Confused about my gender

[Xing yuan]

From childhood I have doubt in my gender , at first I thought it's temporary , 

I have always treated like a boy thanks to my dad , I won't blame him but he was the reason I have a question mark infront of my gender , forcing me to address my gender as a boy and think like a boy , I think he wanted me to be more confident but it just made things worse 

Now I am stuck in between being a girl and a boy , I have no interest in girly things and act like a girl ,at first I thought I am just a Tom boy but this desire of changing my gender end me up in several depressing episodes , I recently cut my hair and I liked it . But here is the thing I like boys ! If I am a boy am I gay,now I just adresse myself as gender fluid but no desire of being girl , and my pronounce are he/her . Am I gay or straight 

What to do next 😞💔

[LaHermes]

12 minutes ago, Xing yuan said:

Am I gay or straight 

No one here can tell you.  Please seek professional advice and see a counsellor to discuss these matters. 

[SooSad33]

I agree,, how about you seek some prof help, as you sound confused about it all.

IMO, you are female and you do like boys... despite what your father has said/ done.  Is all in what/ how YOU feel.

I was a tom boy, growing up.  I never fancied dresses/ dressing up, but I did get into nail polish by HS 🙂 .

So, if you are so confused on all of this, look into some help.

 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Xing yuan said:

,now I just adresse myself as gender fluid but no desire of being girl

Why don't just try being nonbinary for now? When you figure it out you can be whatever you want to be.

[Capricorn3]

OP, if I may ask, how old are you?

[Jibralta]

Something I found online:

[Rose Mosse]

Your father probably wants you to think for yourself and practice resilience and be independent. It has nothing to do with gender. If you're in your teens or twenties it's normal to be exploring and questioning (not uncommon). 

I would focus more on what your father or parents are imparting in terms of independence and resilience especially in times of difficulty. 

Straight women cut their hair short and not all straight women like "girly things". These are all hetero and outdated gender norms and you are getting sucked right into them. Blaze your own path.

Is anyone teasing you at school?

[abitbroken]

You know -- i had short hair and liked frogs and turtles when i was a teenager.  Short hair does not make you "gender fluid". you are simply a girl or a woman with short hair.  It didn't matter if we did or didn't like frilly princess things. It did not make us boys or gay.  The problem now is that people jump on every fashion choice or interest and say "oh that means you are really a boy!"

Dads like their sons AND daughters to be confident.  Its not something one gender is and one is not.  

Poor treatment by a parent (referring to a girl as a boy if they really wanted a boy) doesn't mean you are anything other than the way you were born.  Enjoy being a girl who likes her hair short because its more comfortable or fashionable that way and don't question yourself so much.   SPend time with people who love you just the way you are

[abitbroken]

On 9/12/2021 at 3:39 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Why don't just try being nonbinary for now? When you figure it out you can be whatever you want to be.

She is a girl who doesn't like girly things whose parent is inappropriate for foisting "boy" treatment on her.  Its not her own conclusion. When i was younger, kids would say "oh, you don't have a boyfriend/you won't tell me what boy you like, maybe you are gay"  Honestly, boys still had cooties when i was 12. I wasn't "interested" in boys as far as wanting to kiss them or date them or something, - i really wasn't interested until my senior year --being a late bloomer or the absence of attraction doesn't mean you are nonbinary, fluid, demisexual --- you just haven't hit that part of your life yet.   Its sad that a young woman has to wonder if she is really a gay guy because she likes girls and doesn't like pink ruffles and someone in their life is nudging her towards boy pronouns if that is truly the case. 

She should be fearlessly living as a girl - who hates pink dresses -- vs trying to shrink herself or bend to what someone else is telling her.  Tons of awesome straight women out there who are into cars, rock climbing and such and wear sneakers or boots on their wedding day.

Heck you could not bribe me to put a dress on from the ages of 5 to 17.  I am really into having different purses and i like dresses now - granted they are tailored with zippers and stuff on them -- nothing Barbie would ever pick.

[Coily]

It's unfortunate that there is so much pressure to make choices on gender or group identity, rather than just being who you are or want to be. It's far far more important that you figure out your career path, navigate relationships if you want one, and discover your talents; than being hung up about gender and how one dresses or has hair cut.

Labels are useless compared to who you are at heart. Don't let anyone shove you in a corner and tell you that if you do X then that means you need to change your body.

[Xing yuan]

9 hours ago, abitbroken said:

You know -- i had short hair and liked frogs and turtles when i was a teenager.  Short hair does not make you "gender fluid". you are simply a girl or a woman with short hair.  It didn't matter if we did or didn't like frilly princess things. It did not make us boys or gay.  The problem now is that people jump on every fashion choice or interest and say "oh that means you are really a boy!"

Dads like their sons AND daughters to be confident.  Its not something one gender is and one is not.  

Poor treatment by a parent (referring to a girl as a boy if they really wanted a boy) doesn't mean you are anything other than the way you were born.  Enjoy being a girl who likes her hair short because its more comfortable or fashionable that way and don't question yourself so much.   SPend time with people who love you just the way you are

Yes I also used to think the same I am just a girl with short hair , but sometimes I really feel frustrated to have this body , and sometimes I don't ,... I better

[Xing yuan]

On 9/13/2021 at 4:06 AM, Capricorn3 said:

OP, if I may ask, how old are you?

I am 20 years old 

[abitbroken]

18 hours ago, Xing yuan said:

Yes I also used to think the same I am just a girl with short hair , but sometimes I really feel frustrated to have this body , and sometimes I don't ,... I better

Oh, i was soooo upset when i had my first period. I was weeping in the bathroom.  I was bullied by supposed friends because i matured faster (was the first in the friend group to need to wear a bra.) - and i wished i could just stay a kid a little longer.  I am really glad i am a woman but up until your early 20s sometimes you don't really feel like you come into your own -- your body might still feel awkward, your whole self could feel awkward etc -- its normal!!! 

[mical]

If you aren’t attracted to women then you definitely aren’t gay. 

You just aren’t into girly things and I know several straight women that are similar and get along more with guys.

But that’s ok.

I also wasn’t into such guy things growing up and was more creative / artistic, liked to paint and even had several girls ask if I was gay because I played the piano.

But I also later was into sports like MMA and trained with 3 UFC fighters. 

You can have both feminine and masculine qualities and that’s fine. I think we are all a mix. If you are curious what your dominant type is, here’s a test —> https://core.tonyrobbins.com/gender-quotient-4/

My guess is you are more in your feminine energy, just don’t like typical girl things.

But again, you aren’t attracted to women but guys so you definitely aren’t gay as there’s no physical or emotional attraction in that department 😉

[Xing yuan]

13 hours ago, mical said:

If you aren’t attracted to women then you definitely aren’t gay. 

You just aren’t into girly things and I know several straight women that are similar and get along more with guys.

But that’s ok.

I also wasn’t into such guy things growing up and was more creative / artistic, liked to paint and even had several girls ask if I was gay because I played the piano.

But I also later was into sports like MMA and trained with 3 UFC fighters. 

You can have both feminine and masculine qualities and that’s fine. I think we are all a mix. If you are curious what your dominant type is, here’s a test —> https://core.tonyrobbins.com/gender-quotient-4/

My guess is you are more in your feminine energy, just don’t like typical girl things.

But again, you aren’t attracted to women but guys so you definitely aren’t gay as there’s no physical or emotional attraction in that department 😉

I got masculine energy what's that mean🍸

I guess gay means if boy attract to a boy 

If I get attract to a girl then I might be straight or lesbian as my gender has a question mark 🤔

[Wiseman2]

31 minutes ago, Xing yuan said:

If I get attract to a girl 

Are you attracted to girls? You're old enough to know.

You claim you have crushes on buys, no? :

 

 

[LaHermes]

On 9/13/2021 at 8:58 PM, abitbroken said:

The problem now is that people jump on every fashion choice or interest and say "oh that means you are really a boy!"

Sigh! That is unfortunately so true, Abit. 

[abitbroken]

1 hour ago, LaHermes said:

Sigh! That is unfortunately so true, Abit. 

Yes.  Its terribly damaging to kids. 

 

[Xing yuan]

On 9/16/2021 at 5:06 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Are you attracted to girls? You're old enough to know.

You claim you have crushes on buys, no? :

 

 

I never had crush on girls that for sure ,but I never liked guys as a girl ,I always have other thoughts in sex matter , I not still sure if I am into girls I was always Asexual before my first crush ,but got brutally rejected by him 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Xing yuan said:

 I was always Asexual before my first crush ,but got brutally rejected by him.

Ask your parents to take you to a physician for an evaluation of the anxiety and depression and a referral to a therapist for ongoing support.

Feeling "brutally rejected" by a crush indicates you are not adjusting well to adulthood and have underlying problems that could be helped.

A crush not asking you out doesn't make you gay. Having short hair doesn't make you transexual.

You seem to want to throw around a lot of trendy gender concepts for attention, why is that?

[Xing yuan]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ask your parents to take you to a physician for an evaluation of the anxiety and depression and a referral to a therapist for ongoing support.

Feeling "brutally rejected" by a crush indicates you are not adjusting well to adulthood and have underlying problems that could be helped.

A crush not asking you out doesn't make you gay. Having short hair doesn't make you transexual.

You seem to want to throw around a lot of trendy gender concepts for attention, why is that?

Wow , such a place for people to ask question about things they are insecurity  , first of all I am 20years old ,and I don't have anxiety or depression just by getting rejected , ironically one person can't make me gay or trans it's a feeling that has been developing for years ,at one point I couldn't understand which pronounce I should call my self the feeling be being judge by others because I use he/her yet likes guys , it's not my first time getting the attention sneaker tag ,thank you for giving it again , and I am clear about my sexuality but have doubt over my gender I can't help it , and the brutally thing I just use it to make it funny ,, 

[Xing yuan]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ask your parents to take you to a physician for an evaluation of the anxiety and depression and a referral to a therapist for ongoing support.

Feeling "brutally rejected" by a crush indicates you are not adjusting well to adulthood and have underlying problems that could be helped.

A crush not asking you out doesn't make you gay. Having short hair doesn't make you transexual.

You seem to want to throw around a lot of trendy gender concepts for attention, why is that?

 I am not making my life mess just because of trendy gender thing, if I was  satisfied with my gender and sexuality why would I sneak my personality in LGBTQ community 🙄

[abitbroken]

On 9/19/2021 at 1:38 AM, Xing yuan said:

I never had crush on girls that for sure ,but I never liked guys as a girl ,I always have other thoughts in sex matter , I not still sure if I am into girls I was always Asexual before my first crush ,but got brutally rejected by him 

 

 

Its doesn't mean you are gay because you come late to the table of having a first crush.  Everyone matures in their own time.  Do you think the fact that your first crush not being interested makes you doubt yourself a bit (its a numbers game, you are going to have crushes, awkwardly try to show interest and its not going to always land. You could crush on 5-10 different guys before finding someone who feels the same.  I really did some awkward things when i had a crush when i was 18/19 when all the other young women already had boyfriends.  It was really cringey.  No, he didn't return my interest nor do i believe one bit he knew i was interested, either.  But other young women were quite cruel about it)  Actually, in the end, i found that crushes went nowhere. When i actually did date someone, i was 21 and i really didn't know him before or have this big build up to it because i had a crush.