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Advice on contacting ex-colleague I like


Broonie
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Hi,

I am hoping someone can provide some advice.

I recently found out an ex-colleague whom I like is newly single, and I'd like to get in touch with her, and ask her out. We no longer work in the same company and our paths rarely cross. The last time was 3 years ago at an ex-colleagues funeral (when she was in a relationship). Anyway, I was thinking of sending her the text below. Does this come across as desperate, creepy or will it scare her off, or does it come across as a casual (not sexual) "lets meet" type of thing. 

Note: I'm also on the spectrum, and find these things awkward at the best of time, and I have little confidence. 

I also have little expectation of meeting her following the text below as she has 2 teenage kids which she will probably need to do stuff with on the day I'm suggesting.

Any constructive feedback is appreciated.

Text below.

---------------------------------------

Hi <insert name>,

Long time no speak - hope you are well.

I know this message is out of the blue however I'm going to be in <insert town where she lives> next Saturday as my car is undergoing some minor repairs at a local garage. Anyway I plan to pass the time waiting for the repairs to complete in Costa - so I dont look like "Billy No Mates" are you free to grab a coffee?  No worries if not as I know its the weekend and I'm sure you've got a million and 1 things you need to do with the kids.

 

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12 minutes ago, Broonie said:

 No worries if not as I know its the weekend and I'm sure you've got a million and 1 things you need to do with the kids.

 

It's been 3 years and she's fresh out of a relationship?  Assuming she was married she may very well not be ready to date and focusing on herself and her kids.

Nevertheless, a friendly cup of coffee may be welcome.  Hard to say how it may be interpreted, but I leave out the "out" by spoon feeding her the excuse to say no.  That and mentioning her possible need to be with her kids seems a little too personal.  Trust that she can create her own out.

 

Edited by reinventmyself
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22 minutes ago, Broonie said:

Long time no speak - hope you are well.

I know this message is out of the blue however I'm going to be in <insert town where she lives> next Saturday as my car is undergoing some minor repairs at a local garage

You can say this ^ ... and add part about grabbing a coffee while you are in town.

No need to add extensive, unnecessary babble.

As for any expectations, don't expect a lot.  Even if you go your own ways as possibility of a 'friendship', may be all you may get.  You okay with this?

 

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30 minutes ago, Broonie said:

The last time was 3 years ago

Hi <insert name>,

Long time no speak - hope you are well.

I know this message is out of the blue however I'm going to be in <insert town where she lives> next Saturday as my car is undergoing some minor repairs at a local garage. Anyway I plan to pass the time waiting for the repairs to complete in Costa - so I dont look like "Billy No Mates" are you free to grab a coffee? 

Don't go on about car repairs. In fact if you are interested in her connect on social media/linked in and catch up a bit first.

Then perhaps make an specific date/trip. This message seems like you are going to be bored while your car is in the shop and/or need a ride.

 

Edited by Wiseman2
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52 minutes ago, Broonie said:

I know this message is out of the blue however I'm going to be in <insert town where she lives> next Saturday as my car is undergoing some minor repairs at a local garage. Anyway I plan to pass the time waiting for the repairs to complete in Costa - so I dont look like "Billy No Mates" are you free to grab a coffee?  No worries if not as I know its the weekend and I'm sure you've got a million and 1 things you need to do with the kids.

I think it's an endearing message. I would simply leave out the part I crossed out. 

 

Edited by MissCanuck
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"Hey _____ how have you been? It's been awhile for sure! I was just thinking about you and It just so happens I will be in your area on Saturday, would you be into grabbing a coffee with me? You know to catch up on things?" 

Now here's a tip...if she liked you, there is nothing that you can say that will really creep her out. She will scare away no matter what if she isn't interested. Get it? 

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I think too much time has passed so you should have very low expectation.

But I would at least send the message. Low key grabbing a coffee and catching up is no biggie providing if she accepts it. Switch "car trouble" for "I have some business in town"(mysterious is always better). And dont assume what she does for weekend or give her excuses. If she wants she would tell you why or why not. Dont expect too much but try it anyway.

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Keep your message shorter.  Write this instead:  "Hi ________!  Would you like to meet for coffee this weekend?  I'd like to see you.  Let's catch up.  Hope you're doing well.  Thank you, Your Name."  You can tell her about your car repairs as you're sipping coffee, she can talk about her kids, etc.  Keep your message brief and to the point.  Then take it from there.  Good luck!

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Even if you’re not confident, it’s a text so you can act like it. Definitely don’t give her an out, it doesn’t sound confident (I used to make this mistake). 
 

Just text her and say you’re gonna be around her area, and would she like to grab a coffee.  Doesn’t need to be more complicated than that.  Then you can see how things go and progress from there

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I agree.

Keep is simple and positive. 

Hi Kim,

I will in town this Saturday and thought it would be really nice to meet for coffee and catch up.

Super simple and right to the point.  If she agrees then follow through with catching up so get a vibe as to where she is single life/dating life.

Lost 

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Not advice, but just a comment....
I was pretty shy as a kid and wished I could text people and carefully craft the perfect message!   Back then I just dialed the phone number and my puberty-laced creaking voice did me in most of the time!

Just thought that was good for a laugh.
Good luck with your texts!

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