What’s next?

[Whirling D]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Well I am - and respect if you do not want to provide or share any update.

Thanks, Bat…

With all due respect, there are 101 opinions that come from people on here, and many of them without a tremendous amount of fact to back them up.  
 

not to mention the hours every day I spent on here writing, and for what purpose? I no longer can say.

I am finding alternate sources for feedback and inspiration that I’m finding useful.

[Whirling D]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Just wanted to know if everything is ok... 

well, I haven’t jumped off a bridge yet, thanks for asking… 🙂

[rainbowsandroses]

18 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

Thanks, Bat…

With all due respect, there are 101 opinions that come from people on here, and many of them without a tremendous amount of fact to back them up.  
 

not to mention the hours every day I spent on here writing, and for what purpose? I no longer can say.

I am finding alternate sources for feedback and inspiration that I’m finding useful.

If I may ask, since you find this forum so uninspiring and unhelpful, what are you still doing here? 

Making some sort of statement?  

Everyone who contributed to your thread including myself, did so in an attempt to help you. 

It wasn't necessary to return only to tell us our attempts were unhelpful, not appreciated and you're seeking inspiration and feedback elsewhere. 

Personally, I find that quite disrespectful to all who contributed.

 

 

[Whirling D]

4 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

If I may ask, since you find this forum so uninspiring and unhelpful, what are you still doing here? 

Making some sort of statement?  

Everyone who contributed to your thread including myself, did so in an attempt to help you. 

It wasn't necessary to return only to tell us our attempts to help were unhelpful, and you're seeking inspiration and feedback elsewhere. 

Personally, I find that quite disrespectful to all who contributed.

 

 

Sorry you feel that way, rainbow.

Please acknowledge that I said many of the respondents.  Not all.

I’m on here, because I find some of the other stories interesting, and because some of you expressed interest in what was happening.

and, I never said it was unhelpful to be on here. Never used those words.

That’s really all there is to it.

no one has stopped people that are interested from private messaging.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Whirling D said:

Sorry you feel that way, rainbow.

Please acknowledge that I said many of the respondents.  Not all.

I’m on here, because I find some of the other stories interesting, and because some of you expressed interest in what was happening.

and, I never said it was unhelpful to be on here. Never used those words.

That’s really all there is to it.

no one has stopped people that are interested from private messaging.

Not sure why the clarifying "with all due respect" -all I wrote was I defer to you as to whether you wish to share or update.  No I'm not going to bite with respect to your "well you know you can private message" - I'm not even sure whether your indirect implication was -yes PM or "well there sure are some nosy people."  I have not messaged you and if you message me for sure I will respond when I'm able.  Just an odd way you put it.

[TheCrow]

5 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

If I may ask, since you find this forum so uninspiring and unhelpful, what are you still doing here? 

Making some sort of statement?  

Everyone who contributed to your thread including myself, did so in an attempt to help you. 

It wasn't necessary to return only to tell us our attempts were unhelpful, not appreciated and you're seeking inspiration and feedback elsewhere. 

Personally, I find that quite disrespectful to all who contributed.

 

 

That he even responded to 'how are you' is an awful lot more than I would do in his position. Disrespectful?? He?? How about dozens and dozens of posts humiliating, belittling, berating, insulting, degrading, dismissing, lecturing etc etc HIM -  carefully and cleverly disguised as 'helpful advise'?? 

Just.. unreal. 

[rainbowsandroses]

29 minutes ago, TheCrow said:

That he even responded to 'how are you' is an awful lot more than I would do in his position.

Exactly my point, thank you! 

Given his feelings about the forum and "some" of the responses, NO response would have been the appropriate course of action. 

Versus telling us he's seeking inspiration and feedback elsewhere.

He and I have private messaged as well and I believe I owe him one. 

 

[NighttimeNightmare]

Just because he used this forum before doesn’t mean it will continue to benefit him. He’s allowed to come or go. It isn’t rude to the people who have commented.  It’s his truth and what feels authentic to him and that should be applauded

 

he even came back and answered those who were asking where he was and some of the responses to that are just proof as to why he probably felt the need to move to other pastures. 

[Batya33]

I have no issue at all with his choice not to share or update. I found the way he referenced private messaging confusing. I have not and wouldn’t - I assumed if he wasn’t posting he didn’t feel like sharing. Totally fine. 

[Morello]

The unsaid reality of this forum is that most people here would be better off not following advice from strangers on a forum, who are most of the time just blabbing about themselves (or reflecting on their own experiences in the way of providing "advice", me included).

Yes, cathartic for all involved to be writing and reading on here, and good for discussions, but taking these things as advice? Not so much. I don't think anyone posting here is entitled to anything (not even a response, definitely not to be constantly updated on their personal lives). 

[rainbowsandroses]

11 minutes ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

Just because he used this forum before doesn’t mean it will continue to benefit him. He’s allowed to come or go. It isn’t rude to the people who have commented.  It’s his truth and what feels authentic to him and that should be applauded

I agree!

I dunno, guess it's me, but I don't think announcing his displeasure (or whatever word he used) with many of the responses and that he's seeking inspiration and feedback elsewhere was necessary.

Maybe disrespectful was the wrong word.

How about I felt hurt and unappreciated by his announcement given how I and others were attempting to help him.

I never would have posted that anyway. 

Thats all...

 

 

[MrMan1983]

18 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I have no issue at all with his choice not to share or update. I found the way he referenced private messaging confusing. I have not and wouldn’t - I assumed if he wasn’t posting he didn’t feel like sharing. Totally fine. 

I just read it as him saying if people were/are interested in the situation they could PM him. Which is true.

[Batya33]

16 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

I just read it as him saying if people were/are interested in the situation they could PM him. Which is true.

Yes for sure.  For me -personally- and just me! -I would feel like I was being intrusive unless it was to check up on whether he was ok generally. Someone else had posted that question here so I assumed he would reply as appropriate. Sorry Whirling D if I misread your intention.  

[catfeeder]

Hi Whirl, are you aware that you can block any users from your thread?

[Wiseman2]

On 7/7/2023 at 4:35 PM, HeartGoesOn said:

Whirling D,

With this being a public messaging board, you don't have the option of choosing who can reply to your postings.  However, you do have the option of utilizing the "block feature" where you can't view their replies.

As you know, you can report any rude/disrespectful postings to the mod team at your discretion.

Thank you.

On the day this thread was started 

15 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Hi Whirl, are you aware that you can block any users from your thread?

 

[Sindy_0311]

11 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Given his feelings about the forum and "some" of the responses, NO response would have been the appropriate course of action. 

Versus telling us he's seeking inspiration and feedback elsewhere.

Meaning you prefer someone ghosting you than telling you honestly they are no longer interested. 

I think he has the right to say that he is finding better support elsewhere and its completely fine... he doesn't owe us anything. 

In fact, I'm glad he realized what fits better for him and I wish him well... end of story😊... 

[MissCanuck]

8 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I think he has the right to say that he is finding better support elsewhere and its completely fine... he doesn't owe us anything.

I agree, and also think that some posters got very over-invested in the drama. 

[MrMan1983]

20 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I agree, and also think that some posters got very over-invested in the drama. 

Agreed, sometimes people struggle to stay subjective. Now it’s moved to Alex’s thread. 

[Whirling D]

You know, being on a forum like this can be addicting. It’s almost like a caffeine fix. At least it is/was for me.
 

I still enjoy coming on here, fairly often and reading what happens with others, and I consider chiming in, but I just don’t have it in me to do that right now. Who knows, maybe in the future.

I meant no disrespect by my initial posting yesterday. At least to those who were being respectful… 🙂 I figured you would know who you are and know that I wasn’t referring to you.
 

But as Man just said, it just seemed to become fodder for some, and it became hurtful.  As Crow adequately said, I sometimes felt that a lot of postings were cleverly-disguised condescension. Many of those responses had some reasonable points and good rationale, but were often said in an underhanded mean way (at least what I would consider mean).  With my puny baby little healing soul, that’s hard to manage, and I was finding myself tremendously more triggered while I was on here than when I was not. Negativity, begets negativity, and I have a huge amount of negativity in my own heart that I’m trying to manage… let alone, having to manage negativity coming from the outside.  Hence, the strategic change. 

I suspect there will come a time in the not too distant future where I will feel depressed and alone, and need a portal that I think works for what I will need at that time.  I feel very vulnerable right about now, and I guess I am feeling that I’m handling things ok, so for now… mum’s the word… 

I enjoy many of you, and I have appreciated what you’ve brought to the table. Maybe I should be deleting these posts sooner… Because I seem to get about five or 10 pages in and that’s when the crap hits the fan and it starts getting out of control… 🙂 Maybe that’s the trick… 🙂

Yes, I do know that I can block people, but I do like to see what everyone says, despite the negativity.  Most of the time, I will try to read between the lines and truly see if what is being said holds any water, and much of the time it does.  So, I haven’t really wanted to block anybody… Plus, as you probably know by now, I will want to defend myself… and that in itself should be its own 12 step program… 🤣😂 
 

 

 

[TacticalLinguine]

Whatever you choose, Whirl, all the best to you! I didn’t really comment here but I appreciate you letting us into your dating life 🙂

[kamurj]

Topic has run its course, closed.