Suggestions on Finding New Hobbies

[Alex39]

I feel like for years I've been hiding out. In 2019, I stopped dating and trying to meet men. I wanted to just focus on me for a while. Then in 2020 covid hit, which was fine. Now I don't really worry about covid. I just try and avoid sick people. But I feel like I've been hiding like a hermit for years now, trying to figure my stuff out, and I'm just wasting my life. It's not covid, it's just me.  I'm struggling to get over past regrets. My past mistakes torment me.  Trying to figure out what I like. What I want. I feel like I used to be able to picture my life a few years off and now I see nothing ahead. I always feel up and down with my career. Like not fulfilled at all. All I do is work, eat, sleep, clean, watch TV. I don't have a lot of money to do a regular hobby. 

I'm almost 31 and single, have no hobbies, and feel like I am so lost. I had to quit my favorite lifelong physical activity/passion a few years ago, because it was too rough on my body and health. My doctor suggested quitting. Ever since I've been so lost. I gained weight not doing it anymore. I don't go to the gym, because I don't know how almost, without much favorite activity. It was a huge part of my life. Something I talked about highly. 

 

I'm too afraid to date or meet men, because I'm heavier than I used to be and I don't know what I'd even talk about with them. There is a lot I want to do in life, but it's stuff you wouldn't do alone. 

I spoke with my therapist and she suggested I find new hobbies. But nothing catches my fancy. I like cooking and am good at it already, so a cooking class seems silly. Same with baking. I don't enjoy crafts that much and they get pricey. I occasionally do a workout class. But that's by myself. My therapist suggests I join a church. I'm into my religion, but I feel like going to church isn't me. And I like preaching on my own at home in my own way. I feel like going to church is me faking it. 

Skiing is expensive. I try to avoid my favorite old sport because it reminds me of how I can't coach or do it anymore. It's depressing. 

I enjoy cooking, shopping, entertaining. But those are all girly, individual things. I don't know how to find hobbies I will enjoy. Nothing speaks to me. Friends suggest instruments or languages. But I just feel like I'm too old for that and again, that doesn't get me out of the house. 

Any suggestions on hobbies I can try? How do I fix my slump?

[Seraphim]

I enjoy walking, it isn’t difficult. I try for 10,000 steps a day. I also like crochet, knitting and photography. 

[1a1a]

If you can find a hiking or walking group locally (look on meet up and Facebook), that could be a good source of social interaction. 

And, beating Batya to it *gives a head nod in her direction*, is there a local community theatre group you could join? There’s more to do there than just acting and repeatedly showing up to perfect something is good for growing camaraderie. Ditto joining a local choir.

[left due to request]

Sounds like an athlete with injury who can no longer play the same sports you love the most.  Since you mentioned ski, why not become a ski instructor?  I know most places are looking for people so this should be something good for you even if the pay is bad.  Just one weekends or holidays or even once or twice a week. 

Seems like you're looking for something active so swimming could be another hobby you could pick up if you join a swim club?

[Seraphim]

35 minutes ago, 1a1a said:

If you can find a hiking or walking group locally (look on meet up and Facebook), that could be a good source of social interaction. 

And, beating Batya to it *gives a head nod in her direction*, is there a local community theatre group you could join? There’s more to do there than just acting and repeatedly showing up to perfect something is good for growing camaraderie. Ditto joining a local choir.

True. I love singing as well and sing in a choir . 

[Alex39]

47 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I enjoy walking, it isn’t difficult. I try for 10,000 steps a day. I also like crochet, knitting and photography. 

I like walking. I guess I don't like it alone and I'm also wanting to meet new friends. I feel overwhelmed and like nothing is calling to me and letting me meet new people. 

[Alex39]

12 minutes ago, rsml123 said:

Sounds like an athlete with injury who can no longer play the same sports you love the most.  Since you mentioned ski, why not become a ski instructor?  I know most places are looking for people so this should be something good for you even if the pay is bad.  Just one weekends or holidays or even once or twice a week. 

Seems like you're looking for something active so swimming could be another hobby you could pick up if you join a swim club?

Yes, I'm a retired athlete. I don't ski. A lot of people tell me to take up skiing because it's fun and you meet others, but it's very expensive. I couldnt be an instructor. I've never done it before ever. 

I feel overwhelmed. I need something to meet others- friends/men, to get out of the house preferably, to enjoy for myself, that isn't expensive. 

[Alex39]

15 minutes ago, rsml123 said:

Sounds like an athlete with injury who can no longer play the same sports you love the most.  Since you mentioned ski, why not become a ski instructor?  I know most places are looking for people so this should be something good for you even if the pay is bad.  Just one weekends or holidays or even once or twice a week. 

Seems like you're looking for something active so swimming could be another hobby you could pick up if you join a swim club?

Swimming is kind of expensive. Those clubs are pricey. I'd love to, but can't afford it. 

[Seraphim]

6 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I like walking. I guess I don't like it alone and I'm also wanting to meet new friends. I feel overwhelmed and like nothing is calling to me and letting me meet new people. 

Look for local walking clubs . Also I am part of a crochet group that meets a few times a month. 

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

I had to quit my favorite lifelong physical activity/passion a few years ago, because it was too rough on my body and health. My doctor suggested quitting. Ever since I've been so lost. I gained weight not doing it anymore. I don't go to the gym, because I don't know how almost, without much favorite activity. It was a huge part of my life. Something I talked about highly. 

I'm sorry to hear this. So what is this thing that cannot be named? (It would help us to help you if we had an idea of what you loved...)

Quote

I'm too afraid to date or meet men, because I'm heavier than I used to be and I don't know what I'd even talk about with them. There is a lot I want to do in life, but it's stuff you wouldn't do alone. 

Okay, someone mentioned walking, and it's free. But then you say you don't want to do it alone. But then you say you don't want to meet anyone because you've gained weight...

Do you see a pattern here? Your'e not just stuck, you're determined to STAY stuck.

Anything that someone raises you smack down with a supposedly practical concern, except doing that keeps you overweight, so then you refuse to meet men who might do with you the stuff that you don't want to do alone...

This is an impulsively negative cycle that you can either break, or not, that's up to you--but it makes no sense to say that you're stuck even while you nix any and every suggestion to bust yourself out of that place.

What about using earbuds to listen to audiobooks or podcasts while you walk off the extra weight? (They are not expensive, so don't even...) At some point the activity will help you to feel more inspired to pursue meeting people with whom you can do other things.

Start somewhere, without excuses. It costs no money to walk, it moves and strengthens all major muscle groups and does not require company if you listen to interesting things. I'd suggest streaming motivational stuff that will help you to break your habitual fight to REMAIN stuck.

A body in motion....

[Alex39]

I think I am seeking to use my talents or find a new talent. I was so good at my old sport, but I was good,I knew everything about it, I considered myself an expert. Everyone else considered me an expert. It was my thing.  And I loved it. I was passionate. My old sport was cheerleading. And even after I stopped I coached and then that ended. I also dabbled in dance and gymnastics. I love music, zumba, dance, cheer, choreography. 

Like I'd love to start a blog or an insta profile where I could be an expert. I'm good at cooking, but not an expert. I'm good at home decorating, but not an expert. I fear people would make fun of me for not being that good.  I wish I could find something to be really passionate about again. Even my job. I like it. I'm good at it. But I'm not passionate about it. I love marketing. Everyone at work loves my creative marketing ideas, but that's not my job at work. 

I'm really good at giving people responsible life advice. Crazy as seeing that I'm on here asking for some. But I'm extremely responsible in life and people appreciate my advice. I'm great at giving dating advice too. 

[Starlight925]

Can you stay in the cheer world since that’s where you were your happiest?  As a judge, or even open up a cheer gym?  Cheer is a very social sport, a family.  I’m sure you feel a sense of societal loss. 
 

There are meetup groups for walking, hiking, day trips, etc.  So you could meet others doing an activity. 
 

Another great one is Pickleball.  Very active and social, for all ages.  I belong to a high end gym that added indoor Pickleball, and the courts are always full.

[Cherylyn]

Perhaps try MeetUps in your community.  Even though church isn't your thing, you ought to at least try attending regularly because there are a lot of groups there and sub groups.  My church has a lot of groups and there are so many activities.  Wear a mask, social distance, get vaccinated / triple boosted if you're so inclined, that is and you can still socialize and get ideas.  There are group crafts and hobbies to do with your church brethren.  Or, other groups in your community.  There are organizations within your locale.  Check online.

Take baby steps with whatever strikes your fancy.  That's how I started my hobbies and with practice and repetition, trial 'n error, you will hone your skills and improve exponentially.  Everyone has to start somewhere.  Rome wasn't built in a day.  If I can do it, so can you.  Think positively.  Where there is a will, there is a way.

Also, whenever you start a hobby, think small.  It took me years to accumulate my craft supplies, sewing supplies, cake decorating supplies, calligraphy supplies, greeting card making supplies, rubber stamping supplies, embossing supplies, wax seals supplies, jewelry making supplies, etc.  Lately, I'm into quilting and have huge containers of beautiful scraps which took years to accumulate.  My projects began very small and inexpensively and after I accumulated my supplies, craft or projects became less expensive.  I change up my hobbies depending on my mood.  However, it took years to arrive at this point.  My hobbies are no longer expensive.

I exercise daily which is non-negotiable.  If I don't exercise daily, I don't feel well. 

 

[Alex39]

24 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

Can you stay in the cheer world since that’s where you were your happiest?  As a judge, or even open up a cheer gym?  Cheer is a very social sport, a family.  I’m sure you feel a sense of societal loss. 
 

There are meetup groups for walking, hiking, day trips, etc.  So you could meet others doing an activity. 
 

Another great one is Pickleball.  Very active and social, for all ages.  I belong to a high end gym that added indoor Pickleball, and the courts are always full.

I essentially cut myself completely off from cheer. It's too depressing for me to be around it and not be able to jump in and go full out. But my doctor advised I shouldn't do it, because I'm high risk for injury and surgery. So I quit and ripped the bandaid off and never went back. Now, being out of shape, I don't think any gym would hire me and I think it'd be too depressing for me anyway. 

[Alex39]

21 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Perhaps try MeetUps in your community.  Even though church isn't your thing, you ought to at least try attending regularly because there are a lot of groups there and sub groups.  My church has a lot of groups and there are so many activities.  Wear a mask, social distance, get vaccinated / triple boosted if you're so inclined, that is and you can still socialize and get ideas.  There are group crafts and hobbies to do with your church brethren.  Or, other groups in your community.  There are organizations within your locale.  Check online.

Take baby steps with whatever strikes your fancy.  That's how I started my hobbies and with practice and repetition, trial 'n error, you will hone your skills and improve exponentially.  Everyone has to start somewhere.  Rome wasn't built in a day.  If I can do it, so can you.  Think positively.  Where there is a will, there is a way.

Also, whenever you start a hobby, think small.  It took me years to accumulate my craft supplies, sewing supplies, cake decorating supplies, calligraphy supplies, greeting card making supplies, rubber stamping supplies, embossing supplies, wax seals supplies, jewelry making supplies, etc.  Lately, I'm into quilting and have huge containers of beautiful scraps which took years to accumulate.  My projects began very small and inexpensively and after I accumulated my supplies, craft or projects became less expensive.  I change up my hobbies depending on my mood.  However, it took years to arrive at this point.  My hobbies are no longer expensive.

I exercise daily which is non-negotiable.  If I don't exercise daily, I don't feel well. 

 

I love the idea of crafts, but to me, that's a very sitting inside by yourself type thing, and I don't know if that will help with socialization. 

[Cherylyn]

Just now, Alex39 said:

I love the idea of crafts, but to me, that's a very sitting inside by yourself type thing, and I don't know if that will help with socialization. 

My local library has a crocheting group and people bring their projects to this group and chat simultaneously.  Projects can be small such as crocheting a potholder or hot pad (crocheted trivet) for example.  It's inexpensive to buy a skein of yarn and a crochet hook.  If not a library, your community should have groups to work on a project and gab at the same time.  Or, cross stitch, for example.  Small projects are inexpensive and you can socialize while creating something. 

[Wiseman2]

Volunteering doesn't cost anything. Depending on your interests see what organizations you could volunteer with. For example, animals or the environment or other people and things that need help or any other interest, passion or cause that means something to you.

No one can tell you what hobbies you'll like. But if inertia and lassitude is still an issue, treating the underlying cause is more important than masking it .

Also you could get a side hustle that's fun to do. This way you're not wasting money on crafts or whatever and still can get out of the house and mix it up with people. Hobbies don't necessarily have to be mindless money wasters.

[Kwothe28]

Did you do that "high school cheer coach" thing or not? It seems like you didnt even though that was a perfect opportunity to practive your old hobby.

How about some yoga classes? It would make you workout more and maybe meet new people through it.

[Seraphim]

Why do you have to be an expert ? Hobbies are for fun. 

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, 1a1a said:

If you can find a hiking or walking group locally (look on meet up and Facebook), that could be a good source of social interaction. 

And, beating Batya to it *gives a head nod in her direction*, is there a local community theatre group you could join? There’s more to do there than just acting and repeatedly showing up to perfect something is good for growing camaraderie. Ditto joining a local choir.

I agree but I would start with volunteering backstage.  My recommendation is a book club -find one through a meetup group or your local nextdoor site.  Also swing or salsa dancing.  

My friends love pickleball but they are in their 40s-50s- not sure if it's an age related trend??

Hobbies need not be expensive. And you don't' need to know "how" to go to a gym - and you can join a walking or hiking group or do zumba classes at a gym or yoga -I think people tend to socialize after yoga classes especially if it's with a private instructor.  

I've never had a real hobby and how I grew up there was minimal focus on structured activities and I was not athletic.  I liked ice skating and roller skating, took a couple of dance and guitar lessons and also acting lessons - a few months each.  I love to read, love art (as a patron), live theater, travel (well, love/hate but I love pushing myself out of my comfy zone), hiking/exploring outdoors (but only been actual camping a couple of times) and I absolutely hated the question -often on first dates "what are your hobbies".

You don't need a "hobby" -just try out different activities and find what you like to do and no pressure ok??

Good luck!

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I love the idea of crafts, but to me, that's a very sitting inside by yourself type thing, and I don't know if that will help with socialization. 

My son used to go to origami classes at the local library (all free).

[Seraphim]

My crochet group we have a good ole chitchat for the two hours the group runs. Some are neighbours on my street , some are from other parts of the base . 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Alex39 said:

 I spoke with my therapist and she suggested I find new hobbies. . But that's by myself. My therapist suggests I join a church. 

Since you mentioned cost as a major concern, there's plenty of things to do that make money or don't cost much. Is getting out of the house and socializing important or just having a pastime in general?

[Lambert]

Yoga... it's as active as you want it to be for physical health and the philosophy side of it helps my emotional/mental health.  You can practice alone (youtube videos) or at a studio with a group.

Reading... just going to a bookstore can spark ideas for things to look into--How about a book club?  Is there a library near you?  

 

[til I get it right]

Hi, Alex. I'm in the same situation. I looked on MeetUp, but there were slim pickings. I'm looking forward to reading more suggestions. Thanks for posting this. I think many of us are in the same situation.