Is it okay for my boyfriend to masturbate to old sex tapes with his ex's in it ?

[Bee99]

I'm not sure how to start but I live with my boyfriend and I kept finding pics of ex's and sex tapes that he would watch regularly..he had been doing this for months and finally called him out on it , I'm sorry but it made me uncomfortable from exs cheating on me had in the past I love him so much and I know he feel the same about me but its like triggered me in  feeling like I need to protect my myself for if he leaves me for someone prettier ,it's really hard to explain from everything going on..can anyone give advice more then happy to answer question.

[rchubn]

Uhhh No!? 

 

It's weird and creepy and it violates the other woman/person in the video. Their relationship ended, its creepy for him to be lusting over her body knowing he ended the relationship with her. It's weird. So weird. Not sure if it's flat out illegal but its definitely something morally/ethically incorrect. 

[rchubn]

I can almost guarantee that the girl DID NOT send him those pics for him to lust over them past the point where they ended their relationship. 

[Bee99]

25 minutes ago, rchubn said:

Uhhh No!? 

 

It's weird and creepy and it violates the other woman/person in the video. Their relationship ended, its creepy for him to be lusting over her body knowing he ended the relationship with her. It's weird. So weird. Not sure if it's flat out illegal but its definitely something morally/ethically incorrect. 

Mm as soon as he found out I new cause he was hiding it he freaked out he did delete it for me right there  ,but it just hurts that I had to do something for it to be deleted  ,this also happened like 3 weeks ago ,so it also wrong for me now to get upset if he's looking up younger onlyfans Models and jerking off or am I just insecure..I also dont have a sex drive that much anymore  when I'm around him either ,as I said the love is there just don't feel like it but I'm scared to lose him ,this is so ***ing hard 

[Rose Mosse]

Well, he’s sleazy so how can you be expected to remain calm or easygoing about your relationship? 

Think long term and where you see yourself. Does he fit in the picture? If the answer is no, it’s time to go your separate ways.

[Bee99]

I also forgot to mention he tells me stuff like I'm going to either have to die or something horrible for us to br3ak up but I love u so much  and I believe that it's just stuff with other  women and *** he has on his phone thinking I'm not enough but I just think he's a man that's what happens with temptation ,I've also spent most of the last 8 months out of 10 together every day I'm thinking maybe I just need space 

[Rose Mosse]

2 minutes ago, Bee99 said:

I also forgot to mention he tells me stuff like I'm going to either have to die or something horrible for us to br3ak up but I love u so much  and I believe that it's just stuff with other  women and *** he has on his phone thinking I'm not enough but I just think he's a man that's what happens with temptation ,I've also spent most of the last 8 months out of 10 together every day I'm thinking maybe I just need space 

Not all men are like that in the same way not all women are the same. Your self-esteem is very low. 

A break might not be a bad idea. Don’t second guess yourself so much. When someone shows you what they are, believe it. And expect more out of your relationships.

[Bee99]

2 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Well, he’s sleazy so how can you be expected to remain calm or easygoing about your relationship? 

Think long term and where you see yourself. Does he fit in the picture? If the answer is no, it’s time to go your separate ways.

Mm I understand that completely ,I also think he knows I won't tolerate that *** and leave if it ever happens again  ,just annoying to think I'm the one thinking about space from my partner when I'm usually the one that they leave behind

[Bee99]

1 minute ago, Rose Mosse said:

Not all men are like that in the same way not all women are the same. Your self-esteem is very low. 

A break might not be a bad idea. Don’t second guess yourself so much. When someone shows you what they are, believe it. And expect more out of your relationships.

Thank u x 

[Bee99]

I also apologise for the dry messages I've never don't this before 

[SherrySher]

59 minutes ago, Bee99 said:

I'm going to either have to die or something horrible for us to br3ak up

That is no where near romantic, it's controlling and bordering on a threat.

As for masturbating to his ex's, he is violating those women as I doubt they'd be okay with him doing that to their videos.....I mean, would you want your ex doing that?

He should be respectful and get rid of the videos.

Besides, let's add into it, if you're his current gf, it's completely disrespectful to you too!

He's a total creep!

I'm sorry, but I would be dumping him so fast!

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Bee99 said:

he tells me stuff like I'm going to either have to die or something horrible for us to br3ak up but I love u so much

This is incredibly manipulative, and a gigantic red flag, OP. 

Add to that his gross behaviour with ex's pics and videos and hunting out young women online to masturbate to....what the heck are you still doing with this person?

He's awful and has no respect for you. 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Bee99 said:

 sex tapes that he would watch regularly..he had been doing this for months and finally called him out on it .

Make sure he's not videoing your sexual encounters.

Call him out on what? Masturbating? Your main concern should be your own privcy if he's in the habit of recording his sexual encounters.

Surely you don't want your encounters sold on pornhub or distributed, no?

End it. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

[spinstermanquee]

Something wrong here.  Your "partner" is not interpersonal relationship material.  The only relationship he wants is on video on all fours.  Videos don't talk back or have needs and feelings.  They are easy to control (push fast forward or go back), predictable, and nothing required except HIM pleasing HIMSELF.  And deleting the pix on his phone?  Probably backed up to the PC already so it was theatre to mollify you.

They (videos) also happen to be of persons that probably don't know they are continuing to be abused by him.  You, however, do know that you are being abused and you now have the chance to kick this vile, selfish, disrespectful, potentially violent (die?  really?) creep to the curb.

Please shore up your support system now.  You've taken the first step by putting this out to a community of people who care (the collective knowledge here is massive)!  Please put yourself first, he obviously just wants to keep doing what he's doing regardless of what you think about it and you could be his next porn victim like Wiseman2 said ^^^.

It might also be a good idea to sweep the apartment for bugs and cameras.  Every air vent, smoke detector, headboard, bookcase, entertainment center - you get the idea.

Best of luck my dear...

[Spawn]

Get out of this relationship, he is definitely not in a good mental space to be in any relationship. He needs help!

[smackie9]

Sorry that but I think this is a good reason to get out of this relationship. You have no sexual interest because there is no more emotional connection anymore because of the way he is treat you and the relationship. He knows you are weak, and uses that to manipulate you into staying. If you have a record of dating cheating men, make a difference and stop giving them the benefit of a doubt, second chances, believe they will change. Just LEAVE.

[boltnrun]

11 hours ago, Bee99 said:

I also dont have a sex drive that much anymore  when I'm around him either

Did this happen before or after you found out about the ex pics and videos?

If it was before, have you seen a doctor to explore why you don't have a sex drive?

I can tell you, it seems one thing that really upsets some men is when their partner doesn't want sex with them anymore.  I personally know two women whose husbands looked outside of the marriage once they stopped having sex with them.  BTW, I am NOT saying it's OK for these men to do these things.  It definitely is not.  

[catfeeder]

13 hours ago, Bee99 said:

he tells me stuff like I'm going to either have to die or something horrible for us to br3ak up

That's threatening, and I'd be so outta there.

You don't need to be physically abused to use the prevention services of domestic violence counselors to help you leave safely.

Some options:
Contact your local hospital's social services for a referral to a counselor from a women's shelter or violence prevention agency. Contact that referral to make a safe plan for getting away from this guy safely.

Or, call 800.799.7233 ( https://www.thehotline.org ) to reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They can help you make a plan and connect you to local resources.

[Bee99]

5 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Did this happen before or after you found out about the ex pics and videos?

 Yes but that's only to do with sex and I understand that 

I have been with this person for a while to see all sorts of sides that every one has ,I'm not being abused for anyone worried I am okay and yeah we both have mental problems,the video has been deleted the same day I found out 3 weeks ago ,people are also telling me I have a big heart and wanting to help everyone around me even if I know not to ,I am also typing on my phone and making mistakes he is the one saying "I'm going to have to die something horrible to happen"not that we want anything to of course not, I appreciate all the comments that's have been said as I did need advise ,i know to leave if i need 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Bee99 said:

people are also telling me I have a big heart and wanting to help everyone around me even if I know not to

This is not about you having a big heart.  Your heart is far too small when it comes to taking care of yourself and having appropriate boundaries and making sure you are treated with respect.