Am I being ghosted?

[alicegrey2842]

I went out with this guy about 10 days ago on a date and we had a great time. We got dinner and then went out to a few bars. It was a fun date, we were both really into each other and had great conversation. We made out at the end and he said he wanted to see me the next day. He ended up cancelling the next day with a long detailed excuse as to why he couldn't make it. He said he had an emergency with his best friend. I was understanding and he suggested the following weekend. I texted him mid week to confirm weekend plans and then he said he was busy again on both Saturday and Sunday with plans he forgot about. I would think that he wasn't interested, but he explained that he didn't want to seem like a flake, and that he was really interested in me and wanted to go out again. A little annoyed at this point, but I understand everyone has lives so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Then at 4am he texted me asking if I was awake. He said he was going through some emotional problems and wanted to talk. I wasn't awake at that point and saw the message in the morning. I was a little confused because I hardly know him but once again I was very nice about it and understanding. Left it off saying just let me know when you're free to see me again. This was on Friday and I haven't heard from him since. I feel like he might be going through a rough time in his life. Should I message him again or should I just wait at this point? Is he ghosting?

[Madlike]

What were the emotional problems?

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, alicegrey2842 said:

at 4am he texted me asking if I was awake. He said he was going through some emotional problems and wanted to talk. 

Sorry this happened. Unfortunately one-and-done first meets are common. No matter how great the first date was. Keep in mind you're both still talking to and meeting others. Yes unfortunately it sounds like he's keeping you on the backburner with a barrage of excuses. 

As far as the 4am text, it's almost creepy . You may be better off viewing that as a red flag and step away. He seems like someone who maybe drinks too much and starts looking for bootycall at these hours. He would call a friend if he had "problems"

Don't text again, he knows your contact info. Just move forward with other dates.

[Jaunty]

Yeah I think you're ghosted, and I think he outed himself as an unstable prospect anyway when he texted you at 4 a.m.  That's weird behavior.  You don't need it. 

[Madlike]

24 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

Yeah I think you're ghosted, and I think he outed himself as an unstable prospect anyway when he texted you at 4 a.m.  That's weird behavior.  You don't need it. 

On top of that, sounds like he’s looking to rebound off something.

[catfeeder]

Guy sounds like a flake, so why bother?

Go find someone better.

[Batya33]

I don't think you were ghosted -I think he is acting in a flaky, unreliable and odd way - you only met him once and you didn't see this side of him having only met him once.  He probably met up with another woman or his ex and cancelled and now he's "confused" about who he wants to date.  I'd move on.

[Cherylyn]

Don't message him.  I'm sorry.  He's not serious about you because his actions and non-actions speak louder than words.  I'd move on if I were you. 

[Tinydance]

Well, I think it doesn't really matter if he's ghosting or not. He messaged you at 4 a.m. basically asking you to be his therapist and listen to his problems. Personally that would put me off. That mixed with the flaking would be a no from me.

[Lambert]

This guy is off. I would not accept another date even if he did come around.  

Texting at 4 am is a big red flag. Who does this to someone they barely know? 

It screanms red flag, booty call, instability, poor judgment and lack of boundaries.

Also he needs to talk about his problems and he chooses you? 

Seems to me it was a set up to let you down easy... the whole It's not you, it's me, I'm emotionally a wreck. Which is an excuse and really he's probably just torn because he knows something is off and that's why he's canceling and giving big detailed excuses. 

Always take actions over words and look at only facts.  you had one date.  It was fun. Another date has not materialized because of him. He canceled. he's acting weird.  Move on. this guy is a time waster.

Sorry- I know it sucks and you had hoped it would lead to something but you can and will find better.  you will. 

[DarkCh0c0]

18 hours ago, Madlike said:

What were the emotional problems?

A booty call...

[WalterSobcha]

He doesn't seem emotionally stable or available. Texting someone at 4am after only one date doesn't sound good, but what's most off-putting about this is that even though you said you were nice about it, he has ignored you ever since. It seems like he texted you when he needed someone to talk to, but once he no longer needed you, you got discarded. I'm sorry but it really doesn't sound like he respects you, so I would move on.

[jul-els]

The four am text is a tip off that he’s not really sure of what he’s doing. I’d worry less about if he’s ghosting you and more about if you want to keep talking to him. If it were me, I’d just move on at this point. 

[MissCanuck]

A 4am text about emotional problems and wanting to talk to a woman he has met once?

No, thanks. He's either not very stable, was drunk, or some combination thereof. He's also showing you he is not reliable and generally just not a candidate for dating. 

Next!

[Wiseman2]

On 11/1/2022 at 4:22 PM, alicegrey2842 said:

  Then at 4am he texted me asking if I was awake. He said he was going through some emotional problems and wanted to talk. 

You should be the one ghosting him. Delete,block and move forward.

[poorlittlefish]

He had better things to do until he needed to talk to someone. I think it's rude and opportunistic to contact someone you've met once at 4am. He wanted you when you might be useful to him. He's picking you up and putting you down whenever he feels like it. Time to take back control and appreciate you deserve better. 

[Wiseman2]

On 11/1/2022 at 4:22 PM, alicegrey2842 said:

. Then at 4am he texted me asking if I was awake. 

Did he use your name or was it a "text all" thing seeing who was around for booty call? 

[smackie9]

Anyways my advice is...when they give you a long winded excuse, it's usually a lie because they are trying to convince you. If they do cancel and don't offer a confirmed alternative with a place/date and time, then their interest is lukewarm at best. Cancelling a date more than once, just block/delete. 

Date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. Only invest in those that put their best foot forward, and are consistent/attentive.