ONS - Pregnancy

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, RKO said:

"it will cause me stress because it will be hanging over me with you telling people you might not be the father"

FWIW - I wouldnt

It's your right to say that to people because right now it's accurate.  She chose to have a number of things hanging over her -I had a lot of stuff hanging over me when I was pregnant - was the pregnancy proceeding normally, was the baby developing normally, should I go on a work trip even though I'm tired, would my husband make it in time for the delivery since we had a long distance relationship -

a person who chooses to  continue with a pregnancy of course shouldn't have unneeded stress but if you choose to have unprotected sex in a casual setting you risk pregnancy plus your partner not being certain whether he is the father  (I had a friend, now divorced, who didn't believe his wife was pregnant with their second child -but at least then you're together and committed so overwhelming chances are it's the couple's child).  She took that risk. 

She took the risk that her sex partner had a bad genetic/medical history, would not want to be an involved father, or would not believe he was the father.  Much more of a risk with casual sex.  So I'm not crying tears for her if it's true that all you asked her was for confirmation post-delivery.

[DarkCh0c0]

45 minutes ago, RKO said:

mean im sure she is pregnant, I have no proof but she did say about a scan picture sending to me. I dont think she would be that crazy to make it up

Wait, you said you were going to the scan appointment with her. You didn't do that?

[RKO]

2 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Wait, you said you were going to the scan appointment with her. You didn't do that?

no i said i offered but she wanted her mum to with her as i was undecided on if i wanted involvement. Which i think is fair enough

[DarkCh0c0]

50 minutes ago, RKO said:

no i said i offered but she wanted her mum to with her as i was undecided on if i wanted involvement. Which i think is fair enough

But you mentioned not trusting her with the results/dates.

Did she tell you all of this via the phone? Did you ever meet and have a sit down talk about this? If not, I think this warrants meeting her and clearing your questions.

[RKO]

7 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

But you mentioned not trusting her with the results/dates.

Did she tell you all of this via the phone? Did you ever meet and have a sit down talk about this? If not, I think this warrants meeting her and clearing your questions.

It’s only after she told me she would be going with her mum did I start questioning the dates and realised a few things didn’t add up 100%

 

Shes told me all this via text, I prefer that as I have proof of everything said. Even more so now she’s flat out refused a dna test. I’ve only met her in person once and that was the day she told me she was pregnant

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, RKO said:

Telling my mum her name would make things complicated (according to her) if i decided to not be around.

That also makes no sense. It would be your problem to deal with if your mom knows you might not be involved. Not hers. She wants to hide her identity for some reason, yet she's fine revealing who you are to her mother. 

The more she says, the more convoluted her story is. And the more I suspect there is indeed someone else who could be the father, but she's hoping it's not him. Why? Who knows. Maybe he's a tool. Maybe he's a criminal. Maybe he's married. It's anyone's guess. 

Anyway, what you choose to do with the informaton she's given you (that you're going to be a dad) is up to you. Not her. She doesn't get to control the whole narrative here. I would have no further discussions with her about this. If you want to establish paternity, you are going to need to go through legal channels since she is unwilling to cooperate. 

[gamon]

You talk to her way too much.

Do as you please but if it was me I'd say "We've got nothing left to talk about, without any solid proof of me being the father, we are done here".

Then stop taking her calls. I wouldn't necessarily block her in case she actually has something useful to say or changes her mind about getting tested for paternity but I wouldn't respond to any of this other meaningless BS which is meant to keep you hanging on, and she's doing a fine job of that.

[Wiseman2]

44 minutes ago, RKO said:

I’ve only met her in person once and that was the day she told me she was pregnant

Delete and block her. There is zero reason to communicate. If you get a notice from the courts to provide your DNA for a paternity test, then you'll have to do that. Otherwise you're just creating all sorts of nonsense and drama with the scans, mothers, etc. Your texts are "evidence" of nothing. In fact they are quite damning because you foolishly offered to pay child support and be involved. Stop the madness.

[RKO]

I think i have now had my "final" message off her,

"just to clarify as i was busy earlier when we messaged so i can note it, you dont want involvement because i wont take a paternity test?"

"yes thats correct"

"ok thats fine and your decision, thanks for clarifying, I will leave you be"

 

[boltnrun]

I'm having serious doubts.

This "scan"? How many weeks is she allegedly pregnant? Scans aren't normally done early on unless there's a reason to believe there might be something unusual or concerning. Otherwise they just do monthly appointments to make sure the baby is growing and there's a strong steady heartbeat. And to make sure the woman hasn't developed gestational diabetes or any other condition.

As for sending you the scan, I could go on Google right now and find a pic of a pregnancy scan and post it here. Unless the screen shot has ner name and the date on it, it could be from anywhere.

This woman is starting to sound more and more like a nutter. Nothing she says makes any sense.

Lesson learned. Don't stick it in crazy, as they say. No matter how drunk and horny you are.

[RKO]

3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I'm having serious doubts.

This "scan"? How many weeks is she allegedly pregnant? Scans aren't normally done early on unless there's a reason to believe there might be something unusual or concerning. Otherwise they just do monthly appointments to make sure the baby is growing and there's a strong steady heartbeat. And to make sure the woman hasn't developed gestational diabetes or any other condition.

As for sending you the scan, I could go on Google right now and find a pic of a pregnancy scan and post it here. Unless the screen shot has ner name and the date on it, it could be from anywhere.

This woman is starting to sound more and more like a nutter. Nothing she says makes any sense.

Lesson learned. Don't stick it in crazy, as they say. No matter how drunk and horny you are.

12 weeks, here in the uk thats when you get your 1st scan unless youve had issues in previous pregnancy or pay private.

The more i think of it the more im thinking shes had sex with someone else and crapping herself about something that might come back on her.

Anyone else would say - sure have a paternity test its fine

[boltnrun]

18 minutes ago, RKO said:

12 weeks, here in the uk thats when you get your 1st scan unless youve had issues in previous pregnancy or pay private.

The more i think of it the more im thinking shes had sex with someone else and crapping herself about something that might come back on her.

Anyone else would say - sure have a paternity test its fine

I think she expected you to offer her money for support and maybe to pay her medical bills. Who knows. And now that it's clear you require proof (which you should!) she's backpedaling.

Hopefully your mind is relieved. If she wants to come after you for $$ in 28 weeks she'll have to file in court and the court will likely order a DNA paternity test. 

[RKO]

7 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I think she expected you to offer her money for support and maybe to pay her medical bills. Who knows. And now that it's clear you require proof (which you should!) she's backpedaling.

Hopefully your mind is relieved. If she wants to come after you for $$ in 28 weeks she'll have to file in court and the court will likely order a DNA paternity test. 

Possibly but here in uk medical bills dont exist thanks to our superb NHS and she even mentioned previously she expected nothing off me as she based her choice to keep the baby on doing it all herself.

I just dont understand it all tbh

[boltnrun]

Just now, RKO said:

Possibly but here in uk medical bills dont exist thanks to our superb NHS and she even mentioned previously she expected nothing off me as she based her choice to keep the baby on doing it all herself.

I just dont understand it all tbh

She had to have some kind of motivation for telling you. Maybe she was using reverse psychology. Says she doesn't want any help in the hopes you will offer anyway because you want to "do the right thing". And it was working because you were planning to provide financial support until she refused the paternity test. She probably views you as a "decent guy" who won't walk away from "responsibilities". 

My friend's girlfriend (the one who first pinned the pregnancy on another, wealthy man before insisting my friend was the father) would send him messages saying "I'm going to my OB appointment today" or "my OB thinks something might be wrong, I'm going to the ER now". And this was while she was still claiming the other guy was the father. She wanted my friend to get emotionally involved so he would want to "help" her. And it worked. He got all worked up and quit his job to be closer to her in case she "needed" him. He even married her soon after the child was born. Interestingly (but not surprisingly) their marriage was a disaster. They're divorced now and hate one another. 

[RKO]

7 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

She had to have some kind of motivation for telling you. Maybe she was using reverse psychology. Says she doesn't want any help in the hopes you will offer anyway because you want to "do the right thing". And it was working because you were planning to provide financial support until she refused the paternity test. She probably views you as a "decent guy" who won't walk away from "responsibilities". 

My friend's girlfriend (the one who first pinned the pregnancy on another, wealthy man before insisting my friend was the father) would send him messages saying "I'm going to my OB appointment today" or "my OB thinks something might be wrong, I'm going to the ER now". And this was while she was still claiming the other guy was the father. She wanted my friend to get emotionally involved so he would want to "help" her. And it worked. He got all worked up and quit his job to be closer to her in case she "needed" him. He even married her soon after the child was born. Interestingly (but not surprisingly) their marriage was a disaster. They're divorced now and hate one another. 

What a nightmare that sounds, did he ever find out if the child was his?

[boltnrun]

16 minutes ago, RKO said:

What a nightmare that sounds, did he ever find out if the child was his?

No, he just chose to believe her. Although as I said before that kid looks nothing like him. But who knows, maybe the kid is his.

Are you feeling less anxious now?

[RKO]

13 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

No, he just chose to believe her. Although as I said before that kid looks nothing like him. But who knows, maybe the kid is his.

Are you feeling less anxious now?

Ah, that must be a tough one.

Yes thanks, as soon as I shared with my mum yesterday a certain weight was lifted, shes been amazing and i couldnt have wished for a better reaction.

Im still having some moments but then trying to tell myself quickly - youve done all you can, it says a lot that shes refusing a dna test. Dont let it get you down.

Im just waiting for her friends to find out now really and then my friends to bring it up, I dont like gossip and drama, im very private so not sure how im going to handle that without telling them a full blown story which to me is gossiping and looks like im trying to throw shade on her

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, RKO said:

I think i have now had my "final" message off her,

"just to clarify as i was busy earlier when we messaged so i can note it, you dont want involvement because i wont take a paternity test?"

"yes thats correct"

"ok thats fine and your decision, thanks for clarifying, I will leave you be"

 

I don't understand - isn't the issue that she doesn't want you involved because you WANT to take a paternity test?

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, RKO said:

Ah, that must be a tough one.

Yes thanks, as soon as I shared with my mum yesterday a certain weight was lifted, shes been amazing and i couldnt have wished for a better reaction.

Im still having some moments but then trying to tell myself quickly - youve done all you can, it says a lot that shes refusing a dna test. Dont let it get you down.

Im just waiting for her friends to find out now really and then my friends to bring it up, I dont like gossip and drama, im very private so not sure how im going to handle that without telling them a full blown story which to me is gossiping and looks like im trying to throw shade on her

I would simply say -it's personal and not something I care to or should discuss.

[RKO]

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I don't understand - isn't the issue that she doesn't want you involved because you WANT to take a paternity test?

No, im not being involved until i know 100% the child is mine from a paternity test. She wont have a dna test and is flat out refusing. Therefore no involvement from me

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, RKO said:

No, im not being involved until i know 100% the child is mine from a paternity test. She wont have a dna test and is flat out refusing. Therefore no involvement from me

Oh I see -I read the first message as coming from you not she.

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, RKO said:

so i can note it

I just caught this.

She's making notes. Only reason to do that is to have a record for future use.

Yeah, she might be planning a court case. And that's fine because the court will likely order a DNA test anyway.

[RKO]

3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I just caught this.

She's making notes. Only reason to do that is to have a record for future use.

Yeah, she might be planning a court case. And that's fine because the court will likely order a DNA test anyway.

Yes I also thought that too or she’s making a note as to what to tell people. Who knows 

[tattoobunnie]

9 hours ago, RKO said:

Hmmm, as my my mum said

1: I’m the best choice out of a few possibilities 

2: She genuinely wants to be a single parent but morally felt she had to tell me then hoped I’d walk away.

But you are not. You hate her guts and would never want to be with her, and don't want this kid.  You are the worst choice.

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, RKO said:

"just to clarify as i was busy earlier when we messaged so i can note it, you dont want involvement because i wont take a paternity test?"

Didn't she insist she doesn't want you involved anyway? 

She doesn't make any sense.