Help Why is it taking him so long to ask me out??

[Lulu23]

So this boy who goes to my school he's a football player and we've been talking and getting to know each other months before school started he's cousin's with one of my friend's so that how we met he had hit me up and we became friend instantly. At that time we was just friends because he was dating someone else and I was looking at some other guy. But he broke up with his gf cause of communication issues etc and I gave him some space cause you know a breakup is hard to deal with. After that I came back and we started flirting and becoming more and then school started and we did have sex. And because to me my first time is a big deal so the next time at school we met up I talked with him about what i was to him and he was like "I really like you alot and You are important to me" and then I was like "yeah we had sex and stuff so i don't want this to be unemotionally type of thing because I want us to be in a relationship" and He was like "Me too Ima ask you out evantually, I just want to take things slow first and It's NOT unemotionally sex because I like you alot" and he was saying to trust him and then I was "Oh what if you hurt me because I am a very diffuclt person to be with" and he grabbed me and pulled me to him and said  "I'm not going to hurt you okay? I promise you that" etc but yall get the idea of what happened. So now whenever we see each other he always hugs me and stares at me and we just vibing and stuff. We also have connected on a deeper and emotionally level too like his cousin the one i'm friends with went to jail and he didn't know so I told him everything and he was crying. Then he was like "Omg thank you for telling me that like I love you for that" and I was basically helping him through that for months. But yeah so we vibe and all but my thing is when will he ask me out tho?? cause we've been doing good so far just enjoying each other's company and talking and we laugh and joke alot. so like when will he?????? and does he truly want a relationship with me???? what do yall think....

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Lulu23 said:

 he was dating someone else and I was looking at some other guy. we started flirting and becoming more and then school started and we did have sex.   he grabbed me and pulled me to him and said  "I'm not going to hurt you okay? I promise you that" 

Are you dating or just hooking up?

[Lulu23]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you dating or just hooking up?

Idk thats what i'm trying to figure out cus we talk and we always hugging and talking and joking pretty much acting like a couple and he did say he was gonna ask me out evantually but idk thats why i need some advice

[boltnrun]

I guess I'm confused. You had sex with him without being in a relationship with him or even dating him?

I'm not shaming you at all. I'm just not sure exactly what happened. 

[Lulu23]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

 

I'm not shaming you at all. I'm just not sure exactly what happened. 

Oh yeah we had sex but we was talking/flirting and stuff(one thing lead to another and it happened) it's kind of backwards since we're suppose to do it while dating but ig he's waiting to ask me out idk when and idk if he's truly going to so thats why i'm asking for advice cus idkkk

 

[Kwothe28]

What happened to  Michael Jordan? This is some other guy I pressume?

Anyway, he doesnt ask you out because he doesnt want to. He already had sex with you and you continue to indulge him in that. He just wants that. Otherwise he would ask you out on a real date or even present you as his girlfriend. 

[Lulu23]

4 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

What happened to  Michael Jordan? This is some other guy I pressume?

Oh he blocked me and called me a *** for caring about me so he's old news 

[Lulu23]

4 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

nyway, he doesnt ask you out because he doesnt want to. He already had sex with you and you continue to indulge him in that. He just wants that. Otherwise he would ask you out on a real date or even present you as his girlfriend. 

Yes i like that, good advice right there thanks!

[boltnrun]

It's been months. He's had plenty of time to ask you out. He's taking it so slow he's basically going backwards.

I wouldn't wait around anymore.

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

It's been months. He's had plenty of time to ask you out. He's taking it so slow he's basically going backwards.

I wouldn't wait around anymore.

People move towards pleasure and away from pain.  If he wanted to ask you out on a date he would have. Why didn't you ask him out -I mean you had sex, you flirt -why haven't you planned a date and asked him out in advance for a date you planned? I think you want him to ask you out more as a matter of ego or pride so you can tell yourself you two aren't just friends who have sex when you feel like it - as opposed to really wanting to get to know him in the context of a dating relationship. 

I also sense that you prefer to come across as some "cool" person who is fine hanging out and hooking up and now regret that decision.  It's really hard to unring the bell in this sort of situation. He told you basically he's comfortable having sex and hanging out.  He's not comfortable dating you.  

[SooSad33]

Yeah, sex is easy.  Being truly involved comes with expectations.( communication, trust, respect, time & energy spent).

Maybe he isn't ready or willing to get involved again.  What's the time span of when he split with his ex to when you slept with him? ( He could be looking to get lucky since he was lonely or bored... working thru his emotions etc after his BU).

Where you're at and where he's at is most likely different, where you're ready, willing & able and he's not.

You don't want to be involved with someone who isn't really fully into YOU anyways.

Another thing is risk of ruining a true 'friendship', because often once you cross those lines can be very hard to go backwards 😕 .  I;ve had that a couple of times.  If this is also an issue, he may prefer to keep you at friendship level.  You may also want to think of this as well..  Is the risk worth it?

 

 

[HeartGoesOn]

2 hours ago, Lulu23 said:

so like when will he?????? and does he truly want a relationship with me???? what do yall think....

It's impossible to answer that simply because you haven't even dated. I'm sorry but a romp between the sheets is not a date, and putting the cart before the horse does not seal the deal.

I think you may have had a better outcome if you presented yourself as dateable as opposed to disposable...no offense intended.

Take the lesson with you, learn form it and you'll still land on your feet.

[MissCanuck]

9 hours ago, Lulu23 said:

does he truly want a relationship with me????

I'm afraid to say that no, he doesn't. 

He would have asked you out by now if he did. It's been months. Men who are interested don't wait that long. It sounds like this was just sex and some casual flirting to him, and he's not looking to date you. 

I'm sorry. I would not waste any more time on him. 

[smackie9]

He be just blowin smoke up yer butt girl. Messin with yer mind. Dump this chump. 

[Cherylyn]

He had sex with you.  He's not serious about you.  He has communication issues.  I agree with @smackie9You need to dump him. 

[Wiseman2]

22 hours ago, Lulu23 said:

Idk thats what i'm trying to figure out cus we talk and we always hugging and talking and joking pretty much acting like a couple and he did say he was gonna ask me out evantually but idk thats why i need some advice

He doesn't have to ask you out if you're sort of acting like this and having sex..

[Lambert]

he likes your attention and doesn't have the integrity to tell you this is just sex to him.  because then you would see him for who he is and he'll lose your admiration.

I'm sorry he is doing this to you.  he's not a good person.  A good person doesn't use people for sex. A good person doesn't string someone along.  

[catfeeder]

Doesn't sound promising, sorry.