He said he wasn't looking for a hookup, I don't understand what he meant by this

[Venice]

54 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately you seem to think he lies about a lot of things like being attracted to you and your sexual response. Sadly you claim to be comfortable and happy with him but at the same time seem unsure of whatever your relationship is and if he's just "settling" for you.  Why won't he take you on dates or treat you better? 

He asked once after sex if I had an orgasm and when.  I asked him why was he asking me this. And he said because women lie about it. And I kept telling him I wasn't so it's obvious that he didn't believe me. 

[boltnrun]

Just now, Venice said:

And he said because women lie about it.

And you say most men lie and cheat and most men on dating apps just want sex and lie about wanting relationships.

You both have very skewed, negative views of the other gender. That's sad. 

[Batya33]

Just now, Venice said:

He asked once after sex if I had an orgasm and when.  I asked him why was he asking me this. And he said because women lie about it. And I kept telling him I wasn't so it's obvious that he didn't believe me. 

Wow sounds like a lot of work - is it really that safe and comfy to be with him -you look at him with distrust, he does the same and yet you can put that all aside and have an orgasm? OK - you do you -but you two are not friends - you're focused on definitions and I wouldn't define two people who distrust each other and feel insecure around each other as friends.  

Yes some women lie about orgasms.  Some men lie about stuff too.  Such is life.

[catfeeder]

14 minutes ago, Venice said:

He asked once after sex if I had an orgasm and when.  I asked him why was he asking me this. And he said because women lie about it. And I kept telling him I wasn't so it's obvious that he didn't believe me. 

I'm not really sure what you're asking from us, and I don't think you're clear about that, either.

Nobody has a crystal ball that can tell you anything beyond what you already know about your FWB. You're the only one who knows where you stand with this guy versus where you WANT to stand--with him, or with anyone else. But I'd get clear with my SELF about that.

FWB's are fun and games until somebody gets hurt. And that's usually the case, which is why I have no 'moral' finger-wag against them, I just don't view them as practical for both people involved.

So in my own case, I'd stop pretending that I don't really want love and caring and a future commitment with someone who can see and appreciate my unique value. And, that requires dating. And dating requires meeting a lot of people who turn out NOT to be matches. It's a needle-in-the-haystack thing, and that's why accepting rejections as nothing more than two pieces of a puzzle that don't fit can help to build resilience, without taking it personally.

I'd thank FWB for our time together. I'd tell him I'm walking away while we still think highly of one another, but I want to date and find a relationship with a future. I'd get a paid subscription to a dating app as my first level of screening to weed out freeloaders who just want sex. I'd connect with potential dates and set up quick meets over coffee to check one another out--no trying to 'build' anything over lots of messages first. I'd schedule a few of these meets each week on my way home from work.

I hope you'll seek what you're looking for.

[LootieTootie]

Well, this FWB is way too much strings attached.

You're jealous and he's possessive and in addition, you both have really toxic views of the other gender.  You both have so much baggage that you can't help but put all your insecurities in to this situationship. Maybe its time to back off from this guy "who doesn't have time to date because he's an electrician" and work on your issues so you don't get mixed up with another person who is just as insecure or more insecure than you.

 

 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Venice said:

And he said because women lie about it

And you think men lie in general, and you don't believe he is attracted to you. 

So, you're even. You each think the other lies. What exactly is the problem here?

[SooSad33]

Yeah, imo, this is getting to be too much.

I think over time, people DO get emotionally invested in their FWB.  ( Usually the woman).  

And as for a FWB situation, you go to 'have some fun;, that's it!  * No expectations*.

Maybe this fwb thingy has run its course?

YOU should not care what he's doing the rest of the week or month. When you leave, that's it.  You are free do do whatever YOU want.  Vice versa.  And if things are beginning to get a little heated because he's now accusing you of lying etc, then maybe it's just time to be done with him.

Move on and do your dating tour on the dating sites. Go out with other men, BUT do expect with that, that they'll expect something from you eventually....

If all you want is to do 'hang out', make sure you've made that clear and in that case, maybe just look up some 'local singles groups' in your area.  I'm sure there's something near you on FB.  I've seen many and am in one in my area.  We meet for coffee, go to the park, to movies, etc.

[lostandhurt]

Reading all your replies I see it clearly now.

 You are realizing that he is willing to have sex with you but doesn't want to be seen with you.  He is into women with nice slender and in shape bodies which does not describe you so it increases your feelings.

I think this is more of a F buddy type of thing than actual friends with benefits. He is just nice enough to you so he gets to keep banging you but nothing more.  

On the flip side you have an extremely harsh view of all men, your fwb included so why are you confused by what he said?  According to you all men lie to get sex so just assume he lied to keep having sex with you and move on from it. He is being who you think he is, a guy that lies to get sex from you.  Pretty simple actually from your stand point.

 You seem very bitter and I hope that improves for you.  I assume some man has hurt you badly in the past to get you to this place.  Not all men are "dating" just to get sex, many like myself would like to meet an honest genuine woman we are attracted to so we can share our lives together.  Perhaps one day you will take down the wall you have built to protect yourself from being hurt and take a chance on another human being.

 Lost

[Tinydance]

22 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Reading all your replies I see it clearly now.

 You are realizing that he is willing to have sex with you but doesn't want to be seen with you.  He is into women with nice slender and in shape bodies which does not describe you so it increases your feelings.

I think this is more of a F buddy type of thing than actual friends with benefits. He is just nice enough to you so he gets to keep banging you but nothing more.  

On the flip side you have an extremely harsh view of all men, your fwb included so why are you confused by what he said?  According to you all men lie to get sex so just assume he lied to keep having sex with you and move on from it. He is being who you think he is, a guy that lies to get sex from you.  Pretty simple actually from your stand point.

 You seem very bitter and I hope that improves for you.  I assume some man has hurt you badly in the past to get you to this place.  Not all men are "dating" just to get sex, many like myself would like to meet an honest genuine woman we are attracted to so we can share our lives together.  Perhaps one day you will take down the wall you have built to protect yourself from being hurt and take a chance on another human being.

 Lost

I agree with basically everything you said. But I don't necessarily think he's lying about anything or he's not attracted to her or wouldn't want to be seen with her. Majority of models are slim and very attractive. So I think most hot women on Instagram for example would look like that. I don't think it necessarily means he exclusively only likes skinny women and has zero attraction to women of any other body type. 

Also in my opinion he's doing nothing wrong that he follows these models. I mean, he is actually single so he can do whatever he likes. OP doesn't like that he follows them which sounds like actual jealousy and insecurity. I think if it worries her he's not attracted to her then that's probably more about her own self-esteem. 

Also this might sound harsh but if this is supposed to be just sex then I don't think it makes him a jerk if he's not THAT into her. With FWB it's supposed to be for sex and physical pleasure. If she would prefer someone who is extremely into her then that would be more like a relationship and having a boyfriend. The reason why people usually do FWB with someone is because they like sex with them but they're not actually into them romantically. 

I also don't think it makes sense for her to say that she doesn't want a relationship and just wants sex. But then accuses men that they all lie, cheat and only want sex. But she said she just wants sex?! So she's saying the same thing.