Do you need constantly text each other if the second date is sorted?

[J0hn95]

Hi, I went on a date a few days ago which went really well, we were only going for a couple drinks but ended up having a great time we stayed out the whole night, got drunk and kissed at the end.

we’ve set up a date for next Saturday and as I’m new to all this dating stuff just wondering if I need to constantly text her?

at the moment we’re chatting backwards and forwards no problem but I feel like I’ve started trying to hard to keep the conversation going because I feel like if we ain’t talking she’s gonna think I’m not interested anymore?

is it fine to have a day where we don’t chat and I dunno I reach out once in a while just saying “hey, hope you’re having a productive day?” Something along those lines? 

[Batya33]

I dated without texting.  I didn't have a cell phone.  For part of my dating I had instant messenger and email.  I cannot stand idle chit chat like that and pretending it's building a bond when you're first dating someone.  It should be like unwrapping layers of a special package over a reasonable period of time not developing a false sense of intimacy as texting buddies.  Make the plan, confirm the plan and date. Then if you start seeing her regularly and more seriously -like after 5 or 6 dates -perhaps do a catch up where you talk by phone in between dates.  And maybe a few cute or fun emails or emails with interesting articles from time to time.  Get to know her in person or by phone convos later on.  

[reinventmyself]

Constantly? No.  She is not your girlfriend and it was merely a good date.  

You can reach out periodically, not daily, to say hello and keep some momentum between now and the next date.  But texting too much leads to a premature attachment and interferes with letting the relationship grow organically in real life.

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, J0hn95 said:

we’ve set up a date for next Saturday.

Enjoy the next date.

Text here and there to stay on the radar, but don't smother or text-tether or overdo it.

[J0hn95]

38 minutes ago, reinventmyself said:

Constantly? No.  She is not your girlfriend and it was merely a good date.  

You can reach out periodically, not daily, to say hello and keep some momentum between now and the next date.  But texting too much leads to a premature attachment and interferes with letting the relationship grow organically in real life.

 

What if she’s the one initiating a lot of the texting?

[reinventmyself]

1 minute ago, J0hn95 said:

What if she’s the one initiating a lot of the texting?

Well. . you now get to decide what makes you comfortable.  If you enjoy the constant contact I would  guess you wouldn't be here asking?

I personally don't.  But, I've learned from experience it creates a pseudo premature attachment.  Chatting with someone continually all day, that person is becomes part of your life, when at this point I would be compartmentalizing it and letting it fold out naturally.

But that's me.  You get to decide what you prefer.

[DancingFool]

33 minutes ago, J0hn95 said:

What if she’s the one initiating a lot of the texting?

Then you learn how to set some reasonable boundaries early on if constant contact is not your thing. You can always say something along the lines of "need to do x, will chat with you this evening (or whenever suits you better) and then reiterate that you can't wait see her on Saturday to be sure she knows you are interested.

If you do tell her that you will contact her later on, be sure you follow through and do it. This way you slow the chatter down without shutting things down completely or coming off as not interested. You'll also show her that you stand by your word, which is huge.

Also, as you are dating, do pay attention to these kinds of things and how they sit with you. How and how often someone needs to chat, communication style - these are all big compatibility issues. Your goal while dating isn't just to get to the next date, but also to observe and see if this is really the person you want to invest your time into as you get to know them and various lesser aspects of their personality come out.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, J0hn95 said:

What if she’s the one initiating a lot of the texting?

“I can’t wait to see you again!  I’m not a huge texter when I don’t know someone very well and look forward to catching up in person!”

[Rose Mosse]

No need to text. Just show up on the date looking and smelling nice. Have fun.

[Cherylyn]

Constant texting will grow old after awhile. 

The secret to enduring attraction is to possess mystery about yourself and her, too.  Don't be too accessible even this instant 'Information Age.'  It's more refreshing to converse in person.  Back off from excessive texting, give each other breathing room and space.  Don't cause your cell phone to become your ball 'n chain.  Neither one of you will ever get a break.  Generally, people don't appreciate being bothered all the time.  You'll be perceived as annoying and irritating instead of looking forward to interacting with you.  Same with you.  Don't constantly think of something to text just to continue endless dialogue.  

In person is best, infrequent, brief phone chat is second best and brief, limited texting should be infrequent.  

Too much familiarity breeds contempt.

[Kwothe28]

Depends. Some people love to text. At start it establishes at least some connection and to see if you get each other. Plus, it makes it easier to fizzle out if neccessery. She seems like the type especially if she initiates it. So its up to you if you want to accept that pacing or not. 

If you are asking if its neccessery, no its not. You seem to be doing fine and if she likes you she wont forget you just because you havent texted in a day. You already got the date coming so that is more important then the texts. You could ask her to confirm a date or just send her something nice if you want, but again, you probably wont miss out if you dont. 

[J0hn95]

7 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Depends. Some people love to text. At start it establishes at least some connection and to see if you get each other. Plus, it makes it easier to fizzle out if neccessery. She seems like the type especially if she initiates it. So its up to you if you want to accept that pacing or not. 

If you are asking if its neccessery, no its not. You seem to be doing fine and if she likes you she wont forget you just because you havent texted in a day. You already got the date coming so that is more important then the texts. You could ask her to confirm a date or just send her something nice if you want, but again, you probably wont miss out if you dont. 

Yeah I think it’s just becoming the norm in my age, we texted for about 2 weeks before even going on a date.

But just new to all this not used to it me and my ex would only have like a phone call after work about our day and maybe 1 or 2 texts if something happened but rarely just not a massive texter really plus I feel like previous partners I would text my way out of them being attracted to me dunno how?

I try to just ask how her days going and stuff like that keep it no more than 5 texts a day is that good?

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, J0hn95 said:

What if she’s the one initiating a lot of the texting?

Reply in slo-mo. take your time and keep it brief, redirecting to the Sat date.

However avoid this extreme:

 

[boltnrun]

Five texts a day every day is a LOT.

I would find it intrusive, especially for someone I've gone on one date with who isn't even my boyfriend. But maybe she's one of those people who love it when their text alert goes off.

[waffle]

If one or both parties has something to say, then text.  If no one has something to say, then don't.  It really is that simple.  

[reinventmyself]

yikes. . 5 times day?   I get it's generational thing but I would be annoyed.  On the other hand, I see others find it perfectly ok.  It's totally up to you.

If the point of asking is to ward off scaring her away, watch her pace and follow if it feels ok.  Don't get ahead of her or fall too far behind.

 

[J0hn95]

7 hours ago, reinventmyself said:

yikes. . 5 times day?   I get it's generational thing but I would be annoyed.  On the other hand, I see others find it perfectly ok.  It's totally up to you.

If the point of asking is to ward off scaring her away, watch her pace and follow if it feels ok.  Don't get ahead of her or fall too far behind.

 

So is it best I let the convo die out and give it a couple of days and then just say “hey how’s your day going looking forward to next week”?

[MissCanuck]

OP, if you don't mind me asking - how old are you two?

Those of replying from a generation that didn't grow up with texting (myself included) tend to have a different threshold for what is too much and so on. 

[J0hn95]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

OP, if you don't mind me asking - how old are you two?

Those of replying from a generation that didn't grow up with texting (myself included) tend to have a different threshold for what is too much and so on. 

Both 25 and both new to dating too

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, J0hn95 said:

Both 25 and both new to dating too

That's ok. However don't let her boredom or clinginess put you in the textbuddy zone. 

Maybe she's naive, maybe she's clingy. Slow down and see each other in person on dates more.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, J0hn95 said:

So is it best I let the convo die out and give it a couple of days and then just say “hey how’s your day going looking forward to next week”?

I suggested how to put it to her. I don’t agree texting establishes the kind of connection or bond that’s relevant to a new dating relationship. In fact I think it could be counter productive sort of like typing too much before meeting in person. I

text a lot with certain close friends because phone calls are so hard with our kids around etc.  but we’ve been close for decades.  Her incessant texting sounds clingy or sort of lazy because I bet she wouldn’t be as available for a phone call 

[smackie9]

Here's the thing....if you two were texting pretty steady before you met, then keep it consistent, don't change your behavior. Many threads over the years here, on how after the first date the texting died down and they are left wondering if the interest has waned too. All in a panic if the second date was going to happen or not.