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My bisexual friend doesn't respect my personal space


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Some years ago, I met one of my closest friends. We bond over many things, such as music, taste, political views, humor, just about everything, and our part in the LGBT community. She is bi and I'm ace. And our friendship was going great, hanging out, going to concerts, etc. Until last year when she suddenly became very touchy and would constantly comment on how I dress to "gay" to be a cis ace, it made me uncomfortable but I decided to not make a biggie out of it thinking she was just playing around, but after some weeks it began getting on my nerves. I tell her repeatedly I'm straight and have no interest in girls, but she always tries to "prove" to me why I'm wrong "but you dress so gay," "but the music you listen to," "but the way you sit," and other dumb things like that. I met some of her friends and it's obvious she's made them believe we have something going on, but it's all up in her head. I always tell her when I like a guy to make her realize I was never and will never be interested in girls, but she just doesn't seem to get it. But recently it got even worse. A friend invited the two of us to a girls' night and I had to sleep beside her. We drank too much, and I had a hard time processing things, but I clearly remember when she tried to make me admit I liked girls, and started getting super touchy, even tried kissing me. Thankfully, another one girl woke up. Although the situation wasn't serious, thinking about it makes me shiver in disgust. Even thinking about her makes me perplexed now. I think she is more thrilled by the idea of sex than a relationship which as an ace revolts me. And it disappoints me that even after telling her how uncomfortable physical touch makes me feel and how many times I told her I am straight, she never respected what I told her. We've been friends for over four years, and my feelings about our friendship vary. A side of me still values our friendship, to talk to her and come to common ground, but the other side hates her for ruining our friendship over her stupid temptations. And I don't know what side to take. 

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3 hours ago, yellowmmm said:

. I tell her repeatedly I'm straight and have no interest in girls. I had to sleep beside her. We drank too much, and I had a hard time processing things, but I clearly remember when she tried to make me admit I liked girls,.

Stop hanging out with her. She is not a good friend. She's predatory. 

Don't keep crossing boundaries and getting drunk, sleeping in the same bed or getting this cuddly with her.

Stop explaining your sexuality to her.

You need a better class of friends.

Edited by Wiseman2
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3 hours ago, yellowmmm said:

We've been friends for over four years, and my feelings about our friendship vary. A side of me still values our friendship, to talk to her and come to common ground, but the other side hates her for ruining our friendship over her stupid temptations. And I don't know what side to take. 

What do you value in the friendship if meetings with her devolve into feeling uncomfortable and disrespected? 

What common ground do you both share or is this in relation to other chaos and issues going on in your personal life? Deal with those but don’t lean on disrespectful people who make you feel uncomfortable. 

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Nothing to do at all with sexual orientation or what community you identify with.  Simply a person who is not acting in a mature, thoughtful or caring way as a friend of yours. It sounds like you're focused too much on how you each label yourselves and in judging each other -and then she is touching you inappropriately.  Nothing to do with the fact that you each identify with a sexual orientation that is not in the majority. Many people like this who are incompatible because of different life styles, perspectives, etc. 

Please don't make this about your particular sexual orientation because you'll learn more if you just realize she's a person who doesn't play nicely in the sandbox and you two are incompatible.

Edited by Batya33
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Why would you want to continue to have anything to do with someone who just attempted to sexually assault you while you were drunk? Yes, trying to force herself onto you, trying to kiss or grope you - all those actions amount to sexual assault. Any kind of unwanted sexual touching is sexual assault. It doesn't matter what gender is committing the act or how you identify.

I think you need to learn better boundaries and also when to get rid of people who have become problematic. Friendships end and just because you have been friends for a few years, doesn't mean you must cling on to a friend who has become toxic, predatory, and dangerous.

Most rapes are committed by someone the victim knew well  and trusted. This woman just showed you what she is capable of. Stop trying to rationalize and make excuses for her and stay away from her permanently. Find better friends.

 

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If you can't trust a person not to plow over your objections to physical touch, as though that's not bad enough, you also can't trust this person with your confidences. She's capable of harming you with your secrets and ruining your life.

It's unfortunate, but some people turn sick enough to be dangerous. Forget red flags, this woman has already assaulted you. Why isn't that a giant neon sign to you?

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Awww geez that's too bad it didn't work out for you. It's possible all along she had motive and played along to be your friend first to gain trust or just developed over time who knows. She is no longer your friend as soon as her feelings towards you are romantic. You can't have the past back now that she's become this pushy person. Sorry but you should cut her off if you want this to stop. You have to get away from her.

I hope you can resolve this, maybe find a new group to hang out with.

Edited by smackie9
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Grooming and predatory behavior 101. She used your identity and affiliation as tools to manipulate and eventually sexually assault you. Cut her out of your life and torch the bridge, she will not stop until she gets what she wants. 
 

All she was missing is a windowless van and asking you to find her puppy.

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