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Kartoff

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  1. I think you are right. Her mental problems make her act distant, not compromising...and that with my low insecurity makes it hard. Honestly I do not think is just me insecure, is just the relationship is hard to keep alive. Intimacy is low, she does not put effort, and lately I am feeling that she is not treating me as I deserve. Yesterday she asked me to help her with a project. I asked her to come to my house as I was alone and she told me to go to hers as she came from the gym and need a shower(it was a bit late) The thing is she has a cat. And I am allergic, I cans stand it a couple hours but I rather not. She knows but I feel like she forgets it. And even if she just forget, when I go to my friends house with cats, they clean the house make sure a chair is clear for me... She does nothing like that, not even moving the cat away
  2. Money is a problem for me. I would feel better living alone(my therapist thinks so), but because of family and money reasons I cant right now. She not sleeping with me at the weekends because is my parent house, is not the case. Is my dad house, which he lets me stay on the weekends(in order to me not move out,family reasons). Is close to her house, and is just for us. Is because of her anxiety she does not want to stay, I doubt it would change if it was my flat. Feeling I am not a priority to her as she is to me does make feel quite insecure. I am aware I need to take care of my health(mental and physical) and I am working on it
  3. - Same woman - We live with our parents, I got the house free on the weekends. I was planing to rent a flat, but I want to save money. And she would not live with me(because she is studying) - I wanted to live together, and maybe marriage in the future. We have similar goals - on my part I do have a lot of stress at my job and some minor health problems. She is stressed with her studies. She also has insecurity issues(dismorphia) which actually make me distrust her a bit, as I know she loves attention Sex has fade for over three months, being the last one the worst. She has low libido but is just that we dont have much intimacy. She wont even spend the night with me(anxiety) We have dates and spent time together, but quality time has decreased
  4. Bit of summary. Together for almost three years, known since kids(never close though), we live close but not together, one big discussion and one "break". I wrote here not long enough. I was having feelings my gf was flirting with her gym coach and felt she was falling of the relationship. I talked about with her, told me it was all in ny head and that she only text him for classes. Although I knew it was a white lie, I decided to give the relationshio a second chace. The guy left her gym which made feel better not gonna lie, overall things were improving and I felt we we were getting closer. But two months ago I have start to feel she grows apart. Sex is again lower than ever, she does not make any plans to be just with me(we spent plenty of time together, but not enought intimacy) I felt something is off, in my part the lack of intimacy make me feel insecure. Two months ago I saw the gym coach was texting her and a couple of days I saw another one. I thought that now that she was not going to his classes she would stop contact. It makes me insecure, I do not know the content of those text but as little as I see is clear the guy is "working" her. And I feel she is letting him do it. I feel powerless. We had a datw yesterday and she felt I was off. I told her I felt her distant and she told me she was stressed with her side job and studies. I want to ask her about the text, but I felt I have no right to ask. I saw the text on glimpses to her phone, so it just dont feel alright. I do not know what to do. I cant take it from my head but I know I cant ask. Even if I did she will just say why I looked or thst it was a random thing. Maybe I am insecure but my guts tell me something is off. I am a bit tired of this feeling. I want the relationship to grow, to live together and be more a couple. But I feel she is not compromising, and not really loving me. I do not lnow if my feelings are valid. If I shoukd distance myselff or what. I am lost. I really need a friend to vent but right now I have no one I really can. I love her, feel grreat with her but I do not feel really loved nor I feel she is compromising. That make me feel really stupid, and I ask myself why I cant just leave her? I even started going to therapy, got a lot of stuff but my therapist says I am not insecure, but that I do not know what I want. Can you give me any advice?Am I blind by love? Is all in my head?
  5. We do not live together nor usually call. When we are not together our comunication is via text. And I hate the feeling of being like something is not right and not see her. Now I overanalizye every text..
  6. We talk it in person. But it does not close that easily, and now the text are killing me
  7. That is true. But right now if we were together it would be easier to feel each other. Now I am starting to overanalyze the texts...
  8. We talk yesterday. We try to make things clear. I will be finally going with her but the discussion did not really changed. She sees she might have imposed but she says she still find non sense in me going before. She also say how she hates how fast I try to deescalate. We have supposedly fix it. But I feel is still not right. I am also having some health issues that brings me pain, and it does not allow me to see things clearly. I guesw this wekend will show me what will happen. Not living together make this harder
  9. I dont wabt to act like a martyr. But I doo seek for approval all the time
  10. Yes she is... I was planning on going with my friends and she coming after the exam
  11. We do not. I am tryign but I am not making progress. I tend to supress and rationalize my emotions, putting everyone else before me. Anyways I am mad at myself. I was not able to comunicate and that angers me
  12. No I did not mention the therapist. I am not used to express myself and it end up being a "you make me feel" instead of I. I got low self steem and fear of being abandoned. Is my problem and I am trying to fix it(one of the main reasons I choose therapy). But in my defense the fear is because of her attitude. She once ask for a break out of the blue, and then did as if nothing happened. We had a couple of arguments in our relationships and she has always bring the break up card. She told me stories about how she break up in the instant with past partners...
  13. I have been almost three years with my gf. Not everything was great but lately it has improved. But yesterday we argue, and I regret how we acted. First she was nervous as a family member was in the hospital(safe, but she was nervous) The origin of the discussion is she just learnt she will have an exam when we are on a trip with my friends. She said that we should go two days later. That suppose paying for two more trips(the plane tickets cannot be cancelled) and me losing two holiday days. I did not like she decided it by herself as I see not problem in her coming later. I wont enter in detail, but even my therapist agree that was the rational decision. Anyways she thought that was not okay and although I agree to go with her she was not happy it was not my first decision. The thing I regret is that I am a coward and then I always try to descalate and she hates that(with reason). I then... Open the box of ***... And told her things that has anger me and honestly that was a free attack. Anyways as we do not live together now I have to try and work without thinking about it. I just do not know what to expect. I also told her that I am scared that even for one small fail she will break up, and she got annoyed by that. I am lost. I do not know what to do nor what I want at this point. Other discussions end up with an end, but this one did not and is drstroying me
  14. I totally agree. I dont feel like a hero at all, but that was she said. It actually anger me a bit. She also used to call me a charming prince. I am just trying to do my best, but I am not perfect nor I want to. I don't like to be the "hero" because what I am is a martyr as you say. This is one thing I am working actively with my therapist who I go to try and improve as a person, for myself. You seem like a great mom. Thanks for everything!
  15. Sorry I meant I should not feel like I need to wait for the perfect moment. I should valur myself more. Yesterday I had a talk with her and she told me how she noticed I am like a "hero". I put everyone else needs before mine. Anyways today I have a bad day. I am with an asthma attack(the spa is gonna be fun), she is ultra weird which I get is normal and I cant focus in anything. I want to get well,being sick and asthma in particular affect me a lot mentally so I want to be clear. I am not gonna lie, I don't know what I am going to do. But I have decided to have a serious conversation with her when I heal. Hopefully before spa day
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