Is it wrong to make moves on a guy who has a girlfriend?

[nyccbaby13]

Okay so pretty much the title sums it up but it's not exactly "moves" as in I wouldn't seduce the guy or anything, I just mean when we hangout is it wrong to playfully touch each other and talk a lot?

We're both 19 and in college, back in our home city where we met in late May at our summer job.  So things started out totally platonic and he mentioned he had a girl he was seeing.  Okay cool, I was excited for him.  Fast forward to now, we're pretty much together all the time at work.  Our job is split up into two areas, a retail shop where we sell candles and right behind it is the warehouse.  I work in both places so whenever I'm in the shop alone, he would come and spend his lunch breaks with me.  We'd always be alone, sitting close together and playing songs for each other.  I feel like this crush may just be temporary since we go back to school in August, though our colleges are very close to each other.  I think it's stupid to list all the things he's said/done that may be hints so I'm not going to waste your guys' time, but in my gut, I feel like he likes me a little bit too?  At one point, he's asked me what my type is in a guy and how I felt about boys I used to date.  It's subtle things he would do and say besides that (like touching my forehead), that give me the feeling he likes me, but nothing that crosses boundaries. 

As for his gf, he told me how they met.  They met at a party in April and she gave him her social media, told him to hit her up and that they got together pretty fast because they were both looking to get cuffed.  Cuffed is slang for a relationship/booed up.  We were joking around asking if either of us have ever been in love and he said he wouldn't know, that he and his girlfriend don't do much else than lay around and watch television so there's not much chance to fall in love.  Soo, I pretty much see this boy 5 days a week for 8 hours so it's kind of hard not to get a crush on him.  Although it could just be convenience and maybe he only hangs around with me because we're the same age and all of the other workers have years on us.  It's a very tight knit company, my dad's company actually built the store and everyone's friends with the employers.  

A part of me just wants to swoop in for real and make some moves on him, while the other part of me is like no!  Girl code.  If I wasn't myself and I was looking in on this fromt he outside, I'd think "what a tramp."  But yeah, I guess you'll never know until you're actually in this situation.  I'd love to get any advice.

[Capricorn3]

How would you feel if your boyfriend "wants to swoop in for real and make some moves on "a friend" ?? 

[Kwothe28]

As long as he has a girlfriend, he is a "no-no" territory. Plus, always remember that people who would cheat would have no problem doing that to you if you were together after. If he breaks up, then sure. Like this, it is wrong to try to seduce somebody in a relationship.

[melancholy123]

Yes it's wrong!

[Wiseman2]

34 minutes ago, nyccbaby13 said:

  A part of me just wants to swoop in for real and make some moves on him.

If you want to hook up with a guy who has a GF, go ahead. But it's not going to be fun at work. Besides, he doesn't even seem that interested.

How come you can't find you're own BF?

[nyccbaby13]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you want to hook up with a guy who has a GF, go ahead. But it's not going to be fun at work. Besides, he doesn't even seem that interested.

How come you can't find you're own BF?

I did have a boyfriend who I broke up with in March.  This isn't rebound or anything, I just started liking this guy.  Well I know from my post I didn't give much details about why I feel he's into me, I tried to sum it up in just that we spend a lot of alone time together. He asked me the last time I was at work if something was "happening  between us right now" and I just nervously laughed it off because a customer came in and he had to go back to the warehouse.  But you're right, hooking up with him right now would be a stupid thing to do.  I don't want to try and "steal" him, it's more like I want to drop little hints and if he picks up on it and breaks up with her, then maybe we can see if something's there.

[MissCanuck]

Nah. Pass. Guys like this are bad news. 

So even if you got him to break up with her and start dating you, you would never trust him. You'd be wondering who the next girl is that he's cozying up to, because you know perfectly well he lacks boundaries. This one would be very unlikey to stick around long before he's eyeing up the next girl. 

Aim higher, for better-quality guys. 

[Rose Mosse]

While you're worrying about what you should do, take a better look at what he is. Splash yourself with some cold water (or hot wax, whichever you prefer) and jolt yourself back to real life. This man is no catch at all if he's behaving this way with another coworker and dating someone else. 

Even if you suggest anything or do anything inappropriate, it's his word against yours if you both work alone together or other coworkers see that you're together all the time. Don't put your job at risk even if it's a summer job for this type of trash or make things awkward at your workplace. Not worth it.

[Wiseman2]

46 minutes ago, nyccbaby13 said:

I did have a boyfriend who I broke up with in March.  

Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? Are you still talking or on/off?

Perhaps you just want some male attention. However this guy is in the no-fly zone because he has a GF and he's a coworker.

[Batya33]

Think about if you were dating him and he acted with another woman just like he is acting with you now. How nauseous would you feel if you knew?  It's not at all about girl code.  It's basic common sense you learn in kindergarten or earlier.  Basic ethics.  Even if he breaks up with her and asks you out I'd reconsider because he is right now behaving inappropriately for someone in a committed relationship.

[smackie9]

Depends...some say if there is no ring then they are fair game. You don't know the GF personally so she means nothing to you which makes this easier for you to step out of bounds. You do whatever you want to do, you may have to live with the consequences, like an angry/hostile GF contacting you, or your reputation may get tarnished. A lot of people frown upon what you are doing and if there is some hot guy that pays you attention but finds out about your moral standards, you could get ousted.  

[nyccbaby13]

You guys are all right, I'm just going to forget about this.  Summer's ending soon anyway.  Thank you guys for all the replies, they were very helpful!

[catfeeder]

If you put the morality part aside, it becomes less about being 'wrong' and just not being smart. Setting the guy up to demo his capacity for disloyalty to a GF positions YOU badly as having a front row seat to see that.

So then, even if you win, you'll lose--because you'll only enjoy victory for about 5 minutes before it occurs to you that you've promoted yourself from the one he's disloyal WITH to the one who he'll become disloyal TO.

Let his relationship run it's course without any influence from you. Then, if he becomes available and seeks you out, you can respect that. Otherwise, you won't feel trust for him the minute your back is turned, and is that the kind of relationship you'd even want?

 

[SooSad33]

23 hours ago, nyccbaby13 said:

I don't want to try and "steal" him, it's more like I want to drop little hints and if he picks up on it and breaks up with her, then maybe we can see if something's there.

And why would you do this?

How great would you feel after doing that -- any guilt ?

I would not want to be seen as someone who tries to break up a couple 😕 . I am respectful and keep my distance.

You are 19.  You've got a lot to learn.  all of you at this age are just getting going with your lives. Don't let this be a hard lesson or regrets.

And as for him... yeah, it can be easy to 'catch their interest', but none of this is fair.. the pressures on him ( with you knowing full well he's taken) and I can imagine how affected she would be if she were to learn of all of this going on at the workplace!

 

Fact ~> He is NOT available.

As asked, why can't you respect this guy and back off , go look for your own?

[nyccbaby13]

32 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

And why would you do this?

How great would you feel after doing that -- any guilt ?

I would not want to be seen as someone who tries to break up a couple 😕 . I am respectful and keep my distance.

You are 19.  You've got a lot to learn.  all of you at this age are just getting going with your lives. Don't let this be a hard lesson or regrets.

And as for him... yeah, it can be easy to 'catch their interest', but none of this is fair.. the pressures on him ( with you knowing full well he's taken) and I can imagine how affected she would be if she were to learn of all of this going on at the workplace!

 

Fact ~> He is NOT available.

As asked, why can't you respect this guy and back off , go look for your own?

I don't go out "looking" for a boyfriend, when it happens it just happens.  I had a boyfriend for a while up until March like I responded to someone else.  We broke up because I wasn't feeling him.  I wasn't looking for a new boyfriend, I just happened to meet this guy and started liking him.  But also I already said I'm going to forget it if you scroll up so no more replies needed

[MissCanuck]

22 minutes ago, nyccbaby13 said:

But also I already said I'm going to forget it

That's good. 

He's not a great guy. 

[Capricorn3]

1 hour ago, nyccbaby13 said:

 I wasn't looking for a new boyfriend, I just happened to meet this guy and started liking him. 

^ That doesn't change the fact that he's already in a relationship. That means you have no business there.  He's not yours to have.  It's also about respecting other people's relationship and even more, show a little self-respect. Find your own boyfriend.  Always remember, what goes around, comes around.

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, nyccbaby13 said:

I don't go out "looking" for a boyfriend, when it happens it just happens.  I had a boyfriend for a while up until March like I responded to someone else.  We broke up because I wasn't feeling him.  I wasn't looking for a new boyfriend, I just happened to meet this guy and started liking him.  But also I already said I'm going to forget it if you scroll up so no more replies needed

Yes so when you meet someone who is unavailable it hasn't happened.  Because people in committed relationships can't date others.  That's the point.  This is all about you and your choices not just happened.  You chose to interact and flirt with someone in a committed relationship.  I'm glad you made the decision you did.  It's better to default to accountability rather than "it just happened" - your screen name has baby in it.  Things often just happen to babies. But you're an adult.  

[Rose Mosse]

10 hours ago, nyccbaby13 said:

I don't go out "looking" for a boyfriend, when it happens it just happens.  I had a boyfriend for a while up until March like I responded to someone else.  We broke up because I wasn't feeling him.  I wasn't looking for a new boyfriend, I just happened to meet this guy and started liking him.  But also I already said I'm going to forget it if you scroll up so no more replies needed

Message a moderator that you'd like the thread closed if you don't feel anything else is applicable.

[SooSad33]

30 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

But also I already said I'm going to forget it if you scroll up so no more replies needed

 

31 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Message a moderator that you'd like the thread closed if you don't feel anything else is applicable.

11 hours ago, nyccbaby13 said:

I wasn't looking for a new boyfriend, I just happened to meet this guy and started liking him.  But also I already said I'm going to forget it if you scroll up so no more replies needed

 

Ok, then close this post.

No need to be harsh. 😉 

[HeartGoesOn]

Thread has run its course...Closed.