ago, because you can’t know whether she might be trying to gather personal information to harm you.

So her option to unblock would have been resolved at least 9 years ago. But you’re getting something out of this. How does your current wife feel about that?

[askdan]

catfeeder and others: my current wife feels my ex is very bizarre and has serious mental issues. She also thinks my ex-wife is not over me and that she should move on. She even feels sorry for her, in a way.

[Andrina]

You're leaving the door open which is wrong for yourself and your wife. The ex is a woman who should've been left in the past. Instead, she has regularly intruded on your life, making her presence known. Obviously, as said, you find something positive/get some emotional reward/ in having this happen. Otherwise, you would've blocked her. 

I'd make your wife the priority over your curiosity regarding the psychology behind the ex's behavior. Even if your wife hasn't suggested that, it'd be the decent thing to do.

[Wiseman2]

44 minutes ago, askdan said:

 my ex is very bizarre and has serious mental issues. 

However you're the one with the obsession, so that may affect your marriage. 

[boltnrun]

You're obsessed with your ex wife. I'm not even sure why you're with your current wife. I certainly hope you didn't marry her hoping it would make your ex wife jealous.

[shouldhavelearned]

Best to changes numbers and make new accounts 

[Capricorn3]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

This is completely untrue. You have made multiple posts over the years, all of them about your ex wife.  

^ This.  OP, we have all been following your multiple threads over the years - ALL about your ex wife.  Dare I say, if anyone has narcissistic tendencies and full-on obsession, it is you.  Think about it - TEN YEARS, and you still haven't let it go.  That said, we also know you will deny, deny, deny. Then a few months later, another thread about your ex wife.  It gets old real quick.

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Best to changes numbers and make new accounts 

He doesn't want to do this. He has posted threads asking how can he get his ex wife to notice him and find him attractive again.  Now, granted, those were several years ago. But every thread has been about the ex-wife, never the current wife.

Nothing to do with studying psychology or researching narcissistic personality disorder. 

[Jaunty]

I don't even think it's that weird.  Some people have moments that they're curious about an ex and start looking.  Then they think better of it and block.

But why have you not blocked her?  Obviously this bothers you.  You can easily put a stop to it.

[MissCanuck]

You can invent as many excuses for yourself as you want, but it's clear you are still not over your ex-wife. 

I am not sure why you bother posting these threads when it's the same merry-go-round over and over, beyond that it makes you feel good to believe she is as obsessed with you as you evidently are with her. 

[tattoobunnie]

On 10/4/2023 at 3:43 PM, askdan said:

Is this s typical normal thing? Anyone out there encountered a similar situation?

For curious people, yes. For Narcissists, yes.  For bored people, yes.  For insecure people, yes.  I wouldn't look too deeply at it.