Family Money

[lostandhurt]

Money brings out the worst in people and expected money from a will multiplies that sometimes.

  Your aunt has shown her true colors here unfortunately and you are well within your right to be upset about the way she has been acting, scheming and treating your side of the family.

  She has been clear on what she wants and how she feels so is this a relative you want to spend time with?  Personally I wouldn't.  Greed is one of the seven deadly sins and now you know why.

  It appears you love your grandmother and care for her and have no desire for her money so your heart is pure.  Let your father take care of looking after the legal will side of things to make sure your aunt doesn't try to do something shady like declare granny incompetent and take control of her finances while you continue to love her and spend as much time you have left with her as possible.

 Not sure why your grandmother still wants her scheming daughter as executor but that is her choice.

   Lost

PS I hope granny shows them all and lives another 10 wonderful years

[Batya33]

Your father can choose to hire an attorney if he feels his sister is doing something unfair.  Nothing to do with you.  You've received excellent input here.

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

I understand this. She's responsible to execute it. So say my granny has $500 in a bank account. My aunt takes $400 for herself and gives my father $100. How is my father to know that she had $500 in it to begin with. And that he isn't getting the right amount? 

 

I am a noob at law stuff but even I know that. That is pretty easy to check with the bank. Also, unless your Grandma takes 400$ and gives it to your aunt, your aunt legally cant touch that money. Its not hers, its not your dads, its Grandmas. After she passes away there are legal ways where after the will reading, anything she owns, including her money on bank accounts, is split 50/50. Or in any other way she wants. If there is any dispute its settled in other ways, even through court.

[Seraphim]

Unless your aunt is on your grandmother’s bank accounts she can’t touch anything. Period. Y’all will have to wait until her will is probated and her estate released. 

If you take money from a dead person’s account without being on that account you go to jail. 

My father had an investment when he passed away. The bank wouldn’t even release it to my aunt because they said they were giving it to his legal wife. My parents were divorced in 1974. Not even my mom‘s current wedding certificate mattered. My aunt’s lawyer had to write to the archives of British Columbia to get their divorce papers from almost 50 years ago to release the money. Financial institutions don’t just release money Willie Nilly they can be sued. 

[reinventmyself]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

I understand this. She's responsible to execute it. So say my granny has $500 in a bank account. My aunt takes $400 for herself and gives my father $100. How is my father to know that she had $500 in it to begin with. And that he isn't getting the right amount? 

 

My aunt will try anything to get more. 

By law, your aunt has to execute it based on how it is written.   She can't change the terms no matter what.

She can be held accountable.  I was executor.  I could have tried to do shady things with $500, maybe.   But the bulk of the state is very cut and dry.   Do the other families care as much as you do, I guess it's the question

 

[MissCanuck]

Alex, I am assuming your father understands how wills work, and that his sister can just dole out whatever sum she chooses. 

Do you not think your dad is able to manage this? 

[catfeeder]

Your Grandma has been an expert at dealing with her children since long before you were born. 

She's also smart and went straight for Aunt's underbelly when she upset her, so don't fret there. Aunt is hereby put on notice to back off at risk of losing her inheritance.

If Grandma wants to vent to your Dad, she's already demonstrating what she sees through. If she opts to act, your Dad is likely to be the first to know, unless just the opposite, Grandma may take her matters privately to her attorney.

Regardless, I'd tell Dad that while I want to be supportive of him, I don't want to know any details that don't require action by me UNLESS he wants to deliberately curb my relationship with Aunt and cousins.

If his intent is to mobilize me against them, he may want to consider the permanent impact of that. 

Otherwise, I'd trust my Grandma as a strong matriarch who can make her opinions known, and if Aunt is stupid enough to cross her again, that's on her.

You'll do everyone a favor by staying calm and quiet. Be of good cheer to Grandma, and trust this as the best gift you can give her.

Rise above the battle ground, and you'll thank yourself later.

[Jaunty]

You are awfully consumed with how "unfair" things are for you.  Being involved in that aspect of your grandmother's end of life is a big mistake which you will surely regret, if, as you say, you actually do love and care for her.   You are contributing very substantially to her stress and chest pains by having any part at all in all of this.

Enjoy your time with her while you can still have it and forget about her money, and also about your grievances with your other family members.  

[jul-els]

Turn off the noise. Spend time with your grandmother. Care for her. Give her your love. That’s all that matters. 

[Wonderstruck]

16 hours ago, Blue_Skirt said:

It is very nice that you and your sibling took your grandmother on vacations and that you are very close to your grandmother. Great that your parents have been very helpful to your grandmother. But I smell a sense of entitlement from your post. “I took my grandmother on a nice vacation and now I get a higher part of the inheritance”. And this is not the first time I notice this. In other posts you describe how you are always helpful to other people and you expect something in return for it.

THANK YOU.

You are not the only person who has noticed this. It's so gross.

 

16 hours ago, Blue_Skirt said:

I would advise you to stop being over involved in family matters and in other people’s lives. Free up your calendar and start going out / being involved in things where you potentially find a nice boyfriend.

Honestly, this response could apply to so many of Alex's posts on here.

[Wiseman2]

22 hours ago, Alex39 said:

 My aunt and her kids just want granny's money. Whereas my family we genuinely love and care for granny and don't need her money. 

You and your cousins have no say or standing in any of this. If you're already accusing your aunt of embezzling money from your grandmother's estate, then why are you visiting her? You come across as a vulture upset by the estate handling which you have no standing in anyway. If you are such a wonderful grandchild why are you doing this and creating drama that doesn't even exist yet?

[CrazyWife]

I would just leave the aunt to her behaviour and keep my distance. Sorry to hear of her declining health and at least you will know that you made your Grandma happy and well looked after. Your aunt can't change the will to suit her so if she isn't happy that not all the money is going to her and her children then just leave her to fester over it. If you feel at any time that she is trying to forcefully change anything then you can report it to the relevant authorities. Plus, i think lawyers would be good at spotting when such issues arise. 

[Wiseman2]

On 8/26/2022 at 5:30 AM, Alex39 said:

My mother was concerned for Granny's safety.  My mother researched phones,   My mother wanted to help my grandmother . So my mother offered to take granny . My mother let her pick out all the options  My mother then took her shopping and out to lunch. . My mother went and helped her. My mother was worried for her safety. 

How much of this drama is driven by your mother? You stated you were in therapy to help get away from your mother's meddling and drama. 

When do you plan on cutting the umbilical cord and understanding the effects of your mother's oppressive and selfish nature?

Your mother seems be stirring up all sorts of nonsense she has no business in.

[reinventmyself]

There is no monetary reward for having a relationship with our family members.  It's not transactional.

My brother distanced himself emotionally and geographically from the family right out of high school.  Though he moved closer to us later in life, he still kept his distance and we only heard from him maybe 2 times a year.  I helped my mom during the years she took care of my father with Alzheimer's.  My brother was MIA. I moved her closer to me and was involved in every aspect of her everyday life.   

My brother was somewhat present during my mother's last year and her subsequent passing.  I was the executor, and the estate was divided equally.  Why? Because that was my parent's wishes.  It was their money.  I didn't feel I should have been paid for having a relationship with my parents that I would have had otherwise.

Having said that, we are human.  Those little thoughts do go through our head.  But you readjust and see the bigger picture.  The money doesn't matter.  It's the time and the relationship you have with them that's the gift.

[Alex39]

On 8/28/2022 at 6:05 AM, Wiseman2 said:

How much of this drama is driven by your mother? You stated you were in therapy to help get away from your mother's meddling and drama. 

When do you plan on cutting the umbilical cord and understanding the effects of your mother's oppressive and selfish nature?

Your mother seems be stirring up all sorts of nonsense she has no business in.

Sometimes my mother does act bitter and petty. I think it rubs off on me. 

 

[mylolita]

Hey Alex!

 

So many great responses.

 

I have been in a similar situation twice now this year. My Grandma died in January, she had hardly a bean. My Mum, who is her youngest daughter out of 3 girls, received £20,000. There was nothing for us Grandchildren and I never expected anything or gave much thought too it. My Mum, out of the blue, split £10,000 between me and my sister, giving us 5k each, which was, again, totally unexpected. This was my Mums decision to do what she wanted with her inheritance. As others have said, Grandchildren are not often first line of inheritance and unless you have a wealthy grandparent, often Grandchildren, especially if there are a lot of them, don’t really receive much. Again, completely unexpected. 
 

My Mum on the other hand was very concerned with who was getting what. It was complicated as my Uncle, who is a retired judge, has bought a house for them 20 years ago and they paid him rent for half the mortgage. So he basically decided from the house sale how much he would give the other two sisters. It was his investment that my Grandma and Grandad both signed up for on his conditions and their terms along time ago.

 

Again, nothing to do with me and I didn’t want to hear any of it from my Mum. I was so upset about my Grandma, it was beyond bad taste to be bickering over monetary scraps.

 

Then my Grandad died in July. Again, he has two sons, my Dad being the youngest. His eldest son, my Uncle, is going through his second sticky divorce and had been living with my Grandad whilst his house is up for grabs with his wife in it until my Grandad died. Now my Uncle is going to live there until he wants to move (probably never). My Dad has drafted up something with a solicitor that states my Uncle pays my Dad rent, because he can’t afford to buy out my Dads half of the house. Complicated. But, again, none of my business. I hardly want to hear about it. Maybe you could think well, am I not irritated that I’m not getting a portion of that house sale? Am I not frustrated at my Uncle for delaying my small second inheritance by potentially 20 more years? 
 

I couldn’t care less and I don’t like my parents yammering on about it. 
 

It’s a messy, greedy business. I agree with so many on here - it’s for your Grannies children to sort out, and her. Go with the knowledge you won’t receive anything and continue to help her because you adore her. Ignore the rest of the drama and try and shut it down, or change the subject, if your Mum or Aunty or Dad brings it up. Say politely, discuss it between yourselves!

 

x

[Debsterism]

Tell your Dad to tell his mother to get a lawfirm to be the executor of her will, not the aunt. That is a conflict of interest and sure to tie things up in court. Especially since the aunt is already trying to weasel her way into the whole thing.

If you dad chooses not to do anything, that's on him when he is swindled out of his inheritance. He should be more assertive and insist on an uninvolved third party executor. that way everythign will be taken care of properly. The way things are now, it is left to the aunt to distribute things equally which wont work. Alternatively, granny can sign over what she wants your dad to have NOW, and leave the rest to your aunt. That works too.