Need some advice

[Juneflower]

Hello, This guy used to text me sometimes and asked me to meet him. Then I finally decided to meet in person and we liked each other. Since then we have been chatting for a month. We didn't meet again because I work in a different city. He said he wanted to have a relationship with me and had a crush on me for a while and loved me and he wanted to marry me. He is 8 years younger than me. He is 25 and I am 33.  I thought that the age gap was too much and decided to break up with him. So I told him and he agreed. Since then he didn't contact me. He was so sweet and used to call me my love, babe, sweetheart etc. Does this mean he was lying to me about his feelings? I mean he doesn't love me? Is it possible to fall in love with someone withing a month? I think if he really loved me, at least he would have begged me a chance to make it work. I mean if he really loved me he wouldn't have let me go so easily like that. Did I break his heart? I am confused.  

[melancholy123]

So is he 8 and you are 16?  Good grief!  You two don't know each other!  He is not in love with you because he doesn't know you!  Lust maybe, love no.  Calling you baby, sweetheart etc. means nothing other than he's heard those words. before.  Dont be so naive.

How old are you two actually?

 

[Juneflower]

He is 8 years younger than me. He is 25. I am 33. Maybe you are right. He was just trying to sleep with me using smooth talking and manipulating.  

[Lambert]

It doesn't mean his feelings were a lie.

But you shouldn't break up with people and expect them to fight for a person that is willing to dump them. 

It's rather healthy to stop communicating with someone that dumps you. 

So maybe the issue is within you?

25 is kinda a big gap for 33 but that's just generally speaking.  it probably takes more than a month to know if you're compatible....

[SooSad33]

44 minutes ago, Juneflower said:

I finally decided to meet in person and we liked each other. Since then we have been chatting for a month. We didn't meet again because I work in a different city. He said he had a crush on me for a while and loved me and he wanted to marry me. He is 8 years younger than me. I thought that the age gap was too much and decided to break up with him.

- You chatted for a month and then met. 

He had a 'crush'. That's an interest. ( That is not love).

Yes, that age gap is a little much - He is just an immature young man, who says anything to try & get a woman.

45 minutes ago, Juneflower said:

Is it possible to fall in love with someone within a month? I think if he really loved me, at least he would have begged me a chance to make it work. I mean if he really loved me he wouldn't have let me go so easily like that. Did I break his heart?

No, was not love.  No, you did not break his heart.  You two were not emotionally invested enough to have any hurt feelings. So, was fine & easy for him to accept & move on.

BTW, if you chose to end your interactions with him, why would you want or expect this guy to 'beg' for you to come back?

[melancholy123]

27 minutes ago, Juneflower said:

He is 8 years younger than me. He is 25. I am 33. Maybe you are right. He was just trying to sleep with me using smooth talking and manipulating.  

Maybe I'm right?  I'd bet money I'm right!  He's looking to get laid.  You need to be much more alert and skeptical of what guys tell you.  The age gap is too big, he sounds incredibly immature.

[boltnrun]

How come you posted this twice?

Anyway, no, he was not in love and all that BS about wanting to marry you after meeting once is just that, BS. He thinks vulnerable women will fall for those BS lines. He is probably writing the same things to a lot of women.

And for future reference, don't use breaking up as manipulation or a test. At 33 these type of games shouldn't be part of your repertoire.

[Hollyj]

You have texted and met this guy once and you believe this: "loved me and he wanted to marry me."    

He is a stranger and does not know you, how can he possibly love you, much less want to marry you?  This should have been a huge red flag.  If you were 17, then maybe I could understand you naivete, but you are in your 30's.   He only wants sex!   This guy doesn't even have good game.

[Hollyj]

5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

How come you posted this twice?

Anyway, no, he was not in love and all that BS about wanting to marry you after meeting once is just that, BS. He thinks vulnerable women will fall for those BS lines. He is probably writing the same things to a lot of women.

And for future reference, don't use breaking up as manipulation or a test. At 33 these type of games shouldn't be part of your repertoire.

I wrote the same in the other thread.

[Juneflower]

I didn't intend to use the breaking up as a test or manipulation. I decided it. But I liked him a lot. Yes, I am very kind and naive.     

[gamon]

I'm of the opinion that with few or no exceptions anyone who falls in love with another after only a month is mentally unstable.

If someone I loved and cared about dumped me I'd go no contact and stay that way for the rest of my natural life or until she reconsidered, whichever came first. Don't need to be someone's second best.

 

[Batya33]

29 minutes ago, Juneflower said:

I didn't intend to use the breaking up as a test or manipulation. I decided it. But I liked him a lot. Yes, I am very kind and naive.     

I don't think it's kind to expect someone to beg you for attention.  I don't think it's naive at all to decide that you are not comfortable with an age difference -that shows the opposite of naive.

[boltnrun]

30 minutes ago, Juneflower said:

I didn't intend to use the breaking up as a test or manipulation. I decided it. But I liked him a lot. Yes, I am very kind and naive.     

You expected him to chase you.  That's using breaking up as manipulation.  You even said if he really loved you he'd beg for a chance.  Again, that is manipulation.

That's not being "kind".  I presume you learned these games somewhere.  But as you now see, they don't get you the results you're hoping for.

[Juneflower]

I didn't expect him to chase me at all. it might look like I am playing games. But it is not. I have not manipulated anyone at all. I just decided to break up. Because I could not believe in him, his bull***s, and thought that he wasn't appropriate for me. Coz he is uneducated, doesn't have stable job while I am well educated and financially secure.  The problem is I liked him a lot. My heart wants him on the other hand my brain tells me that he is not the one. So I wanted to know if he was telling the truth or not. So if he was telling the truth I would give it a try. If he was not, I would move on. I wanted some advice not some accusations. Anyway it is actually becoming a test and he ***ing failed it. So I should move on. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Juneflower said:

I thought that the age gap was too much and decided to break up with him. I mean if he really loved me he wouldn't have let me go so easily like that. 

Don't dump someone and expect that they will beg you, "fight for you" etc. 

[Hollyj]

46 minutes ago, Juneflower said:

I didn't expect him to chase me at all. it might look like I am playing games. But it is not. I have not manipulated anyone at all. I just decided to break up. Because I could not believe in him, his bull***s, and thought that he wasn't appropriate for me. Coz he is uneducated, doesn't have stable job while I am well educated and financially secure.  The problem is I liked him a lot. My heart wants him on the other hand my brain tells me that he is not the one. So I wanted to know if he was telling the truth or not. So if he was telling the truth I would give it a try. If he was not, I would move on. I wanted some advice not some accusations. Anyway it is actually becoming a test and he ***ing failed it. So I should move on. 

Have you dated before?   Choosing someone who is very young, incompatible, and feeding you a bunch of bull about loving and wanting to marry you.  You don't even know this guy.  I don't get it?!

The dude wants sex.  That's it.

[boltnrun]

2 hours ago, Juneflower said:

I think if he really loved me, at least he would have begged me a chance to make it work. I mean if he really loved me he wouldn't have let me go so easily like that.

You did write this.  You say you expected him to beg you for a chance.

I would say he didn't fail your "test".  I would say your test failed to get the results you wanted.

I hope this has become a good life lesson.  Be picky about who you date (because you absolutely have a right to be) and if you really like someone don't "test" them or play breakup games.

[Tanzi]

You've broken up with him so what does it matter?  Be grateful that he isn't making it difficult for you.  Whilst he may have feelings for you, he may not disagree with you and know it is for the best.

That said, I'd be very wary of a guy who told me he loved me and wanted to marry me after only one meet!

[Tanzi]

On 3/27/2021 at 4:46 PM, Juneflower said:

I didn't expect him to chase me at all. it might look like I am playing games. But it is not. I have not manipulated anyone at all. I just decided to break up. Because I could not believe in him, his bull***s, and thought that he wasn't appropriate for me. Coz he is uneducated, doesn't have stable job while I am well educated and financially secure.  The problem is I liked him a lot. My heart wants him on the other hand my brain tells me that he is not the one. So I wanted to know if he was telling the truth or not. So if he was telling the truth I would give it a try. If he was not, I would move on. I wanted some advice not some accusations. Anyway it is actually becoming a test and he ***ing failed it. So I should move on. 

You did play a game - that isn't an accusation, that is fact.  You didn't just break up because you couldn't believe in him.  You went through the motions of breaking up with him because you were hoping for a different outcome to the one you got.

Regardless, it is definitely time to move on.  

 

[Tanzi]

On 3/27/2021 at 2:39 PM, Juneflower said:

I mean if he really loved me he wouldn't have let me go so easily like that. 

He would if he has a lot of self respect.  Saying that, I don't believe he could have loved you after one date but, nevertheless, you played a game and whilst you did it to get answers, it hasn't helped you at all. It has left you confused.  Big lesson here.

[whiteroses3230]

Sounds like thrilling lusty fun new infatuation. It probably felt like love but of course couldn’t have been that deep real love that breaks hearts and ruins lives. It wasn’t a marriage, you know? But that doesn’t mean he was lying to you about feeling for you. I’m sure he wasn’t!

It was the right thing to do to break up. Men take things differently than women. They usually try to uphold their pride when you leave them. They protect themselves. They allow themselves to reel from the heartbreak way later than women do because we don’t have these big egos to protect 😜 

Don’t second guess anything. You did what you needed to do. You shouldn’t break up with someone to see his reaction because breaking up with someone naturally puts them on the defense. 

[smackie9]

It was infatuation. Was it just for sex? was he serious? Could this have been something? It's possible, but who knows. The way to figure this out is use your 33 year old perspective..... that it was just words, he gave it a shot, you smell BS, you took appropriate action...end of.