I got told off for sending a text at 12 am

[WalterSobcha]

IMO:

Texting your boyfriend at 12.20 to send him something cute but definitely not urgent --> slightly inconsiderate, but without meaning any harm, so it can and should be forgiven quickly

Following up with an accusatory message the next day --> a lot more inconsiderate, and worthy of an apology

Calling him rude and selfish --> this is the worst part... it sounds like you're only thinking about yourself here; please reevaluate who was rude and selfish

 

[TanyaJo]

I send him a message today asking if he would like to join me for dinner, apparently he is meeting a friend for dinner he has been postponing. He was less texty today. I send him a text saying "You seem cold since the time you sent me that grumpy text for sending you something nice" - he says "Really sorry. Dont mean to be. I'm outside at the min. X" 

Now I'm not sure if he is really saying sorry or being nice but moving away from me. 

[WalterSobcha]

You really should say you're sorry... and mean it. Understand how you were out of line here; not with the original message, but with what happened after that.

[MissCanuck]

7 minutes ago, TanyaJo said:

 I send him a text saying "You seem cold since the time you sent me that grumpy text for sending you something nice"

So, you are taking the same tone with him again?

Tanya. You have got to learn a thing or two about effective communication. You're not handling this well and seems like you're angling for a fight. 

Are you?

[Coily]

8 minutes ago, TanyaJo said:

. I send him a text saying "You seem cold since the time you sent me that grumpy text for sending you something nice" - he says "Really sorry. Dont mean to be. I'm outside at the min. X" 

If I was him I would have already terminated the relationship. Not only would I be grumpy, I’d start feeling a bit gaslit, by this bunk.

You really need to let this go, or just admit that the relationship is failed because you can’t  respect common sense boundaries. Not only have you sent him frivolous messages in the middle of the night, but now because he didn’t blow sunshine up your 3rd point of contact he is still the problem?

I am incredulous this isn’t an elaborate troll.

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, TanyaJo said:

 he is meeting a friend for dinner - he says "Really sorry. Dont mean to be. I'm outside at the min. X" 

Is the relationship usually this shaky? In other words, did you send this at that hour as some sort of "test"? You don't even seem to know if you two are getting together or not? Or who his friends are? 

[moodindigo91]

1 hour ago, TanyaJo said:

I send him a text saying "You seem cold since the time you sent me that grumpy text for sending you something nice"

Stopppppppppppppp it! 

I would be sooooo annoyed with you by now if I were him. Not only are you accusing him of being grumpy, rude, selfish, etc., but you are doing it while seeking reassurance from him that he's into you? 

You woke him up in the middle of the night and then called him rude and selfish when he expressed that he wasn't appreciative of it. You never apologized. Now you're continuing to tell him how he's acting in ways that he's really not. 

I'm not sure what you're expecting? 

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, TanyaJo said:

I send him a text saying "You seem cold since the time you sent me that grumpy text for sending you something nice" - he says "Really sorry. Dont mean to be.

You seem to be angling for a fight.

Do you think getting him angry at you and fighting is exciting? Or do you think he should accept you being "difficult" and always placate your demands?

[mylolita]

Hey Tanya!

 

To me, it completely depends on the person you’re texting or calling. I’m a major night owl, anyone who knows me, knows this, so I text other people I know are night owls, even call each other, at midnight, 1am. Whatever. But, I wouldn’t text my Dad or other people who aren’t that way inclined, at the same time. 
 

My husband works away, I’ll call him or he’ll call me late once he touches down in a hotel. If I’m putting the kids to sleep or something I don’t reply but I always call back as soon as I can. He turns his phone on silent on a night, but if he’s away he’ll tell me he’s off to bed so I don’t bother. I might send him something for the morning, because the buzz doesn’t wake him, but that’s about it.

 

I’m really relaxed about this because I’m just that late night person, so I’m up late, no one’s disturbing me much. 
 

It sounds like you and your boyfriend still need to navigate all these things about yourselves as a couple, from the big to the small (like when to text!). 
 

A large majority of people would never call or text someone after 10pm, that is a rule of thumb I have heard since being young as well. 
 

Have a chat with him - tell him you didn’t mean to upset him but you were really excited. Go from there. You’ll have to navigate all these things as you learn about each other.

 

Best,

 

x

[tufntender]

On 11/29/2022 at 4:35 PM, Coily said:

How old are the two of you?

If either are over 13 this is silly to question a relationship over a midnight text. If he's of working age, and it's not an emergency it can wait until morning!! If anyone sends me a text past 10PM I typically ignore it, unless someone is dying and in the hospital, just about everything can wait on a work week, heck even on a weekend this applies.

If this is the straw that breaks the relationship... I am agog.

Sorry, what is agog?

 

[boltnrun]

9 minutes ago, tufntender said:

Sorry, what is agog?

 

Flabbergasted. Discombobulated. Mind boggled.

[tufntender]

Well, I agree with the OP. I think he is overreacting. I don't place my phone in immediate distance but close enough to hear my alarm. If it woke him , well, it is what it is. I am a pretty light sleeper but I just ignore texst u

nless I have an active convo going on. I know if it was urgent I would get a phone call, not a text. I feel like everything trivial can wait and possibly wait until the next working day. You mentioned you have had conversations around midnight so it isn't crazy for you to do it. Yet, calling him out the way you did was a bit over the top. Usually men don't go gaga about pics. Just chill and give it some time. If you have been together for about a year it will all work out. Its just a minor thing if you otherwise get along. If he continues to make a mountain out of a mol hill i would put some thought into how your relationship would be moving forward. 

[catfeeder]

8 hours ago, TanyaJo said:

Now I'm not sure if he is really saying sorry or being nice but moving away from me. 

People move toward pleasure and away from pain.

Maybe the way you speak to him isn't pleasurable?

[boltnrun]

8 minutes ago, azarababy said:

Your tanks Sincerely

What does this even mean?

[Tiddytok5]

You two should just end things and work on yourselves individually.

 

 

You both are extremely immature.

 

It was wrong of you to automatically assume that it's appropriate to text anyone at that time. 

You aren't entitled to have access to anyone 24/7 non stop.

 

If it's not an absolute emergency, it can wait.

 

You were rude, selfish, and inconsiderate.. and you have an "entitled" attitude.

 

Perhaps he was busy the next day or something could have come up.

(He does have a life...unlike you seem to not have)

 

Perhaps he just didn't want to talk.

(You aren't entitled to hear from him every day all day long)

You did insult and offend him. 

You did let him know that you don't care what he thinks or feels, because you feel your actions were justified.

 

You don't respect him.

 

I wouldn't have responded to you either.

 

I would have taken the day to reevaluate and reflect on my relationship with you. 

I would have responded by breaking up with you.

 

Having someone who is overbearingly clingy, needy, obsessive, doesn't respect me, doesn't care, who has an  entitled and "privileged" attitude, suffocating, doesn't allow me space etc...

 

Would definitely not  be worthy of dating me. 

Having a relationship with you wouldn't be worth the stress.

 

Don't you have a life and responsibilities of your own?

 

If not, I'd suggest you get one.

 

This relationship needs to end.

 

 

You aren't ready and healthy enough to be dating anyone right now.

 

 

Fix yourself and grow in therapy..

 

Asap

 

 

 

[smackie9]

You both reacted and handled this poorly with accusations/assumptions/passive/aggressively. Just stop it. Whatever is done is done. Learn from this and go forward...no more discussion, because the more you push this the more aggravation will arise. This will blow over in no time and everything will go back to normal.