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My workplace is sickening and triggering


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Hi all,

Today is by far the cherry on top which reminds me of why I hate my job. Ever since I joined, my OCD has gone from bad to worse because it's as though they set people up for failure purposefully. For instance:

  • We are audited on a quarterly basis and we get "report" cards which are circulated to the whole team and senior management. Every single employee in the function is listed on there with a rating that can range from "Ineffective" to "Effective". Anyone in your team can see your results, which I believe goes against every single principle supporting performance confidentiality.
  • A couple months ago, it appeared there was an issue in the system not feeding into another system. Information in field A was not feeding into the other system, so even though field A is the correct input field, you have to replicate the exact same information into fields B & C for the sole purpose of having field A feed correctly into the other system. They implemented this non-sense workaround instead of fixing their IT systems. A couple months ago, I forgot about this workaround and simply input the information into field A as it was the correct field. We then got flagged by internal audit and received a rating of "Ineffective". How is this even logical? Why are you punishing your employees with a negative rating instead of fixing the system issue in the first place?
  • Again, some data we use to define the scope of our projects is parsed manually. A couple months ago, I sent July data to a stakeholder for them to define the scope of their project. I didn't think much of it. The data was made available and no one lifted a finger to say it was incorrect, so I sent this across to the stakeholder. Based on this specific set of data, we met the minimum threshold for the project scope, all good. Fast forward, some guy in my team contacted me early November saying he amended the July data retroactively because some items were missing due to a data mapping issue. I didn't think much of it since the project scope had already been approved and we're reaching final stage. Except, for the purpose of my final stats, I had to utilize the July amended data only to realize $20BN was missing in the original data I sent because of this mapping issue. This is a huge problem because with the revised data, it brings us below the required threshold for project scope and we're therefore not compliant, which means the whole project is stale. How can a company operate with a $20BN floating in the air incorrectly mapped? Now, I'm going to be blamed for providing incorrect data when I had just inherited from the portfolio and couldn't really assess whether the figures were incorrect.
  • Last but not least, mistakes will happen because I have been working 9am -10pm since January with back to back even simultaneous projects when the rule is to never have back to back projects. I'm the only one in my team who has been suffering with this type of schedule and I simply cannot deal with this anymore. I've had no life and had to cancel many plans. I had mandatory regulatory projects which are heavy in nature, but on top of this, they decided to drop a couple of internal projects on me at the same time and I don't have the capacity to deal with these during business hours, so they're all dealt with during overtime which is unpaid. While everyone took 2/3 weeks off this year, I only took one week off in July and even that was a disaster as I had to log in. Not to mention, the company granted everyone a company day off (Friday) for everyone to have a long weekend and I was asked to log in on a Saturday morning (during that particular long weekend) to handle something. Pure hypocrisy.
  • They moved some of our responsibilities to a new team and didn't train them. As a result, the person who inherited from my portfolio delivered a really poor analysis to a senior stakeholder who kept coming back to her for questions and drill-downs. She then kept playing dumb telling me she didn't know what he wanted and I specifically stated I was on training that full week, so I had no capacity. I tried to schedule a call with her to show her how to drill-down and she refused. In the end, I ended up having to redraft the entire analysis during and after my training from 3pm to 10pm on the same day for the stakeholder to meet his deadline. I was robbed off a chance to study for this training and when I raised it to my manager I was told: "This portfolio analysis will actually be handled by you moving forward". So, they re-assigned it to me when it's the new team's job. How is this fair?
  • You never get a "thank you" for anything and get blamed if things go wrong. I bended over and backwards for a project lead and worked evenings / weekends to cater to their requests. When I asked for feedback, I got none.

I could go on and on and on about the very many problems they have. I used to be a top performed in prior companies and now I've lost both my confidence and my mental peace. I feel as though everything I do is riddled with mistakes or could be viewed as such even though I'm a very diligent and detailed oriented person.

I took two days off at the end of last week and I'm back now to a mess. I'm on the verge of never logging in again and disappear without giving any sort of notice. This company is sickening. I find myself triple checking everything I do even in my private life out of fear of "mistakes" and it has made my OCD way more severe. On top of this, I now have severe insomnia and when I finally manage to sleep, I wake up in the middle of the night riddled with anxiety over what's waiting for me at work (happened last night). I can't enjoy my weekends because I panic over the amount of work I have. It's really awful to say the least. I don't have any leads at the moment, so I can't resign, but I really wish I could. At this stage, they might as well get rid of me. I can't deal with this anymore. I don't have anyone around me, so even if I wanted to quit without a plan B, I can't.

Edited by RuedeRivoli
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Hi Ruede,


By the way, great name. Always loved that name!

But to your problem! You have my sympathy, you really do. It sounds terrible. It sounds as if you are the best worker they have there and they are really taking advantage of your skill and good nature to boot. I don't know what your financial situation is or how up and leaving would affect other jobs you may apply for but, I would look and make plans to leave as soon as possible. 

You have stuck this out this far, you can probably see it through until you get something else. Maybe don't give them the satisfaction of letting them see you upset, flustered and bombing out of there. Get a good recommendation from them and leave, onwards and upwards.

I'm sorry, it sounds like you are very good at your job and they are taking advantage of you.

Best of luck,
Lo x

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I don't know if LinkedIn and Indeed are a thing in your country, but those sites are where I got job leads. And a recruiter found my resume on Indeed and contacted me about a job. He set up a phone interview which lasted about a half hour and the next day I was offered the job! It's a great job and I love it and feel very fortunate.

That is what I recommend. Work with a jobs website and a recruiter and start shopping your skills to companies. A company will snap you up!

Good luck.

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1 hour ago, mylolita said:

Hi Ruede,


By the way, great name. Always loved that name!

But to your problem! You have my sympathy, you really do. It sounds terrible. It sounds as if you are the best worker they have there and they are really taking advantage of your skill and good nature to boot. I don't know what your financial situation is or how up and leaving would affect other jobs you may apply for but, I would look and make plans to leave as soon as possible. 

You have stuck this out this far, you can probably see it through until you get something else. Maybe don't give them the satisfaction of letting them see you upset, flustered and bombing out of there. Get a good recommendation from them and leave, onwards and upwards.

I'm sorry, it sounds like you are very good at your job and they are taking advantage of you.

Best of luck,
Lo x

Thank you so much! Really appreciate your kind words!

I really think they take advantage of people. Luckily, we currently work from home, so they won't see whether I'm upset or not, but I can certainly say that I very much am. I don't even resemble myself anymore and my personality is slowly fading away. I don't know if I'm nearing a depressive state, but I certainly don't feel OK and such a different person from who I used to be. 

I'm really hoping I will be able to find something soon, but with the holidays approaching, I doubt so. Unless they get rid of me, I'm probably stuck with them until February at the earliest, which will give them even more time to mistreat me, unfortunately.

Edited by RuedeRivoli
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4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I don't know if LinkedIn and Indeed are a thing in your country, but those sites are where I got job leads. And a recruiter found my resume on Indeed and contacted me about a job. He set up a phone interview which lasted about a half hour and the next day I was offered the job! It's a great job and I love it and feel very fortunate.

That is what I recommend. Work with a jobs website and a recruiter and start shopping your skills to companies. A company will snap you up!

Good luck.

Thank you for the advice. 

I have a pretty active LinkedIn and various recruiters reached out, but in all instances, they stopped engaging after the initial call or after I submitted my CV. I find recruiters to be very flaky on LinkedIn. My previous job before joining this company I got through LinkedIn, but I haven't had a good experience with LinkedIn since. 

Edited by RuedeRivoli
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Ruede,

Are you actively searching for other jobs?

The reason I asked is because every time someone is obviously unhappy at their current job, and it's not their fault (especially in your case), I wonder if they are actively searching? If not, why not? If yes, what are you doing?

I got a friend who complained so much about the condition of his job and the treatment he got. So when I told him I was hiring for a senior analyst position (he is a jr analyst) he was thrilled and then got cold feet on the day of the deadline. I believe it is because he has been working for 6 years as a jr analyst that he doesn't want to go somewhere and start fresh, not knowing what is on the other side.

 

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17 hours ago, RuedeRivoli said:

Thank you for the advice. 

I have a pretty active LinkedIn and various recruiters reached out, but in all instances, they stopped engaging after the initial call or after I submitted my CV. I find recruiters to be very flaky on LinkedIn. My previous job before joining this company I got through LinkedIn, but I haven't had a good experience with LinkedIn since. 

There are other means than LinkedIn. As I mentioned, I had posted my resume on Indeed and the recruiter for my current job (which I love) found me on there.

You can't put all your eggs in one basket (as they say). Use every resource you can find. I bet you'd find something pretty quickly.

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17 hours ago, RuedeRivoli said:

I'm really hoping I will be able to find something soon, but with the holidays approaching, I doubt so. Unless they get rid of me, I'm probably stuck with them until February at the earliest, which will give them even more time to mistreat me, unfortunately.

It's actually a really good time to actively pursue a new job and start applying precisely because the pool of job applicants dries up a bit during this time and you are more likely to be seen and hired.

Also, yes the place is awful and toxic, but realize that the reason they are dumping so much on your shoulders is because you are the only competent person who won't say no.

On that note, you do need to learn how to say no politely but firmly. For example, when someone tries to pile on another project, be direct that you have x, y, z projects and cannot get to new project until those are completed by b time. If that time line works, you will work on it at that point. If the new project needs to be completed faster they can either assign it to someone else or move one of your current projects to someone else. Put ALL of that in writing and if the manager responds verbally, confirm via e-mail what was discussed. If they just tell you to shut up and get it all done, ignore and repeat what you said..... as per my previous e-mail...

As for co-workers playing willful incompetence - stop helping them period. Not your problem even if they call you 100 times. If you are away on training or whatever, send an auto message - away on training will not be able to get back to you until x date. End of. Stop treating your job like it's your own company. It's not.

You all have a day off and manager contacts you and asks you to log in - either don't answer your phone and respond way later after it's too late and they had to deal with it themselves OR be firm that you are busy on your day off and not available, sorry so sorry call on others.

If there is one thing you can take away from a toxic place like this is how to set firm boundaries, especially since you no longer care if they let you go over that. A useful skill for life.

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I let a job just about ruin me emotionally and health wise.  I can totally relate to how you feel.

Ultimately, it's not worth the paycheck.  You have nothing to lose by searching for other employment opportunities.  You are in a great position.  You are gainfully employed, you have time on your side and you can take your time finding an employer that is a better fit for you.

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I'm sorry this is happening.  I had jobs for 15 years that had no boundaries.  I signed up for those situations for two reasons - they were in top notch companies so excellent for my resume and also the $ was top notch.  I suffered too emotionally and with insomnia and reminded myself each time I signed up.  Out of the five companies I worked for -three of them because my mentor took me with him when he moved - one was toxic.  I almost quit after a year but then my mentor took me to a new place.  I was interviewing.  It was above and beyond toxic and some of it was like what you describe and some was being harassed at the workplace.  

From what I read and given your mental health concerns and issues I'd take a job with firmer boundaries and take a paycut if needed.  And where you can enforce those boundaries in a much more comfortable way.  Maybe not strict 9 to 5 with no weekends or nights but not on the other end of this 24/7 on call/bothered on a day off kind of thing.  It doesn't suit you and it sounds like as detail oriented and diligent as you are you are making more mistakes because you're so stressed and cannot think straight in a job with these kinds of no boundaries expectations. 

My mom always told me "your thank you is your paycheck" - no one owes you a thank you.  I thank everyone.  Not with a million exclamation point but genuinely and clearly -typically by email sometimes by phone/in person.  Everyone.  Supervisors, colleagues, staff, everyone.  I also always say please to everyone for every request. I get grumbly if I'm not thanked but I remember what my mother said - in the 1980s.  I get that things are more employee health/appreciation focused now but I share this mindset because it helps me a lot.  

Good luck and I sure hope you find something soon.  One more thing -do not badmouth your employer in any way on interviews- come up with other ways to explain why you are looking to leave and in a positive way.  JMHO.

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It sounds like you are not happy at this job and I agree with others - definitely start looking elsewhere. 

I do want to echo Batya's point re: your thank you is your paycheck. I agree completely. I also am thinking, if you go into most jobs with the idea that people will give you good feedback and/or thank you for your work, you're going to be sour because that doesn't happen much. I love getting feedback (good or bad, it guides me) and guess what, barely anyone provides it. People worry a lot about offending another person and/or they just don't care or don't have time.

In terms of thanking, it just doesn't always happen. Getting a paycheck, staying employed, and not getting into trouble/bad feedback is good in my book. Most people don't do "atta boys" anymore and I would not expect that, even if it is the nice thing to do.

Why are you bending over backward for this company, or any other job? Are you salaried or hourly? Are you getting any additional compensation? I'm just trying to figure out what the incentive is for you, or is there none and, maybe you're just very eager to achieve and a bit of a people pleaser?

Something to think about..

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16 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

do not badmouth your employer in any way on interviews- come up with other ways to explain why you are looking to leave and in a positive way.

This is key.

Also do not post about your work woes on social media. Employees absolutely do look at your social media profiles and posts; anything negative or profane will lead you to be flagged as potentially problematic.

You can say something like "While my current position has been challenging and has allowed me to build on my skill set, I'm looking for a more creative/diverse/advancement friendly environment."

I think you'll have no trouble at all finding something better.

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Great point about social media.  My first background check that included social media was 5 years ago.  I wasn't worried because my Facebook and Linkedin were 100% bland/harmless and I privatized them anyway.  But I also never ever post about work unless it's neutral or positive and avoid all specifics on posts in an abundance of caution.  In fact someone asked me for the link to my employer's facebook page and I told them to look it up on Facebook as I didn't feel comfortable sharing the link on a public post.

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They can get past the "private profile" settings. I've witnessed it. Anyone with even basic "hacking" skills can do it.

Of course it depends on the job. An entry level retail store applicant or bus helper at a restaurant or a fast food cashier wouldn't go through the same rigorous background check and social media review one would have to for a job that deals with the federal government or customers' personal finances.

I don't post about work either unless it's a "so grateful for my job!" posts. Not even about my previous company, which I quit with extreme prejudice!

Edited by boltnrun
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14 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

They can get past the "private profile" settings. I've witnessed it. Anyone with even basic "hacking" skills can do it.

Of course it depends on the job. An entry level retail store applicant or bus helper at a restaurant or a fast food cashier wouldn't go through the same rigorous background check and social media review one would have to for a job that deals with the federal government or customers' personal finances.

I don't post about work either unless it's a "so grateful for my job!" posts. Not even about my previous company, which I quit with extreme prejudice!

This is why if it's possible, it may be a good idea to temporarily deactive social media (or, at least, the "potentially problematic" profiles) ahead of a job search. Can't be hacked if they are deactivated. Once hired and making a good impression, then bring them back online. 

Honestly, there is a lot about my current job that is gross and even unethical - not that I do anything bad but I do witness on a daily basis. I am not really active on social much but if I do go on there, I don't talk about work. 

I do utilize a specialized anon account on a place similar to reddit to gripe about my job in a depersonalized, general sense with other anon people who work in the same profession and know the crap we all have to deal with. 

Utilize an anon place to shout into the void if you need to, or a really close friend/family member, but definitely keep that stuff off social. 

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Thank you, everyone! I really appreciate the influx of sound advice!

I don't have any social media except for LinkedIn and I never share any posts on there. I keep very neutral. I also limit the type of content I "like" on there (meaning, I don't click "like" on any political or religious posts). 

I'm not one to badmouth employers because of the whole background check thing. Background checks entail asking former employers whether they would rehire you, so obviously not a good idea to badmouth. Same goes for badmouthing during interviews - I work in an industry where some companies I worked for were clients of another companies I also worked for, so that sets a strict limit right away. 

I've worked in other companies where I had a huge workload and often worked late, but I enjoyed the roles / companies, so it never felt stifling. I can cope with a huge volume of work, but not under these circumstances and more particularly, not in a situation where you are always at risk of working with erroneous information. Pretty much 70% of the materials/data I receive or inherit from on are riddled with mistakes and now I have to almost always assume something is packed with mistakes before working on anything. Yes, I'm human, I make mistakes, but it's gotten to the point where mistakes are almost inevitable due to the lack of consistency in data / process in addition to the lack of boundaries draining my energy. I can't even think straight, it is very true. 

I don't know about taking a pay cut because I have to keep a roof over my head, so I can't afford to take a pay cut, but I'm sure there is a company out there which does not expect you to sign your life away the moment you join. I don't expect strict 9-5 at all, I never finished on time in previous jobs, but I also don't want a company where I will be asked to stay until 10pm because someone in another time zone has failed to provide a sign-off on time and I have to wait for them otherwise, I'll be in breach or being asked to log in on a Saturday. In prior companies, if I did overtime, it was mostly because I wanted to, not because I was forced to. Here I am forced into this overtime which is almost offsetting my full salary. 

As far as feedback goes - perhaps I was spoiled in the past (I think I was), but in every previous company, people always said "thank you" (just a polite one does it) and I always received proactive feedback from many stakeholders. Here we are asked by our manager to request feedback to the project leads we work on, which is why I am annoyed because these very same project leads did ask me for feedback too. It goes both ways, if you ask me for feedback, you're OK to give me one too. I recognize I was far too spoiled in the past in terms of feedback, but feedback allows employees to grow. Sure, a paycheck is your main "thank you" note and I agree, but this is good when you just aim at meeting the minimum delivery standards for your role. We're talking when you go above and beyond your standard requirements, required to stay late, overdeliver to the point of exhaustion and you're met with indifference. It's hard to find the motivation to keep pushing. 

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I agree that feedback is a wonderful thing. I wish everyone were more free with it and I also wish that more people could take it better, as I feel that fears about offending someone is a main deterrent from giving feedback. It really sucks - I get it. That said, many, hell I'd wager most, people are not great with feeback, either giving and/or receiving. I feel you'd feel a lot better if you no longer expected it. That way when/if it does happen, you appreciate it but when it doesn't, you're not angry about it.

I'll go back to a previous question: why are you going above and beyond your job? Why are you overdelivering to the point of exhaution? What are you getting out of this, exactly, or what is your end goal here? 

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1 hour ago, Fudgie said:

I'll go back to a previous question: why are you going above and beyond your job? Why are you overdelivering to the point of exhaution? What are you getting out of this, exactly, or what is your end goal here? 

Going to second this question. Whether it's this toxic hole or another place, you should not be working yourself to death like you are doing.

A salaried position is not an open ticket for the company to be working you 24/7 as if you are a slave. In fact, salaried employees are also entitled to overtime or premium pay. Few people know this. That said, I still think that you need to rethink what you are doing and either learn how to assert boundaries better or demand more pay for the time you are being forced to put in.

There is a big difference between needing to put in extra hours to finish a project once in awhile or needing extra hours because you personally don't work as quickly or are learning something new VS a company loading you with the work of three people and actually demanding that you work extra hours and extra days on top of what would be your regular hours and work load.

I still very much think that you need to learn how to say no.

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4 hours ago, boltnrun said:

They can get past the "private profile" settings. I've witnessed it. Anyone with even basic "hacking" skills can do it.

Of course it depends on the job. An entry level retail store applicant or bus helper at a restaurant or a fast food cashier wouldn't go through the same rigorous background check and social media review one would have to for a job that deals with the federal government or customers' personal finances.

I don't post about work either unless it's a "so grateful for my job!" posts. Not even about my previous company, which I quit with extreme prejudice!

In my case I had zero to hide even if they got past the private profile . And I still don't.

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11 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I know where I live, asking an employee to work that many hours is illegal.

Not where I worked. I was salaried -no overtime pay - not entitled and wouldn't have asked -we were paid extremely well -so totally wasn't a slave or anything like that - to be available -no complaints here -just dinner and car service home after a certain time of the evening when we were at the office.  May have been true of administrative staff or hourly employees.  I was basically on call 24/7 and vacations were sort of acknowledged but you did check email and voicemail etc when on vacation too.  No regrets at all for the 15 years I did this and I will never take a job like that again.  I had many friends and acquaintances and former classmates who did and still do this sort of job and some hate it, some love it, everything in between - my goal was to get the top notch experience, get promoted, and build a nest egg so someday I wouldn't have to worry if I married someone who needed a second income rather than me working at being the full time parent.  All worth it, all worked out.  But if I hadn't wanted those things it would not have been worth it.  I wouldn't recommend it necessarily to anyone else -would depend on individual goals. 

I am very happy with my part time work in my industry now and was able to slow down because of the planning I did and how many years I worked.  Again it was right for me and certainly not for everyone.

Edited by Batya33
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On 12/1/2021 at 9:57 PM, RuedeRivoli said:

We are audited on a quarterly basis and we get "report" cards which are circulated to the whole team and senior management. Every single employee in the function is listed on there with a rating that can range from "Ineffective" to "Effective". Anyone in your team can see your results, which I believe goes against every single principle supporting performance confidentiality.

 

Many years ago I also worked for a company that did similar. Not only that, they encouraged people to anonymously give feedback on each other and this would be shared also..

At the end we also gave our bosses anonymous feedback, but if they tell you it’s anonymous don’t believe it. My boss was annoying so I gave him 1% and he found out about it oops 🤭

I’d look for a new job. Not having to deal with such BS is a relief...

 

Edited by mical
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40 minutes ago, mical said:

At the end we also gave our bosses anonymous feedback, but if they tell you it’s anonymous don’t believe it. My boss was annoying so I gave him 1% and he found out about it oops 🤭

Oof, that sucks! 

If there's one thing I learned in my time working, I never trust that anything at work is anonymous/confidential. Nothing. I don't disclose my depression/anxiety either as a "disability". Nope, that's medical information and they are not privy to that and I don't need an accomodation nor a reason for them to discriminate against me. I won't go to HR for this reason as well. 

Feedback/surveys/exit surveys/evaluations are likely never anonymous, even if someone swears on their dead grandmother that they are. I'll be honest on a survey only if I want anyone and everyone to know my stated thoughts/opinions. If I don't want one certain person knowing what I think, then nope.

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11 hours ago, mical said:

Many years ago I also worked for a company that did similar. Not only that, they encouraged people to anonymously give feedback on each other and this would be shared also..

At the end we also gave our bosses anonymous feedback, but if they tell you it’s anonymous don’t believe it. My boss was annoying so I gave him 1% and he found out about it oops 🤭

I’d look for a new job. Not having to deal with such BS is a relief...

 

 

The bolded bit. It happened to me too during the summer. My manager sent feedback forms for me to written provide feedback on other members of the team on the HR portal. The feedback wasn't even anonymous and it was specifically written that the person you're giving feedback on won't know about it. I had to do it because I didn't have a choice to decline. Now, I'm not one to badmouth people, so I stayed neutral all while providing solid supporting facts. I don't agree with this at all and it makes you even more paranoid as to what is being said behind your back. Awful culture. 

My previous companies were of similar global scale (I work in finance and have been since finishing college 7 years ago) and it's the vey first time I've encountered such questionable practices. You have to be pretty unhinged to work for this company. I've noticed most people are not personable nor relatable. It's also the first company that never sends an email (even just a generic communication to tick a box) pertaining to employee wellness and mental health. In previous companies, we were bombarded with such mails (which were more of a tick the box exercise, but still). Here, nothing. Of course, most companies talk about mental health and employee wellness as a tick the box exercise, but it goes to show this one simply focuses on one thing - performance. 

Most times, when I do overtime, I simply do not have a choice. While my manager will not tell me "you need to do overtime", they also never question why I'm staying late on a regular basis because it seems to be "normal" over here. I remember when I started, my manager had to order some 24h token for me to log in and they asked me: "Do you want me to order you a token for this weekend? In case you want to log in to work on certain things as many people do?". This was already a red flag. 

I have to do overtime because of the deadlines, amount of work and processes. Deadlines are often unrealistic in light of the actual process and the amount of work makes it impossible to squeeze everything into a full 8 hour day. The processes are incredibly menial with a lot of duplication / inconsistencies, and most times, they are inflexible. For instance, I often have to submit meeting reports on the exact same day as the meeting and of course, I can't draft the report and finalize it until the meeting has finished. However, sometimes these meetings finish at 6pm and I'm left drafting the report at night and submitting on the same day at 10pm just to meet this internal requirement. It's complete nonsense. I've had to cancel days off and move medical appointments on multiple occasions because of this. 

I'm not a slow worker by any means (if I were and decided to stay late because of that, it would make sense). However, I'm also faced with the fact I can't turn down projects due to the type of portfolio I was assigned. While everyone else was consciously assigned portfolios that do not entail back to back regulatory projects in one year, mine had a different mix and I can't turn any of these projects down because of the way portfolios were assigned. It makes me wonder as to what their thought process when looking at the schedule of projects to assign portfolios because they clearly stated no one should have back to back regulatory projects as it could lead to "disasters" (because they're so taxing). 

The only thing I can turn down are the internal projects anyone else can handle and they decided to dump those on me while other people of the same tenure have way more capacity. 

I really do not think the issue is me not being able to handle the pressurized environment (again, I've been exposed to this my entire career), but it's the fact that this environment is inflexible, does not pay overtime (nor would they order dinner or taxis if we were in the office), does not hesitate to plaster one's performance for all to see, and more importantly - they're asking me to hand over my life to them when my role is a JUNIOR role (and the salary that does with it). I can expect this type of pressure for anyone at manager and above because they also have the compensation/responsibilities/perks that go with this, but at junior level, it's downright slavery. 

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On 12/1/2021 at 4:27 PM, mylolita said:

You have stuck this out this far, you can probably see it through until you get something else.

I agree. Don't quit. Even though you feel like crap right now, you are in a position of power because you are employed. 

If you haven't started searching for a new job, start now. Your hateful job isn't going to get better no matter how much time you put in, so carve time out of your work schedule every single day and allocate it to a job hunt. It can take a couple months, but the sooner you start the sooner you'll be out of there. 

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