Saying he’s interested but ghosting

[adviceSeeker12]

I met a guy on a dating app 3 months ago and we’ve been talking since then. The problem here is that he’s been studying for the mcat since when we started talking and he hasn’t had time to text a lot or go out. We only text and it’ll be a bunch of long messages at once and then no response for a day or two. I asked him if this is going anywhere and he explained how the exam is his focus right now but that he likes me and wants to take me out after it’s done, in September. I wouldn’t say we know each other really well but we have a lot of similar interests and matching personalities, based on how we text. He’s even mentioned multiple times how he likes that I’m serious and he’ll definitely take this forward. However, it’s been almost 5 days since I last texted him and he hasn’t responded. He asked me some questions and I responded to him, so that does require a response, but he seems to have went silent.

One side of me thinks it’s because he’s really trying to focus on the exam now which is in a few weeks, but he could’ve communicated that right? Is this normal or has he suddenly lost interest and is actually ghosting me? I fully understand the importance of his exam and don’t expect much communication or anything right now but I can’t tell if he’s interested or if he’s just using me as a back up for fun.

[Sindy_0311]

5 minutes ago, adviceSeeker12 said:

how the exam is his focus right now but that he likes me and wants to take me out after it’s done, in September.

Here you have your answer. Wait until September and leave him alone 'til then... 😉 

[MrMan1983]

7 minutes ago, adviceSeeker12 said:

I met a guy on a dating app 3 months ago and we’ve been talking since then. The problem here is that he’s been studying for the mcat since when we started talking and he hasn’t had time to text a lot or go out. We only text and it’ll be a bunch of long messages at once and then no response for a day or two. I asked him if this is going anywhere and he explained how the exam is his focus right now but that he likes me and wants to take me out after it’s done, in September. I wouldn’t say we know each other really well but we have a lot of similar interests and matching personalities, based on how we text. He’s even mentioned multiple times how he likes that I’m serious and he’ll definitely take this forward. However, it’s been almost 5 days since I last texted him and he hasn’t responded. He asked me some questions and I responded to him, so that does require a response, but he seems to have went silent.

One side of me thinks it’s because he’s really trying to focus on the exam now which is in a few weeks, but he could’ve communicated that right? Is this normal or has he suddenly lost interest and is actually ghosting me? I fully understand the importance of his exam and don’t expect much communication or anything right now but I can’t tell if he’s interested or if he’s just using me as a back up for fun.

Some people just aren't that fussed about texting often, and there doesn't seem to be anything wrong if you didn't include questions on the last one either. Also it's hard for him to know where somethings going if you haven't met yet. Better to just leave him be as Sindy mentioned and see if you can organise a date in September.

[Wiseman2]

Have you met in person? Anyone who's unwilling to meet in a timely manner is a red flag. Ask yourself why is he on dating apps if he's too busy to meet? Put him on the back burner and continue to talk and meet available real life men in person.

[adviceSeeker12]

@MrMan1983I did ask one question too. Do you think it matters? Also want to say that he’s mentioned multiple times that he hates texting and is more of an in person guy, but I don’t know if I can believe that when a lot of guys say that as an excuse.

[adviceSeeker12]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you met in person? Anyone who's unwilling to meet in a timely manner is a red flag. Ask yourself why is he on dating apps if he's too busy to meet? Put him on the back burner and continue to talk and meet available real life men in person.

No we haven’t. He asked me out once early on but then ended up canceling and didn’t reschedule. I was under the impression that he started focusing on studying then.

[MrMan1983]

2 minutes ago, adviceSeeker12 said:

he’s mentioned multiple times that he hates texting and is more of an in person guy

I would take his word for it and focus on organising the date when he's available, I hate texting too as it leads to a lot of over analysis and anxiety at times. Better to save the convo for in person too, makes the dates a lot better.

[Lambert]

I'd forget about this guy and if he comes around some time in the future, consider him then. 

Months is too long to meet and communicate on line but not meet. 

Get back on line and set a rule to only talk to guys who want to make plans to meet within a short time, like 2 weeks tops.

If you can't manage to meet in two weeks, their schedule isn't compatible with yours and move on. 

Set better boundaries and requirements. Your situation will improve.

[Cherylyn]

Ghosted = Not interested which requires no translation whatsoever.  I've ghosted (due to perpetrator's bad behavior) and my message was sent loud and clear.  🙄

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, adviceSeeker12 said:

No we haven’t. He asked me out once early on but then ended up canceling.

Unfortunately it's a red flag to text this long and not meet. This could be a catfish, scammer or just a time waster. Please don't give out personal information and delete and block him so you can move forward.

[Kwothe28]

I think that he is not that busy that he cant answer a simple message. Or even to take you out. Youve been talking for 3 months. He could have found one day to dedicate to you if he wants this to move forward.

"Time wasters". If you are using dating apps search good that term. Because you are dealing to one right now. He didnt ghost you. But sure as Hell wont date you. If you cant meet in a timely manor just say "Next" and dont look back. 

[smackie9]

Time waster. Focus on men who actually take you out on dates as promised / promptly and communication is consistent. don't chase, don't sit and hope for them to come around, don't accept excuses. 

[MissCanuck]

Sorry OP, but I don't buy that he's just so busy studying that he can't meet for months. 

What was he doing on a dating app if he were so wrapped up that he couldn't meet anyone in person? My guess is that you're low on the list of back-up options for him, and he's meeting other people. I don't mean to be harsh, but nobody is this busy - especially not when they're on an app designed to get dates. 

I wouldn't bother wasting more time communicating with this person. It doesn't add up. 

[SooSad33]

Your choice in the end... BUT, to wait months and not even meet? 😕 .

Fine if he's not a 'texter', I have a kid like that, so why can't you guys do an actual phone call?  And IMO, IF someone is interested, you'll know. ( I don't see that in this situation), so, wth?

I'd continue to 'tour the dating site'.  If he doesn't get at it soon, his loss 😉 .  Because most guys ( people) I know, do not sit 'studying' 24/7.  They still have a life/ friends. I am sure he does as well.

[Jibralta]

19 hours ago, adviceSeeker12 said:

I met a guy on a dating app 3 months ago and we’ve been talking since then. The problem here is that he’s been studying for the mcat since when we started talking and he hasn’t had time to text a lot or go out. We only text and it’ll be a bunch of long messages at once and then no response for a day or two. I asked him if this is going anywhere and he explained how the exam is his focus right now but that he likes me and wants to take me out after it’s done, in September. I wouldn’t say we know each other really well but we have a lot of similar interests and matching personalities, based on how we text. He’s even mentioned multiple times how he likes that I’m serious and he’ll definitely take this forward. However, it’s been almost 5 days since I last texted him and he hasn’t responded. He asked me some questions and I responded to him, so that does require a response, but he seems to have went silent.

One side of me thinks it’s because he’s really trying to focus on the exam now which is in a few weeks, but he could’ve communicated that right? Is this normal or has he suddenly lost interest and is actually ghosting me? I fully understand the importance of his exam and don’t expect much communication or anything right now but I can’t tell if he’s interested or if he’s just using me as a back up for fun.

I think you should move on.

If you don't limit your attention to guys who are willing meet in person, within a day or two of establishing contact through the app, you're going to end up with online pen pals.

That was my takeaway from the online dating experience.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Jibralta said:

I think you should move on.

If you don't limit your attention to guys who are willing meet in person within a day or two, you're going to end up with online pen pals.

That was my takeaway from the online dating experience.

Yes- I agree- unless you care to date online or have a penpal.  Certainly a week or two is fine in certain circumstanes -and if there was that delay I didn't chat again until it was time to reconfirm plans or firm up time/place (if there was no time/place for 'in a week or two" I moved on and if the guy followed up and I was still available I made plans then but didn't stay in touch in the meanwhile because I was interested in dating no chat buddies)

[Coily]

On one hand the Mcats are time sinks for a lot of people, but that said; if he can't manage one night in short order to meet with a potential date; what will that tell you about the relationship down the road?

1-2 weeks is the normal window for a date from online. People have lives and schedules already established, but usually there's a willingness to meet so they don't waste each other's time. This guy has his blinders on to see anything but his test.

[Wiseman2]

23 hours ago, adviceSeeker12 said:

 he’s been studying for the mcat since when we started talking and he hasn’t had time to text a lot or go out. 

MCAT as in catfish. He may use the "going to be a doctor" innuendo to lure people in. Delete and block.

[Batya33]

18 minutes ago, Coily said:

On one hand the Mcats are time sinks for a lot of people, but that said; if he can't manage one night in short order to meet with a potential date; what will that tell you about the relationship down the road?

1-2 weeks is the normal window for a date from online. People have lives and schedules already established, but usually there's a willingness to meet so they don't waste each other's time. This guy has his blinders on to see anything but his test.

When I studied for something similar I also couldn't make plans but I also wouldn't have been active on a dating site knowing it could be a month before I could make plans.