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Unsure about our relationship of 6 years. We have no friends. Could you help?


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It's ok to feel a bit sad. This man has been in your life for 6 years. You had hoped the relationship would be different but it wasn't.  So it's normal to have these feelings. 

But remember,  he will survive.  He will go back to the country he really wants to be in and build the life he wants. And you are free to build the life you want without his tantrums and manipulative behavior.

Good for you and good luck.  Feel free to keep posting here if you'd like to.

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@Rose Mosse @Hollyj @boltnrun @Wiseman2 @LotusBlack @Jibralta Hello everyone. It's done. I'm at the hotel waiting for my check in. Sent him a message, and blocked him on whatssap and fcbk. T

@boltnrun thank you for sharing. I'm happy you've find your way! Extreme situations sometimes need extreme solutions. Thank you for helping many of us who are struggling in a similar situation. I wish

You don't need his endorsement or permission to end the relationship, OP.  Until you learm to assert yourself and not keep yielding to pressure, this toxic relationship will continue. 

Thank you @boltnrun . I appreciate your kind words. He sent me emails telling me he was vomitting and couldn't breath. Then he told me he's dying. But, I have to keep reminding myself that it's part of his manipulation, similar to last time. I will keep remembering your words. He's a grown man. He will get to the other side eventually.

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Mute their contact on your phone or delete and block it. They shouldn't be reaching out to you and it's a breach of your privacy. The apple does not fall far from the tree.

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24 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

@Rose Mosse and @boltnrun his parents are trying to call me. Oh god. That's gone too far. I'm not answering, but I'm afraid something happened to him.

How did his parents get your new number?

No, he is not "dying". If his parents are that concerned they can take him to a hospital or tell him to call himself an ambulance.

You know he is pretending.  

Think about this; would a man who loves you treat you this way?  No, he wouldn't.  He only cares about himself.

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7 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

@Rose Mosse @Hollyj @boltnrun @Wiseman2 @LotusBlack @Jibralta

Hello everyone. It's done.

I'm at the hotel waiting for my check in. Sent him a message, and blocked him on whatssap and fcbk. Turned off my country's sim card.

Any other tips? Tips on how not to look back / feel guilty? Anything I'm not aware of?

I feel bad for having left this man this way, but he's hurt me so much. It's time to move on, even if I know he doesn't accept it. I'm done.

Good for you!!!!!!  Amazing! 
 

When  you are weak, reread this thread. I would also suggest that you try to develop local friendships.  Look into expat groups. 
 

Don’t even consider dating for at least a year.  You need to understand why you choose and stayed with this guy .  You don’t want to make another bad choice. 

Edited by Hollyj
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2 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Thank you @boltnrun . I appreciate your kind words. He sent me emails telling me he was vomitting and couldn't breath. Then he told me he's dying. But, I have to keep reminding myself that it's part of his manipulation, similar to last time. I will keep remembering your words. He's a grown man. He will get to the other side eventually.

Block him on everything!  Do not respond to the parents.  They need to be blocked.   This man is not your responsibility.  

Edited by Hollyj
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1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

his parents are trying to call me. 

Because you deliberately left him a message with your "new" number and only blocked him  and him only on FB and WA.

You should have simply blocked him and ALL his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

It's unclear why you left the door this wide open and talked about sim cards and other unneeded nonsense. 

I have a sense that since you've been on/off over and over and for so long that this is another step in that. You want applause for leaving, but did you really?

Edited by Wiseman2
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@Wiseman2 stop making assumptions. I sent him a message from my old number and blocked him. I had his parents' phone number, so they reached out to me via WhatsApp (we have literally never met or been in touch before- it was unexpected. I took their number last year without his knowledge because he was having a breakdown and thought if it gets too bad, I'd have their contact number). 

@Hollyj it's done. I talked to him once, and I was very strict. Then, I told his parents that they need to be there for him. He's not my responsibility. I also told them that he might hurt himself- in case they are not aware. And, it's urgent.

Blocked them all afterwards. It's enough.

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On 4/2/2021 at 3:56 AM, DarkCh0c0 said:

He did  notice he couldn't call me on my local sim card. So, I just said I dropped the phone the other day (which is true), so it's buggy.

So you changed your number then called him from your old number?

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6 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

@Rose Mosse and @boltnrun his parents are trying to call me. Oh god. That's gone too far. I'm not answering, but I'm afraid something happened to him.

Hey look, even if something did happen to him, which I am doubtful it did, it is not your issue to deal with. He needs a psychotherapist for his issues and you’re not it. You cannot help him. Leaving him is the best thing for both of you. You are not his parents’ main interest, he is. So you have to look out for your own self and be the one to make you your main focus. Block their emails, all of them. Block their numbers, all of them. I know it is possible because I made sure all my family members could not get to me after my mother died. The sooner you cut them all off, the better you will feel.

Edit: Just read that you blocked them all. Throw the sim card in the rubbish, lose all their number and proudly and confidently walk away from this relationship and never look back. You won’t miss him, I promise. But you might miss the idea of the relationship and future you thought you were going to have, so watch out for that, be prepared for that, and when you feel overwhelmed, come to this forum or reach out to your therapist, family, or friends. Good for you!

Edited by LotusBlack
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@LotusBlack thank you for your kind words. I will keep them in mind. I will do my best to not worry about him, and move on.

I really appreciate your input, specially considering your stressful situation (I've read your post the other day). Your son has an angel mom ❤️ he'll be proud.

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43 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

@LotusBlack thank you for your kind words. I will keep them in mind. I will do my best to not worry about him, and move on.

I really appreciate your input, specially considering your stressful situation (I've read your post the other day). Your son has an angel mom ❤️ he'll be proud.

Walking away from someone you had high expectations of having a happy life with is hard, harder than leaving the actual person themselves. Just gotta keep doing what is best for myself and you have to do the same for you. 

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It sound like you put your SO first in every instance. You have to start putting yourself first and if that means you have to break up with him, then so be it. You are in control of your own life and future, you control who will be in your life and future. It's a process but you can start taking little steps by setting boundaries and saying "no". If he won't respect that then I think it's time for you to end the relationship. I wish you well and hope you feel a little encouraged by my response 🙂

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5 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

@B.S. thank you for your encouragements. I broke up with him yesterday. This too shall pass ❤️

good for you, for putting yourself first. breaking up isn't easy but it was necessary for you to move on in life! I hope it does you well and I hope you feel more positive.

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Thank you @B.S. . I really advise you take in consideration the advice you get here as well. You deserve better. As someone told you; what you see is what you get. Do you want to have it for 10 years? I'm very sure you don't. Otherwise, you wouldn't have came to this forum for support. You can do it too ❤️

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Hello everyone,

I have been trying to move on... Today I went out with a new acquaintance and it seems we can be good friends.

However, my ex sent me this night messages through a common friend/acquaintance we've met once on a trip. He sent me a poem, a text, a picture of him.. and, I feel like I can't breath and I want to burst out in tears. Why? Why does he do this with someone we barely know? I feel followed and as if I'm suffocating. I blocked the common friend.

I feel like I can't catch a breath 😞 I'm not going to go after him. No worries. I need to be strong for myself.

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He's trying different tactics to see if any of them will work. He tried the guilt "I'm dyyyiiiinnnngggg!" thing, he tried getting his parents involved and now he's trying to be romantic.

Remember...none of this is because he loves you. He's doing this because he knows he probably won't find another woman who will allow the treatment you allowed. And he wants to mistreat women. He likes making you feel bad. 

Does that sound like love to you?

Good for you for staying strong and for blocking that person. They are not your friend either.

You are doing well!

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32 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Hello everyone,

I have been trying to move on... Today I went out with a new acquaintance and it seems we can be good friends.

However, my ex sent me this night messages through a common friend/acquaintance we've met once on a trip. He sent me a poem, a text, a picture of him.. and, I feel like I can't breath and I want to burst out in tears. Why? Why does he do this with someone we barely know? I feel followed and as if I'm suffocating. I blocked the common friend.

I feel like I can't catch a breath 😞 I'm not going to go after him. No worries. I need to be strong for myself.

Block everyone who is a common friend or acquaintance.   The dude is desperate and manipulative.  

You are doing good!  Keep it up!

Edited by Hollyj
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39 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

my ex sent me this night messages through a common friend/acquaintance we've met once on a trip.

It's odd you haven't blocked him and ALL his people from all your messaging apps and social media. 

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