I'm the crazy ex-girlfriend - so humiliated!

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, BrokenRomantic said:

I knew they weren't home

And how did you know this?

[Seraphim]

6 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

And how did you know this?

Exactly. 
 

I just want to say as someone who has been stalked at least 4 times in my life it is horrifying and threatening and violating , for the victim. 

[BrokenRomantic]

1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

Exactly. 
 

I just want to say as someone who has been stalked at least 4 times in my life it is horrifying and threatening and violating , for the victim. 

Did you read the initial post? They were camping. The car they were packing the day before was gone. The house was dark, the driveway was dark... I wasn't peeking in the windows or trying the doors.

I'm done here... this has gotten out of hand. I was trying to share my lesson, but instead I'm getting attacked by a bunch of internet strangers.

[Seraphim]

15 minutes ago, BrokenRomantic said:

Did you read the initial post? They were camping. The car they were packing the day before was gone. The house was dark, the driveway was dark... I wasn't peeking in the windows or trying the doors.

I'm done here... this has gotten out of hand. I was trying to share my lesson, but instead I'm getting attacked by a bunch of internet strangers.

No. You don’t understand what happened and as someone who has been stalked before that is immensely disturbing. It is sad you only see it from your own perspective . 

[Rose Mosse]

4 hours ago, BrokenRomantic said:

I know. I knew they weren't home, and I honestly wasn't thinking clearly. It was stupid, 90 second mistake.

 

Thank you. I have done that and it's helped immensely - it's funny how getting back into playing in instrument completely blocks out every other thought!

It’s good that you understand it wasn’t appropriate. Keep that focus on yourself and turn your energies that way. 

What instrument do you play? 

 

[MissCanuck]

6 hours ago, BrokenRomantic said:

Did you read the initial post? They were camping. The car they were packing the day before was gone. The house was dark, the driveway was dark... I wasn't peeking in the windows or trying the doors.

The fact that you even know this much about someone you haven't seen or spoken to in 2 years is troubling, OP. More than troubling, it is downright creepy. 

That's what you're not getting. Your level of intrusiveness is extremely inappropriate and you conitnue to minimize and dismiss and deflect. This is why you would benefit from professional help; you are not grasping the gravity of the problem here. 

 

[Batya33]

You had no idea if they had someone checking on or staying at their house while they were gone.  And I cannot imagine coming home after a vacation to learn that someone was on the property- would make me sick and freaked out - I'd want to check all around instead of that home sweet home time to start the laundry feeling. 

It was not a 90 second mistake.  What's the point of how long it took -you spent much longer planning this and choosing to violate their privacy and trespass.  Lots of horrible choices happen in far less than 90 seconds.  

If playing your instrument helps you in making better choices about how you treat others -- in curbing those impulses to unleash this negativity by hurting others -that is great and it's great you're channeling your energy into that. I hope you find a good therapist so you stop dismissing and deflecting -otherwise others will be your victims and you'll make excuses for that too.  

[melancholy123]

I hope you have learned from this and won't do it again.  I t think that security camera scared you enough to realize what a dumb move you made.

With luck they dont know who you are.  Tell us you won't do that again!

[Kwothe28]

Its like one of those youtube storytime animations. "I stalked my ex and you wont believe what happened" lol

Anyway, I think its OK that you can self-reflect and see it as wrong. Just dont think you are doing for the right reasons. You think its wrong because you almost get caught doing it. Stalking and tresspassing is not just morally wrong, its also illegal and can get you into all kinds of legal troubles. And you should actually reflect on that. And not just because you almost got caught doing it. So, work on that. First accepting that what you did was wrong, then questioning why you would go to that distance. And then taking steps never to do it again.

[donpeel83]

Dear OP I have done not too dissimilar things in the past also. The grief from a relationship can make one do crazy things. You said yourself you know this was a crazy crazy thing to do, and from my experience we need to sometimes hit a rock bottom as it were to truly realise we are stood on the precipice of a spectacular life fail moment. Hopefully you can truly learn from this and move forward. Also if you can delete social media, I’ve often found it to be poisonous in these scenarios.

 

All the best 

[greenfox4]

On 12/23/2021 at 6:02 AM, BrokenRomantic said:

I hate for this to be my first topic, but I feel like SUCH an idiot right now...

Long story short, I dated a guy a couple of years ago. Even though we connected really well, we clearly weren't meant to be, because he broke it off after a short while. Unfortunately, he seems to be the one I can't quite get out of my head. (Yes, I'm in therapy and have worked on this!) I've dated other guys and been in other relationships, but he sticks out.

He moved to another city earlier this year, and I was somewhat relieved... until I saw his new GF's instagram. (That app is the devil.) They got serious really fast, which hurt like hell as I felt like he never gave me a chance in the first place.

I'm in his city for a week for work, and I knew his address - don't ask - so the other day I drove by because I was curious if the GF was living with him after 3 months of them dating. I casually walked by (his house is up on a hill so it's hard to see people on the street - I figured my cover was safe) and saw they were packing up for a camping trip. [Side note: her voice is so shrill and off-putting/annoying that I thought, "He LIKES this? Yikes."]

Last night, I was driving back to my hotel and the route took me right past his house again. I thought, "I need more ammo to dislike this girl. I hope her car is a mess and she's a bad driver!" (Rationale is not one of my strong suits. 🙄) I parked on the street, walked up the dark driveway and went over to her car in the carport. I didn't touch it, didn't do anything, just literally walked around the car, marvelled at the huge scrape on the back bumper, and out of the carport. I stopped by the front gate for 2 seconds and process what I'd just seen, and heard a voice: "Stop snooping around my house!"

Oh my god. He clearly has a Nest or other security cam set up. I'm an idiot.

I froze in place, turned and saw the speaker mounted by the floodlight, then ducked into the bushes and scrambled down the driveway. I then drove home in a panic. Did he see my face? It's 2 years, did he recognize me?

Not to worry - the Instagram-obsessed girlfriend POSTED THE VIDEO on her stories. 😲 The security cam footage she showed was from inside the carport, so the night vision distorted it a bit, but it showed exactly what I had done - walked around and then looked at the rear bumper. Caption was something along the lines of, "This random person just tried to break in. They were looking for a key on my tires! #crimestoppers."

I'm just PRAYING that any other cameras made it hard to see my face, or that he doesn't recognize my face in the video she posted. I am SUCH a crazy psycho ex-gf: I trespassed on my ex's property, got accused by her of trying to break in on social media, and now I'm sitting here banging my head against the desk for doing something so dumb. All because I just wanted one more piece of ammo to use against her to make me not like her, only to have it backfire and put me in danger of being doxxed. 🙄

Please, let this be a warning. Trying to find ways to hate on the new GF by judging her by the state of her car - not recommended. 

Truth is until you meet another man you have the same level of attraction to, these feelings may persist however if you allow yourself to get into such situations you could sabotage your freedom or even wellbeing and be off putting to future guys you date. 

I would suggest staying busy, improving yourself, try to focus on the good in your life and look at dating other guys.

Just remember no good will come from following your ex, looking at their social media and will just make the healing process take longer.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, donpeel83 said:

Dear OP I have done not too dissimilar things in the past also. The grief from a relationship can make one do crazy things. You said yourself you know this was a crazy crazy thing to do, and from my experience we need to sometimes hit a rock bottom as it were to truly realise we are stood on the precipice of a spectacular life fail moment. Hopefully you can truly learn from this and move forward. Also if you can delete social media, I’ve often found it to be poisonous in these scenarios.

 

All the best 

It’s hard - but understandable - to hit rock bottom so to speak. Not fine to use that as an excuse to do what she did.  Not fine to excuse it as “made me do crazy things “ like she did.  Great point about social media. 

[Usa1ah]

I really hope nothing bad comes from this. Really glad you didn’t do anything else. 
 

As far as getting over him, I know many of men that couldn’t get over a girl they once knew. 
 

Just give it more time to work him out of your system. 
 

Why the need to hate the new girlfriend? He is the one that hurt you. 

[wheninrome75]

On 12/23/2021 at 1:46 AM, Wiseman2 said:

First, delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

You're lucky you we're arrested for trespassing. However with the evidence they have you may get arrested for stalking and harassment. 

Hopefully they get a restraining order against you. That way you'll be inspired to leave them alone and move forward.

Have you seen the movie "Fatal Attraction"?. It's a portrait of a woman with borderline personality disorder. However any number of mood or personality issues could cause your behavior.

Talk to your therapist. But you may want to check with your physician about your overall physical and mental health and get a referral to a qualified therapist.

Hopefully they will get a restraining order?  ***? Can't believe you said that.  That can so damaging it can ruin lives and cost people their jobs and future jobs.  Maybe you should wish for better things for others.  

[gamon]

I sure hope they don't have a pet rabbit.

[Tinydance]

Well 11-12 years ago I was seeing a guy casually on and off for a couple of years. I was really in love with him and kinds obsessed with him, but he only wanted casual FWB. I'm actually pretty sure (and his friends told me) that he had narcissistic personality disorder. He was quite manipulative and a compulsive liar and he had me hooked on him so bad. I kept trying to end it for two years but I could just never do it. Then for a couple of years after I finally ended it and he got a girlfriend, I did keep looking at his social media and YouTube. So I definitely social media stalked, but I actually didn't stalk him in real life and I knew where he lived lol

I guess the main question I'd be asking myself if I was you is not even why you stalked him but why after two years you were still obsessed with a guy you dated only briefly. Is it just this guy you felt this way about, or was there any other guys that happened with?

I think it's normal to get curious and look up ex's on social media. But still having this high level of attachment to this guy that you actually went to his house twice and even walked up to the car isn't normal. I know you already know this though. 

I'm actually not trying to attack you but I think in order to have healthy relationships you just need to think about why this happened. Being obsessed with a guy you dated briefly two years later to me seems very unhealthy. Even I'm over my ex now two years later who was actually my fiance I was with for two years and we lived together. What made you so fixated on a short fling from two years ago that you needed to go to his house? Do you tend to get obsessed easily or dwell on the past? Do you not have many opportunities to meet men?

I'm not trying to be mean to you but I only think that you need to think about why this happened. I think there are some feelings or struggles you have inside that made you do this. Maybe you really want a relationship and you're lonely. I think you should focus in therapy and just in general on how to be able to move on and leave things in the past. Dwelling on the past is hurtful and not helpful. Life is about going forward and creating new relationships and new experiences.

I've always loved that saying:"Don't look back. You're not going that way."

[boltnrun]

Like I mentioned earlier, my ex repeatedly messaged me even though he was living with a woman he proclaimed to the world he loved like no other. With him it was the sting of me rejecting him. He'd never been rejected before and didn't know how to handle it. He was obsessed with getting ME to be obsessed with him because he just couldn't stand it. And the more I ignored him the more obsessed he became. I had actually blocked him, then two years later unblocked him because I felt he must have moved on by then. The very next day after I unblocked him he sent me three messages! Apparently he had been checking all that time to see if he was still blocked. Two years! So I had to tell him clearly to leave me alone and then block him again.

That is what happens when you let your ego steer your ship. If you've gone on to date other men, men who obviously find you alluring and attractive, but you fixate on the ONE man who doesn't want to be with you, I would strongly consider if it's your ego talking.

[Wiseman2]

17 hours ago, wheninrome75 said:

Hopefully they will get a restraining order? That can so damaging it can ruin lives and cost people their jobs and future jobs.

Exactly. This is why stalkers, harassers and other troublesome people should be restrained from inflicting their mental problems on others by trespassing, stalking, terrorizing and menacing.

[wheninrome75]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Exactly. This is why stalkers, harassers and other troublesome people should be restrained from inflicting their mental problems on others by trespassing, stalking, terrorizing and menacing.

Obviously ruining someones lives and possibly employment will really take care of the "emotional" side of things........  It's just a piece of paper dude.  It doesn't really stop anyone from doing anything, and it doesn't solve the real issue.  Your statement is very problematic for me because you say things and actually advise of actions that could lead down a very dark end for people instead of helping.  

[Seraphim]

33 minutes ago, wheninrome75 said:

Obviously ruining someones lives and possibly employment will really take care of the "emotional" side of things........  It's just a piece of paper dude.  It doesn't really stop anyone from doing anything, and it doesn't solve the real issue.  Your statement is very problematic for me because you say things and actually advise of actions that could lead down a very dark end for people instead of helping.  

A restraining order helped save my life . 
Sure she is obsessed, however , how about the people she stalked and caring about their feelings and mental health?  

[angelpie]

I think everyone here has covered this well, but I just want to add you're lucky you didn't get tazered or worse.

[gamon]

17 hours ago, wheninrome75 said:

 Your statement is very problematic for me because you say things and actually advise of actions that could lead down a very dark end for people instead of helping.  

That "just a piece of paper" will deter many from stalking their targets and just might save a life by preventing a situation in the first place that may escalate. Sure some will ignore restraining orders,those are the most dangerous types of people but at least when the police respond the call will be given priority and the authorities will know they've got a more serious situation before they arrive.

It's weird how you accuse the other poster of giving advise that could "lead down a dark end" when all he's doing is expressing support for restraining orders.

By chance, have you ever been subject to a restraining order? I'm working a theory here.

[boltnrun]

I don't worry about being led to a dark end by a restraining order because I don't do anything that could result in someone filing a restraining order against me.

I think (hope) the OP has learned her lesson, even if it's motivated more by embarrassment than by potential legal ramifications.

 

[Cynder]

I just read your first post.  I haven't read all the comments.  But, I think the first thing you should do is forgive yourself.  Yea, I can see why you feel humiliated, etc.  But everyone makes mistakes.  You aren't perfect. 

I won't say this kind of behavior isn't alarming, though.  I can see it from their perspective also.  It sounds like they don't know it was you though and they think it was just some random person.  Consider yourself lucky this time and let this be a lesson to not do it again. 

I know it's hard to not ruminate.  The love of my life left me almost 5 months ago and I've really had to hold myself back from looking at her social media, etc.  I have friends who have offered to take me to her house to spy on her, etc, and I've refused.  But, my situation is a little different because her and I are talking currently and there's a chance we might work things out. 

It's been years.  Try to move on and be kind to yourself. 

[wheninrome75]

On 12/29/2021 at 10:03 AM, gamon said:

That "just a piece of paper" will deter many from stalking their targets and just might save a life by preventing a situation in the first place that may escalate. Sure some will ignore restraining orders,those are the most dangerous types of people but at least when the police respond the call will be given priority and the authorities will know they've got a more serious situation before they arrive.

It's weird how you accuse the other poster of giving advise that could "lead down a dark end" when all he's doing is expressing support for restraining orders.

By chance, have you ever been subject to a restraining order? I'm working a theory here.

No I have not had a restraining order put on me.  All I am saying is someone came on here because they crossed the line and needed help.  Restraining orders and protective orders should be taken seriously, and when it is warranted.  Im just not in favor of hoping or wishing that the OP get arrested or have a protective order.  Obviously she needs to stop, recognize her actions, and seek help. I think that is what she was doing here.