ONS - Pregnancy

[DarkCh0c0]

Gosh. Please proceed with the DNA test nonetheless. Considering her manipulative nature, I would expect anything (maybe she's been doing this for a while aka sleeping around with men until she gets pregnant. Ovulating doesn't necessarily mean she'll get prego 100% from the first time).

[RKO]

1 minute ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Gosh. Please proceed with the DNA test nonetheless. Considering her manipulative nature, I would expect anything (maybe she's been doing this for a while aka sleeping around with men until she gets pregnant. Ovulating doesn't necessarily mean she'll get prego 100% from the first time).

I've told her that i'd like a dna test, she didnt really agree nor disagree to it, very blase.

I think maybe i need to say I'll step up once I know the child is mine

[boltnrun]

How could this have been a "plot to trap you"? Did you two plan in advance to meet up at your friend's wedding and hook up? She knew exactly when she was fertile and arranged ahead of time to have sex with you?

You describe this as a "drunken hookup", not a planned encounter. Was it in fact planned in advance? Did you contact her or did she contact you ahead of time to suggest having sex? And you deliberately chose not to bring condoms to this planned hookup?

Again, this is a scan to estimate due date not a DNA paternity test. 

But I do agree with talking to your mom for support.

 

[RKO]

12 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

How could this have been a "plot to trap you"? Did you two plan in advance to meet up at your friend's wedding and hook up? She knew exactly when she was fertile and arranged ahead of time to have sex with you?

You describe this as a "drunken hookup", not a planned encounter. Was it in fact planned in advance? Did you contact her or did she contact you ahead of time to suggest having sex? And you deliberately chose not to bring condoms to this planned hookup?

Again, this is a scan to estimate due date not a DNA paternity test. 

But I do agree with talking to your mom for support.

 

ive not said it was a trap 🙂

No wasnt planned, it was a friends wedding with us all staying over at the venue, nothing more than stupidity, getting caught up with the day and alcohol.

Im not blaming anyone but myself and her

[boltnrun]

57 minutes ago, RKO said:

ive not said it was a trap 🙂

No wasnt planned, it was a friends wedding with us all staying over at the venue, nothing more than stupidity, getting caught up with the day and alcohol.

Im not blaming anyone but myself and her

OK, I didn't think so. But someone else with a history of getting a woman pregnant said they think it sounds like she "trapped" you. I thought that seemed unlikely based on what you wrote. 

I hope you decide to talk to your mom. She should be someone you can be yourself in front of, sharing your fears and anxieties. She loves you and even if she happens to disagree with your choice to not be an active father to this child (if it's yours), she will still be on your side.

Also please consider looking into professional support.

Side note, it's not that I am completely supportive of your choice to not be an actual father to this child. I think it's a matter of, you enjoyed the sex and now you have to deal with the consequences of your few minutes of irresponsible fun. But I'm pleased you are not raging at the woman and demanding she have an abortion. Or "threatening" her. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, RKO said:

I told her that MAP wont work if.....

Stop. You're not her gynecologist.  She also does not want you involved (supposedly). If she did not want a preganacy she had choices. She wants to be a single mother, that's her decision.

[gamon]

1 hour ago, RKO said:

i'd be inclined to agree other than shes insistent theres an option there for me to walk away and not be involved/pay a thing

Sure she's saying that now. Even if she isn't inclined to go after child support you can bet others will get in her ear and say "make dad be financially responsible for his child!".

 

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, gamon said:

Sure she's saying that now. Even if she isn't inclined to go after child support you can bet others will get in her ear and say "make dad be financially responsible for his child!".

 

Dad should be financially responsible for his child. And the OP has already said he's willing to pay his share.

It's very simple...people who don't want to be parents have the option to utilize various methods of birth control. If they choose not to or if the method is ineffective for some reason a pregnancy could result. This is a chance all of us take when we have sex. If a person is sure they don't want to ever be a parent they can have their tubes tied or get a vasectomy.

Going after the fact saying "I never wanted this!" is a little late. 

But from what he's written the OP is willing to help provide financially for the child if indeed that child is his. 

[MissCanuck]

22 minutes ago, gamon said:

 others will get in her ear and say "make dad be financially responsible for his child!".

As they should.

Why should he not be financially responsible for his child? 

[gamon]

I never said he "should" or "should not" be responsible for his child.

As far as I'm concerned, the decision to have a child especially between 2 people that barely know each other is irresponsible, and "should not" be totally up to the woman just because she's the one that has to undergo a 20 minute procedure.

Ideally since she unilaterally makes the choice to keep it even though dad has made it clear he doesn't want it- then she assumes full responsibility for supporting the child he didn't want.

But it's not about my opinion or anyone else's - or what "should" or "should not" be done. It's about the law.

She says she's not coming after him for support, I'm suggesting the odds are that she probably will and he'll be directed by a court to pay her each and every month until the child is emancipated in 18-21 years depending on state law. Plus possibly college, unreimbursed medical, etc. etc.

[boltnrun]

Someone doesn't want to be a father? Then he doesn't engage in unprotected sex. Or he gets a vasectomy.

We all know how babies get made.

[RKO]

So bit of a big update here.

I told her I would step up play a part in child’s life , financially too but at 1st I’d like a dna test. I worded it make it sound like I wasn’t doubting her, or calling her a liar, but wanted to be 100% sure for myself. Right now I’m 99%.

she’s refused the dna test

Said she doesn’t want to spend her pregnancy with me doubting her…

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, RKO said:

So bit of a big update here.

I told her I would step up play a part in child’s life , financially too but at 1st I’d like a dna test. I worded it make it sound like I wasn’t doubting her, or calling her a liar, but wanted to be 100% sure for myself. Right now I’m 99%.

she’s refused the dna test

Said she doesn’t want to spend her pregnancy with me doubting her…

She doesn't have to spend her pregnancy with you doubting her -this is ridiculous- you don't have to have any contact with her till baby born.  I think you are being 100% reasonable and simply tell her she knows where to find you if she changes her mind and if  you move/change numbers you will contact her with updated info on where you can be contacted.

I don't know legally anything about this but if you change your mind and you want to know - I'd seek legal advice on how this happens with DNA etc

[DarkCh0c0]

2 minutes ago, RKO said:

she’s refused the dna test

Major red flag.

Don't back down. It's very possible that she doesn't know herself whose child it is and she chose to string YOU along for some odd reason.

Maybe let her sleep on it and re-suggest the dna test. Eventually, no dna, no child support.

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, RKO said:

So bit of a big update here.

I told her I would step up play a part in child’s life , financially too but at 1st I’d like a dna test. I worded it make it sound like I wasn’t doubting her, or calling her a liar, but wanted to be 100% sure for myself. Right now I’m 99%.

she’s refused the dna test

Said she doesn’t want to spend her pregnancy with me doubting her…

I would seek legal advice.

If she goes after you legally for child support your attorney can challenge it based on the possibility that the child is not biologically yours. The court will likely order a DNA test. 

Please research and retain a family law attorney as soon as you can and schedule a consultation. Then go from there.

I have to say her response is suspect. She may not be sure after all the child is yours.

[Jaunty]

On 9/8/2022 at 1:04 AM, RKO said:

Thank you for understanding, I’m finding a lot blame the man exclusively here and no blame on the woman so it’s refreshing.

x

[MissCanuck]

14 minutes ago, RKO said:

she’s refused the dna test

Said she doesn’t want to spend her pregnancy with me doubting her…

Tough cookies. 

You have every right to determine paternity. And if she wants to be difficult, a court can order her to do so. 

Her response makes me think she knows somethign you don't - that you are not the only possible father.  

Please contact a family lawyer, OP. You are likely going to need one to guide you here. 

 

[Jaunty]

1 hour ago, gamon said:

Sure she's saying that now. Even if she isn't inclined to go after child support you can bet others will get in her ear and say "make dad be financially responsible for his child!".

 

Well ... of course.   If it weren't for "dad" there would be no child.  He IS responsible.  

[Jaunty]

55 minutes ago, gamon said:

I never said he "should" or "should not" be responsible for his child.

As far as I'm concerned, the decision to have a child especially between 2 people that barely know each other is irresponsible, and "should not" be totally up to the woman just because she's the one that has to undergo a 20 minute procedure.

 

Are you suggesting that it might be reasonable for a woman to be required to have "a 20 minute procedure" because a man doesn't want to take responsibility for a child he has a 50% share in producing?  Wow.  

[RKO]

Message has been saved, screenshot, backed up, backed up to cloud. That’s my proof if I ever need it.

lots of red flags popping up now:

She didn’t know how long her cycle is or when she usually comes on.

She initially gave me the a different date of her last period, then changed it. It now fits perfectly for ovulation that day, the last one didn’t.

 

could be coincidence of course but alarm bells are ringing 

[gamon]

25 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

Are you suggesting that it might be reasonable for a woman to be required to have "a 20 minute procedure" because a man doesn't want to take responsibility for a child he has a 50% share in producing?  Wow.  

I'm suggesting that the decision to have a child should belong to both the mother and the father, not just mom since its "her body" and if mom disregards dad's decision to abort then the responsibility to raise the child is on her, especially given the circumstances.

My opinion, I don't expect you or any of the women on here to agree with me.

 

 

[Jaunty]

Just back off from all the sleuthing.  Be clear with her that you need a paternity test to confirm that this is your child, so you can plan your involvement.  Let her know how to contact you with results, and get on with your life.

Please have learned something from this.   

[boltnrun]

I agree, something isn't adding up.

Unfortunately there are some women who do try to "pin" a pregnancy on a man they think has the most resources, or because they're hiding who the true father is for some reason.

A friend of mine concealed the fact that the daughter she and her husband had been raising together for 12 years was actually the product of an affair. Another former friend claimed one man was her baby's father because she thought he had more money than her boyfriend at the time. When he insisted on a DNA test she suddenly switched gears and said her boyfriend was the father. A man I used to date's ex girlfriend pulled the same thing, claimed a guy from a wealthy family was her baby's father but it turned out my ex was the real father.

Sadly there are some unscrupulous women out there.

So please do retain an attorney specializing in family law and parental issues and don't agree to or sign anything unless and until a DNA test proves you're the father.

[Jaunty]

1 minute ago, gamon said:

I'm suggesting that the decision to have a child should belong to both the mother and the father, not just mom since its "her body" and if mom disregards dad's decision to abort then the responsibility to raise the child is on her, especially given the circumstances.

My opinion, I don't expect you or any of the women on here to agree with me.

 

 

I'm not a woman.  

In fact, it IS her body and decisions regarding her body are hers to make.  

Would you be in favor of a woman determining that you must have a vasectomy because she doesn't want to be impregnated?  Vasectomies are reversible, so what's the big deal?  Right?

Sex is for procreation.  Pregnancy is a likely result of sex.  Men who have sex need to take this seriously and realize that they will NOT get to decide what the woman does with her body, and that they WILL be responsible for a possible baby.  

 

[boltnrun]

7 minutes ago, gamon said:

I'm suggesting that the decision to have a child should belong to both the mother and the father, not just mom since its "her body" and if mom disregards dad's decision to abort then the responsibility to raise the child is on her, especially given the circumstances.

My opinion, I don't expect you or any of the women on here to agree with me.

 

 

Two people made the baby. Two people are responsible for the baby.

A man doesn't want children? Get a vasectomy or abstain from casual sex.