Unsure about our relationship of 6 years. We have no friends. Could you help?

[Hollyj]

5 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

@boltnrun thank you for your encouragement. I feel so suffocated. It's as if he's following me.

@Hollyj thank you. I feel so alone in this.

It will take time to set up a local friend network .  What about friends in your home country?    It is so important not to immerse one's life in only one person.  

[boltnrun]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's odd you haven't blocked him and ALL his people from all your messaging apps and social media. 

She explained. The person he sent the message through (it didn't come directly from her ex, she already blocked him) isn't one of "his people". This was a mutual acquaintance.

[DarkCh0c0]

@Hollyj I'm meeting someone else next week. I won't be going back to my home country, and my only friend from there has moved back to the US (she helped though). When I started working online, I kind of became shut off from the world. So, now I'm realising that it's important to have friends. If my mom wasn't manipulative and emotionally (previously physically) abusive, I would've talked to her. But even my therapist knows how complicated that is 😞

Soon I'll be moving my business to my current local phone number, so that old sim card with all its contacts will go. I think it's time to reap the fruits of the past, and start fresh.

@boltnrun spot on.

[Rose Mosse]

You'll find your way, DarkCh0c0. It just takes time. 

[LotusBlack]

Don’t give him the power of making you feel overwhelmed and suffocated. Remember, you’re no longer in it with him anymore. It is easy to forget that, but happily remind yourself that he’s already your past. It is only habit that you still feel the negative attachment between you. A phantom pain. But he’s actually already gone. You can breathe easy now. You already overcame the hardest part -walking away. Now all you have to do is stay away. He cannot get to you and you don’t need to give him your power. Keep it to and for yourself. Head held high, and remember, it’s already over, so don’t invite him back in through the door to your mind or heart.

[DarkCh0c0]

Thanks @LotusBlack . I appreciate it ❤️

 

[DarkCh0c0]

Hi everyone. Throwing in an update. @boltnrun you were right. Since I've left him, I've felt like a weight came off of my shoulders . As if I'm back to myself! Free and more energetic. It's been tough with the stress, healing, and new life, but I'm also so excited. Today he tried(for the third time) to send me a message on WhatsApp through a friend of him I've never met/had his contact number. He's so desperate and I see it. He wants to "fix" everything and show me he can change. I simply told his friend to stay out of this and blocked him. I no longer feel for him. I just want to move on.

Thanks again everyone. I wish you all happiness in life. 

[Jibralta]

15 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Since I've left him, I've felt like a weight came off of my shoulders . As if I'm back to myself! Free and more energetic. It's been tough with the stress, healing, and new life, but I'm also so excited. .... I simply told his friend to stay out of this and blocked him. I no longer feel for him. I just want to move on.

Good for you! I'm so glad to see that you're successfully moving on.

[smackie9]

Yay we like the happy endings. I read through the discussion and I'm glad that you made the choice to move on. I know leaving someone, especially after 6 years is kinda scary/uncertain, and the guilt you must felt at first, but wow look at you all beaming with joy 🙂 good for you.

[Hollyj]

Fantastic! 

[boltnrun]

3 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Hi everyone. Throwing in an update. @boltnrun you were right. Since I've left him, I've felt like a weight came off of my shoulders . As if I'm back to myself! Free and more energetic. It's been tough with the stress, healing, and new life, but I'm also so excited. Today he tried(for the third time) to send me a message on WhatsApp through a friend of him I've never met/had his contact number. He's so desperate and I see it. He wants to "fix" everything and show me he can change. I simply told his friend to stay out of this and blocked him. I no longer feel for him. I just want to move on.

Thanks again everyone. I wish you all happiness in life. 

He had six years to "change". But he waited until you'd had enough of his selfish manipulations to say he wants to "change". Nope, he doesn't want to change, he just wants you back so he can continue to mistreat you. He knows it will be very difficult to find another woman who will put up with him. 

Good for you for staying strong.

BTW, is it absolutely vital for you to have WhatsApp?

[Rose Mosse]

4 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Hi everyone. Throwing in an update. @boltnrun you were right. Since I've left him, I've felt like a weight came off of my shoulders . As if I'm back to myself! Free and more energetic. It's been tough with the stress, healing, and new life, but I'm also so excited. Today he tried(for the third time) to send me a message on WhatsApp through a friend of him I've never met/had his contact number. He's so desperate and I see it. He wants to "fix" everything and show me he can change. I simply told his friend to stay out of this and blocked him. I no longer feel for him. I just want to move on.

Thanks again everyone. I wish you all happiness in life. 

Wishing you the same, Darkch0c0. 

Lots of peace, love, light and happiness. 💛

No amount of joy can come from a union so fraught with issues like this or someone so captivated and broken by their own self. Hope you find more freedom and peace in the coming days and remain true to yourself.

[LotusBlack]

I’m so glad you are doing much better! I’m curious, though, how this friend got your new number? I have WhatsApp and have to register the new number to make it work?

Keep walking forward one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. One of my favourite quotes is from Abraham Lincoln. He said, “I walk slowly, but I never walk backwards.” So, just keep walking, DC! 😉

[DarkCh0c0]

@LotusBlack thank you. Very encouraging words ^^

@boltnrun

I have my country's sim card linked to my business and thus whatssapp. I can't change it for now. I was considering today migrating for a start my WhatsApp account from that number to the new local one. Once I have a new address and register it at the government office, I'll be switching all business/bank services to the new local number. The native sim card will go and bye bye harassment.

[LotusBlack]

1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

@LotusBlack thank you. Very encouraging words ^^

@boltnrun

I have my country's sim card linked to my business and thus whatssapp. I can't change it for now. I was considering today migrating for a start my WhatsApp account from that number to the new local one. Once I have a new address and register it at the government office, I'll be switching all business/bank services to the new local number. The native sim card will go and bye bye harassment.

Good for you!

[DarkCh0c0]

Hey everyone. Hope you are doing well.

I've finally found an apartment and moved into it this week. He tried to contact me through common acquaintances again, and even posted on a common WhatsApp group I was on. His father created a new email and tried to tell me that he's "afraid of the worst" for his son(again).

So, despite feeling like breaking down every time I get contacted by some stranger/acquaintance, I changed my whatssap number yesterday. For good. My sim card is no longer active.

It's a scary and challenging path. I want to come out stronger and work through my issues, specially in managing my boundaries, being confident in my abilities, and being assertive.

This too shall pass. You guys don't need to reply, I'm just venting as I feel tried and lonely.

[Jibralta]

Great move. Very proud of you and impressed by your strength. I know it's hard.

[boltnrun]

Feel free to vent anytime. I for one think you are doing great. You've been resolute. That is admirable.

That doesn't mean you won't have some difficult times. But overall? You are strong and will come out of this just fine.

[DarkCh0c0]

@boltnrun @Jibralta

Thank you.

I hope I will be better able to spot this type of people in the future. I felt really heartbroken when I realized that I was with an abusive man. I told myself I'd never be with an abusive partner, because my mom was very and still is abusive. I thought I was better than that. But, I guess we sometimes learn our lessons the hard way.

[Jibralta]

5 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I thought I was better than that.

Interesting you say that because I think a lot of people have this thought process. But it often has nothing to do with your quality or your self confidence. Anyone can find themselves in an abusive relationship. Sometimes your circumstances make you vulnerable. Sometimes inexperience makes you vulnerable. So, don't be so hard on yourself. You were better than that and you are better than that. You made some bad judgments, but now you know better and you'll do better.

[DarkCh0c0]

@Jibralta I will keep that in mind.

[Hollyj]

What is important is that you are out.  Good on you!

[Rose Mosse]

On 4/25/2021 at 3:03 AM, DarkCh0c0 said:

Hey everyone. Hope you are doing well.

I've finally found an apartment and moved into it this week. He tried to contact me through common acquaintances again, and even posted on a common WhatsApp group I was on. His father created a new email and tried to tell me that he's "afraid of the worst" for his son(again).

So, despite feeling like breaking down every time I get contacted by some stranger/acquaintance, I changed my whatssap number yesterday. For good. My sim card is no longer active.

It's a scary and challenging path. I want to come out stronger and work through my issues, specially in managing my boundaries, being confident in my abilities, and being assertive.

This too shall pass. You guys don't need to reply, I'm just venting as I feel tried and lonely.

I'm glad you're able to do this. Rooting for you as always. 💗

[DarkCh0c0]

Hi everyone, @boltnrun your advice is appreciated here.

Today I was contacted by my new singing teacher, only to find out that my ex has created fake profiles on fcbk to stalk me on expat groups and he was able to know through one post what area I am currently living in. He tried to talk to my teacher (I found her through a fcbk post) and tried to get her to invite him on my class- except she realised that something was off with him, luckily. He then contacted her from a different profile, and contacted her friend (she's a famous singer and usually accepts anyone on Facebook). He is still-2 months later- trying to find me.

My teacher advised I get a restraining order, and offered help as she's a brave survivor herself and knows what it's like to be in such place. She even shared with me a contact for a lawyer. I already got in touch with the lawyer.

Now I have his fcbk profiles links and tomorrow I will ask the groups to block him, I will also report him to fcbk then block him. Edit:nvmd.

I'm scared. How could someone go so low? Stalking people like that 😞 screw people who do that. How can I make sure he doesn't actively look for me in the area? (It's a big one, but still).

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

My teacher advised I get a restraining order. I also just posted on a fcbk group he's on that I'm leaving the country in a week

Are you in immediate danger? Why post in the same groups he's in?