Does it sound like he's lying?

[Candyapplexox]

A guy who I've been friends with benefits for eight months recently let his friend of 10 years and her kid move in with him. He said there is nothing going on between them. He told me he's trying to help her because she's having a difficult time. He told me she doesn't have a license or a car. I told him that he likes her enough to let her move in with him. So maybe he should just be with her and he said he doesn't want to. I also asked her if they were in a relationship and she said they aren't together.

Then he was complaining about the living situation with her. The last time I saw him she texted him and he rolled his eyes. Saying that she was going off on him about eating some of her food. And that one minute they are ok and then the next she flips on him. He said he shouldn't have to feel stressed about living his in own house. And that everyone he asked about letting her move in with him told him not to do it.

I just don't want to have sex with him if he's in a relationship with her. And I told him I did not want to come in between them if they were together. And this is when he said they weren't together.

But does this really sound believable? I have always been told that men and women can't only be friends. Because one person usually tries to be with the other person. And every time I've ever tried to be just friends with a guy (unless he was gay) he always hit on me or wanted sex.

 

I have been talking to other men so, now I'm just thinking I'll tell him to contact me when or if he's ever living alone again.

[MissCanuck]

15 minutes ago, Candyapplexox said:

I have been talking to other men so, now I'm just thinking I'll tell him to contact me when or if he's ever living alone again.

Good idea. 

It's impossible to say if they're together, but I would not be at all interested in being intimiately involved with a man who's got drama like this in his own home.

[Kwothe28]

Why didnt you just updated your last thread?

Also does it really matter when both of you are not monogamous and talking and probably having sex with other people?

I think its naive of you to think he would just let some woman move in. But again, you are not an item, just a sex combination. 

[Candyapplexox]

6 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Why didnt you just updated your last thread?

Also does it really matter when both of you are not monogamous and talking and probably having sex with other people?

I think its naive of you to think he would just let some woman move in. But again, you are not an item, just a sex combination. 

It matters because I'm not having sex with him if he's in a relationship with her. I'm not sure why you're calling me naive people help their friends all the time. I texted him and told him to contact me when he's single and living alone again. 

[Cherylyn]

If you're in doubt,  get out. 

[Tinydance]

I just had a look at your last thread again. Do you actually have any feelings for this guy? You've mentioned in your posts that it's only FWB but you seem very involved and concerned with his life and what he's doing. If you have feelings for him then I would recommend not seeing him anymore. Just based on the fact that you'd be likely to get hurt if he doesn't feel the same.

If you actually don't have feelings for him then I don't think it's actually your place to worry why he let this woman move in and why they're fighting or he's eating her food, etc.

First of all, if he's not dating this woman and she actually is just a housemate, he shouldn't be eating her food. Housemates don't usually eat each other's food unless they agreed on it first or the housemate offered food to you. I've lived with housemates and the general rule is you don't eat anyone's food or use anyone's things. In any case, you can listen to him vent but it's not really your business what home dynamics he has with this woman.

Maybe he's not dating this woman but he's just sleeping with her or wants to sleep with her too. If you don't want to sleep with a guy who sleeps with others then you don't actually have to. You can choose not to. But he's not your boyfriend so he actually is allowed to date others or sleep with others.

He doesn't have to report to you if he's going on dates with that woman or anyone else. Maybe he's being honest that he's not with her, but maybe he wants to be (in some capacity). And he's allowed to do that because he has no exclusivity or commitment to you.

[Jibralta]

3 hours ago, Candyapplexox said:

I texted him and told him to contact me when he's single and living alone again. 

Perfect.

[Candyapplexox]

6 hours ago, Tinydance said:

I just had a look at your last thread again. Do you actually have any feelings for this guy? You've mentioned in your posts that it's only FWB but you seem very involved and concerned with his life and what he's doing. If you have feelings for him then I would recommend not seeing him anymore. Just based on the fact that you'd be likely to get hurt if he doesn't feel the same.

If you actually don't have feelings for him then I don't think it's actually your place to worry why he let this woman move in and why they're fighting or he's eating her food, etc.

First of all, if he's not dating this woman and she actually is just a housemate, he shouldn't be eating her food. Housemates don't usually eat each other's food unless they agreed on it first or the housemate offered food to you. I've lived with housemates and the general rule is you don't eat anyone's food or use anyone's things. In any case, you can listen to him vent but it's not really your business what home dynamics he has with this woman.

Maybe he's not dating this woman but he's just sleeping with her or wants to sleep with her too. If you don't want to sleep with a guy who sleeps with others then you don't actually have to. You can choose not to. But he's not your boyfriend so he actually is allowed to date others or sleep with others.

He doesn't have to report to you if he's going on dates with that woman or anyone else. Maybe he's being honest that he's not with her, but maybe he wants to be (in some capacity). And he's allowed to do that because he has no exclusivity or commitment to you.

If he wants to sleep with her then that's what he should have told me when I told him I didn't want to come between them if they had something going on. He can do whatever he wants but I'm not going to help him cheat if he's in a relationship with her.  And I don't think that should be hard to understand. 

[MissCanuck]

What if he's not dating her, but just sleeping with her? 

Perhaps he's got both of you as FWB. 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Candyapplexox said:

. He can do whatever he wants but I'm not going to help him cheat if he's in a relationship with her.  

Just the fact that they live together and he's moaning about it to you already, is enough to end it and pursue someone less complicated.

It's kind of sleazy that he's talking behind her back but they're supposedly "best friends". Somehow it reminds me of the "my spouse doesn't understand me" routine.

Whether they're having sex or not is irrelevant because let's face it, they're pretty close if he invited her and her child to live with him. 

Opt for less complicated situations and men with better integrity. You'll have a lot less headaches and heartaches that way.

[LootieTootie]

You do know what a FWB is right? You are way too invested in someone who is just a FWB or no longer a FWB but potentially can be again.

FWB are not supposed to be complicated and they are only complicated when feelings get involve and your feelings for this guy is too involve.

So don't ask "Is he lying to me?" You should ask "Why do I care?"

Once you ask that question, hopefully it leads to some self-introspection that will help you see that your feelings for this man is unhealthy.

[Candyapplexox]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Just the fact that they live together and he's moaning about it to you already, is enough to end it and pursue someone less complicated.

It's kind of sleazy that he's talking behind her back but they're supposedly "best friends". Somehow it reminds me of the "my spouse doesn't understand me" routine.

Whether they're having sex or not is irrelevant because let's face it, they're pretty close if he invited her and her child to live with him. 

Opt for less complicated situations and men with better integrity. You'll have a lot less headaches and heartaches that way.

Just because he invited her to live with him does not automatically mean they are having sex. I'm not sure why you think this I asked her if they were together and she told me no. 

And it doesn't seem like he's actually enjoying living with her. When he's saying she flips on him when he's trying to help her. He said everyone who asked him if he should let her move in with him told him not to do it. 

[Candyapplexox]

6 hours ago, LootieTootie said:

You do know what a FWB is right? You are way too invested in someone who is just a FWB or no longer a FWB but potentially can be again.

FWB are not supposed to be complicated and they are only complicated when feelings get involve and your feelings for this guy is too involve.

So don't ask "Is he lying to me?" You should ask "Why do I care?"

Once you ask that question, hopefully it leads to some self-introspection that will help you see that your feelings for this man is unhealthy.

FWB isn't supposed to be this complicated so I guess I was supposed to tell him no don't tell me anything about what you're going through. Because we are only having sex. I already explained why I care because if he's in a relationship I'm not having sex with him. That's called cheating is that really too hard to understand? I am not having sex with him if he Is in a relationship with her that's why I care. Ever heard of something called morals? 

Unless you've actually been in a situation before where you've been a homewrecker then you wouldn't understand so I don't expect you to get it.

[spinstermanquee]

9 minutes ago, Candyapplexox said:

I am not having sex with him if he Is in a relationship with her that's why I care

You said so yourself that FWB isn't a relationship.  So *if* he is FWB with her too then he is not cheating... in any case you might want to carefully monitor your birth control and STD exposure, and maybe find another FWB who doesn't have an insta-family living with him.  Better yet, why not find a guy who wants to be a real boyfriend, just the two of you in a relationship?

[Wiseman2]

28 minutes ago, Candyapplexox said:

Just because he invited her to live with him does not automatically mean they are having sex. 

Exactly. It's that they live together and he's grumpy about it that's a problem in itself. He doesn't have to have sex with her to make this an undesirable situation.  

[Candyapplexox]

I'm really concerned because he told me he is helping care for his sick mother with Cancer. I know it's not my business but I mean how can a person not care about something like that? 

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, Candyapplexox said:

If he wants to sleep with her then that's what he should have told me when I told him I didn't want to come between them if they had something going on. He can do whatever he wants but I'm not going to help him cheat if he's in a relationship with her.  And I don't think that should be hard to understand. 

Why can’t he just casually date both of you ?  If you don’t trust him to tell you if he’s exclusive with a woman and having sex with you on the side why do you trust him with your life basically which you do whenever you have se with him or at least a huge risk of STD or pregnancy both of which are often life changing. 

[sweetlady]

18 hours ago, Candyapplexox said:

A guy who I've been friends with benefits for eight months recently let his friend of 10 years and her kid move in with him. He said there is nothing going on between them. He told me he's trying to help her because she's having a difficult time. He told me she doesn't have a license or a car. I told him that he likes her enough to let her move in with him. So maybe he should just be with her and he said he doesn't want to. I also asked her if they were in a relationship and she said they aren't together.

Then he was complaining about the living situation with her. The last time I saw him she texted him and he rolled his eyes. Saying that she was going off on him about eating some of her food. And that one minute they are ok and then the next she flips on him. He said he shouldn't have to feel stressed about living his in own house. And that everyone he asked about letting her move in with him told him not to do it.

I just don't want to have sex with him if he's in a relationship with her. And I told him I did not want to come in between them if they were together. And this is when he said they weren't together.

But does this really sound believable? I have always been told that men and women can't only be friends. Because one person usually tries to be with the other person. And every time I've ever tried to be just friends with a guy (unless he was gay) he always hit on me or wanted sex.

 

I have been talking to other men so, now I'm just thinking I'll tell him to contact me when or if he's ever living alone again.

I think you have done the right thing in not having sex with him.

Sounds like there could be something going on. I don't know but don't get involved with him.

You carry on talking to other guys and maybe date. Let him live in his situation he put himself in. Don't let him use you to escape it.

If he can't be honest let him go. 

 

 

[smackie9]

You are FWB and have every right to stop this arrangement if something changes. You are under no obligation to do anything for him or be with him. Set your boundaries, and go no contact. Maybe this is a sign for you to move on and find something else in your life. FWB should be a temporary situation anyways.

[MissCanuck]

On 4/11/2023 at 7:14 AM, MissCanuck said:

What if he's not dating her, but just sleeping with her? 

I asked before, but you haven't answered the above, OP. 

Would you be okay if they're just FWB, too? He could be dating neither of you and still having sex with both of you. 

[Wiseman2]

17 hours ago, Candyapplexox said:

I'm really concerned because he told me he is helping care for his sick mother with Cancer. 

It seems like he's being very honest and transparent. He's telling you straight up that this friend and her child moved in, that his mother is ill and that he has a lot going on.

It's not about honesty, it's about if you want to continue this situationship given all the recent dilemmas he says he's having.

[Tinydance]

18 hours ago, Candyapplexox said:

I'm really concerned because he told me he is helping care for his sick mother with Cancer. I know it's not my business but I mean how can a person not care about something like that? 

I think he expects too much from you. He only wants FWB but yet he expects you to listen to his problems and complain about the other woman. If he only wants sex then do you really need this? He's got all these issues going on and complains to you. Sounds too high maintaince. As a woman you have a lot of options to get sex.

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, Tinydance said:

I think he expects too much from you. He only wants FWB but yet he expects you to listen to his problems and complain about the other woman. If he only wants sex then do you really need this? He's got all these issues going on and complains to you. Sounds too high maintaince. As a woman you have a lot of options to get sex.

If it's actually FWB they're supposed to be good friends who have sex and good friends support each other in these matters. If she simply wants a monogamous sex arrangement yes she can find that with a bit of effort including STD testing and setting down the ground rules as to the monogamy part.  

[Jaunty]

On 4/10/2023 at 1:12 PM, Candyapplexox said:

It matters because I'm not having sex with him if he's in a relationship with her. 

Definitely stop having sex with him, block and delete him from all your stuff,  and MOVE ON.  

This is an obsession.

[LootieTootie]

Once you care so much about a FWB, to the point where you're crossing boundaries (like your first thread) and it appears that you care so much again to post another thread about him... please note you are in a .... NO RETURN TERRITORY.

Stop fixating on this man. He will not want you more than a FWB EVER. This guy isn't worth the drama - FWB or not.