Fear of my death

[NewPhillyGuy]

Hi All, I wasn't sure where to put this. 

For all of my life, I've had a very strong fear of dying. It gets triggered by things l see on TV or read online like about someone dying. I can't understand the idea of ceasing to exist - not thinking, feeling, seeing my loved ones, the universe going on without me? When I get triggered, I have a panic attack. I had one the other night and it was very scary. This happens every few months. I calm myself down by thinking I will go to heaven and see everyone I've ever loved and stay there for eternity. 

Does anyone else have this fear, and how do you deal with it? 

[Rose Mosse]

1 minute ago, NewPhillyGuy said:

I can't understand the idea of ceasing to exist - not thinking, feeling, seeing my loved ones, the universe going on without me? When I get triggered, I have a panic attack.

Did you witness anything severely traumatic or sudden death of a friend or loved one in your childhood? Just curious.

[Seraphim]

For me this started about 11 years ago. But my fear I think is about leaving my son alone . 

I would consult a therapist if you can. 

[Capricorn3]

Sounds like you could do with some professional help to help you figure out why and where all this fear is coming from.  (I'm the complete opposite - no fear at all, so for me it's difficult to relate).

[NewPhillyGuy]

Hi Rose, no, nothing like that. I remember the panics starting when I was maybe 7-8 years old, but no traumatic event like that. 

Hi Seraphim, I have a young son also, and I have similar thoughts about him being in the world without me. 

Yes, I'm considering therapy for this. I was in therapy 6 years ago for something else and it's been a while. 

Thank you both for replying. I appreciate it! 

[NewPhillyGuy]

6 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Sounds like you could do with some professional help to help you figure out why and where all this fear is coming from.  (I'm the complete opposite - no fear at all, so for me it's difficult to relate).

I envy that. 

[Rose Mosse]

I don't have fear of my own death but I fear the death of loved ones, those closest to me whom I spend a lot of time with. My friend tried to reassure me the other day and tell me that I'd always have her but how can we know? I'd hate to be the last person standing so to speak. 

[limichelle]

It’s a fear I have as well. It’s because death is so unknown. What helps is distracting yourself when you get those thoughts. I watch something light hearted and funny. 

[NewPhillyGuy]

4 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

I don't have fear of my own death but I fear the death of loved ones, those closest to me whom I spend a lot of time with. My friend tried to reassure me the other day and tell me that I'd always have her but how can we know? I'd hate to be the last person standing so to speak. 

I hear you, because when they're gone, they're gone. For me, the most striking thing is not being able to talk to a loved one who passed on. I experienced this when my grandparents passed away years ago. I was close to them. 

2 minutes ago, limichelle said:

It’s a fear I have as well. It’s because death is so unknown. What helps is distracting yourself when you get those thoughts. I watch something light hearted and funny. 

Yep, I hear that too. No one can tell us what happens. You can read about near death experiences, but are they true? What if they are hallucinations? I distract myself by watching something on TV, reading something on my phone, or talking to someone on a different topic. 

[Seraphim]

My son is an adult but disabled. His disability is my biggest fear he won’t be able to look after himself . 
 

It sounds like anxiety and some ruminating. 

[Andrina]

I was just watching a Dr. Phil show that addressed this, when a cancer survivor wasn't living life fully because she was afraid her remission would end. His guest was Joel Olsteen, who quoted from his book: You Are Stronger Than You Think. That book might be worth looking into.

I always took comfort in the fact that the elderly people I've known have no fear of dying, and their only wish was to die peacefully in their sleep. When younger, I couldn't understand them and their lack of fear, but the older I get, the less fearful I'm becoming, so that seems to be the norm. I fear more that my spouse will die before me, leaving me companionless.

Whenever a fear veers far outside of the norm, then yes, therapy is a must. Take care and let us know how it goes.

[SherrySher]

Take from this what you will, you can choose to believe, or not believe.

We are souls, having a human experience.

The bodies we have, is not who we are. What makes us up, is our souls, our energy.

Those things never die.

When our bodies cease to work, our energy/soul transforms into a different state.

We are released from the pain, sadness, anxiety, suffering, that our human bodies/form caused us, and those things are no longer.

Our souls are then released and we are free, we go to join our loved ones that have already passed.

It's what they call "going into the light", where we leave our old form behind, and join our loved ones who have already passed.

This is a very happy experience, there is a lot of warmth, overwhelming love, happiness, profound joy.

Are we able to still check in on our loved ones who are still on earth? I believe we are.

But I also have heard that time is not the same in the afterlife as it is on earth.

We imagine passing on, and missing our loved ones on earth and not being able to see them again for a very long time, where I have heard, it's not like that.

Time ceases to be the same in the afterlife, so seeing your loved ones who are still on earth and have not passed yet, could be mere minutes, not days, months, or years.

We as souls, are here to learn life lessons, to better ourselves, to experience human life, and to bring better into this world then what was here before us.

We chose to come here.

You have nothing to fear. There isn't anything to worry about upon your passing, you will merely transform, but you will still exist, and you will join your loved ones.

Am I 100% sure about this? I don't think anyone is 100% sure, but I can tell you that I have extensively researched this for many years and I have heard so many theories, stories, experiences, etc. that all relates to what I am telling you.

Try to imagine it like you still are you, but without the fear, anxiety, pain, etc. that this world as humans brings us. You will feel a lot of warmth, love etc. as you go to join your loved ones who are waiting for you.

You won't be alone.

I think every single human being naturally fights to survive, but those feelings of fear will only be temporary, and you will realize that you have nothing to fear.

I also believe my explanation above, because nothing else makes sense. We're aren't on this earth to suffer, there would be no reason for us to suffer after our passing, and we each do have purposes for being on this earth.

The pointless existence of there being nothing in the end, also makes no sense. 

I don't believe that nothing has any meaning, or purpose. 

Try not to worry. Focus on today, not years and years down the road.

You'll be okay. ❤️

 

[Batya33]

Yes it's so hard to fathom and can be scary - but if you are having panic attacks it might be worth looking into.  How old is your son?  I remember when you used to post on here you were single!  Also I'd be mindful of not passing this fear along to your son -kids often have questions about death and it's important to answer with truth and also thoughtfulness as far as what they can grasp -age appropriate and all.  I'm sorry this fear is so awful for you!

[NewPhillyGuy]

1 hour ago, SherrySher said:

Take from this what you will, you can choose to believe, or not believe.

We are souls, having a human experience.

The bodies we have, is not who we are. What makes us up, is our souls, our energy.

Those things never die.

When our bodies cease to work, our energy/soul transforms into a different state.

We are released from the pain, sadness, anxiety, suffering, that our human bodies/form caused us, and those things are no longer.

Our souls are then released and we are free, we go to join our loved ones that have already passed.

It's what they call "going into the light", where we leave our old form behind, and join our loved ones who have already passed.

This is a very happy experience, there is a lot of warmth, overwhelming love, happiness, profound joy.

Are we able to still check in on our loved ones who are still on earth? I believe we are.

But I also have heard that time is not the same in the afterlife as it is on earth.

We imagine passing on, and missing our loved ones on earth and not being able to see them again for a very long time, where I have heard, it's not like that.

Time ceases to be the same in the afterlife, so seeing your loved ones who are still on earth and have not passed yet, could be mere minutes, not days, months, or years.

We as souls, are here to learn life lessons, to better ourselves, to experience human life, and to bring better into this world then what was here before us.

We chose to come here.

You have nothing to fear. There isn't anything to worry about upon your passing, you will merely transform, but you will still exist, and you will join your loved ones.

Am I 100% sure about this? I don't think anyone is 100% sure, but I can tell you that I have extensively researched this for many years and I have heard so many theories, stories, experiences, etc. that all relates to what I am telling you.

Try to imagine it like you still are you, but without the fear, anxiety, pain, etc. that this world as humans brings us. You will feel a lot of warmth, love etc. as you go to join your loved ones who are waiting for you.

You won't be alone.

I think every single human being naturally fights to survive, but those feelings of fear will only be temporary, and you will realize that you have nothing to fear.

I also believe my explanation above, because nothing else makes sense. We're aren't on this earth to suffer, there would be no reason for us to suffer after our passing, and we each do have purposes for being on this earth.

The pointless existence of there being nothing in the end, also makes no sense. 

I don't believe that nothing has any meaning, or purpose. 

Try not to worry. Focus on today, not years and years down the road.

You'll be okay. ❤️

 

Oh my gosh, what you've written here is so beautiful and uplifting that I need to save it! Thank you so much!

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Yes it's so hard to fathom and can be scary - but if you are having panic attacks it might be worth looking into.  How old is your son?  I remember when you used to post on here you were single!  Also I'd be mindful of not passing this fear along to your son -kids often have questions about death and it's important to answer with truth and also thoughtfulness as far as what they can grasp -age appropriate and all.  I'm sorry this fear is so awful for you!

Hi! Yes, I remember you too. It feels like it was so long ago! I was troubled then and I have come a long way - I hope! He's 3. I'm so thankful for my wife and our little guy. 😃

[SherrySher]

2 minutes ago, NewPhillyGuy said:

Oh my gosh, what you've written here is so beautiful and uplifting that I need to save it! Thank you so much!

Don't worry, it's going to be okay. 

Just enjoy the time you have right now, focus on your loved ones, your purpose, even if that's just to bring a smile to someone when you can, or to have personal growth.

Those are the things that matter.

It sounds like you have a lot of reasons to get up everyday, so enjoy it. ❤️

[NewPhillyGuy]

hug

1 minute ago, SherrySher said:

Don't worry, it's going to be okay. 

Just enjoy the time you have right now, focus on your loved ones, your purpose, even if that's just to bring a smile to someone when you can, or to have personal growth.

Those are the things that matter.

It sounds like you have a lot of reasons to get up everyday, so enjoy it. ❤️

 

[Seraphim]

I have firm beliefs about what happens to us after death and have lost 3 family members within a year and a bit. So mortality is a little in my face. I can’t discuss my beliefs but they bring me comfort. 
 

I fear more for those we leave behind . 

[limichelle]

I think for me it’s not what happens after I die, it’s the scary thought of “how will I die?” And what will happen as I die? That’s what personally keeps me up at night. I’ve been fortunate to escape death in my past but I know I don’t have nine lives. 
 

I feel op on this one I really do. It’s a thought that can easily come into your mind as you lie there awake. I’m a deep thinker though. I have other thoughts like “ what’s my individual purpose?” Things like that. 
 

 

[Kwothe28]

When I was in young teen age I had this unease sensation at the heart whenever I thought about death. For example "What if a meteor strikes and we all die" and stuff like that. It stopped later in life as I didnt give in to those thoughts that much. But I still remember that sensation in the heart. I think its quite normal to fear of death in general. Especially later in life when you stop thinking just about yourself and start thinking what would happen to your close ones if you die. Its probably fear almost everyone have in one form or the other. However, you also have panic attacks with it. So yes, maybe you should talk to therapist about it. 

[ApocalypseDreams]

I lost both my parents when I was quite young, so the reality of death hit me before a lot of my friends.  

I don't believe in any afterlife or rebirth or anything. Weirdly, the thing that bothers me about dying is missing out on stuff, never listening to the music I love, never being able to see the people I care about again etc. Thinking about it makes me feel quite sad. Which, is ridiculous, at least with my view of death, because I'm not going to be able to "miss" anything.

I've spent most of my life with suicidal/morbid thoughts and contemplating death. My death anxiety probably stopped me acting on those suicidal thoughts. 

I've found exposing myself in different philosophies/belief systems that don't treat death as a taboo and deal with the reality that we will all face honestly and openly, helpful in coming to terms with my own mortality. I've begun to see the fact that I will die as quite liberating and helpful in putting parts of life in to perspective. 

The thing that I really regret is not realising how short life actually is, appreciating my youth more and the amount of time worrying about things that don't matter. 
 

[Denise0203]

Not sure if this is helpful, but first of all I don't think the fear of one's own dying is unusual, but if it affects your life then I agree with those who say seek therapy.  Secondly, I was the victim of a crime and a gun was pointed at the back of my head (I am only alive because the gun misfired) and I can tell you that what went through my mind was not fear but total total peace.  It is nothing I can put words to describe it completely and nothing I have ever experienced again.  Third, since my husband died, I no longer fear it at all.  You are very brave to come out with your post, because my feeling is most people feel that way but don't even want to talk about it.

[Theonethatgotaway]

I know exactly how you feel. I went through this myself for a period in the last few years. I was to the point where I could not even watch shows/movies or listen to music with death in it (funny given I love horror and metal).

Speaking with a psychologist really helped me through it. The thing that really helped me to not let it control my life was actually not too disimilar to the advice given here about breakups, you cannot control it and all you can do is live your life and focus on what you can control, be the best person you can be. Because if you are remembered well you never truly die. I know this is easier said than done, trust me I know. But talking it through with someone really does help. 

You believe in a heaven and in essence an eternal life. There is nothing to fear in that regard, you will just be exiting one stage of your life to another. For me I believe there's nothing after, which is what always frightened me the most, the not existing thing... but the funny thing about that is I wont know about it by then.

[Wiseman2]

On 12/21/2021 at 4:58 PM, NewPhillyGuy said:

 When I get triggered, I have a panic attack. I had one the other night and it was very scary. This happens every few months. I calm myself down by thinking I will go to heaven and see everyone I've ever loved and stay there for eternity. 

Does anyone else have this fear, and how do you deal with it? 

The issue is panic attacks and untreated anxiety, not the trigger. 

As far as dying, most people have an instinctual will to live.

The question of what happens is eternal, no one will ever have those answers.

I like to picture myself floating on a cloud and everything makes sense.

[Willowgirl55]

On 12/21/2021 at 4:58 PM, NewPhillyGuy said:

Hi All, I wasn't sure where to put this. 

For all of my life, I've had a very strong fear of dying. It gets triggered by things l see on TV or read online like about someone dying. I can't understand the idea of ceasing to exist - not thinking, feeling, seeing my loved ones, the universe going on without me? When I get triggered, I have a panic attack. I had one the other night and it was very scary. This happens every few months. I calm myself down by thinking I will go to heaven and see everyone I've ever loved and stay there for eternity. 

Does anyone else have this fear, and how do you deal with it? 

Yup! I use to get these often when I was younger !I was convinced that I was dying and would panic wondering what I should do. It would happen at the weirdest places and times. Now it happens not so often but still does. Things would look weird like I was fading out. I would go to open places where there were people so someone could help me if I as dying. Weird right. 

Now I feel heavily that I am going to die soon. I feel this urge to get my things in order (Swedish Cleaning). 

Maybe it's an aging thing as I'm 56 and feel I am out-of time just about. 

But yeah...I know your fear well.