I can't find the courage to break up

[Kartoff]

30 years both, two years together. I love my gf. I wanted to live with her and create something together.

But our relationship right now is not worth it and I do not get what I expect from a relationship.

As I mention before I lost trust in her. Part of the reason I did are my insecurities which I am working on. But the other part is that she has done suspicious things, lies and so on...

I wanted to rebuilt trust. But I also have been realizing that lately the relationship just give me anxiety. She is not there when I need her, she does not prioritize me(she told me that), I feel like a friend... Sex and being comfortable around her are the only two reasons I can find right now to stay. And sex is almost non existant.

But I cant find the courage to break up. I am becomint needy and clingy because I am terrified of losing her. I do not know if I am blind by her beauty, scared of being alone or afraid of making a mistake.

Any advice?Have you been in a similar scenario? How can I know if I still really love her or just afraid of losing what I got?

[MissCanuck]

Unfortuantely, it doesn't matter if you still really love her. 

Based on this and your last thread, she does not love you. And what you "got" is basically nothing. It's not a relationship of substance and if you don't end it now, you will be crushed when the day comes that she pulls the plug herself - and that day will come. 

This isn't a question of losing something great. It's only a question of how long you want to put the inevitable end of this. 

[Cherylyn]

Hanging on will only cause more misery.  Even though my story is not the same as yours, when you take a big leap of faith by releasing undesirable people from your life, instead of having scary results, it's actually relief and it feels like FREEDOM. 

Like you, lies, deceit, betrayal and distrust issues will always remind you of why this person is not rewarding to be with.  A person like this will never give you joy nor peace of mind.  It's better to think of your outcome and then summoning the courage to go your separate ways which will be not as difficult as you think.  Envision less burdens in your soul after certain people exit your life because they don't deserve you. 

[Kartoff]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Unfortuantely, it doesn't matter if you still really love her. 

Based on this and your last thread, she does not love you. And what you "got" is basically nothing. It's not a relationship of substance and if you don't end it now, you will be crushed when the day comes that she pulls the plug herself - and that day will come. 

This isn't a question of losing something great. It's only a question of how long you want to put the inevitable end of this. 

I guess you are totally right. I either end it now or wait till she does. But the result is the same

[Batya33]

Because often we have to do things we don't feel like or we tell ourselves we don't have the "courage".  Or we're too "scared".  Choose action over fear.  I was really scared of ending my 7 year relationship with my SO -I was 38 and so badly wanted a family and a husband and he was lovely and Mr. Right on Paper.  If I hadn't broken up with him finally when I did I doubt I would be married now to my husband -he reconnected with me 5 months after the breakup to meet and catch up. 

I'd actually seen him 1.5 years earlier for a very brief dinner when I was working on being back on with my SO (no I did not cheat at all -we weren't exclusive plus it was a quick 100% platonic dinner) - and because I was still into my SO and hoping we'd be committed again I just had dinner, polite, bye.  No real contact after until my best friend who my now husband knew died young of cancer -and then we emailed about her.  And that was it -he was actually involved with someone by then.

It's all about timing sometimes and if you cling on to this you are not going to be available for those opportunities that come along and might not come again when you are "ready".  Focus on that future.

[Kartoff]

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Because often we have to do things we don't feel like or we tell ourselves we don't have the "courage".  Or we're too "scared".  Choose action over fear.  I was really scared of ending my 7 year relationship with my SO -I was 38 and so badly wanted a family and a husband and he was lovely and Mr. Right on Paper.  If I hadn't broken up with him finally when I did I doubt I would be married now to my husband -he reconnected with me 5 months after the breakup to meet and catch up. 

I'd actually seen him 1.5 years earlier for a very brief dinner when I was working on being back on with my SO (no I did not cheat at all -we weren't exclusive plus it was a quick 100% platonic dinner) - and because I was still into my SO and hoping we'd be committed again I just had dinner, polite, bye.  No real contact after until my best friend who my now husband knew died young of cancer -and then we emailed about her.  And that was it -he was actually involved with someone by then.

It's all about timing sometimes and if you cling on to this you are not going to be available for those opportunities that come along and might not come again when you are "ready".  Focus on that future.

Thanks for the answer! A lot.

I have been actually thinking this. That I am probably losing opportunities.

I had a chat with a couple of friends who recently married. I found out when they had their first date, the guy was still in a relationship yet he tried to kiss her.

I am not like that, and I wont approach no one with romantic intentions until I am out of my current relationship. Loyalty is a must for me, I think if you have loved someone you must have at least that courtesy(at least that is how I feel)

[left due to request]

5 hours ago, Kartoff said:

30 years both, two years together. I love my gf. I wanted to live with her and create something together.

But our relationship right now is not worth it and I do not get what I expect from a relationship.

As I mention before I lost trust in her. Part of the reason I did are my insecurities which I am working on. But the other part is that she has done suspicious things, lies and so on...

I wanted to rebuilt trust. But I also have been realizing that lately the relationship just give me anxiety. She is not there when I need her, she does not prioritize me(she told me that), I feel like a friend... Sex and being comfortable around her are the only two reasons I can find right now to stay. And sex is almost non existant.

But I cant find the courage to break up. I am becomint needy and clingy because I am terrified of losing her. I do not know if I am blind by her beauty, scared of being alone or afraid of making a mistake.

Any advice?Have you been in a similar scenario? How can I know if I still really love her or just afraid of losing what I got?

 

The topic title says you don't know how to break up with her but your content is stating that you basically need her.  Which is it?  Most men, or just me,  in this situation would look for others and remain as a friend to her.  Taper off her being around you by cutting down on visits.  See if she notices that, then maybe you can talk about commitments.  If not, move on.  She's beautiful and you don't think you can find anyone like her.....   I get it but with every beauty, it comes with baggage.  If you think you were lucky to be with her, think again...    Maybe there's something you don't want to see and maybe her beauty is blinding you.

As your friends probably told you, go take a look at her mother and see what to expect, not what you have in front of you. 😁

[Kwothe28]

There, found a meme for you.

Its never an easy task. I get attached to people so even when I did broke up things it wasnt an easy for me either. Could probably never become CEO of company. As that would require firing people so could not bring myself to do that lol

Anyway, you need to look at this from a different perspective. You will be "freeing" both of you. Then she could find somebody where she would care and not take that relationship for granted and you could find somebody that actually cares and would not treat you like you dont even exist. There is no point in staying when things are as it is.

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, rsml123 said:

The topic title says you don't know how to break up with her but your content is stating that you basically need her.  Which is it?  Most men, or just me,  in this situation would look for others and remain as a friend to her.  Taper off her being around you by cutting down on visits.  See if she notices that, then maybe you can talk about commitments.  If not, move on.  She's beautiful and you don't think you can find anyone like her.....   I get it but with every beauty, it comes with baggage.  If you think you were lucky to be with her, think again...    Maybe there's something you don't want to see and maybe her beauty is blinding you.

As your friends probably told you, go take a look at her mother and see what to expect, not what you have in front of you. 😁

I would do this if the OP doesn't want to be with anyone else and also if he is ok being a friend to her while he watches her pursue other men and date other men.  Playing games in this instance is also a bad idea IMO as is making assumptions based on who her mother is.  He has all the information he needs to move on and have a clean break -if his ultimate goal is finding the right person.  His choice to rationalize/play games/pine away/get hurt - or focus on her physical features as an excuse etc.  I see from what he writes he sees himself being in a serious relationship in the future so, respectfully, I disagree with the input above.

[Kartoff]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would do this if the OP doesn't want to be with anyone else and also if he is ok being a friend to her while he watches her pursue other men and date other men.  Playing games in this instance is also a bad idea IMO as is making assumptions based on who her mother is.  He has all the information he needs to move on and have a clean break -if his ultimate goal is finding the right person.  His choice to rationalize/play games/pine away/get hurt - or focus on her physical features as an excuse etc.  I see from what he writes he sees himself being in a serious relationship in the future so, respectfully, I disagree with the input above.

Her mother is great, I know her. And she is good but I guess she does not really love me.

Although I mention her beauty is probably one thing I dislike. She is used to lot of attention and seeks for it. I won't stay for her looks, but I sometimes aske if being so attracted to hee is onethe reason I cant seem to break up.

I don't want to play games.

I think one of the reason I struggle is because I would love to remain friends, but I know I cannot see her with someone else for now. So if we break up I would need distance and I think we would never be real friends again

 

[left due to request]

3 minutes ago, Kartoff said:

Her mother is great, I know her. And she is good but I guess she does not really love me.

Although I mention her beauty is probably one thing I dislike. She is used to lot of attention and seeks for it. I won't stay for her looks, but I sometimes aske if being so attracted to hee is onethe reason I cant seem to break up.

I don't want to play games.

I think one of the reason I struggle is because I would love to remain friends, but I know I cannot see her with someone else for now. So if we break up I would need distance and I think we would never be real friends again

 

You know... most people think that breaking apart is like taking a band-aid off but I don't think it is... Drifting apart is a form of break up as well, while lessening the trauma from both parties.  That's all i'm suggesting.  It will give you time to sort out things for both of you.  This is not a game.  just another way to break up.

[Andrina]

Breakups are upsetting. But when it happens, after going through all of the necessary stages, you will eventually heal. For me, I know it took about four months before I stopped thinking of an ex on a daily basis.

When you think about it, that's a very short blip of time in your life, versus the next fifty or more years you likely have left on the planet, where you'd be anxious, rarely being intimate, and being with someone who doesn't prioritize you if you don't end things now.

There are always consequences for action or inaction, and they are either good or bad. Do what's best for yourself, even if difficult. Nobody said life was easy.

[smackie9]

breaking up is just part of life. You don't have to go into such detail. You can just say you are not happy and end it. 

[Betterwithout]

I was going to use the band-aid metaphor too..
Anxiety builds as you go into the "I think we need to break up phase"  just like a band aid.

You know it's going to hurt yet you have no idea how much.   Some breakups are swift rather than dragged on for days, months, years.  (tearing off band aid in one second or slowly peel it away).

Staying with the same metaphor, all scars heal eventually...for both of you.

Life is too short to spend it with the wrong person.

On the "good looks" topic, you know looks fade, but personality lasts forever.

[Cherylyn]

My story is different than yours.  However, the feelings were the same or similar.  I felt scared, fearful and lacked bravery or courage to take action in order to make my life better.  I was always worried about what other people thought of me.  I feared the perpetrator's reaction and I was afraid of my reputation and any outcomes whether good, bad or indifferent.  I had my doubts which caused me to be afraid of risks.  I felt that I should just be a good sport, go along with it, don't rock the boat, don't make waves nor call attention to myself for the sake of appearances and "peace."  I was raised to never speak up, never complain and to remain silent.  Well, to hell with that!  This status quo remained as is for many years.  Yes, there was peace as long as I kept my mouth shut!  The problem with taking this route is you allow others to control you and manipulate the relationship despite unfairness to yourself.  Doing nothing gives the perpetrator unlimited power.  

Like you, I felt needy and clingy and I figured an abnormal relationship was better than no relationship.  How sick was that?   I felt insecure and never embolden enough.  For me, these feelings stemmed from being unpopular in school during my childhood.  Nowadays, I prefer to be strong and treat myself with dignity instead of being well liked by warped, thick people.

What triggered me to finally end things was my tipping point caused by exhausted patience.  This person never took accountability nor ever took responsibility for what they've done.  They still never changed.  I grew weary.  I felt used for their benefit only to be treated with apathy 12 months per year.  This same old repetitive pattern grew old. 

I wasn't quite brave enough to end the relationship abruptly so at first, I enforced healthy boundaries.  While boundaries helped somewhat, this person still inflicted a lot of harm to me so I finally said to myself, "Enough already!"  I may be different from others and I'm sure it's better for whoever to have a civil confrontation.  I support what other people do.  For me, I began to decline, learned to say, "no" to invitations, refused to socialize mutually within the same social circle, ceased all contact completely and permanently.  My message came across loud and clear while I didn't have to do anything.  I'm passive aggressive and while it's not for everyone, it worked for me.   I no longer feel burdened and I don't care what my expectations are anymore.  I just did it and my only regret was I didn't do it sooner.  I feel safe in my deliberately created, protected bubble.  This person no longer harms me because I saw to it that there is zero opportunity.  I am in control now. 

In my case, this person is a narcissist and gaslighter.  These types of people won't bother me because I'm nowhere to be seen nor found.  I've since cut off their supply, their power.  I'm unavailable which sent this person into sheer panic!  When you're onto them, they hate it and it drives them crazy!  😃

As for your girlfriend, I'd be gentle yet firm.  Be honest, tell the truth but remain steadfast and unwavering.  Never cave.  Do what your decision is and stick with it.  Be respectful.  Tell her what you'll do and go your separate ways.  Go no contact after that so you can move on with your life and start anew.  You'll win by releasing an unhealthy dynamic. 

When you change the way you think with more clarity and logic instead of unrealistic wishful thinking, you gain self confidence. 

Lying is very difficult to recover from because trust is dead.  Being suspicious, sneaky and tricky is equally distrustful and again, trust is no more.  You can't recover from those types of transgressions.  It all boils down to giving yourself respect and treating yourself as if you matter and as if you have feelings.  You're not a robot to be abused relentlessly or at random.  Create your own happiness by only allowing people in your life who know how to treat you right.  It should be your only absolute conviction.  Any other way is non-negotiable.  No deal.

[Kartoff]

On 1/14/2023 at 2:34 AM, Cherylyn said:

My story is different than yours.  However, the feelings were the same or similar.  I felt scared, fearful and lacked bravery or courage to take action in order to make my life better.  I was always worried about what other people thought of me.  I feared the perpetrator's reaction and I was afraid of my reputation and any outcomes whether good, bad or indifferent.  I had my doubts which caused me to be afraid of risks.  I felt that I should just be a good sport, go along with it, don't rock the boat, don't make waves nor call attention to myself for the sake of appearances and "peace."  I was raised to never speak up, never complain and to remain silent.  Well, to hell with that!  This status quo remained as is for many years.  Yes, there was peace as long as I kept my mouth shut!  The problem with taking this route is you allow others to control you and manipulate the relationship despite unfairness to yourself.  Doing nothing gives the perpetrator unlimited power.  

Like you, I felt needy and clingy and I figured an abnormal relationship was better than no relationship.  How sick was that?   I felt insecure and never embolden enough.  For me, these feelings stemmed from being unpopular in school during my childhood.  Nowadays, I prefer to be strong and treat myself with dignity instead of being well liked by warped, thick people.

What triggered me to finally end things was my tipping point caused by exhausted patience.  This person never took accountability nor ever took responsibility for what they've done.  They still never changed.  I grew weary.  I felt used for their benefit only to be treated with apathy 12 months per year.  This same old repetitive pattern grew old. 

I wasn't quite brave enough to end the relationship abruptly so at first, I enforced healthy boundaries.  While boundaries helped somewhat, this person still inflicted a lot of harm to me so I finally said to myself, "Enough already!"  I may be different from others and I'm sure it's better for whoever to have a civil confrontation.  I support what other people do.  For me, I began to decline, learned to say, "no" to invitations, refused to socialize mutually within the same social circle, ceased all contact completely and permanently.  My message came across loud and clear while I didn't have to do anything.  I'm passive aggressive and while it's not for everyone, it worked for me.   I no longer feel burdened and I don't care what my expectations are anymore.  I just did it and my only regret was I didn't do it sooner.  I feel safe in my deliberately created, protected bubble.  This person no longer harms me because I saw to it that there is zero opportunity.  I am in control now. 

In my case, this person is a narcissist and gaslighter.  These types of people won't bother me because I'm nowhere to be seen nor found.  I've since cut off their supply, their power.  I'm unavailable which sent this person into sheer panic!  When you're onto them, they hate it and it drives them crazy!  😃

As for your girlfriend, I'd be gentle yet firm.  Be honest, tell the truth but remain steadfast and unwavering.  Never cave.  Do what your decision is and stick with it.  Be respectful.  Tell her what you'll do and go your separate ways.  Go no contact after that so you can move on with your life and start anew.  You'll win by releasing an unhealthy dynamic. 

When you change the way you think with more clarity and logic instead of unrealistic wishful thinking, you gain self confidence. 

Lying is very difficult to recover from because trust is dead.  Being suspicious, sneaky and tricky is equally distrustful and again, trust is no more.  You can't recover from those types of transgressions.  It all boils down to giving yourself respect and treating yourself as if you matter and as if you have feelings.  You're not a robot to be abused relentlessly or at random.  Create your own happiness by only allowing people in your life who know how to treat you right.  It should be your only absolute conviction.  Any other way is non-negotiable.  No deal.

Wuau I totally felt this. I am insecure, and lne of the main roots is my time during highschool 

My gf, who went to my school, was the girl all guys want to date. I am not gonna lie dating her, it was an ego boost for me.

But it also hurts, I know she did not even look at me during those times... 

Anyways, as you say the trust is probably dead forever. I cannot really trust her anymore, I am suspicious of her and her lies and personality(she is distant) does not help.

She is a narcissit, but she is a good person. I have learnt a lot from her and I think I have improved thanks to her. But as other say, I think I am in love with the idea I have from her, more than the real her.

I am broken, I think maybe it was too soon for us. I have decided to have one las conversation with her after she finished the exam. Is also not fair for her that I not trust her.

Lately at least I have lost that urge to overlook her phone to try and see some text. It feel good, but I think that the fsct that I do not care anymore also means something.

I ll admit I feel awful for overlooking, although I did nothing behind her it is a clear sign of distrust

 

 

[Cherylyn]

9 hours ago, Kartoff said:

Wuau I totally felt this. I am insecure, and lne of the main roots is my time during highschool 

My gf, who went to my school, was the girl all guys want to date. I am not gonna lie dating her, it was an ego boost for me.

But it also hurts, I know she did not even look at me during those times... 

Anyways, as you say the trust is probably dead forever. I cannot really trust her anymore, I am suspicious of her and her lies and personality(she is distant) does not help.

She is a narcissit, but she is a good person. I have learnt a lot from her and I think I have improved thanks to her. But as other say, I think I am in love with the idea I have from her, more than the real her.

I am broken, I think maybe it was too soon for us. I have decided to have one las conversation with her after she finished the exam. Is also not fair for her that I not trust her.

Lately at least I have lost that urge to overlook her phone to try and see some text. It feel good, but I think that the fsct that I do not care anymore also means something.

I ll admit I feel awful for overlooking, although I did nothing behind her it is a clear sign of distrust

 

 

I'm sorry about your insecurities from your school days, distrust in her and what you're experiencing now. 

I hear you.  Even though our stories are not the same, there are parallels.  I too, felt an ego boost from being in the company of a popular, very charming, pretentious person because most of us on this Earth want to feel accepted and approved which is human nature.  The problem with that is accepting both bad and good in the relationship while bad personality and characteristic traits overshadow any goodness in a person. 

As for lying, there is no recovery from being lied to.  It's the same as deceit,  betrayal or someone falsely accusing you of being a liar,  cheater or thief.  You can never recover from those types of very degrading offenses,  insults,  extreme transgressions and injuries to your integrity.  Those types of pains cause relationships to disintegrate and dissolve instantly.  After being disrespected, you can't look at that person the same way anymore.  It's as if something inside you got up and left permanently.

I've known some narcissists who have good sides to them but again, it's their badness which cancels out any goodness in them.  Their badness is what causes so much pain,  grudges,  bitterness and resentment.  It's very difficult to overlook mistreatment because you're permanently disgusted and you'll NEVER forget it either. 

I'm sorry for your broken heart. 💔  It's not too soon to break up.  Better to break up now than extend your pain unnecessarily longer.  It's not fair for her that you do not trust her?  That does not make any logical sense!  It's unfair to YOU that you don't trust her.  Never lose sight of being burned. 

Don't even think about snooping into anyone's phone because you are the one not to be trusted!  Never become the type of person whom you would not admire nor respect.  Snooping into another person's phone is very sneaky, deceitful and now you will be the one who will betray someone's trust in you.  Never have the urge to be the type of person you would despise.  How would you feel if someone snooped into your phone while your back was turned?  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  It's a good thing that you've since reconsidered decided not to snoop into her phone.  Never do anything you'll regret later because it's not worth the harsh consequences whether having to live with your own guilt and shame or being caught in the act and chastised for it. 

Also, should you be tempted to snoop into anyone's phone or do anything sneaky,  you won't have any leverage because you will be admonished and condemned.  You will no longer have the advantage to blame her for lying and being suspicious.  Never make yourself vulnerable nor give the other party the upper hand otherwise you're just as bad.  Be shrewd.  Be wise.

[jul-els]

Are you happy? Is this what you want? Based on your post, it sounds like the answer to both of those questions is no. That means it’s time to move on. 
 

Yes, the break will be painful, but the freedom you will gain once you have healed and moved on will feel a million times better than being stuck in a relationship that’s making you miserable. 

[Kartoff]

1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

I'm sorry about your insecurities from your school days, distrust in her and what you're experiencing now. 

I hear you.  Even though our stories are not the same, there are parallels.  I too, felt an ego boost from being in the company of a popular, very charming, pretentious person because most of us on this Earth want to feel accepted and approved which is human nature.  The problem with that is accepting both bad and good in the relationship while bad personality and characteristic traits overshadow any goodness in a person. 

As for lying, there is no recovery from being lied to.  It's the same as deceit,  betrayal or someone falsely accusing you of being a liar,  cheater or thief.  You can never recover from those types of very degrading offenses,  insults,  extreme transgressions and injuries to your integrity.  Those types of pains cause relationships to disintegrate and dissolve instantly.  After being disrespected, you can't look at that person the same way anymore.  It's as if something inside you got up and left permanently.

I've known some narcissists who have good sides to them but again, it's their badness which cancels out any goodness in them.  Their badness is what causes so much pain,  grudges,  bitterness and resentment.  It's very difficult to overlook mistreatment because you're permanently disgusted and you'll NEVER forget it either. 

I'm sorry for your broken heart. 💔  It's not too soon to break up.  Better to break up now than extend your pain unnecessarily longer.  It's not fair for her that you do not trust her?  That does not make any logical sense!  It's unfair to YOU that you don't trust her.  Never lose sight of being burned. 

Don't even think about snooping into anyone's phone because you are the one not to be trusted!  Never become the type of person whom you would not admire nor respect.  Snooping into another person's phone is very sneaky, deceitful and now you will be the one who will betray someone's trust in you.  Never have the urge to be the type of person you would despise.  How would you feel if someone snooped into your phone while your back was turned?  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  It's a good thing that you've since reconsidered decided not to snoop into her phone.  Never do anything you'll regret later because it's not worth the harsh consequences whether having to live with your own guilt and shame or being caught in the act and chastised for it. 

Also, should you be tempted to snoop into anyone's phone or do anything sneaky,  you won't have any leverage because you will be admonished and condemned.  You will no longer have the advantage to blame her for lying and being suspicious.  Never make yourself vulnerable nor give the other party the upper hand otherwise you're just as bad.  Be shrewd.  Be wise.

I would never snoop, but I did try to catch a glimpse whenever I saw her unlocking her phone. But still, is something I know is wrong and I now I intentionally look away.

Today, I have been with her. It was a great date and I felt like a forgive everything until she told me another lie. It hurts. I realize I will never trudt her agsin and that I probably should not. She is a narcissist, who does not empathize with others. She has a good heart, but she only really cares about herself.

I wont fall again in her trap, I am tired of the lies.

[Kartoff]

1 hour ago, jul-els said:

Are you happy? Is this what you want? Based on your post, it sounds like the answer to both of those questions is no. That means it’s time to move on. 
 

Yes, the break will be painful, but the freedom you will gain once you have healed and moved on will feel a million times better than being stuck in a relationship that’s making you miserable. 

I like aspect of the relationship, but I lack things I need. I want to be able to trust my partner, feel my partner efforts towards the relationship, feel that I am a priority in her life... I dont have any of those 

 

 

[Cherylyn]

2 minutes ago, Kartoff said:

I would never snoop, but I did try to catch a glimpse whenever I saw her unlocking her phone. But still, is something I know is wrong and I now I intentionally look away.

Today, I have been with her. It was a great date and I felt like a forgive everything until she told me another lie. It hurts. I realize I will never trudt her agsin and that I probably should not. She is a narcissist, who does not empathize with others. She has a good heart, but she only really cares about herself.

I wont fall again in her trap, I am tired of the lies.

I would be tired, too.  I never trust anyone with a bad track record.  ☹️

[jul-els]

55 minutes ago, Kartoff said:

I like aspect of the relationship, but I lack things I need. I want to be able to trust my partner, feel my partner efforts towards the relationship, feel that I am a priority in her life... I dont have any of those 

 

 

When trust is gone, everything else goes with it. There’s nothing left to stay for. 

[Kartoff]

14 hours ago, jul-els said:

When trust is gone, everything else goes with it. There’s nothing left to stay for. 

I thought trust could be rebuilt, but I am realizing I was wrong. Yesterday I had a great date with her, everything was amazing until she talked again about the guy who flirt with her. The guy I told her to stay away(for her safety, the guy is dangerous), which she did not and I also asked her not to mention him with me which she did not.

If she does with the guy that she admits is an idiot, I cant trust what she is doing with the gym guy(who seems like a nice guy)...

I cant live like this. I know I have low self steem right now and it makes me insecure. But I know that what she is doing is not right or at least is not something I would do. 

[Kartoff]

15 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

I would be tired, too.  I never trust anyone with a bad track record.  ☹️

Yep is tiresome. I am getting exhausted. I have tried really hard to built trust again. I told her about my insecurities, tried to be full honest expressing my emotions(something I dont like) and yet I feel like an idiot for trying to save a relationship where the other part does nothing

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Kartoff said:

Yep is tiresome. I am getting exhausted. I have tried really hard to built trust again. I told her about my insecurities, tried to be full honest expressing my emotions(something I dont like) and yet I feel like an idiot for trying to save a relationship where the other part does nothing

“Building trust “ is either mutual or it’s irrelevant. If a person doesn’t trust another person for irrational reasons then yes it’s on the person to do the work to get to the root of insecurities causing the irrational mistrust. This person in your situation treats you with disrespect and has a very um high opinion of herself mostly because of what she looks like. She doesn’t seem to want to build much of anything with you so it’s a non starter. 
sure you can choose to be open with her - but she didn’t ask how you feel and didn’t tell you she wants to do what it takes to show you the respect and caring consistent with being in a committed relationship.