Found messages with his old flame. Should I confront him?

[AlessiaB]

You guys are right. But I just feel really mad, if I just dumped him without expressing myself.  I want him to know that I know and that he isn’t slick. I also hate that this girl thinks she can just hit him up when she feels like it and try to steal him knowing he has me. 

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, AlessiaB said:

I also hate that this girl thinks she can just hit him up when she feels like it and try to steal him knowing he has me. 

Sorry for your disappointment, but now you know what kind of player he is and can cut your losses. 

Don't get mad at her for "stealing" him, he's the one hitting her up. He's the problem.  It's fine to tell him off before you dump him. He's had a backup plan all along. Don't fight for a clown like this.

[Batya33]

54 minutes ago, AlessiaB said:

You guys are right. But I just feel really mad, if I just dumped him without expressing myself.  I want him to know that I know and that he isn’t slick. I also hate that this girl thinks she can just hit him up when she feels like it and try to steal him knowing he has me. 

Nothing to do with her.  Only to do with his reaction to her.  He didn't have you.  You two were dating a short time.  She may have known nothing about your promises to each other.  Despite what he typed to her.

[Starlight925]

1 hour ago, AlessiaB said:

But I just feel really mad, if I just dumped him without expressing myself.  I want him to know that I know and that he isn’t slick.  

You will feel even worse if you express yourself to him.  He will give you flowery words, baby baby, and you'll either stay with him, and this will happen again, or you'll break up, realizing that his words are meaningless.

I look back at situations where I felt the need to express myself, in similar situations, and I wish I had just ghosted.  It's a much more powerful statement than any words, trust me.

[Coily]

Well that's definitely a nail in the coffin of the relationship.  Collect anything at his and walk.

[boltnrun]

Do you want to be talked into staying with him?

As of six weeks ago you were involved with someone else anyway so this is very short term. What exactly is there for you to try to hold on to?

[smackie9]

Obviously he's stuck...stuck between you and an old habit. He's simply not ready to be in a committed relationship until he works through this. Sorry it went sideways for you. If you need closure send what you know in an email then block him. That will reassure he can't try and hoover you back. Please try to be at peace knowing you got your questions answered, and you can move on. 

[Jibralta]

4 hours ago, AlessiaB said:

You guys are right. But I just feel really mad, if I just dumped him without expressing myself.  I want him to know that I know and that he isn’t slick. I also hate that this girl thinks she can just hit him up when she feels like it and try to steal him knowing he has me. 

I'm just saying, don't ask him for an explanation--you already know what's going on. Expressing yourself is a whole different thing--go ahead and express yourself! You can do that without his explanation.

As for the girl--let it go. Yes, it's a low-class move on her part. But he's the one who's supposed to be loyal. She's no one to you. Don't make her into someone.

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, AlessiaB said:

I also hate that this girl thinks she can just hit him up when she feels like it and try to steal him knowing he has me.

She is being crappy, no doubt. 

But she would not be able to cause trouble without his participation. As you see, he is the real problem here. 

[SherrySher]

Him messaging with her in the first place was a very bad indication that he wasn't a good guy.

You are absolutely right in that there is no way any decent person would be entertaining someone else in text, at all.

All you need to do is tell someone in one sentence, I am in a relationship, not interested.

End of.

If he didn't do that, then he was considering his options.

The fact that he went on to have a phone call with her, and told her he wants her so badly...that's a total deal breaker and reason to kick him to the curb...HARD!!!

And no, it wasn't this girls fault.

It was his.

He has every responsibility to be respectful and decent to YOU because you are in a relationship with him.

It doesn't matter what temptations are out there, if he cared for you deeply and was a respectful guy, he would not even think twice over some woman trying to get onto him.

This is not a decent guy. Immature, disrespectful, low grade type of man.

End it, and don't even look back.

[Jaunty]

8 hours ago, AlessiaB said:

You guys are right. But I just feel really mad, if I just dumped him without expressing myself.  I want him to know that I know and that he isn’t slick. I also hate that this girl thinks she can just hit him up when she feels like it and try to steal him knowing he has me. 

Please don't make a huge drama out of this.  It won't make you feel as good as you're thinking it will.  If you must, tell him that you don't want to see him anymore and why.  But don't make a lot out of it.

I'm curious as to why you posted that you've been together "a few months" when, in fact, you had sex with a different guy (your best friend) just last month.    Why?

In reality you were in the very early stages of dating with this recent one.  I'm surprised that you considered yourself in an established relationship.  It's still the "getting to know" stage.  He evidently didn't feel that invested, and you have "gotten to know" some important information.  

[AlessiaB]

Thank you for all your replies, I really appreciate it.  I did end up talking to him about this.  He apologized and said it was really messed up it was for him to do that.  I asked him what was it about me that wasn't enough and he said that it had nothing to do with me that I haven't done anything wrong, but he's never felt a deep connected to me.  He hesitated to break up with me because I've been a good girlfriend and we're compatible in a lot of ways except for passion,  Honestly, I was really upset and I asked him if he feels this deep connection with the other girl and he said he does.  That they have history and missed their window two years ago when she left for college.  He said he never expected to hear from her again but now that she reached out, it was screwing with his head.

Honestly I expected him to apologize like you guys said he would and tell me how sorry he was and promise to never do it again.  But he didn't do ANY of that.  I feel like I'm just disposable to him.  And I feel blindsided because I had no idea he felt that way-that there's no passion.  I thought we had great chemistry physically and emotionally, but I guess it was just me.  Anyways, we are broken up.  But I still feel like crap.

 

[MissCanuck]

4 minutes ago, AlessiaB said:

Anyways, we are broken up

Good. He is not over her, or he would not have said this:

4 minutes ago, AlessiaB said:

now that she reached out, it was screwing with his head.

I am sorry. You are well rid of him. He was not committed to you the way a boyfriend should be. 

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, AlessiaB said:

Honestly I expected him to apologize like you guys said he would and tell me how sorry he was and promise to never do it again.  But he didn't do ANY of that.

Because he isnt sorry, types like that never are. To him all it matters is that he is going to his true love or what he thinks that is, who he hurts doesnt matter there.

I would also like clariffication about best friend and having sex with him when you were in a relationship with this man. Sounds like you were not so different regarding to loyalty to each other.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, AlessiaB said:

 he's never felt a deep connected to me.  

You dodged a bullet. It's not about you. He's a player and a user. Be glad you're free of him so you can move forward to someone with integrity and who cares about you.

[boltnrun]

I'm sorry you feel hurt, but this relationship was never going to work. Seems both of you had your eyes on other people.

You'll feel better soon, I promise. 

[Jaunty]

9 hours ago, AlessiaB said:

 

Honestly I expected him to apologize like you guys said he would and tell me how sorry he was and promise to never do it again.  

 

Did you ever address having sex with your "best friend"  last month?

You keep avoiding this.  Can you clarify?  It makes a difference.  Either you BOTH have been dilly-dallying, or you have misrepresented this situation here.   Sounds like maybe you've been dating him but not really in a committed relationship.  In that case he did nothing wrong.  

[Jibralta]

17 hours ago, AlessiaB said:

Honestly I expected him to apologize like you guys said he would and tell me how sorry he was and promise to never do it again.  

Maybe I missed something, but I don't recall anyone telling you that he would apologize and promise never to do it again. I think just about everyone advised you to kick him to the curb.